Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Commitophobia

My name is Bone, and I have trouble committing

Not to women. I acutally do that a little too easily sometimes. I have trouble commmitting to plans made more than a few days in advance.

Little Joe called me a couple of weeks ago. He and Wolfgang are wanting to go to New York for New Year's Eve.

Being in Times Square to see the ball drop is something I've always wanted to do, at least once in my lifetime. Although now with Ryan Seacrest instead of Dick Clark, it's kinda like Family Feud with Louis Armstrong instead of Richard Dawson. It's just not the same. Although I do have high hopes for John O'Hurley.

Also, when I've envisioned visiting New York in the wintertime, gracefully gliding across the ice at Rockefeller Center with Wolfgang and Little Joe in tow was not quite the image I had in mind.

But this is what I do. I try to think of all the reasons I don't want to go. Like how their indecisiveness and incessant old-married-couple-like bickering began to wear on me by day three of the beach trip this summer. And that it's right around Christmas, and I'll be spending a lot for the holidays, so I don't need to splurge for a trip.

There's more. A friend who's going to be in town in November asked me to have dinner with her. I told her to ask me again a week in advance. Another friend invited me to a concert in November. I said no. And then there's the Def Leppard/Journey concert in Birmingham. It's three weeks away. And still I haven't made the decision to order tickets.

No matter what reasons I may give to justify saying no to something, it all comes down to the same basic issue. I have trouble committing to most plans more than a few days in advance. And I'm not quite sure why.

Maybe I think something better might come up between now and then, and I don't want to be locked into some commitment? But that would be incredibly immature. Maybe I'm just getting old. But then, I'm always up for a drive to the beach on a whim or to take off on some other spur of the moment road trip. Or maybe I'm just not a planner.

Still, it seems to be a rather recent problem. I used to go to several concerts a year. But lately, I'm much more selective. I think it has to do in part with the fact that I'm quite indecisive. So when unable to decide, I choose to decline rather than accept and wonder if I'll regret it later. Yes! That's it. Suddenly, I understand my dementia.

Exceptions to my commitophobia include, but are not necessarily limited to, football games, Festivus, and Andre Agassi's farewell match.

By the way, be sure to check out Xinh's GH recaps. Things are getting interesting. Elizabeth and Maxie are pregnant. And Laura's coming back soon. The General Hospital replay, weeknights at 9 Central, only on SoapNet.

Now that's something I can commit to. Usually.

"When you make love, do you look in the mirror? Who do you think of? Does he look like me? Do you tell lies, and say that it's forever?"

21 comments:

  1. Bone, you sound like the "better offer" type. I myself am a planner. I have things planned weeks in advance. I can be a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal but I usually have to cancel something if the moment arises. I hate to cancel on people. But I understand not wanting to make plans too far in advance. That can bite you in the butt later. Someone always forgets you made plans and cancels. That sucks!

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  2. I wanted to be a planner but everybody I know is the better offer type or just indecisive or in the case of nameless family members forgets--unless it's a holiday.

    Turned into a decliner. Got a lot of heat for that--tried the "but you can never commit," route. Didn't play


    Now I say yes, unless it involves spending money--except for concerts in my hood

    Think that we live in an era of indecisiveness. Don't think that it's you as much as society

    Think the only people who can commit are the North Koreans--and Bush to Iraq and the war on terror

    If you look at that way, then your indecisiveness is a good thing

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  3. Um, Def Leppard and Journey? I don't think your dementia comes from being indecisive...it comes from listening to crappy music! Stop that! I think you should go to NYC for New Years...with someone you love. Two guys bickering along with the throngs of people, lines, pushing, shoving and bitterly cold weather will be enough for one trip.

    I think we do have to call off the engagement though. You would drive me crazy with making/breaking plans and that kiss counting. You're still a cuite though!

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  4. I am finding that I am making more committments lately. Wish I had just the off trip to the Peach Pit to settle down every now and again. You game? I mean unless something better comes up.

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  5. Hotpinksox: I guess some of us are planners and some aren't. I understand some things have to be planned. But I'd rather say no or not sure now, than to say yes now and cancel a month later.

    Pia: Haha. Yes, blind commitment and an unwillingness to admit an error in judgment can be very dangerous things... for me, I mean :)

    Carnealian: Um, you don't like the Leppard? Then yeah, it never would have worked.

    I like the idea of going to NYC with someone I love. Good idea.

    Dorothy: I'm game. Otherwise, I'm thinking of taking off and driving up the coast to San Francisco. Maybe I'll run into Emily V.

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  6. I would just like to say... I went to see Def Leppard/Journey in Milwaukee a couple of weeks ago (it was my third time seeing Def Leppard and my first seeing Journey) and it was GREAT! The guy that they have singing lead for Journey now sounds just like Steve Perry. If you didn't know better, you couldn't tell it wasn't him.

    I think you have perfect taste in music.

    Now, on to other things...

    My best guy friend and you could be twins based on your issues committing to events. Seriously. I cannot tell you the number of times he'll say he needs to wait until it's closer to the time, and then the next thing I know, he's off doing something else that someone suggested the day before. What is it with you guys?!?!

    I'm a planner. Spontaneity is all fine and dandy, but there are times that you need to plan.

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  7. Crazy, I have a friend that sounds exactly like you too. But then he's too nice and possibly scared of me to ever cancel or find something better to do.

    I'm actually can be pretty spontaneous but then again, I tend to be very busy and my schedule will fill up, so friends of mine tend to try to get me to commit well in advance (like a week or so) so that they'll know I'll be free.

    I sometimes cancel, not because something better has come up but because I'm tired, or hungover or I missed going to the gym. Or you know, netflix.

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  8. A few days? Try a few hours or minutes.

    How many different phone calls did it take to get you to come to Oh Bryan's in Hartselle a few weeks ago when Emily came into town. Isn't it obvious we're trying to set you two up. Hmmm.. I hope she's not reading this. LOL

    ... and that place is less than 5 minutes from your apt.

    Plus, it's Hartselle. I can't think of any thing better than having dinner with 3 attractive girls, and then me. LOL WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    By God, if I'm getting married, you're getting married too buddy. Remember last summer... we had a pact!

    ~K

    Oh yeah, and I want to see Def Leppard. We could re-create New Years 2001. "That's not even how it goes... you're just making up words now."

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Cya this weekend... tennis! because it sure ain't gonna be billiards since The Brick burned to the ground a few weeks ago.

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  9. I don't know much about commitments or phobias. I have a fear of both. ;)

    But, I do know that Christmas and New Years in NYC is like nothing else. I don't know the people you speak of that would be your traveling companions though, so that may be an issue.

    I would love to be here to help you out, but alas, I'll be back down south for New Years. I'll be back the 2nd - we could go ice skating then.

    So my advice - wait until you have no doubts.

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  10. I tend to be both a planner and a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal. It just depends on what I'm going to do.

    Things like concerts and trips must be planned in advance because lots of money is being spent and you tend to get things more inexpensively if you plan in advance. Like airfare and hotels and rental cars for trips and seats that aren't in the nosebleed section for concerts.

    Thanks for the shout-out for the GH Recaps. I feel bad because Tuesday through Friday won't be up until the weekend. Monday's is up though. :-)

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  11. Oh, Bone. I have the same troubles! Mine are a little different... as I'll typically over-commit myself, then bail out, last minute. But, when I actually go to these events, I have a delightful time!

    Maybe you just need to commite to as much as possible, and let yourself go. Give yourself the opportunity to have a good time.

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  12. Chica: Thank you for the Def Leppard/Journey testimonial. Booyah! I don't know what it is with us guys.

    HB: Oh, right. Netflix. It does sound like you tend to stay terribly busy :)

    Kyle: LOL Very funny comment. I guess you guys finally figured out my secret. You just have to call me from a local number I don't recognize, and I'll answer :)

    And no, it wasn't obvious!

    Naj: I like your advice. I think I'll take it. Thanks. So you have phobiaphobia?

    Xinh: I understand money can be saved and certain things have to be planned. And if I'm sure I want to do something, then I will plan it out a bit in advance.

    Thanks for keeping me updated on GH. I haven't been watching a lot the past few weeks, despite how it may sound.

    Blondie: See, I hate cancelling. I'd rather not commit than cancel. I have a hard time bailing after saying I'll do something.

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  13. Odd, but I have the exact opposite problem.
    I commit to almost anything anyone asks me to do.
    And then I am racked with guilt at the thought of backing out. . . . so I do everything I commit to.
    Everything.
    Goodness, no wonder I never have any time to myself.

    At least you're smart enough to just avoid the question alltogether or say No.

    I'm learning, though.
    I avoided three phone calls from the same person tonight.
    It's my passive-aggressive way of saying No. :)

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  14. And here I have the opposite problem...I committ to too much. I was going to tell you more, but you've seen my busy schedule.

    Yeah, we had some snow here already...the first of the year. But it had all pretty much melted by the time I got up this morning and I only saw it on people's cars. Then it got all nice and warm out. That's Denver, snow today, gone tomorrow!

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  15. You mean to say that you had the chance to go see Def Leppard and didn't jump immediately?

    Plus, NY in the winter is COOOOOOOOLD!

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  16. I'm a planner, that a lot of times flies by the seat of my pants. As you know, being single makes that easier. Most of my friends are hitched or soon-to-be hitched. Planning is a requirement with them. They have to check it out with their better halves.

    There are times that I'll not feel like going to a show/concert, realize I already have tickets, reluctantly go, and have a great time. It almost always works out that way.

    As for football, it doesn't take much prodding. Though I am being a bad UT fan. Instead of going to the UT v. Bama game, I'm having a cookout for friends. Then again, we're going to be watching the game so I don't feel too bad.

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  17. I'm a planner, but it is not so bad to live your days as they come. By the way, I love the song in which you ended this with.

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  18. Def Leppard ROCKS!

    I plan. I have a calendar where I write things down and then I can look at all my plans. It's a happy calendar.

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  19. OverCommitted: Yes, I avoid phone calls sometimes, too. But then they call from another local number and I think my sister might be in trouble so I answer :)

    Renee: OK. I'm expecting some snow pictures the first decent snow you get. And more bunny pictures. Snow bunnies! That's what I want.

    Carmen: Yeah. It's an outdoor concert, too. Those are always more fun. You've got me thinking about going now.

    Big Man: Good points. It is easier to do last minute things when you're single. And I don't remember very many times when I've regretted going to something I was unsure about at first. There are a couple. But not many.

    Rose: "it is not so bad to live your days as they come"

    That's a great line.

    Lass: Yes, they do! What am I thinking? Hysteria, Pour Some Sugar On Me, Love Bites, Armageddon It...

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  20. My wife loathes any type of weekend planning - she fumes when I say someone wants us to do whatever next week even though she is quite happy to do it. So I know what you're saying!

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  21. Memphis: I can relate, especially on weekends. It's nice to keep your options open, because sometimes you might just want to veg out all weekend.

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