I flipped on the TV last Friday evening. The volume was down, but when I saw his picture, I knew. MCA -- Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys -- had died. At 47.
A week later and I still seem to be doubled over from the proverbial punch to the stomach. I don't know why it's affecting me so much, just that it is.
I remember watching the video message where he announced he'd been diagnosed with cancer. But then you don't hear anything for awhile, and it's easy to think, "Oh, he's young, he'll beat it."
Until a couple years later you see his picture on TV, and you realize he didn't. He couldn't. And there is only shock. And sadness. Deep, deep sadness.
For the better part of the past week, I've tried to come up with some way to put all these feelings into words, and mostly failed. I just want to put on all my Beastie Boys songs, download the ones I don't already have, and listen to them for hours and hours until it somehow gets better.
I did recall that I'd written a post about the Beastie Boys a few years ago, so I looked it up. (It's here
if you want to go back and read it.) My initial thought was that it doesn't really work as a tribute.
Then again, maybe it does.
It recalls a time when we were younger, and it felt as if there would always be an abundance of days. We knew life would end, but back then it was hardly a passing thought as that seemed almost incomprehensibly far away.
So much farther away than it seems today.
"I wanna say a little somethin' that's long overdue / The disrespectin' women has go to be through / To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends / I want to offer my love and respect to the end..."