Monday, February 16, 2009

Who will dance, on the floor, in the bowling alley

For any of you who don't check my Blogger profile daily for changes, I recently reached an historic milestone. As of last week, Thursday-ish, I am no longer a member of the all-important 18-35 age demographic. Needless to say, between that and General Hospital burning up in the Six-Day (and still ongoing) Fire, it was a tough week. Thanks to Pia for the wonderful birthday dedication post. What more could a guy ask for? Except perhaps my very own Wikipedia entry. Oh well, maybe next year.

Saturday night was Bone's First Annual Bowling For VD. Following the unconfirmed success of last year's Valentine Date Skate, I decided to go in a different direction this year, hoping to find an atmosphere with a few more people--um, how shall I put this--over the age of twelve.

The turnout was overwhelming! There must have been around 200 people there. Of course, my excitement was tempered somewhat when I realized that only eleven of the two hundred were there for my thing.

Things started off well enough. I had a 105 through six frames of the first game. But when I rolled my first ball of the seventh frame, my foot did not slide. It just stuck. Evidently, I had stepped in some spilled Mountain Dew. How come things like this never happen to Walter Ray Williams?

Well that was all she wrote for game one. Mister Sticky Shoes wound up bowling a 138. Then I spent about five minutes between games wiping my shoes on the carpet. That seemed to help and I rebounded for a decent 165 in game two. Also, for future reference, if you ever drop something on the bowling alley carpet, I would say just let it go.

Around 9:00, they pulled down this big movie projection screen in the center of the bowling alley. "Alright, it's movie time!" I exclaimed, only to be informed by Kywana Jr. that it was actually music video time. They proceeded to play what I presumed to be many of the popular videos of the day.

Unfortunately, I didn't know any of the songs they were playing. Fortunately, I've been able to master a couple of dance moves that I can use to blend in and appear hip for just such times. One is where I extend my right arm fully and appear to be bouncing an invisible basketball up and down about head-high. In the other, I... well, you'd just have to see it.

Over the next hour, they actually only played two songs that I recognized. And one of those songs was "Billie Jean."

I should probably mention here that as a kid, I would imitate Michael Jackson at holidays and family gatherings. Mom always made sure to bring the Thriller cassette along wherever we went. I would leave the room, wait for the music to start, and emerge with a dizzying array of movements and yelps.

I knew every "Oww!" and hiccup in every song. Sometimes I'd even wear the zippered jacket. If Michael Jackson impersonators had ever become as popular as Elvis impersonators, I would've had a whole new career on my hands. Or, a career.

So it should come as no surprise that I instinctively started moonwalking when "Billie Jean" came on Saturday night. Sometimes 1983 returns unexpectedly. The kids loved it. Why? Probably because the moonwalk is only the single greatest dance move of all time. "Teach me to do that," they pleaded.

But you can't, you know. It's like saying to Bob Ross, "Teach me to paint friendly clouds like you."

"Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son..."


  1. sounds like a fun evening! If you checked into your facebook you would see that a bunch of us went to wish you a happy birthday over there!

    oh crud! I just realized that I still have to bake for DH's birthday. I should get off the computer.

  2. Happy Birthday! Sounds like you had a great time:) I'm impressed that you can moonwalk, too.

  3. Here in L.A., I'd be afraid to go out on VDay, even to go bowling, because there would be couples there as well.

  4. Great job on setting that up. I think the wave went over pretty well too! Dancing in public is so much fun! I guess. Yes the moonwalk is the greatest dance move of all time! Although, I am also partial to the MJ leg kicks. Sometimes I do those in Wal-Mart just for fun... like when I find something on sale that I wasn't expecting.

  5. I take it Mr. Sticky Shoes can not moonwalk with the pro. Don't tell me you had one bedazzled glove too.

  6. I think there needs to be a new rule on IYROOBTY: you cannot mention things such as moonwalking or made-up dance routines to look "hip" unless you plan to post videos of such actions.

    So ice skating last year, bowling this year, what's on next year's agenda?

  7. Renee - I did see that. What's the protocol there? Do I have to reply with a thank you on each person's wall?

    You still haven't baked for DH's birthday? lol Wasn't that like five days ago?

    Actonbell - Thank you :) And actually, bowling shoes are great for moonwalking because they slide so easily. Who knew!

    Xinh - Haha. Well, I definitely don't want to be in a restaurant on VD. But bowling wasn't bad.

    Kyle - Although, I am also partial to the MJ leg kicks. Sometimes I do those in Wal-Mart just for fun

    Wow. I'm, uh, very afraid right now. LOL

    Balou - No. I tried wearing just one winter glove a couple of times, but it wasn't the same.

    TC - Well, seeing as everyone in my demographic started heading home around 10 PM, I think next year we'll just catch the 4 PM early bird dinner special, maybe play a little shuffleboard, and be home before dark.

  8. "One is where I extend my right arm fully and appear to be bouncing an invisible basketball up and down about head-high. In the other, I... well, you'd just have to see it."
    RIGHT! HA! I love your VDay idea. I'm going to call it Bone's Brilliant Idea #2. I might have to steal it for next year.

  9. It was my pleasure :) And I'm proud you organized a VD bowling event

    Your mom would bring a Thriller cassette everywhere so Little Bone could demonstrate his Thriller prowess

    I try to picture Michael Jackson as a little boy but see a miniature version of him today. Yuck. You I have more success with

  10. welcome to my demographic, old man!
    The kids today are really missing out - glad you could educate them on the moon walk! it's timeless.

    I saw the race on Sun. Unbelieveable. Matt Kenseth, I didn't even know he was on the track, then he wins.I was too busy watching all the wreck action and who was eliminated. priceless quote of the day- Dale Jr. "Of course it was an accident!"
    All in all it was a great race!

  11. You hope it was Mountain Dew on the floor. In a bowling alley, no telling what that sticky substance may have actually been. ;-)

    Did you and your mom ever take this routine to the streets for some extra income?

  12. OK Chick - Wait, what was my first brilliant idea? Oh right, the relationship recession.

    Pia - Yeah, I have a strange feeling most people don't find it that difficult to picture me as a little kid. Go figure :)

    Daily Panic - Hey! I'm still a couple years away from my next HS reunion :)

    Yeah, they were a little quick to call it, I thought. Seemed like it rained about ten minutes and that was it.

    Murf - Ugh. Well, someone said it was probably Mountain Dew, so I just went with it. Didn't want to analyze that one too much.

    Not that I know of. Of course, she could have been pocketing the tips at family gatherings without my knowledge.

  13. LOL! It sounds like a wonderful time and I'm sure the rest of the bowling alley found you very entertaining when you did the Moon Walk. And, if nothing else, I'm sure it got the rest of the Mountain Dew off the soles of your shoes. :P

    As always, thanks for the laughs, Bone!

  14. 1. GH being in a 6 day fire is more than I can handle. The Port Charles Fire Department is OBVIOUSLY not as well staffed as the Police Department. As long as they don't kill Jason, I'm ok.

    2. Happy Birthday. You were right in that Michael Jackson dance imitations are the only true way to party. These younger kids have NO idea.

    3. You might want to start listening to the radio. Not everyday or anything. Maybe just once or twice a week. You know, so you'll know some songs at the bowling alley.

    4. Happy Birthday!!

  15. Ok....seriously...when we were bowling the other night I knew NONE of the songs...They were all from high school musical, and the Jonas brothers and kids like that....I must say...I love the Jonas Brothers though....they have such good hair!!!!


  16. It does sound like fun, any vids of that moonwalk?

    I've already wished you happy birthday, but not because I stalk your profile, though I might make a note to do that in the future. Pia bird mentioned it as you know.

  17. You must be a pretty good bowler. Bowling was one of those sports that I only enjoyed after lots of beer and since I never drink a lot of beer anymore, I try to avoid bowling alleys. But I'm glad that you surrounded yourself with folks on VD day--even if they all happened to be wearing silly shirts.

    Do you know an Alabama author by the name of Ricky Bragg? I'm laughing my way through "The Prince of Frogtown."

  18. Fledgling Poet - Come to think of it, I did notice several people looking in my direction.

    No problem :)

    Cami - Yeah, me too. No way if there's really a fire that people are gonna be sitting there calmly in their rooms for a day or two waiting to be evacuated.

    Thank you :)

    Anonymous - Oh that reminds me. I did see a Miley Cyrus video. Never heard the song before, but I recognized her from the TV show.

    Cooper - I don't think so, although one time when I looked up a lady in the next lane over had a digital camera out for some reason.

    Sage - They used to have a deal on Fridays where you bowled all day for like five bucks. I got pretty decent, but that was ten or twelve years ago.

    No, not familiar with him. But I am now intrigued.

  19. I do like relationship recession.
    It makes me laugh every time I say it. HA!

  20. Doing the moonwalk is not only awesome but also, shows our age. (I'm quickly approaching 36 myself.)

    This just answered my age question that i emailed u!
    a bowling party sounds perfect for a fun guy at any age! would love u to youtube that billy jean routine! haha

  22. Happy Birthday from one Aquarius to another.

    When I go bowling, it's usually just techno music or muzak. I'd prefer Billy Jean over that any day! I'm also going to start blaming my low scores - as in I hardly break 100 - on an unseen spill on the floor. Genius, Bone! Genius.

  23. OK Chick - It's definitely the best phrase I've invented in the past two weeks.

    Sizzle - OK, so I'm older than you, but not that much older.

    Lucy - Thank you. Unfortunately (or very fortunately), most of my dancing was done in the days before camera phones, and even video cameras weren't very common :)

    Charlotta - Thanks. Hey, you gotta watch those unseen spills! They're major hazards.