Monday, October 30, 2006

The Ticket Nazi

Axl and I ended up at a high school football game Friday night. His idea. We arrive at halftime, somewhat intentionally. As we are walking in, Axl strikes up a conversation with the school's assistant principal. And by strikes up a conversation, I mean, she scolds him for driving across the grass as we were parking.

I thought most schools stopped taking up money at halftime. But as we get to the gate, I notice two girls at the ticket window, apparently purchasing tickets. I ask Axl, "Do you think we have to pay?"
He says, "No. It's after halftime." And proceeds to walk thru the gate.

Let me insert here that Axl is what I would call, unconventional. If there's a conventional way of doing something, he does it a different way. He questions why we have certain rules. And sometimes thinks those rules shouldn't apply to him.

As he walks in, I see this short red-haired lady who looks to be in her late forties or fifties maybe, standing by the gate. She is evidently taking up tickets. And as I would soon realize, firmly believes that her job is the most important job in the world. We'll call her the Ticket Nazi.

I stop at the gate. Axl keeps walking. She looks towards him, then back at me.
"Who is that?" she asks.
"Uhh, he's with me... I think," I respond, already on the verge of laughter.
"Well, he can't go in without a ticket. Sir!!" She calls out to Axl, but he is almost thru the concourse and into the stadium by this point, and continues walking. "Where are my police officers?" She begins looking around.

I'm thinking, dude, Axl is about to be escorted out of a high school football game. I try to distract her. "Is it not free after halftime?" I ask.
She shakes her head as if to say, "Nice try sonny boy, but no dice."
"Well when do you stop taking up money?"
"At the start of the fourth quarter," she says, smugly.

Well, that is absurd, I think to myself. I step around to the ticket window, but first decide that I should call Axl. His phone goes straight to voice mail. From where I'm standing, the ticket office is shielding me so that the Ticket Nazi can't see me. I decide to wait a few minutes before purchasing a ticket, wondering if Axl will come back to see what happened to me.

After a minute or so, two or three police officers appear out of nowhere at the gate. They look my way. I try to appear inconspicuous. They go back inside and I decide to purchase a ticket. I walk quickly thru the gate, not stopping as I hand my ticket to the Ticket Nazi, careful not to make eye contact. She remembers me and calls out "Sir," but I keep walking, pretending not to hear her.

Once inside, I find Axl standing in front of the stands by the fence. I tell him what is going on, and he decides we'd better go up in the stands and lose ourselves in the crowd. You know, since him paying the five dollars admission would just be ridiculous.

Turns out that was only the beginning of the weekend excitement.... or actually, that was most of it. But nevertheless. After an intense day of football viewing Saturday, the night ended with me watching this Cold Case Files on A&E about the Sunday Morning Slasher.

When it went off (midnight old time), I was really tired. But my bedroom door was open, and I was getting freaked out. I kept hearing noises and was afraid someone was going to come up the stairs and try and kill me. Perhaps it was the Ticket Nazi, come to collect her five dollars.

I knew I needed to get up and close the door. Because obviously, that would keep the killer out. But I was too tired. So I flipped the TV over to ESPN, thinking it would be less freaky, and went to sleep.

Still, when the door bell rang early Sunday morning, don't think I answered it.

"I fight authority, authority always wins..."

18 comments:

  1. AlwaysQuestioning10/30/2006 05:47:00 PM

    HiLARRYous!

    Axl was almost apprehended by the BoosterClub Mafia. That's fantastic. Why am I relatively certain that this guy didn't learn his lesson? Though, who could blame him. Why should you have to pay full price to see half a game?

    ESPN isn't, necessarily, safer for your late night viewing pleasure. It's entirely possible the Florida International suspended players were at your door Sunday morning . . .after all, they were in AL, right?

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  2. Hah! I get scared at night, too. So I don't watch that crap. Cute as a bug in a rug that you got so spooked, though.

    And let's refrain from barfing over the fact that I just said, "Cute as a bug in a rug..." Okies?

    Looks like we both had some interesting football stories this weekend, huh? And did the cops ever get their hands on Axl?

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  3. Your friend sounds like a riot!! And I love that she was the Ticket Nazi. Only a Seinfeld lover would come up with that :-)

    I can one up you on the scared thing...I got scared my first night here alone, and locked the bedroom door, because clearly if they've made it through the 2 locks on my screen and 2 locks on my front door, the little lock on my bedroom door handle will stop them :-)

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  4. got a great flash back to my last high school game...but what stands out better is the last college game that I went to. Our school had this tradition of throwing tortillias in the stands. The goal was to actually get your tortillia to fly out onto the football field...the further the better.
    Someone had the great idea that if you tear a small hole in the tortillia it will fly farther...I don't think it helped any.
    Oh and the other team had these guys called "the Purple Poo" guys dressed in football jerseys with Nixon masks on who were mildly irritating. They acted like they were going to do something to me & my friend and I just gave them a "don't even think about it" look and they left us alone.

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  5. AlwaysQuestioning: Yes, I could see his reasoning behind not wanting to pay. I guess I'm too much of a conformist.

    Blondie: Yeah, uh, let's never say that again, ok? ;-) No, as usual, he was able to escape.

    Arlene: Haha. Yeah, I hear those bedroom locks can be tough to pick ;-)

    Renee: Tortillas in the stands? Nixon masks? This is all too much. I've got a cockfight to win.

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  6. Damn that takes me back. Sneaking into places without paying is so 1993! Great post.

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  7. Oh Bone, that's hilarious. I laughed so hard. :) He sounds like a riot.

    Btw, you just need a woman in bed to protect you from all the scary monsters. ;)

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  8. I'm totally not laughing at you for being scared. Promise. Though I'm mildly amused that you attend HS football games.

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  9. Only you would give your friend the name Axl, and have a Nazi ticket ticket


    think it's cute that you're scared. Humanizes you--wait if you were anymore human, you would be_____not really sure

    Good exciting weekend post, and loved the use of "old time."

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  10. We stop taking tickets after halftime. She is a ticket nazi. NO GAME FOR YOU!. He just threw that recipe for disaster right in her face. I wonder if you can get lobster bisque at the concession stand. Or if they forget the bread.

    Axl will most likely be single for a long time. Nobody likes a cheap date, even if they're just friends. "Hey baby, let's go to Tony Roma's ...I have a cockroach to put on the plate so we get a free meal."

    I love that you felt like the ticket nazi would come for you when you paid for your ticket. You don't take associating with guilty persons well.

    I wouldn't answer the door early on a Saturday either. I'd be hiding under my cotton poly sheets. Ghosts can't get through fabric blends.

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  11. Go Little Jerry GO! Look at him strut!

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  12. hey that was me with the Little Jerry comment...don't know why blogger said I was being anon.

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  13. Lux: Yeah, it did kinda feel like we were back in high school or college again.

    Chica: Women steal the covers :)

    Heather B: Yeah, it took me a lot to admit that. But, oh well. Anything for a blog entry. Maybe tonight I should to trick-or-treating.

    Pia: Well, it is the old time. Until it's the new time again. And the time we're on now will be the old time.

    Dorothy: It's like when Jerry and his girlfriend were making out in the Soup Nazi line, and he pretended not to know her. I would have needed to disassociate myself from Axl in order to stay in good standing with the Ticket Nazi.

    Renee: I cannot being to express how happy it makes me when someone gets a Seinfeld reference.

    Little Jerry ran from here to Newman's in under thirty seconds!

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  14. You have to pay to see a high school game? a HIGH SCHOOL game? Wow. I don't remember ever paying, but then, I was a cheerleader. They needed me in order to win, you see.

    I went to a college game on Saturday, and I KNOW you have to pay to get into those. Then $3 for a bottled water and $3 for a hotdog and $3 for another bottled water and geesh, you've paid for the quarterback's scholarship.

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  15. When my husband was coaching high school football I still couldn't get into those games free without a hassle. Had to pay to park, too. Psychos.

    Now I can't stop picturing the Ticket Nazi chasing you down on her bike, all, "I want my five dollars!"

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  16. Haa I adore people like that!
    It's fun to screw with them,hehehehe.
    But I'd be all paranoid too in the end.

    Once though I refused to hand over my purse as I entered a store. They like to keep large bags so you don't steal stuff. It was a grocery store.
    Ohh was that chick ever MAD when I told her no and kept walking. I told her to follow me around to make sure I didn't steal anything or call the police otherwise she could FO. She did but not before calling her manager who left me alone after I burned him with my laser death eyes,heh

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  17. It's been my experience that men are really the guilty party of stealings covers. Or maybe I just throw them all on the man because I get too warm with one in bed and extra blankets. I donno. What's with men and the body heat that they kick off that doesn't keep them warm?!?!

    Either way, you'd have something to distract you from worrying about the big bad wolf knocking on the door. ;)

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  18. Carmen: Yes, well we can't all be cheerleaders :)

    I think hot dogs and cokes at the Bama games are $3.25 each this year. Still less than the movie theater.

    Sadie: Actually, I hope I never run into her again. She was serious :)

    Ms. L: See, I can't do that death stare or mean look. Anytime I try to look mean, people just laugh.

    Chica: Well, perhaps I have stolen the covers. A time or two.

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