Monday, August 16, 2010

On cases of interfaith marriage

I have a crisis.

You remember my friend Wolfgang, right? The Darryl who just got engaged? Well, as soon as he started dating this girl -- we'll call her Joy -- I began dropping subtle hints. Things like, "Just don't get married on the day of an Alabama game." OK, so maybe not so subtle. Whatever.

So when he texted me "she said yes" I texted him back, presenting him with three different Saturdays that Alabama was off this season and told him to pick one. I thought it was a helpful gesture.

Naturally, he (or more likely she) goes completely off course and picks a Saturday when they have a game. And a pretty big one at that, against Arkansas.


I don't understand. Bama only plays twelve (regular season) games a year. And this year, one's on a Thursday and another is on a Friday. So that's only like ten Saturdays you need to avoid. Is that too much to ask? Am I being unreasonable?

I even went out of my way to make a special exception and said that if they had to get married on the day of a game, then I would allow them to get married on the day of the Duke game. Even though that went against my entire being and everything I have been raised to believe. And that still wasn't enough. So you tell me who's being unreasonable.

What do they think, "don't get married on the day of an Alabama game" is just something folksy that people say in passing but don't really mean, like "good to see you" or "you better save for retirement?" That these stories about parents who didn't attend their child's wedding because it was on the day of the Alabama-Tennessee game are fables?

No. They're real.

They're passed down from generation to generation for a reason. And that reason is, so that you don't put innocent fans like myself into situations where we're forced to reveal where your friendship falls on our list of priorities. And it's not even so much your friendship, just your wedding.

LJ and I were discussing the situation during a sultry round of golf a couple of weeks ago when he informed me, "I think the last time Wolfgang got married, it was on the day of an Alabama game." Hello! You'd think that'd be a bad omen, wouldn't you? (Also, side note: Another bad omen? The Omen III.)

There is a sliver of hope, however, as they still haven't decided if they're having a wedding or just going to the courthouse. But I did get a text: "Hey, if we have a wedding will you be a groomsman?"

How did I respond? Well I, um, haven't exactly gotten around to replying yet. What? I don't deal well with hypotheticals.

What do I do? Can I really not go? What's the worst that can happen -- I'll be ostracized from the community? I gotta be honest with you, I'm not sure how much a part of the community I am in the first place.

I don't want to become known as the world's first groomsman-zilla here. But if these people are going to openly flout the rules, they are going to have to live with the consequences.

And this is precisely why it's never a good idea to marry outside the religion.

"Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry. In five days from now he's gonna marry. He's hopin' you can make it there if you can, 'cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man..."


  1. Do you really want to know who is unreasonable, or do you just want us to agree with you? :)

    It's a wedding, hopefully a last for both of them, not a birthday or something. I'm pretty sure you gotta go.

    MAYBE if you don't "helpfully" mention what time of day the game is, they schedule so you can attend the wedding *and* see the game. :) Here's hoping anyway.

  2. Two of my very good friends got married on the same day. I was in a dilemma. I did the best thing I could do. Didn't attend any.

    Both assumed I attended the other's wedding and none talked to each other or to me, for a long time to come. When someone told them what I did, you can imagine the rest!

    You gotta do what you gotta do! Go to Timuktoo!

  3. Hmmmmmmm, I have to agree with you.

    My sportsman and I are huge Jayhawk Fans. We would never schedule something on a game day.

    That is just W R O N G!

  4. my cousin is doing the same thing! on the same day! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!??!?! (he's from NorthCarolina- they don't get it)

    my brother and I have researched the venue, and have been assured that there is a TV at the bar. we also decided that we may be late if the game is too intense.

  5. Wow Bone, getting married twice on an Alabama game day, isn't that enough to get him exiled from the state? But then, I still don't know about your love of Red Tide. From where I come that means, "Don't eat the oysters."

    As for those who commented before me, especially Cami: "What do you mean, he's from North Carolina?" I'm sure he would never schedule a wedding during the ACC basketball tournament or the NCAA final four. Those of us from NC are faithful to our religion!

  6. Well now that I live in SC (and have faithfully watched every episode of Friday Night Lights) I understand much more
    Some great lines in this
    What do they think, "don't get married on the day of an Alabama game" is just something folksy that people say in passing but don't really mean, like "good to see you" or "you better save for retirement?" That these stories about parents who didn't attend their child's wedding because it was on the day of the Alabama-Tennessee game are fables?

    No. They're real.

    They're passed down from generation to generation for a reason. And that reason is, so that you don't put innocent fans like myself into situations where we're forced to reveal where your friendship falls on our list of priorities. And it's not even so much your friendship, just your wedding.

    OK whole paragraphs but....Bone you need a sit com. You need one!!!!!!!
    Cos you're not going to have any friends anyway so you might as well get paid to Seinfeld them

  7. TC - I think those answers are one and the same :)

    Yeah, in hindsight, I was thinking I might have come out better not mentioning the off Saturdays and just taken my chances.

    Gautami - Ugh, that is a dilemma.

    Well, I'd have to go somewhere that has cable. Otherwise, it kinda defeats my whole point :)

    Soccer Mom - It's good that two people agree on such an important matter. It just makes things easier.


    Thank you! I knew you'd understand. What's worse is that Wolfgang professes to be an Alabama fan.

    I was told there'd be a TV at a wedding reception once. There wasn't. So my advice to you is BYOTV :)

    Sage - You'd think so. It's definitely enough to pull his "true fan" card. We are a fervent people!

    Ha! I was wondering if you saw the North Carolina comment. Yes, different religion but I would guess somewhat similar belief structures.

    Pia - Cos you're not going to have any friends anyway

    I laughed out loud at that line.

    Thanks. I think.

  8. Geeze right??? Dropped all those hints and no one listened!!!

    Support your friend and wear your jersey to his wedding, and if you are lucky- he might marry in the morning and the game will be a night game and you can still catch it on the television... HE REALLY WANTS YOU THERE!!!

    Football is forever- friendships are a different kind of special and shouldn't be taken for granted.

  9. Ugh, try talking football with folks here. If it isn't NFL they don't get it, and with the Panther's record they barely get that. DVR the game, support your friend...use it to your advantage later.

  10. LOL, Bone! I'm no football fan, but it does seem that one would naturally want to avoid a day when everyone's attention is going to be elsewhere. Indeed, the last wedding reception I attended had a maleless dance floor because the guys were all trying to cop a view of the tiny TV set inside the kitchen, where the caterers were trying to work. It was an important PSU game.

  11. I have no idea what you are going through. My brother got married in Alabama last year during the Alabama SEC Championship Game and I didn't know any better. Okay, maybe the streets were a little quiet but I just pegged that as being normal to Talladega when the car race isn't going on.

  12. Why on earth would this woman want her anniversary to fall in Football season???? Does she want to be ignored for the rest of her married life? Or is she secretly trying to make Wolfgang into an eunuch??? Either way, I'm with you Bone. This wedding is doomed and should be moved to after the Super Bowl!
    I hear that Valentines day is a nice day to get married.

  13. Did I hear this right? Is this his second marriage? I think there in lies your answer ....or not.

    I think there is ample data out there to support courthouse marriages. You might want to start collecting it.

  14. Bone so glad you didn't disappoint. I was without internet service for a few weeks while I was visiting the family.

    This just made me laugh. Maybe they are trying to make you prove your loyalty. Now you are between a rock-an-a-hard-spot. I would go to the wedding.

  15. Daily Panic - There is always the chance it will be a night game. It's something anyway. It's hope.

    Also, if somehow it turns out that I'm not a groomsman (say, for instance, if his soon-to-be wife were to read this post) how would it be to have someone else sign my name to the guest registry?

    Kontan - Well, I don't know how excited I could get about ACC football, either :) It's a basketball state, for sure.

    Actonbell - That's the thing about guys. If there's a TV in the vicinity with a game on, we'll find it.

    Ed - Quiet streets are definitely a sign there's a Bama game on, especially in the smaller towns. I remember back in my hometown, leaving the house at halftime to go grab something to eat and bring back, you might meet two or three cars. And they were probably all doing the same thing.

    I imagine it'd be a great time to get some shopping done, if you weren't a football fan.

    Renee - That's an excellent point I hadn't even thought of! I mean, you have from the beginning of February through the end of August -- seven months. Isn't that enough? Whatever happened to a nice June wedding? Doesn't anyone dream of getting married in June anymore? I know it's one of the top seven months I'll be considering for my wedding.

    Cooper- Yes, you heard right. And I'm sure he would be all for a courthouse marriage. He being the key word there.

    If worse comes to worst, I guess I can invest in one of those handheld TV's, sit in the back, and hope a big play doesn't occur just as the preacher asks for objections.

    PennyCandy - Good to see you back around!

    Also, not the advice I was looking for. lol I need some enablers here!

  16. Quite the pickle you're in, huh?

  17. It's refreshing to see that the issues are the same no matter what conference a team is in. I say don't go if it falls on a game day or show up to the reception after the game...although the SEC seems to play a lot of night games. In that case, just leave early for the game. It's his second marriage. Just tell him that you will stick around for the third one.

  18. Off the subject, I have a favor to ask you. I may end up in Destin sometime between Christmas and the New Year and was wondering if you could send me a list of the quintessential places to eat or visit while there for perhaps a week. I seem to recall you really like trips down to Destin. My email address is linked in the sidebar of my blog.

  19. Oh, you are in a pickle Bone~ I'd record the game (go to the wedding) and later show your friend what he so aptly missed by getting married. You could also recline his offer as groomsman and only show up at the reception as someone below already mentioned. or you could simply go to the wedding and support a friend. Renee said it best when she stated who would want their wedding anniversary to fall during football season? i know i wouldn't. good luck with your dilemma.

  20. My husband simply cannot fathom why people schedule ANYTHING on Saturdays during college football season. We used to try recording the game at home and avoiding any discussion about it during the event, but there is nothing worse than almost making it to the end without knowing who won and then overhearing the result on your way out. Now we just immediately locate the TV and spend the majority of the time near it.

    We have a wedding in early October this year which could potentially (hopefully) mean it will conflict with both a PSU game AND an MLB game. I'm not RSVPing until the last possible day, when I've exhausted all chances of a plausible excuse to not attend.

  21. I was watching Bride-zillas the other day (don't judge!) and the bride was mad that one her bridesmaids had a death in the family and couldn't make the wedding. She actually asked if they could move the funeral to a different day! guys are quite a bit alike ;-)
    Seriously though, who purposely plans on not having their spouse around for the anniversary?? They should have a nice quiet winter wedding when nothing is going on :-)

  22. Sounds like the perfect excuse to get an iphone...

  23. The game against Ark? What is wrong with her! I'm really suprised.

    Do you know that weddings are not preformed, here in OK, during OK/TX weekend. I'm for real. Who in their right mind would get married on the biggest day of the year? NO ONE!

    However, with all that said I do agree with TC. It's a wedding not a birthday party. It's a friend, and you need to support your friend. SOOOO, with that said, can I have your tickets?

  24. pfttt this is not a crisis hun...

    Watch it on your phone in the bathroom (theres got to be an app for that right???)... Letting them all know you wouldnt miss the day for anything... even being so ill you have to go to the loo every 5 mins or so throughout the night!! What a gem of a friend you are... I can hear all the parents singing your praises already!!!

    OMG Pia's comment made me giggle too!

    Here's another positive thought.... you will look studly in your groomsman outfit, there will likely be single women there (or married ones who will be single soon if you buy into the sad marriage statistics of our country) you may just meet the girl of your dreams! (and if that is the case then she will likely be happy to wisk off with you and watch the game on your phone... in some hotel/reception hall closet somewhere too! BONUS!) I think this day was made for you and your happiness. Its all in your perspective! Oh but I defo would TIVO the game just incase your phone watching doesnt work out as planned.. annnnnd I hope you havent upgraded to the iphone 4g as the reception is a bit dodgy... omg I am rambling arent I? so sorry... cheers big guy! xo

    ps word verification: oustcha... that should be a word... doncha think?

  25. I forgot how much I had missed you and here you are. Still completely the same.