Wednesday, March 11, 2009

A splendid splinter (with apologies to Ted Williams)

I was talking to someone the other day about the weather. (Don't worry, things will start to pick up here in a minute.) They made a remark about how they couldn't believe we were already having summer-like weather.

That really stuck with me, you know. Mainly because I don't talk to that many people.

We have been having gorgeous weather the past few days, but it's not here to stay quite yet. It must have been 80 here yesterday, but the high tomorrow is only supposed to be 48.

So I started thinking. I've never really considered March a winter month. Yet it only gets like 10 days of technical spring. So what is it? Maybe we need a new term for the period between winter and spring.

In my head, I started calling it splinter, obviously combining spring and winter. I thought it pure brilliance, and could already see the Wikipedia entry for it forming in my head:

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Splinter is a term given to the period of time comprising the end of winter and beginning of spring. Also roughly equivalent to the month of March in the northern hemisphere. It is usually characterized by drastic swings in temperature, and often features days of spring-like weather followed by days of winter weather. The term was first used by Bone, an early 21st Century blogger, whose lifetime goal [citation needed] it was to have his own Wikipedia entry.

For other uses, see Splinter (disambiguation).

My brain continued to percolate, as I thought of words like spummer, autner and the seemingly oxymoronic summall. I was smiling to myself at yet another ingenious idea when it hit me:

There is no L in winter or spring.

It should be sprinter, not splinter. Why did I put an L in there? It's a wonder I even remember to stand on my head every morning and contact the home planet. But of course, sprinter just doesn't have the same zing as splinter. And since I'm inventing the word anyway, I'm going to continue to call it splinter.

I've been having a splendid splinter. Monday, I celebrated National Napping Day with a solid 90 minute siesta. Yesterday I played golf with some guy from Memphis, who asked if he could join us on the 3rd hole. I fought the urge to ask if he'd ever been to Graceland--it seemed kinda cheesy, plus I'm sure he gets that all the time--but it wasn't easy.

To top things off, last night I figured out that my Blackberry has speakerphone. Sixteen months and I'm still learning new things. Sometimes I get the feeling it has a thousand functions and I know how to use like four.

This new time is scratching me right where I itch. It has really brought me out of my winter hibernation. There just seems to be more... daylight or something. I've been relaxing. Sort of drifting aimlessly. Taking it easy. If I were a radio station, I would be easy listening. If I were a lipstick, I'd be easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl. If I were an Eagles song, I'd be... hmm, can't think of one.

To recap, I have just composed an entire post about a non-existent semi-season featuring my very own fake Wikipedia entry while also managing to compare myself to lipstick. I'd call that a full splinter's day.

"I've got seven women on my mind. Four that wanna own me, two that wanna stone me, one says she's a friend of mine..."


  1. Bone Bone Bone--your logic for "splinter" is hysterical. Seeing Bone's mind at work is priceless

    However spummer while not as nice a word and not truly describing what you want to describe would have worked better as splinter has been a word around longer than I have been reading and that's a long time

  2. I like the term splinter, because it's like a sliver of something caught--well, it's an in between thing. Won't last long, will be gone soon. In these parts, March definitely came in like a lion, and is now tending to be lambish. It's gloriously interesting.

  3. Spring-like...there's your L. I like it!! We've been having it too way up here in the cold, cold north. It was quite toasty this afternoon. Now it's chilly and windy as heck. Is it windy down your way in March?

  4. I think you're really deep.

  5. Wow, I got a sense of deja vu when I read that seventh sentence in this post.

    I think if you were an Eagles song, it would have been "Peaceful Easy Feeling."

  6. I didn't mean for comment to sound as if I were putting you down

    I know and support your goal of getting Bone, the blogger, a Wiki entry

  7. Your wiki entry is very admirable. I am sure that if you keep writing these wonderful and whimsical posts that make us all smile you will get that wiki post, maybe TC can write it.

  8. Splinter is good, there need be no logic to these things, at least non visible to the naked eye. Yours may have more than necessary for fame.

    Ah, but for the Wiki bureaucracy.

  9. Pia - Priceless? Well that's one word for it :)

    Well, I know, but I figure spring is a word, too. Though I'm not sure which came first, the season or the verb?

    Actonbell - Thanks. I was working on a whole analogy in my head with an ax splintering the seasons apart, with pieces of winter getting scattered into spring and vice versa. Or something.

    Carnealian - Oh yeah. Even the warm days are pretty windy in March. It kills my hair.

    Ally - Thanks. It was the Cover Girl line that did it, wasn't it?

    Ed Abbey - I'd like to say it was repeated for emphasis, but that wouldn't be true. Argh, I hate having typos. Thanks for pointing it out, and it has been corrected.

    Pia - Thanks for your support. Feel free to start a petition.

    PennyCandy - Whimsical. I like that! May I use that in my personal ad, assuming I ever make one?

    I did consider having a Write Bone's Wikipedia Entry contest.

    Cooper - Excellent point. Fame is often illogical. Maybe I've got too much logic.

  10. I'm not sure how one goes about getting their word recognized...perhaps you just keep using it and like yadda yadda yadda or spongeworthy it just gets picked up. Good luck to you and I would sign the petition for you to have a wiki entry.

  11. LOVE IT!
    These are the types of Bone posts I have grown to love and adore over the past several years.

    Consider the term stolen! I'm going to start using it.

    And though I enjoy the late evenings, the dark mornings are really messing with me. I never mind the time change until my alarm goes off at 6:00am, and all I can think is, "a few days ago... it was only 5:00am...."


  12. I got a not-so-splendid splinter in my foot this morning while I was putting on my socks. See, this is why we should skip winter and just go straight from fall to spring... so I can wear sandals year-round and not be attacked by my own floor.

  13. Man, I kept reading, wondering if I was going to have to point out in the comments that neither Spring nor Winter have an 'l' in them: thank goodness you didn't let me down :)

    Though I must admit... it's incredibly rude of you to rub in your good weather. We got rain, sleet and snow on Sunday. Yesterday it got to a balmy 48 (yes, what you consider cold, I consider warm) but it rained the entire time, and today? 21 with sun. I know jealousy is a bad thing, but seriously? You'd be jealous if you were me too.

    And HA! at PennyCandy :) I have a hunch Bone would be scared to see what such an entry would include. *evil grin* Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha...

  14. Renee - Yes, that might work. If I had my own sitcom!

    Thanks for your support. Don't forget to pick up your Wiki Bone ribbon. You must wear it!

    Blondie - Feel free to work "splinter" into your conversation tomorrow. I have a feeling this thing is gonna spread like a glacier.

    What do you mean those are receding?

    R8chel - Fall to spring? No, no, no. Then we'd miss Christmas. Plus my birthday. Plus, I'd have to come up with a whole new name. Like... fling. Or sprall.

    Fling? There I go with the L again!!!! What is up with that? Why does my brain insist on putting an L there? Could someone research that?

    TC - I don't consider 48 cold. Just... chilly.

    And you are more than welcome to enter the Write Bone's Wikipedia Entry contest. All entries will be judged by a committee whose only member is me :)

  15. Can we add an international holiday as well? Splinter Appreciation Day. A day off work and spring bulbs for everyone!

  16. Splinter= Brillant Idea #3. I like the term.

    You know, I like how you can write a post about nothing, but then it turns into something. Kinda of like your favorite show that you go on and on about. :) By the way, this is a compliment. The highest compliment I can give.

    Today, here in OKC it is rain/snowing/sleeting. We need to come up with a term for that crap. Get back to me on what you come up with! Thanks. :)

  17.'ve outdone yourself. I didn't even notice the 'L' predicament until you pointed it out! I never would've noticed...splinter is perfect.

    *leaves with a big smile* :~)

  18. Great post--why don't you try to post your Wikipedia entry, we'll back you up!

    As for Eagle songs, I've been told my more than one woman that Desperado should be my theme song, but then I've had more than two wanting to stone me...

  19. Splinter, huh. This whole post I confused your season with the annoying sliver of wood and must be removed from the skin with tweezers. I'm assuming your season will not include these drawbacks. :o)

    Enjoy your Splinter. We have gorgeous weather here in Georgia.

  20. It's a wonder I even remember to stand on my head every morning and contact the home planet

    Explains a lot

  21. Splinter . . . I like it. And, I didn't notice the "L" thing at first, either!

  22. Uh oh. Looks like we'll have to call Sage "The Maestro" from now on.

    Yet again I cannot fathom why you are still single. :-)

  23. Bone of course you may use whimiscal. I suggested you for that very reason TC. To add to the topic I think 48 and down right freezing.

  24. I have read this about five times because its filled with amazing lines and entire paragraphs
    Sometimes I get the feeling it has a thousand functions and I know how to use like four.

    So simple. Something many of us think yet you write it down

  25. of course you may use whimiscal. I suggested you for that very reason TC.

    PennyCandy: Does that mean I am whimsical?

    Ah yes, 48 is "chilly" after three months of summer. But in March? It's balmy. Of course, that could be because up here, March is considered a winter month.

  26. J Adamthwaite - Absolutely. What's the point in creating a whole new season without including a three-day weekend?

    OKChick - I like how you can write a post about nothing, but then it turns into something.

    Me, too. Otherwise, there would be lots fewer posts here.

    Fledgling Poet - Thank you! I can't remember the last time I outdid myself. Well, at least the last time anyone told me I did.

    Sage - I guess I could try. Although despite popular belief, I've never actually created or edited a Wikipedia entry.

    Really? I figured you were more of a Witchy Woman kinda guy.

    Charlotta - I can't promise that. However, it is my dream that one day people will scarcely remember that "other" definition of splinter.

    NoStrokes - I wondered if anyone would get my vague Mork & Mindy reference. That was also my way of secretly checking to see if Pam Dawber reads my blog.

    Mama Zen - Well, now I'm starting to think I shouldn't have mentioned the L thing at all.

    Murf - Yeah, unfortunately I have a feeling my Witchy Woman reference is gonna be lost on him.

    Well, keep fathoming. I'm sure you'll come up with something eventually :)

    PennyCandy - I tend to agree. Maybe not freezing, but too cold to golf comfortably in short sleeves.

    NoStrokes again - Thank you. My personal fave for the oxymoronic line. I smile everytime I read over that one :)

    TC - Ask yourself these 3 questions:

    1) Do you tend to do things on a whim?
    2) Has anyone ever called you capricious?
    3) Are you prone to fanciful thoughts or erratic behavior?

    If you answered "yes" to any of these, you could very well be whimsical.

  27. I never had a funnier splinter moment.

  28. I'm having a very nice splinter too, Bone. I think you should just go ahead and add the Wiki entry since I hardly doubt anyone would blink twice. Who knows? Maybe they'll even add that fancy box that states "This article is incomplete. Please add more information" Then, perhaps, we'll find even more people who know about splinter. It could be a worldwide phenomenon.

  29. i've got another new word for you...
    You REALLY know how to write an entertaining witty post!! LOVED this idea Bone! BUT (u know me,, there is going to be a butt...what about Wing?
    We go from Winter in January to Spring in march.. Wing? NAH!!! splinter is much more interesting!!

  30. oh this was superb - I am going to quote you on this for a long long time to come, and I believe it is perfect for wiki- I LOVE splinter and to me that 'l' is a vertical line of separation, pure genius :) - I guess I am drunk :) This is UL btw, too lazy to sign, landed here from facebook :)

  31. Ok first at first glance, I read it as sphincter... glad I was wrong! lol

    This time of year here in the northeast isnt as dramatic with the weather changes. I WISH we were having 80 degree days! Its been pretty consistantly in the low 50's. Wed its supposed to get in the 60's woo woo!

    I go to Florida in 10 days! Thats the closest to 80 I will see for months!