Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Now entering sports purgatory

The Super Bowl is over. (How's that for a snazzy opening line to catch your attention, pique your interest, and leave you salivating for more?)

I just couldn't get excited about the game this year. No Brady. No Mannings--even though I root against them. No America's team. No perfect season on the line. No gratuitous luxury box shots of Kim Kardashian. (Even though I prefer Kourtney but she's not currently dating any NFL players that I know of.)

Don't get me wrong, it turned out to be a nice little game. But still, the Cardinals versus the Steelers? Maybe in years like this they should change the name from Super Bowl to the Best We Have To Offer Bowl. Or the As Good As It Gets Bowl. Jack Nicholson could have been a guest commentator. You can't handle the truth, Al Michaels!!

Anyway, returning to the line that titillated your senses to begin this post, the Super Bowl is over. We now enter February, or as I like to call it, sports purgatory. Football is over. Fantasy baseball doesn't start until April. Basketball isn't relevant until March Madness. And... did I mention football is over?

It has been said that in the South there are but two seasons: football and spring football. I understand and appreciate the sentiment. But calling spring football a season is kinda like calling the cute girl who smiled at me at a red light yesterday my girlfriend. It's wishful thinking and in the end leaves you with a hollow feeling. Not to mention some girls get all hostile about it.

I've been trying to fill the empty spaces. Last week, I watched some tennis--the Australian Open. I like tennis. It's probably among my top thirty sports to watch. But there's only so many times I can watch Serena Williams pound another hapless opponent into submission, or Andy Roddick fall short yet again. Plus, apparently Sharapova is injured. Would it kill them to scroll that across the screen continuously instead of letting me watch three hours of Macros Bagdhatis versus Novak Djokovic before mentioning it?

One thing that always amuses me about tennis is the little "sorry about that" gesture that every player gives anytime a ball clips the net cord. The entire match, they're rocketing 120 mph serves at each other, grunting, yelling, occasionally cursing the chair umpire. But let a ball clip the net cord, and suddenly they turn into gentle lambs with that little apologetic wave. Sorry about that. I didn't mean for the ball to trickle over the net. Actually, my original intention was to permanently embed the ball in your eye socket with my ferocious forehand.

Another undertaking that I have... undertaken to fill the current sports abyss is to try and lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA Championship on Tecmo NBA Basketball. That's right, the ol' Nintendo. That seemed like a perfectly normal way for a 35-year-old male to kill some time.

The season got off to a rocky start with a loss as I had to refamiliarize myself with which button was jump/shoot and which button was pass/change defenders. Since then, I am on a 30-game winning streak, as evidenced in fig. 1.1 below.

(fig. 1.1: Bone rulz)

Our next game is against the Miami Heat. And I think we all know what that means. That's right. The Heat feature the formidable inside/outside combination of Glen Rice and Rony Seikaly. Oh, did I mention it's the 1991-92 NBA season?

I'm helping the Chicago Bulls relive their glory days! Craig Hodges has been raining three's like it's 1991. Oh, right, that's because it is. Just fifty-one games to go in the regular season. I figure I should be able to knock that out by Valentine's Day.

Two days into sports purgatory, and this is what I have been reduced to.

"Time slips away and leaves you with nothing, mister, but boring stories of glory days. Hey, they'll pass you by. Glory days, in the wink of a young girl's eye..."


  1. I admit to haven gotten into the NFL games a bit more this season than normal (to the point where I know all the refs hand signals) so I will be going through a bit of withdrawal.

    Ah..Rony Seikaly....the reason why I still love Syracuse even though that was like 20 years ago. True love never dies.

    Glen Rice was just here recently for the 20th anniversary of their collegiate national championship.

    I have no Craig Hodges stories.

  2. But calling spring football a season is kinda like calling the cute girl who smiled at me at a red light yesterday my girlfriend. It's wishful thinking and in the end leaves you with a hollow feeling. Not to mention some girls get all hostile about it.

    Only you could write a paragraph like that.

    I know somebody who gets four weeks off a year, takes one, same each year--Wimbledon--sits with the Williams parents--we see him on TV--people assume he's a member of the family

    There's a sport that occupies the center of most peoples hearts

  3. Now we look forward to March Madness!! Guys and Gals both..

    We're goin' down to Tuscaloosa Thursday to watch my niece play ... Alabama v Florida (roll tide in this instance). It'll be a good game. looooooooove bball.

  4. At least February has the grace to be the shortest month of the year, yes?
    I found the commercials during the Superbowl to be very disappointing.

  5. Murf - I have no Craig Hodges stories.

    Few people do. I just remember him not being on any team one year, but still being in the 3 point contest because he'd won it the year before.

    I'm fairly impressed by your sports knowledge.

    Pia - I would LOVE to go to Wimbledon. Well, would have loved it more when Agassi was still playing.

    Shelby - Your niece plays for 'Bama??? Very cool! Eat at Taco Casa while you're in town.

    Actonbell - I agree. To me, the SB commercials get a little less creative every year. Seems like there were a ton of movie previews this year, too.

  6. At least your purgatory didn't seem to start until now. I couldn't get into the NFL at all this year, so once college football was over, I was in it full force.

    (fig. 1.1: Bone rulz)

    You. Are. A. Nerd. :-D I laughed so hard when I saw that. Seriously, this might even top your fantasy baseball spreadsheet. Nah... who am I kidding? Nothing could top that :)

    I can't get into tennis. if it was as interesting for me to watch as it is to read this, I might start. Since I don't forsee that happening any time soon, I'll just depend on your blog to amuse me.

  7. I'm so sorry the season is over. Just tell me where to send the sympathy card (oh wait that's supposed to be for the football widdow!)

    oh and you're not 35 for long.

  8. Okay Bone you totally forgot about hockey. Come on what are you thinking it is the best sport ever.

  9. Football never really caught my interest,I play and watch Wimbledon and enjoy tennis when I can, March Madness is the only basketball I watch. I think my sport must be gambling then.

    Good luck with your Tecmo NBA Basketball management.

  10. I thought that was okay as long as I didn't sit in the owner's box.

  11. TC - Yeah, I'm not crazy about the NFL. But it kind of tided me over for a few weeks after the college season ended.

    Ooo, the spreadsheet. I can't wait to get that cranked back up again.

    Renee - oh and you're not 35 for long.

    How did you remember that! I would just like to enjoy my final eight days of 35, please :)

    PennyCandy - Eh, it's just not big here. I've attended a few minor league games and one NHL game in Nashville. I always liked the Bruins and have kinda been keeping up with them this year since they're doing really well.

    Cooper - You can gamble on football! Well, not legally I don't think.

    Renee - Oh, you weren't in the owner's box? Well you're good then. By the way, tomorrow night Paul O'Neill has to catch a fly ball in his hat.

  12. I blame my sports knowledge on the fact that 3/5 of my family was male growing up. I try to not spout it too much since I'm aware of what a female with short hair and knowledgeable about sports could lead one to think. Luckily I don't wear flannel...or carry a wallet in my back pocket.

  13. Speaking of the Chicago Bulls...did you know I share a birthday with Michael Jordan? Yep, we are pretty much best friends. Pret.ty. much.

  14. Too bad you don't like NASCAR. I can understand a lot of people find it boring. They don't know little if anything about the drivers. It is the same way I am about Formula One or other open wheel racing. To me its not about the leader, there is a race everywhere on the track if you know all the drivers. It helps to be interested in the technical stuff also. NASCAR is chocked full of physics, technology and engineering. Fascinating it you are into that sort of thing

  15. I've been feeling it. Every year I get more and more into off season recruiting because I am SO desperate for sports news! I am WAY involved in recruiting this year. Outta control.

    Roll Tide.

    Oh- I was in T-town on Sunday, and KILLED it a Phil's. DE-lish. Man, I love that city.

  16. I agree with Pennycandy- Hockey is way more exciting than tennis!
    what other sport can you yell,
    "Puck! Puck! Puck!!
    What the Puck? Puck it!

    oh and sympathies about your heart hating valentine... that sucks,
    or if you were at a hockey game you could just say, Puck ______!

  17. Murf - I'm trying to cut back on carrying my wallet in my back pocket, too. I don't think it's very ergonomical.

    Air Charlotta - I had no idea. That means your birthday is just five days after mine.

    Jerry - Actually, I was really into NASCAR in the mid-to-late 90's. Hardly missed a race on TV. It just became way too over-regulated and over-legislated in my opinion. Everytime you turned around, they were changing the rules again. To me, the racing now is nowhere near as exciting as it was 10-15 years ago.

    Cami - Never been to Phil's. I'm guessing you're recommending I try it :)

    I LOVE National Signing Day. #1 class two years in a row!!! Roll Tide!

    Daily Panic - Hockey was enjoyable the few games I attended in person. But on TV, I just can't get into it.

  18. I thought The Steelers were being touted as America's Team? Because Pittsburgh is a working class town full of people who worked in steel mills and blah blah blah?

  19. Xinh - Yeah, I heard some nonsense about that. But it's always been the Cowboys as long as I can remember. And I refuse to believe anything else :)

    Murf - Am I a Seinfeld fan? AM I A SEINFELD FAN?!

    Is George bald? Is Kramer a hipster dufus? Does Jerry like cereal?

    I have every season on DVD. Not to mention about twelve VHS tapes full of episodes I recorded. I copied my answering machine message from George's Greatest American Hero one. Got to love the Sein.

    I mean, yeah, it's OK.

    Why do you ask? (Was it the wallet?)