Lookie, lookie, lookie...

Look what I found: Robin Scorpio's blog (Yes! From General Hospital! Thank me later...)

And don't forget, the Seinfeld DVD's came out today! I'm sure there's a Seinfeld fan somewhere on your holiday list.

OK, I'm not quite sure where to start with today's story, so... I'll just start. I was chatting with a friend yesterday about nothing in particular, when the conversation suddenly took an interesting turn...
Her: "Did I tell you that my pest control boy asked me out, and then like three weeks later he came and sprayed and kissed me when he left? WTF?" (*NOTE: "WTF" is a common internet phrase, usually indication a state of disbelief or bewilderment brought about by an unexpected occurrence.)
Me: "Whoa! No you did not. That's hilarious. Can I blog that?"
Her: "I guess."
Me: "On the lips?"
Her: "With tongue!"
Me: "Wow! So are you doubling up on your pest control coverage now?"
Her: "You better believe it."
Me: "So did you go out with him?"
Her: "No."
Me: "It's kinda like on Seinfeld that time when Jerry dates his maid. She comes over, doesn't clean, they sleep together, and he pays her before she leaves."
Her: "Well, he does spray and we didn't sleep together."
Me: "So he asked you out, you didn't go, and he comes over to spray for bugs and just kisses you? I think I've seen stuff like this on the internet, www.eroticexterminators.com.

Meanwhile, in a town not too far away, I had stopped off at the grocery store this afternoon to pick up a few things. I was over in frozen foods, where I had just selected a frozen pizza and placed in my cart, when I noticed a lady looking right at me, almost like she knew me. "I hate to bother you," she said. "But there's a carton of vanilla ice cream on the top shelf way in the back," she continued, pointing. "Do you mind seeing if you could reach it for me?" Now, let me just say here, that we as men love situations like this. If a man says he doesn't, he's either lying, or just a jerk. As Seinfeld said, we all kinda think of ourselves as some sort of low-level superheroes in our own world. Anyhow, back to our story...

I sprang into action, seizing the desired frozen dairy product with little difficulty, and handing it to the fair maiden awaiting at my side. She thanked me, and I proceeded down the aisle, which I suddenly noticed was populated with several females. And they all seemed to be looking my way in admiration. (OK, so maybe I just imagined the "in admiration" part.) I know it's not that big of a deal, but hey, we can't all be kissing bandits. And those shelves are kind of high. And fairly deep. Not many tall, virile young men in the grocery store at 4 in the afternoon. Perhaps I'll start stopping by more often.

"There will be no white flag above my door. I'm in love, and always will be..."

The new look of IYROOBTY!

I suppose it's long past time for a new template. So here it is! I mean, you're looking at it. Much thanks to Lass for the template help, and to Dea for a wonderful job on the sunset image. Let me know what you think about the new look.

While sitting at my computer last Tuesday night, adorned in boxers and a plain white t-shirt, listening to the Alabama basketball game online (which now costs $3.95 per month on Yahoo Sports) , chatting with a couple of blog friends, and half paying attention to the CMA Awards on TV (what woman wouldn't want this?), I did which of the following:

a) began to peruse this site
b) continued to scratch myself
c) began to do some introspection

While any of the above would have been a good guess, the correct answer on this particular night is C. (Women and children may want to skip the rest of this paragraph.) Introspection. Defined as a reflective looking inward. An examination of one's own thoughts or feelings. The pervading feeling of the past few months in my life has been change. In almost every imaginable way. Lately, I find myself feeling out of place in certain situations where I used to feel so comfortable. I feel sort of like I've suddenly matured. Things that I found entertaining or funny just a few months or a year ago recently just seem to irritate me. I've rediscovered some old friends, and find myself spending a little more time at home. I remember when I was younger, I used to think that if a Friday or Saturday night went by that I didn't go out, it was like the worst possible thing in the world. Like I was missing out on something. Now, even though I'm still out most weekend nights, I don't mind a night at home now and then. I cherish it, actually. But then I think, I'm 32 years old and single. I need to be out meeting people, right? And then I wonder if I'm getting too comfortable being single. I really don't mind it most of the time. And it seems like the older I get, the more used to it I become, and I am more and more content with it. That scares me.

So all these changes. Where will they lead? I know that most of the changes, all of them actually, have been good things. I know that I am really blessed to have wonderful people in my life. I guess this was a really random post, with no clear point or ending. That's introspection for ya.

Next time I think I'll just scratch myself.

"I feel stupid, but it's somethin' that comes and goes. I've been changin'. Think it's funny how no one knows..."

He's my Lex Luthor!

Today is my sister's birthday. So, even though I'm quite sure (and hopeful that) none of my family reads my blog, happy birthday, sis!

So Big Sweaty (or, Big Stinky, as a friend mistakenly called him recently) comes in today as I'm chewing gum. He apparently thinks I'm eating something. He looks at me and says, "You consume quite a bit, don't you?" I give him this strange what-are-you-talking-about look for a second, thinking (Chris Rock voice) "I know yo' super size extra value meal eatin white $&% ain't sayin' somebody else eats a lot!" So I'm completely silent, still giving him the look. Then he says, "Oh, or are you chewing gum?" I mumble, "Yeah."

What the freak?! I mean, seriously, the guy is round! He'd move a lot faster if he tucked his head into his chins, pulled in his arms and legs, and rolled from place to place. So, I've come to the conclusion that Big Sweaty is my Newman. My Lex Luthor. (Not to be confused with Lex Luger.) I just hope those aren't kryptonite-laced twinkies he's been devouring.

(From episode #144, "The Andrea Doria")
"Newman is my sworn enemy. And he lives down the hall from my home. My home, Elaine! Where I sleep. Where I come to play with my toys."

More A Day in the Life of Bone...
So my doorbell rings this afternoon. I run downstairs and open the door to find this somewhat chubby kid on a bicycle there. He's kind of out of breath as he asks, "Is Rusty home?" Well, since I haven't lived here very long, I figure that Rusty must be a kid who lived here with the previous tenants. So I say, "Rusty doesn't live here anymore." Well you'd have thought the kid's puppy just died. Immediately, he gets this sad look on his face, like his best friend forever has moved away and didn't tell him. At this point, I'm not quite sure what to say. After a couple of seconds he starts looking around, looks up at the building, turns back to me and says, "Oh. I think I'm at the wrong door. Bye." Priceless.

Hope you all have exactly the kind of weekend that you need. And remember, thawing a turkey in the refrigerator takes approximately 24 hours per five pounds ;-) Roll Tide!

"Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table, but you only want the ones that you can't get..."

Thursday Thirteen: 1st attempt

Thirteen Things from the mind of Bone...

1) This is my first Thursday 13. Thank (or blame) InterstellarLass and Carnealian. One woman can be persuasive enough. But two? Forget about it. I'm human. I'm flesh and blood. What mortal man can resist their charms ;-) Again, my first time, so be gentle...

2) Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. She will be 25. I can't believe she will be 25. You have no idea how stoked I am that she loves Alabama football. She listens to sports talk radio on her way home from work. Yes! My tribute to her (a little sappy) can be found here.

3) Went shopping last night to find her a gift. Walking thru the parking lot to my car, the weather was cold, the wind was blowing. Felt like a scene from one of those movies where it's Christmas time in New York, and everything is decorated, and everyone is shopping, and I'm either about to go ice skating or have just been...

4) Four is my favorite number.

5) I should have written this. I could have. Gah! I could have been a millionaire, Jerry. I could have been a Festivus millionaire! Check out some of my festivus knowledge here.

6) I really want to celebrate Festivus this year. I mean, but with other people this time. That's it! December 23rd. Festivus dinner, including the feats of strength, the airing of grievances, etc. at Bone's! You're all invited. I'll get the aluminum pole out of the crawl space.

7) I haven't watched General Hospital all week. Anyone know what's been going on?

8) The low temperature here this morning was supposed to be 25 degrees. That's the Big F. Fahrenheit. Not Celsius. Not Kelvin. And do you think Big Sweaty had the heat on when I got to work? No! He must really save on energy costs in the winter. I guess with the food though, it balances out.

9) Two of my favorite things about cold weather: Hot chocolate and wearing hats (boggans, beanies, whatever).

10) Even though our "cold" weather only lasts 3-4 months at most here, for some reason, I have roughly twice as many winter clothes as summer clothes.

11) If you want to read my thoughts on this year's CMA Awards, you may do so here.

12) Seven days until Thanksgiving. You've got to be freaking joking me!

13) Probably doing birthday dinner with my sister tomorrow night. Saturday is the Iron Bowl. Alabama versus Auburn. Roll Tide! (And if Bama and ND get matched up in a bowl game, Carnealian, it's on! Like Donkey Kong!) ;-)

There, that wasn't so bad... for my first time!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. InterstellarLass
2. Jen
3. Texas_Ivy10
4. Carnealian
5. Sallwood
6. Renee
7.(leave your link in comments, I'll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

"Spinning on that dizzy edge, I kissed her face and kissed her head. And dreamed of all the different ways I had to make her glow..."

Just the way she is...

When she starts to worry that her hands are slightly wrinkled...

When she brushes her hair and notices a few strands of gray...

When she gets the first trace of a line on her forehead or beneath her eyes...

When she's put on ten pounds, and hopes no one has noticed...

When she wakes up one day and just suddenly feels older, out of touch...

When she wonders if she's still got it, if she still turns me on...

That's when I want her to know that I love her. Just the way she is.

She is real. That's what I love most about her. She is natural. And beautiful. I'll take her anyday over some magazine cover girl. And if she ever starts to doubt, then that's on me. It's my place to make sure she always knows. I love her imperfections. Her insecurities.

When she cries while watching Extreme Home Makeover, and tries to hide her tears from me, I can think of nothing more precious.

When she first wakes up in the morning and smiles that sleepy smile and says "Good morning" in her soft, sleepy voice, why can't she see that is when I think she's most beautiful.

And when she asks me if we're OK... Then I take her soft, delicate hand in mine, gently brush my fingers across her face and run them thru her hair, wrap my arms tightly around her body, which only grows sexier everyday, stare deep into those eyes that have loved and trusted me for so long, and make sure that she knows that I love her. Everyday. And I always will.

Just the way she is.

"I don't want clever conversation. Never want to work that hard. I just want someone that I can talk to. I want you just the way you are..."

Another first (& California pics)

Just finished watching the Cowboys come from behind to beat the Eagles 21-20! I hope you all enjoyed that as much as I did, although I know some of you didn't. Hey, at least one of my teams won this weekend. It was tough driving home from the game Saturday. As you've probably heard by now, Bama lost in overtime, 16-13. I take losses much better now than I used to, however. I'm not sure if this is because I'm getting older or what. Maybe it's because losses have become much more frequent the past couple of years, unfortunately. Whatever the case, there was a time a few years ago when I'd go to my room and bury my head in a pillow for thirty minutes or more after Alabama lost a football game. Now I only do that on rare occasions, such as Jessica Sierra being voted off American Idol.

OK, on with tonight's post. Life has been full of change and new experiences lately. A new place to live. A newer car. My first massage. My first time to fly. My first trip to California. My first time to sing a Debbie Gibson song in a public forum. And tonight, I experienced yet another first. My first time to use an automatic dishwasher. Ever. OK, so perhaps this is not as earth-shattering as some of the other "firsts," but still. This is the first place I have ever lived with a dishwasher. Never had one growing up. So at last, I've crossed the threshold that separates Palmolive and dishpan hands from the sweet sound of the low hum of the automatic dishwasher. By the way, thanks to BE, who answered my questions on how to use said dishwasher. And this would probably be a good time to warn you that if you are a girl, especially a cute one, and I have your phone number, email address, and/or screen name, I am allowed and liable to contact you at any time to ask advice on things such as fashion, personal hygiene and grooming, cooking, and various other tasks.

I can only imagine the other firsts that are yet to come. My first pedicure? My first time to date sisters? Or roomates? (No, I never actually did that. Despite what you may hear, a few kisses and flirtatious groping does not constitute a date.) The possibilities are seemingly endless. Yes, it appears we've opened up a whole new can of worms here. And not gross, grimy bait worms either. But long, pretty, colorful worms. What the crap am I even talking about? Did I mention I only got about three hours of sleep last night? This would probably be a good time to mention that.

And on a completely random change of subject, here are a few pics from my trip last month to California (click to enlarge):

This one is actually my current wallpaper. Sunset on the Pacific Ocean...


The famed Hollywood sign. Despite my plans to take a picture while standing atop the "H" (or even better atop that tower just to the right of the sign), this would be about as close as I got...


And, another ocean pic...


Unfortunately, none of the pics of Jennifer and I turned out well enough to post. You know how girls can be about looking just right in pictures. Honestly, I think she's actually worried that Vince might see them. He's kinda been stalking me lately. He's really weird about me answering her phone. And me calling late at night to say she's left another pair of... um... sunglasses in my car. I'm like, baby, he's just a rebound guy. I think she's just about over it.

"Where I come from isn't all that great. My automobile is a piece of crap. My fashion sense is a little whack and my friends are just as screwy as me..."

The reunion episode

After a brief hiatus, the J&K Show is back. Starts off a little slow, but by the end, you too will be laughing with your pants around your ankles. Eighteen minutes and thirty-four seconds of auditory delight. It's podtastic!

(Click here to listen)

As always, comments, suggestions, and petitions to get the show banned from the internet forever are welcome.

"So if you want to love me, then darlin' don't refrain. Or I'll just end up walkin' in the cold November rain..."

I'm fixin' to blog

One thing I want to try to do more of on here is to share things about the southern lifestyle and growing up in the South. I realize there are lots of things that I do, say, know, think, believe, and experience, many of which aren't common in other parts of the country or the world. But when you've seemingly always known something, or always done things a certain way, it's easy to forget that. It wasn't until just a few years ago that I realized that sweet tea wasn't served nationwide. How do you people live!

One thing I do know is that pecan trees only "make" every other year. Maybe everyone knows that. It's just one of those little bits of information that you pick up somewhere along the way. We have a pecan tree at work. Two years ago, we had bunches of pecans. Last year, just a very, very few. So this year, we're due for a bumper crop, so to speak. Wednesday night, it got very windy here, so I went out yesterday just before I went home to see if there were many pecans. There were! I gathered them until my back began to hurt.

As usual, I came across a few which had already been eaten at by squirrels. It made me wonder if some squirrel wouldn't have enough to eat this winter because I was selfishly taking away its food. Am I interfering with the cycle of nature that God has put in place? Sometimes I wonder silly stuff like that.

When chatting with someone from another part of the country, I try to avoid using certain "southern" words or phrases, such as using "supper" to refer to the last meal of the day. Even though we all know that's what it is. But inevitably, something eventually slips out. A couple of other "southernisms" I've been caught using recently, include:

I'm fixin' to - As in, "I'm fixin' to get ready to go to the store." You might say, "I'm about to get ready to go to the store."

Hunt - As in, "I'm gonna hunt me something for supper." This doesn't usually actually involve the act of pursuing game for food or sport, but is more likely closely related to "I'm gonna try to find me something for supper," probably in a cabinet, refrigerator, or restaurant.

At least I think those are southernisms. Maybe they're just Boneisms. Either way.

In other news, my mother has been sick this week. She's still got her betta that I got her for Mothers Day this year. If you'll recall, I bought Pablo originally for her, but got so attached to him that I had to go back and get her a different one. So last night I was telling her how I've dreamed a few times that Pablo gets out of his tank when I'm changing his water, and ends up on the floor or something. So she's nodding as I'm telling her, and then tells me, "I dream that mine gets out of his tank at night and comes back to the bedroom and starts fighting." Wow! And I thought my fish dreams were weird...

Well, I think I'm fixin' to hunt me up something for lunch. Hope ya'll have a great weekend now, ya hear!

"Misty sunrise in my hometown, rows of cotton, 'bout knee high. Mrs. Baker down the dirt road, still got clothes out on the line..."