Mission accomplished. Back to base, Joe! Now on with today's post...
I used to have a little plaque that hung in the bathroom which said on it, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie." Actually, I think I still have it. Probably boxed up somewhere. When my aunt lived in a house with a pool out back, there was a sign by the pool that said, "I don't swim in your toilet, so please don't pee in my pool." Well, I never swam in her toilet...
The fact is, sometimes we do sprinkle. And by we, I mean men. This is one of many reasons I never sit on public toilets. I don't know what I would do if I were a woman. Probably develop some sort of awkward bow-legged hover method.
Think of it as an 11-setting spray nozzle over which we have no control. The majority of the time, it's on stream or jet. But occasionally and without any warning, it switches over completely on its own to shower, or mist, or soaker. Or worst of all, split-stream.
The split-stream is a somewhat rare phenomenon. For me, anyway. And let's face it, that's all I have to go on. I'm the only test subject being interviewed for this article. You can't predict the split-stream. It may be preventable, but happens so rarely that no one has done enough research to know for sure how.
There are two streams, both going different directions. As any man knows, it's impossible
Ladies, that's why we occasionally pee on the toilet seat. Well, that and the fact that lifting the seat every single time we go just seems unreasonable and entirely too strenuous.
I'm not even supposed to be telling you any of this. This is all top secret male behavioral information. But I figure if I share something with you, perhaps someday you will return the favor.
And that day is today. Why do you always go to the restroom together?
"He sings the songs that remind him of the good times. He sings the songs that remind him of the better times..."