Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Bruce Willis & Farrah Fawcett

My activities last evening consisted of dinner, playing one half a game of Mattel football (Visitors were leading 17-16 on difficulty level PRO2), playing a few games of Texas Hold 'Em online, watching the episode of The Jeffersons where George donates a kidney, watching parts of Monday Night Football, and writing a couple of poems/lyrics.

Quite the bachelor utopia I've created, no? This is why I usually answer "nothing" anytime someone asks me what I'm doing.

I started thinking, what am I holding onto? What about this single life can I not bear to give up? And from that, I started thinking about what I'm looking for in a girl. And do I even know?

I dated a girl some years ago who had made a list. Of things she wanted in her future husband. She had come up with fourteen things, and I matched all but one of them. We dated for a couple of years, broke up, and she married someone else.

But as I've travelled on, I've come to find that many girls have a similar list. Maybe even most girls? Qualities and characteristics of their ideal man.

Now for the record, let me just state here that my ideal man would be Bruce Willis. He's tough, yet sensitive, did movies and TV successfully, and went bald proudly, all the while remaining popular and attractive. But I digress.

Where does this idea of a list come from? Is it from some movie? Or something your mother tells you? Is it something you start at slumber parties? Or does it come from some teen magazine? Is this what girls do when you go to the restroom together, unfold your pieces of paper and compare lists?

The lists that I've been privy to contain such things as physical characteristics, what kind of job he would have, to even more trivial things like he has to be able to play the guitar, be able to drive a stick shift, and must like football. OK, so the last one isn't trivial at all. Actually, let's make that the last two.

I've never written out a list. (And clearly that's working out well for me.) I think with guys maybe it's more of a mental list. I remember when I was a kid, my ideal woman was Farrah Fawcett. (And kinda still is.) I always thought blondes were prettier than brunettes. I even liked Bo Duke more than Luke because he had blonde hair.

But when I think about it, as I've grown up (physically if not mentally), I've hardly dated any girls with blonde hair. Only a couple come to mind, and they weren't naturally blonde.

My thought is that our lists change over time. Some things we're looking for stay the same. But as we mature, hopefully we realize trivial things aren't important. Some relationships might even open us up to new things and make us realize we were limiting ourselves before.

I won't attempt to make a list here. But there are some things that I look for, and I've always looked for, that I know deep down I couldn't be happy without. Honesty. Trust. Respect. Similar interests and beliefs. Interesting conversation.

I always pictured a relationship where we would stand by each other thru thick and thin. An us against the world mentality. That no matter who or what was against us, as long as we had each other, we would make it. You know, kinda like Luke and Laura.

Do you have a list? Or did you? What was on it? And how has it changed over the years?

"If my break never came like I thought it would, Honey would you stand by me?"


  1. i'm kind of a listaholic. i admit it. and not just where this topic is concerned. though, i have made such a list and i have revised it many, many times. i think it is good to put your thoughts on paper and have a record of how much you've grown because hopefully you will grow and feel different. it shouldn't be limiting but it should set standards that convey what you are worth when it comes to love.

    does that make any sense? i shouldn't have had that glass of wine...

  2. I had lists when I was younger but I've found that they don't matter so much any more because they were more superficial things. For instance, I always said I woudln't date a guy that smoked. (I have asthma and smoke really bothers me.) I think though, that if I had a hypothetical list and this guy hit every IMPORTANT point (honesty, integrity, sense of humor, love of animals and children, etc.) that if he was willing to bend a little on not smoking in the house, I'd be willing to say "ok, there are probably qualities about me that you don't like as well, I can deal." My 'deal-breakers' aren't as numerous as they used to be, we'll just put it that way. And I think those that I still have, are the ones that are the most important anyway.

  3. I think I had a list once. Tall, good-looking, intelligent, good conversation, accent, money, charm, wit, honesty. I don't know if that's shallow or not. But, as I got older, and experienced more relationships, I realized that I wanted one thing. Someone that loved me completely, flaws and all. Everyone has flaws. No one is going to be perfect.

    I had a girl I worked with that would discount someone because they wore a ballcap to a date. She was looking for her 'perfect' man, but would get rid of them quickly over silly things - ballcap, nose isn't right, doesn't like the way he laughs. I think she was happier being single, but just wanted the drama of singledom and the complaints that come with 'dating'.

  4. I had an unwritten list of sorts that also evolved over time...my maturity and dating what I thought was the "perfect" guy helped me to change the list. Meeting new people gave me things to add to the list.

    There were a few characteristics that stayed on the list...honesty, support, sense of humor.

    Incidentally, I saw that same episode of the Jeffersons. Were you watching TvLand? ;)

  5. I made a list after I graduated highschool. It was on paper. I'm going to look for it and if I find it, I'll make it a post and let you know.

  6. I hope you are completely shallow and like Farrah only for her looks. Because quite honestly, girl's not all there mentally, you know what I mean?

    My old roommate had a list. It was fairly short. The Guy had to be taller than her (she's 5'8"), he had to be educated (Bachelor's or higher), gainfully employed, and physically fit (because she likes to do sporty, outdoorsy stuff). Everything else (political and religious views, bad habits, etc.) she could either overlook or work with. Oddly enough, the guy she married fit her criteria.

    I think I'm one of the few girls who likes being single so I never had a list. Quite honestly, I think it comes from being an only child and being somewhat spoiled and a tiny bit selfish. I like my space. I like being able to do what I want when I want. I don't have to answer to anyone. And since I don't want kids, I don't feel the need to be with someone so that I can procreate.

    I think if I did have a list, one of the things would be that the guy would have to be willing to put up with my love of all things 80s.

  7. My list grew over time by my mistakes. For example, I didn't want to date again a guy who's car was in worse shape than mine was...because getting stuck when the car breaks down sucks big time!
    And I could go on here, but I won't.

    I think in some way we all have a mental checklist. But in reality when the right person comes along those checklists get adjusted.

  8. Yep, I have a list. It is:
    1. breathing, human male
    2. within the age range of 21 and 45
    3. Has a job

    It used to be longer. ;)

    Seriously, though. It's not a written down list, but some things are just from who you are. For example, college was so important to me, so it'd be nice to share that with someone. I know now that I could never marry someone whose religious beliefs are dramatically different. (ie: a whole other religion). And like Renee says, there are a lot of "lessons learned" on the list. But it's certainly not something that I tick off every time I meet someone. :)

  9. Ms. Sizzle: It makes perfect sense. I think it's good to keep revising. And yes, there should be standards. A few things that you'd never compromise on. Have another glass :)

    Traveling Chica: I should add likes animals to my list! I think most of us look for more superficial things when we're younger. I dated one girl who smoked. It was like kissing an ashtray. Blech.

    Lass: Does a southern accent count? :) I think in the past I have looked for reasons something wouldn't work, rather than reasons it would.

    Chickadee: Yes, I was watching TVLand. lol I'd never seen that episode before. That was a good show. Florence was great.

    Naj: I hope you find it. This will be interesting.

    Xinh: It was superficial. I just can't get that poster out of my brain. And "taller than her" is one a lot of girls I know have.

    How could anyone not love the 80's! :)

    Renee: LOL I love your car stipulation.

    Carmen: LOL I like your list of three. That's an excellent starting point.

  10. I'm like most of the other girls here.....had a mental list when I was youger that had a lot of superficial sh*t listed but since I've gotten older it's changed. Now I want someone that I share chemistry with, treats me well, accepts my children, and loves with their whole heart.

    I used to have a thing for blonde guys but I only dated one and he was a jerk...lol

  11. I've never had a list. As you mentioned, my list is mental. I remember the things I want in a man.

    The list is a tough thing to rule your dating life by. You may have one hundred "must haves" on your list, and a girl will come who knocks your socks off and doesn't match not one item on your list. She then makes that list null and void. Ya know?

    Follow your heart, Bone... fall in love with whoever you feel like falling in love with. The list won't stop you from dating someone you shouldn't, just as it also won't find you your soulmate.

  12. If you read my blog, you know I have a list. My list changes all the time. First it was a blonde haired man in sensible shoes with a broken nose. Then it was someone who calls me and doesn't text message all the time. Then it became someone with a hobby that doesn't include drinking, drugs or the TV. Although, mostly my list boils down to mutual love, respect, trust and honesty. Where did my list of qualities I want in a man come from? No S*%$, my mom. She is a very wise woman who thinks if you can pin point what you want in life then you can have it.

  13. I had a list, but not about the man. It was a list of things that had to be present in the relationship. And it's a good thing I didn't have a "man list," because my husband is completely different from what I thought I wanted... And yet, perfect for me. And our relationship did meet the "relationship list" requirements. Things like honestly, mutual respect, consideration, kindness... I suppose those kinds of things could go on a man list too.

  14. "The list" is Florence, Bone. Identify Florence, and you know it's her.

    I had a list, BH filled it, end of story. He had the same eternal goals and had the same belief on how to get there, strong, self sufficient, funny, appreciator of great humor, emotionally stable- that kind of thing. I have never said things like 6 percent body fat, or looks like so and so. Eyes are important to me, and BH has baby blues like you wouldn't believe.

    Ask yourself the question, What qualities will the person in the rocking chair next to me in 60 yrs have that will make me love her more that day than the previous one? Is it that she likes to kiss an even numbered amount of kisses?

  15. All of the older women I know say the same thing. They started out with all these requirements that must be met by a mate, and as the years went by those "must be's" whittled away.

    I have but two requirements; must be half-way intelligent, and want to go somewhere in their work life. Those come out of bad relationships/dates with women that had no ambition. That's it for me, and that's not really much.

  16. First on my list: Must not watch Soap Operas and if he does watch Soap Operas only Days of Our Lives. Period.

    I think I had a list at some point, maybe. Who knows anymore. I can say that it has changed over the few years that I've been actually dating. But as someone else pointed out, I too enjoy being single. I'm perfectly content doing my own thing and I hardly feel any pressure to get out there and find the perfect person by the end of this week. I suppose that age plays a large part in that or perhaps I find the whole dating process to be tiring. Who the hell knows though.

  17. Oh yea, had a list. Maybe not on paper, but there was a list. I think "drop dead gorgeous" was on there. Which in time has certainly changed.

    Now that I'm quickly approaching the four-oh and having never been proposed to, never having to pick out an engagement ring, nor having one placed on my finger, I've become pretty soured on the that "ideal" person. I don't think he exists, I don't think the relationship I developed in my head over the last 40 years exists either. I think the list thing developed in the same way we do a pro/con list if you're trying to resolve a problem. Regardless, burn the lists. I'm going to go eat worms now.

  18. Once again, excellent post, dear Bone. Part of me really wishes I had made a list waaaaay back before TBC, but I never did and never have and not sure I would today. If anything it would be more of a mental list, let's see.........trustworthy, stable, responsible, good sense of humor, love of reading, and truly loved me. Yeah, that's a good start.

    A friend of my sister's actually had a whole list of questions to ask a prospective mate and between No 1 and No 2 Husband, my sister actually had the nerve to read off the list to one of the guys she dated! I was appalled. Oh. My. God! Have a list of qualities or a list of questions if you must, but do NOT whip it out on a date like you are a census taker! Anyway, they didn't 'hit it off' and sans questionaire, she found Number 2 who is far from perfect but I totally adore him.

    And yes, the qualities will change as one matures so it's good to revise periodically and if possible, keep the shallow crap off it and go for substance and durability.

    (and Farrah was hot though I prefer dark-headed guys personally) :)


  19. I found it! Yes, it's obviously written when I was young, but still fun to look back on nonetheless. You're all invited to take a peak.

  20. I think in some way we all have a mental checklist. But in reality when the right person comes along those checklists get adjusted. Renee, I think that's the perfect point!

    Bone, gotta love animals. You can tell a lot about a person based on how they treat kids and animals.

  21. RedNeckGirl: I think the sooner we let go of the superficial stuff, the better off we are.

    Blondie: I think she'd have to meet at least a few of the things on the list. I like the follow your heart advice. Although the heart doesn't always seem to know what's good for it.

    Hotpinksox: A broken nose? lol Dare I ask why?

    Sadie: That's an interesting variation on the whole list thing. A relationship list. I like that idea.

    Dorothy: No, it's Laura. Not Florence :) I like your 60 years question. That's one I shall ponder.

    Big Man: I think the list naturally gets whittled away with time, but you have to keep a few things on it.

    Heather B: Look for the new GH versus Days blog. Coming soon! And this time, payback's for real, yo.

    Carnealian: Oh whatever. I might have believed that rant last year. But I heard thru the blogvine things have been going pretty well for you lately ;-)

    (Hope I didn't just jinx anything.)

    Circe: Thanks, dear Circe ;-) Stable. Yes. That's a good one that often gets overlooked, I think.

    Naj: Wow, that was quite impressive for an 18-year-old. I commented.

    Traveling Chica: I think I get along well with kids and animals. That's gotta be a good thing, right?

  22. So we now know how you feel about blondes and brunettes. What about redheads?

    This post is very interesting because I just had a conversation with a friend today on this very subject. I think I am not a typical girl in that I don't have a list and I don't have my future wedding planned out etc, etc. I can't tell you what my ideal mate is or what he looks like or what kind of job he has. I just figured I would know when I know. So far that hasn't been working out too well for me. haha. But I'm holding on to the hope.

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  24. I agree with my roommate. In High School I had a list. I later realized that most of the things on the list weren't important to me anymore. For the most part...I have no idea what I want in a mate.
    Maybe I'll make a list and post it on my blog! My friend Grant did that a few years ago. We all made fun of him for posting it on his blog but a couple months later he met a girl and they got married.
    Sorry, this has turned into the longest comment known to man!

  25. I don't have a list. MaybeI should think about it, as I don't seem to be doing much better than you! (no offense). Though, there are certain things, as you said, that are definite "must-have's." Mine, as most folks I imagine, probably follow closely with the ones you listed.

    The only other "must-have" for me is someone that makes me laugh. I gotta have someone that makes me laugh. Because if you can't laugh about and through life - what's left?

    The rest, the way I see it, will reveal itself in the right time. I guess I'm a romantic that way. I still adhere to the "you'll just know" theory.

    On a related note, I watched the Barbara Walter's interview with Terri Irwin (widow of Croc Hunter Steve Irwin) last night and the last scene absolutely killed me. She said what she would miss the most was how "fun" Steve was. He taught her that it's ok to play in the rain, splash in the puddles, let the kids get dirty. Don't sweat it.

    These are the things you don't realize should be on your list. But they are the ones you grow to love the most about someone.

  26. Because broken noses are HOT! And I realized I dated 4 guys in 2 years with broken noses. It's not a requirement, it's just something I like, sort like the blonde vs. burnette thing.

  27. I guess I have had a list. I always wanted someone that was honest, hard working, reliable, trustworthy, highly educated, active, hot and sexy, sparkling personality, loving, easy going, my best friend and lover.

    I got him :)

    There are some other things i'd like to have... but i can work around them. Self-made billionare, etc :)

  28. Is that what I've been missing out on when all the other girls ask me to go to the bathroom with them? Good to know I'm not missing much. I'm apparently in the minority in thinking that lists are not a good idea. It just seems like that could cause you to rule out someone great that would bring great things to your life.

  29. gee, as a guy I use to make list (more mental than written, but list no less). they were generally characteristics that I didn't like in ex-girlfriends. Then I fell for someone and threw the list out the window but remember that it had things like enjoy wilderness everytime I take off by myself or a guy friend on a backpacking trip.

  30. Bone, getting along with kids and animals is NEVER a bad thing. :) I don't think anyone will hold it against you anyway. ;)

  31. I never had a list

    And if I had a list I know my list now would be so different from years ago...

    I think you just know... when that right girl comes along... you'll just know.

  32. Hmmm...someone didn't do the 3 Word Wednesday.

  33. Krista: Haha, I actually thought about you when I was writing that. I used to not like redheads. And then I met one who was hot. And now I don't discriminate based on hair color. Unless maybe it's like pink or something.

    Lindsy: I think you should make a list. I thought you did one time. Or maybe that was when you were taking applications for your fall back guy.

    Tenacious One: I agree. It's those little things that are most important. Good story. Thanks for sharing.

    Hotpinksox: OK. Different brokes for different folks.

    Kerry: That's a very nice list. Self-made? So you wouldn't accept someone who inherited his billions? :)

    Twisted Panties: I think they're OK as a general guide. Some things you should be flexible on. Some things probably not.

    Sage: I like that idea, too. Things I didn't like about ex-girlfriends. I think I'll work on that.

    Traveling Chica: Animals always seem to like me. And I think I must have a funny clown-like face or something, because kids usually do, too.

    Shayna: But I thought I "just knew" like twice already :)

    Xinh: I know. Someone hasn't had any time to write or blog lately :( I'm planning to bring it back this coming week.

  34. Oh my god! I found this little tidbit on YouTube and IMMEDIATELY thought of you!

  35. I've never had a list...maybe I should have, maybe it would have changed things, but I doubt it. I'd say right now, my #1 would be someone who isn't afraid to commit...as for the trivial things, he just has to be taller than me. I'm not big on looks and such. Be a good, real man, make me laugh, and love me forever. I guess that's my list in a nutshell.

  36. I'll admit it. I do have somewhat of a list. My list includes the following:

    Respectful of women
    Can handle his money so that his 1/2 of the bills are paid.-(read my blog for more on this one)
    Does not expect me to wait on him hand and foot.
    Cleans up after himself.

    5 things, and honestly...I don't think that they're to hard to achieve.

  37. Xinh: LOL That's great. Thanks for sharing that. I like the fact that anytime someone thinks of proper urinal etiquette, I come to mind.

    Arlene: I've heard a lot of girls say they like taller guys. I'm glad I'm not short. lol

    Jen: Cleans up after himself might be the tough one :) But we can be trained. And if the third one is really a problem, you need to cut and run quickly.