Thursday, August 05, 2010

The time Google saved me 300 bucks

Blogust rolls on. We're on our 4th consecutive day of over 100 degrees here. Don't tell anyone, but I secretly love the heat...

One night last week on my way to go for a run, the keyless remote wouldn't unlock the car door. Shifting seamlessly into MacGyver mode, I used the key-shaped object attached to the remote and was somehow able to manually unlock the door. I figured maybe the battery in the remote had died.

When I got to the park, I noticed something else askew. The interior lights wouldn't go off. I opened the door and closed it again, took out the keys, got out of the car, closed the door and waited for thirty seconds. I did everything but march seven times around the car blowing a trumpet. The lights were still on.

Finally, I discovered if I turned the dimmer switch all the way down until it clicked, the lights would go off. However, this meant that they wouldn't come on when I opened the door. And also that I would scarcely be able to see the speedometer, gas gauge, and most importantly, the radio, when driving at night.

Befuddled, I googled a couple of things and found a site with several suggestions of things to try. Such as, disconnect the battery for ten minutes, check to see if a button in the driver's side door might be stuck, take out all the bulbs, sell the car for scrap, etc.

The situation grew even stranger the next day when I discovered that nothing on the driver side door panel worked: mirrors, windows, door locks, my Dixie horn (kidding!), nothing. So I decided to call Dad and see what he thought. He said he'd drive over Friday afternoon to look at it.

In the meantime, I googled again with my new details. This time I found a site where a couple of people had suggested that there was a short in a ground wire in the driver's side door.

Well, long story slightly shorter, that ended up being exactly what it was. After removing the rubber boot from the door revealing a cluster of wires, we found a large black one that had been completely snapped in two.

All that was left was a trip to Radio Shack to give them my phone number and pick up some crimps and extra wire. Total cost, about ten bucks. So thank you, And thank you, Google. You are amazing. I predict that pretty soon, people will be performing medical procedures on themselves.

I can see it now: "I'm sorry, Mister Bone, but it appears that you used AskJeeves to perform your self-tonsillectomy. Unfortunately, that is not one of the preferred-search engines covered by your insurance."

As we got into Dad's van to go to Radio Shack, he put on these huge sunglasses. Before I could say anything -- and believe me I was going to -- he spoke.

"Are these women's glasses?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so."

"Oh me."

"Let me see 'em." I tried them on and looked at myself in the mirror. "Yep, they're women's."

"It's hard to tell the difference."

"Yeah, it is sometimes."

"Well," he continued, slipping the glasses back on, "I went back and bought a different pair, but I still wear these in the car."

So in closing, if you should see a 60ish man driving around in a white van with Paris Hilton glasses on, I don't know him.

"Fixin' up my car, workin' for a livin'. Drive down to the seashore, lookin' at the pretty women. I'm an American boy..."


  1. luv how you're dissin the dad. ;o) too funny.

    Glad you were able to fix your car. I tried googling my latest car problem but alas unless I wanna look like white trash, I'm gonna have to take it in. Someone keyed my car.

  2. Your poor Dad :) Once again you had me laughing.....and LET THE POOR MAN BE!!!!! (Paris Hilton sunglesses, ha!0

  3. ROFL

    Oh man, I'm loving blogust. Seriously, this is great. New posts from Bone three days a week? Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about :)

    I had to work really hard to find the funniest line in the post and I went back and forth on 'em a few times, but finally decided this one gets the award: "Shifting seamlessly into MacGyver mode, I used the key-shaped object attached to the remote and was somehow able to manually unlock the door."

    Well done. Well, well done. (Fixing your car, and on this post.)

  4. The funniest line in the post is definitely the one about marching around the car seven times!

  5. Thanks for the chuckle at the end!

    I <3 Google :)

  6. glad you were able to fix your car and not have to go to a garage. loved these lines, they're classic: Shifting seamlessly into MacGyver mode, I used the key-shaped object attached to the remote and was somehow able to manually unlock the door.

    I can see it now: "I'm sorry, Mister Bone, but it appears that you used AskJeeves to perform your self-tonsillectomy. Unfortunately, that is not one of the preferred-search engines covered by your insurance."

    hope all is well.

  7. I refuse to Google car problems, but I'm glad you had success. If it's these situations that let you continue to burst in blogust than may then continue, no matter how inconvenient.

  8. Renee - Oh man, that stinks! What is wrong with people???

    Pia - Oh, he's fine. If I didn't know better, I'd say he had found out about my blog and was just trying to get mentioned.

    TC - I know. I find it hard to believe I used to blog three times a week, every week.

    Well, thank you. I hadn't pulled out a MacGyver line in awhile. I figured it was about time.

    Mama Zen - If only I owned a trumpet.

    Kontan - You're welcome. It's so easy for me to take for granted the seemingly limitless amount of information that's out there.

    Naquillity - You and me both! Especially as it seems they can pretty much charge whatever they want.

    The insurance line was the last thing I added. I'm kinda partial to it.

    Cooper - Bursting in Blogust! Sort of alliterative. I like it.

  9. Your dad's a hoot. Sort of like a kinder, gentler version of the "Shit My Dad Says" dad.

    By the way, my blog is back up and running.

  10. I've fixed my vehicles a time or two with Google. I've also spent many hours pursuing wrong solutions. It is a love/hate relationship.

  11. Actually, I see lots of guys, even young ones, wearing sunglasses that look like they were borrowed from a girlfriend--just sayin'. And some guys really do have trouble telling the difference. Actually, I don't usually notice until one of my much younger coworkers points these things out while we're in the drive-thru...I'll admit it.

    I don't think google could possibly help me when it comes to my car; there would have to be an entirely different sort of search engine to communicate with me. Electrical circuits for powder puffs, maybe. Good thing I live with an EE.

    Good post, and good job with your car. I'm impressed.

  12. I'll start my sage-opedia after you start Bone's Fix-it site. Way to go; next time Murf wants to know how to fix a toilet, we'll send her your way. (I put the semicolon in just for her).

    BTW, that Desert Bighorn Sheep was a ram! A male sheep is a ram. So you are partly right. But a ram needs a ewe to make a lamb!

  13. Blogust seems to be working for you. :-) I'm glad.

    The number of times I've had a cold or a skin irritation and google-diagnosed myself with some kind of life-threatening condition...

  14. lol I bet your Dad is styling! lol

    Whenever I google things like that it says "dont be a fool, take it into the shop!' lol Must be a girl guy thing! hehe

    Have a great weekend! I like the heat too! Bring it on! (as I sit here in my AC) =p

  15. Okay trying again- did you dad look like this... it's Steve Tyler of Aerosmith. DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!

    Old Man in Old Lady Glasses.

  16. my blogust this week:

  17. Xinh - Well, I'm not familiar with that dad. But yes, mine manages to make the blog with some regularity these days.

    Ed - Yeah, I can see that happening. That's also probably a major reason why the home medical procedures haven't caught on yet.

    Actonbell - I've had trouble before telling men's from women's sunglasses, as some styles are pretty similar. But these oversized ones are pretty obvious.

    And thanks.

    Sage - Oh thanks. Actually, I think I've used the internet to fix the toilet before, too.

    I probably should have known that a sheep was a ram. Guess it's a good thing I'm not a sheep.

    J Adamthwaite - Oh, me too! I've diagnosed myself with several chronic diseases before. At the same time. I try and stay away from that anymore.

    And yes, Blogust does seem to be working for me. I just had to find some way to motivate myself. Guess this was it.

    Helene - Is it possible Dad's so far on the cutting edge of fashion that I don't even realize it yet???


    Oh yes, I second that: Bring on the heat, as long as the AC is working :)

    DP - Ah, Blogust is growing! I read, and commented :)