Monday, October 29, 2007

The ratio of people to cake is too big!

And now for your enjoyment, Bone channels Milton Waddams from Office Space:

Well I was, I was under the impression that I would, I would be getting Sundays off, and that, that I would only have to work occasionally on Saturdays. And now I'm working almost every Saturday and I told, I told Bill that if this continues, then I'm quitting. And I told Jan, too, because, because they've changed my hours. I used to get off in time to see General Hospital, but now I get off later, and I don't have a TiVo. And I still, I still have five vacation days to take this year. But I haven't, I haven't been able to take my days because they keep increasing my daily tasks, but they haven't increased my pay any. But those are my days, and they better, they better not try to tell me when I can take them, because that's not OK. And if they try to, then I'll set the building on fire.

Thank you.

Just know that I was doing my own Milton impersonation out loud as I typed that, and be thankful this is not an audio post.

Yes, I had to work both Saturday and Sunday this weekend. I used to work seven nights a week all the time when I was at the factory. But having at least one day a week off is like urinating with no burning sensation. After awhile you kinda get used to it.

To me, the forty hour work week was instituted as the absolute maximum number of hours that a human being should ever be required to work. I really have no historical documentation to back this up, but I've always believed that is what the framers of the law had in mind. I think they figured most of us would only be working twenty or thirty hours, three or four days a week. Because (I'm sure) studies (somewhere) have shown that a happy, well-rested employee is a productive employee. Or at least a happy employee.

Of course, things could always be worse. I could not have internet at work. Or my parents could cut off my weekly supplement. Or there could be no term limits for the President.

Despite the heavily oppressed weekend, I did make it over to Axl's after work Saturday to watch some football. Highlights included going over to his on-again, off-again girlfriend's house and letting her dog out for a few minutes. Why he wanted me to come along, I'm not sure.

So there we were, just before sunset in the middle of the neighborhood. Axl was bent over baby-talking the dog trying to get him to "go" in this little ravine. Meanwhile, I was standing about fifty feet away, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible.

About that time, I noticed a lone female jogger coming down the sidewalk. As she passed, I smiled, while behind me in a high-pitched voice, Axl was encouraging the dog to "Go poo poo. Go poo poo."

There's really just no way to make that look cool.

"Work, work, work, day after day. Fifty hour week, forty hour pay. No time to get over all this overtime. Yeah, I'm always runnin', but I'm always runnin' behind.."


  1. You crack me up. Urinating with no burning sensation.
    Axl and the dog

    You're a slave Bone, a slave to your job. Why was I under the impression you should have at least ten days due you?

    Oh right because you hardly ever take days off

    I hope you have good health insurance. You're going to need it when you get the premature stroke or heart attack from working too much

    You actually told Bill that you're quitting. Who is Bill. Please say the owner and not the office dog. I do mean that last one literally

    Is Jan the secretary?

    Somehow I don't feel bad that you can't watch GH--get a DVR or TIVO--
    DVR's are easier--and you're into ease when you're not into working too much

    There are studies that say well rested employees are much more productive, and let me throw in many studies are coming out about the dangers of multi tasking--nothing gets done as well

    I want a video of you Axl and the dog--

  2. Bone, you have GOT to find better wing men. Axl & L.Joe are killin your chances with the ladies!

    Course if you have no time off from work no lady is gonna want to hang out with you either. What's the deal there?

  3. I almost needed the kleenex box on this post, Bone. Honestly the funniest thing in... well, just the funniest thing :-) I think you forgot the "humor" tag at the end ;-)

    About that time, I noticed a lone female jogger coming down the sidewalk. As she passed, I smiled, while behind me in a high-pitched voice, Axl was encouraging the dog to "Go poo poo. Go poo poo."

    ROFL. Honestly, I can hear it. Maybe that’s because I want to hear it. Personally, I think this ALL shoulda been an audio post O:)

    P.S. Pia, what’s wrong with an office dog?

  4. P.P.S. (Yes, yes, I love PS’s. It's a flaw I'm used to by now: I deal with it, so should everyone else.) I noticed the changed song lyrics… I think there comes that point in time where people are going to expect something from you regardless of it you think you’re going to let them down or not. And in regards to your writing at the very least, I doubt anyone will ever be let down.

  5. Hysterical post. Love it. As a dog owner I can commiserate with Axl there have been many, colr, rainy, I am tired nights when I am walking my dog in my pjs begging and cooing at her to "go poo poo".

    As for the work week - it's a joke. Companies say they have 35-40 hour work week and then ask any salaried employee and they work at least 50. Bah!

  6. I nearly choked on my coffee over the "Go poo poo, go poo poo" comment. I agree...there's no way to make that look good. There will be other women ;).
    And I agree that 40 hours a week is plenty. I like my rest, myself.
    Have a great week, Bone! :)

  7. I worked 14 hours on Saturday :( we have no policy for comp time, but I am working on being off Thursday.

  8. TC--nothing is wrong with an office dog. But if Bone complains to the dog and not his boss

    Then we can throw Bone to the dog....

  9. yeah there's really no way to make that look cool. ha ha.

  10. Pia: Well, I have like eight bajillion hours of sick time saved up, for what it's worth.

    Bill and Jan are just random names I threw out there. They represent no one and everyone.

    Hopefully, I'll acquire a cell phone with video capabilities within the next five years. That really would have been the ideal time to use it.

    Renee: Hahaha. I'm not sure I see myself recruiting any new wingmen at this point in my life. I've got who I've got.

    TC: Thanks. And I can assure you, however you're hearing it in your head, it was even funnier in person.

    Wow, it took me a little while to figure out you were talking about the lyrics on my sidebar and not the ones at the end of this post :)

    Mks: Thanks. I was actually sort of sympathizing with the dog. I wouldn't like it at all if someone was rushing me :)

    Jennifer: Yeah, at first I was thinking, well at least no one else is around to hear this. Then someone came jogging by. But that probably just made it funnier.

    Melanie: 14 hours?! That doesn't even leave time for a solid 10-11 hours of sleep :)

    Pia: What's wrong with complaining to animals? They're good listeners.

    Sizzle: I racked my brain for two days afterward, and there just isn't.

  11. You make an excellent point, Pia. Throw a Bone to a dog and you know what he's going to do with it. (Or I at least know what the dog in my office does every day when the UPS guy gives him a bone.)

    Fast forward some, and Axl's back coaxing that dog to "go poo poo." Sheesh, bad scenario all around.

  12. Move to France. They have awesome vacation time!

  13. Maybe, perhaps, hopefully the jogger has a dog and understands what was going on. But that brings up the question: why wasn't she jogging with the dog.

    yeah, pretty much she's a lost cause.

  14. Oh wow. Yeah. A little embarassing, dontcha think? Maybe she was listening to music and couldn't hear the doggie-baby-talk? See, trying to make you feel better about the situation I am. Oops. I think I just channeled Yoda there. Be Yoda rather than Milton I would.

  15. You're right I didn't get my beauty rest last weekend. No pictures are to be taken this week ;)

  16. re: Spirit of Festivus Award...You should TOTALLY do that! I don't know anyone who can make the graphics for you though...but I'm sure someone could.
    Maybe you could find a clip on YouTube or something of Frank saying "Bring it on!" LOL!

    I'm not so sure I could win that kind of award...seeing as I'm all Christmasy.

  17. TC: I'm not even sure I want to know what we're talking about anymore.

    Jen: Yes, but won't I be hated there? :)

    Charlotta-love: Yeah. But it's not even really about that. It's more about not wanting to look like an idiot in front of anyone.

    Lass: Thank you. Though I would figure you might be channeling R2-D2. You know, since you met him and all :)

    Melanie: Eh, just put on a cap. That's what I do :)

    Renee: I guess I could just take a picture of my aluminum pole. Of course, I'd have to get it out of the crawlspace first.

  18. Oh, Bone, I feel for you--overtime sucks. Forty hours is full time, and people should never have to go over that. I always take it hard when I do, too. It's time deprivation, and it's a crime.

  19. I heard his voice in my head as a read that paragraph. I think I might repeat my own version at work tomorrow.

  20. haha...the picture I have in my head is cracking me up! I thought dogs were supposed to attract the ladies??

    I'm with you on the 40 hour work week thing. I always try my best to leave work on time and whenever I work weekends I go in kicking and screaming. But overtime happens more often than not these days.

  21. Even 40 hours is too much, particularly when spread across five days. I've long been a proponent of the 4-day work week. It just seems more fair and even. 4 days on, 3 days off. We still spend more time working than playing; there's just a bit more of a balance.

    Words of advice: Get a DVR (for GH, The Office and all Crimson Tide games) - you will never regret it and get some real male friends. That Axl, he's somewhere on the spectrum between male and female. :)

  22. Nothing funny to say - here - you've said it all. I'm somewhere between laughing and crying. You're working too hard, too hard - ya hear?

  23. I would love an audio post. Do it!

    Do you think your parents will send me a weekly supplement?

    LMAO about trying to look cool with the dude in the background!! OMG We need to get you a girlfriend Bone... 1800DateBone hehehe orrrr ok ok maybe not.

  24. audio post audio post audio post :)

  25. Hehehe heh he...

    If I had a 50 hour work week that would be an improvement. But thats not much compared to one of my friends who sometimes works 80+ hours a week.

  26. Actonbell: I agree, I agree. I like that term, time deprivation.

    Esmerelda: I was hoping that's how it would come across, because that's how I was saying it as I typed.

    Krista: Well sure, when they're being all cute and playful. But not so much when they're poo poo'ing.

    Avery: I worked four days for a short while several years ago. It was really hard to go back after the three days off everytime.

    Seems like it has been suggested before that I get a DVR or TiVo. I guess it's about time.

    Tumblewords: Well hopefully you're closer to laughing than crying :)

    Kate: Ha! I was kidding about the weekly supplement. Don't I wish.

    Shelby: Milton is really not my best impersonation :)

    GirlFPS: 80??? I didn't even know there were that many hours in a week :)

  27. Audio Post, audio post, past time for an audio post... could you do an imitation of the poo poo voice? Perhaps you would have been more effective at handling the issue.