Monday, February 09, 2009

Changing my relationship status

Roughly fourteen months ago, I was the victim of some sort of a failed setup. Failed in the sense that we never went out and five months later the girl had been impregnated by someone who most likely doesn't kiss in multiples of five.

This past Friday, the female portion of Kywana IM'd me to let me know that the baby had arrived. So Saturday night, I rode to the hospital with Kywana to visit. After all, that was almost my kid! Almost, that is, except for the complete lack of any physical contact with the mother. So... really not very close at all.

Shortly after we arrived, some other friends showed up and before long the conversation--as it is wont to do in 2009--turned to Facebook. Normally, this is the time when I look for the first opportunity to change the subject before I gouge my own eyes out. However, I was distracted by setup girl's mother and the uncanny resemblance she bore to small screen legend Judith Light.

So the conversation continued, and at some point turned to our respective familiarity with Facebook or lack thereof. That is when I confessed, "I don't even know how to change my relationship status on Facebook... or in real life."

I said it to get a laugh, which it did. But at the same time, the words stuck with me. It was one of those things you never realize until you say it out loud and actually hear the words coming out of your mouth for the first time.

Earlier in the evening at dinner, I brought up the fact that this May will mark the ten year anniversary of the infamous Atlanta trip. I've been thinking about that a lot since. There were nine people on the trip. All single. All in our twenties. Today, eight of the nine are married. And now there's just me.

By all indicators, I've been going through a bit of a relationship recession the past few months. No doubt due in part to my failed policies over the previous eight years. This is where a back-up plan would really come in handy. I think I had a couple of back-ups at one point. But for the life of me I can't remember who they were with, nor the terms of those agreements.

So where to now? Well, I have made it my goal to get a kiss this coming New Year's Eve. But that's long-term. What about a short-term fix--something to help those who are struggling now?

Here's what I'm thinking: Maybe if I first figure out how to change my relationship status on Facebook, then my real life relationship status will follow. Sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

With logic like that, how can I not fail to succeed?

"I'm getting bored of Facebook. So don't invite me, throw a sheep or bite me. I hate applications. There are far too many and I don't use any..."


  1. Someone was telling me about a self-help book they'd seen recently which says that you need to act as if you are the way you want to be and the rest will follow - act confident and you will become confident etc. It even took this as far as to say, if you want to be in a relationship, clear a space in your wardrobe, start sleeping on one side of the bed only and keep a spare toothbrush in the bathroom... a sure way to put off anyone new you might bring back, I would have thought!

  2. I still think it's completely underwear related. Switch to boxer briefs for 4 days (or however many is in a package assuming you change once a day) and report back to us/me.

  3. At that Investools seminar I went to Sat and Sun, there was a lot of talk about thinking positive, "Think rich and you'll be rich" kind of mentality.

    I do believe that to some extent, and I think the same holds true for every aspect of life. You recall before I got married, I was actually on a dating run there ... for the first time ever. I went out with more girls in 2004 and 2005 than I ever had before. You have to find your motivation. For me it was, "Holy crap, I'm like 32 and have never had any long term relationship. I'm getting older and want to start a family."

    So, find your motivation. Just start asking chicks to do stuff. That's what I did. Some chicks will say no... no matter how many times you try... like indicated on one episode of the JK show.

    But just keep trying and asking chicks out that you think you will click with.

    Remember, you were with me the first time I ever even asked for a girls phone number, and that was the nexus for me. After the lake house trip.

    Remember at Buffalo Billiards when we were shooting pool and I walked over to that table with those 2 girls and asked them to join our game?

    Stuff like that.

    You just gotta try.

    Make it happen.

    It's not going to happen on its own man.

  4. Look at me! I am happily single! And thriving!

    Join the club.


  5. I clearly have no advice for you, but I sincerely hope you get the chance someday to tell a whole passel of Bone Juniors the story about the day you and their mother changed your relationship statuses on Facebook...

  6. changing your relationship status on Facebook is pretty's in real life that is more difficult.

    I don't know what to tell you about that. DH & I were both married for quite a bit before we reached your age.

    I keep seeing ads on TV for those phone chat things...the girls are really hot, perhaps that's the way to go now days. ;0)

  7. J. A. - I really like that idea! I think if I wake up in the middle of the night tonight, I shall reach over and make sure the other side of the bed has plenty of covers :) What have I got to lose?

    Murf - Maybe you're right. Instead of boxers and just casually flirting with the cute girl in Kroger, boxer-briefs and getting her number.

    If every instinct I have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

    Java Boo Boo - You recall before I got married, I was actually on a dating run there ... for the first time ever.

    Um no dude, I don't recall that at all. lol

    Wait, was that the girl who wrote her number on your hand, and when you tried calling, it was the wrong number?

    Gautami - LOL Oh believe me, I've been a long time, faithful member of the club.

    Rachel - A passel? What is that, like a gaggle? A flock? A mess?

    Renee - You mean those 976 numbers?

    "Hey Andre, get the &$%#* off the phone!"

  8. I laughed at the beginning of this post, but when you got to your "a ha!" moment, I just felt sad.

    Personally I've found that sometimes all the well-meaning advice in the world doesn't do anything. Unless you count making you feel worse as "anything."

    One thing I've been very recently informed is that if you keep your Facebook status at single, girls that are interested in you will more than likely tell you. Or ask why you're still single. Or send you photos with her three kids in the background. And poke you. Etc., etc., etc. Knowing that, why on earth would EVER want to change your Facebook status? :o)

  9. It worked for George Costanza. Just don't let the fiancee lick the envelopes.

  10. You had me laughing out loud. Poor Bone

    I hear that changing your Facebook relationship status to "complicated" brings much reaction. From all your relatives and friends except for your very best friend who makes much fun of you :)

    For the record I have refused to give relationship advice most of my life. people hate me for that but there is no book, person, seminar or therapist who can tell you what to do

    Feeling good about yourself helps. It makes life easier at least

  11. It was one of those things you never realize until you say it out loud and actually hear the words coming out of your mouth for the first time.

    I had one of those the other night-- pretty humbling.

    In the words of the Grateful Dead, Keep Truckin'.....

    Sometimes the lights all shinin on me;
    Other times I can barely see.
    Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip its been.

  12. Ok... I didn't know that my husband was "going out with lots of girls" before we met! At least, that's not what he told me.....

    Before I met him, I really wasn't looking for a relationship. I had been in one that ended really badly about 6 months before, so I wasn't interested in dating. I know it sounds stupid, but it happened when I least expected it to.

    Just put yourself out there and ask a few girls out. I bet at least one in five will go out with you.

    You should have done more to make the "set up" happen! HA HA!

    P.S., DON'T call the girls you want to date "chicks"... that WILL NEVER work!!!

  13. I totally understand where you are coming from. A recent trip to a friend's wedding revealed what I had always heard...that I was the only one left. The only one without the band on my left ring finger...and I will admit it was a rough drive home.
    But....look at it this way, sometimes they save the best for last.
    We all make bad decisions in our life. Truth is, as much as we may strive not too, we are human, and to err, my dear bone, is human. :)
    It is important to look to all the great things you have in your life single or not, an amazing group of friends, a mighty handsome nephew, and Alabama football. :)

  14. TC - Well, as Renee can attest, I'm only on FB every couple of weeks anyway. But I kinda like this whole positive thinking idea.

    Murf - Right! Love this:

    Clerk: "Have you been in here before?"
    George: "About a year ago. Wedding invitations."
    Clerk: "Right. How did that all work out?"
    George: "No complaints."

    Pia - I'm glad you can always find humor in my situation, no matter how dire :)

    Yeah, I thought about changing it to "in an open relationship." As in, so open that the girl doesn't even know about it.

    I think I just need some sort of relationship stimulus package.

    Cami - What a long, strange trip it has been indeed. Well, not that long. But definitely very strange :)

    Mrs. R - Ok... I didn't know that my husband was "going out with lots of girls" before we met!

    Don't worry. No one knew. lol

    One in five? Really? I can live with those odds.

    Um, well what are you supposed to call them if you don't call them chicks? :)

    Tiffany - Ah, yes. Weddings are always wonderful reminders.

    Yeah, I know. Besides, single is pretty cool the majority of the time.

  15. I'm not sure I buy the whole self-help idea I just think when the right person comes along you will both know it.

  16. You are not the only guy I know who is still single, and about to have a birthday... Gosh will you quit with the PMS!!! you are being such a girl!just be pickey and enjoy life...most people are b*tching b/c they DO have someone.

    And the guys I know personally, they are single because one is too full of himself, and the other can't get over his "soul mate" married someone else.

    I have no relationship advice, but southern girls are partial to being called food- as you know-
    hot pocket, pudding, sugar, honey,
    muffin- you get the idea.

    Otherwise start doing messy stuff and go for the girl with the handy wet wipe :)
    go get em' cowboy!

  17. Please tell me that you got that give and take between the Clerk and George off of the internet and not out of your head. :-)

  18. Someone has to be the unmarried guy when you re-enact The Big Chill.

  19. I know I'm tired, but didn't I just read somewhere else about changing relationship status on facebook... like on TC's blog?

    However, I will agree with you about those darn applications--why do they even exist?

    You need to take a road trip! I hear there's at least one single woman in each of the following: WI, Delhi, SC

  20. Well, I hear it's a good year to address those failed policies. ;0

    "I'm getting bored of Facebook. So don't invite me, throw a sheep or bite me. I hate applications. There are far too many and I don't use any..."

    Don't feel bad I dropped FB in college and never went back. There are way too man of them is right.

  21. A relationship recession! I love the phrase, and I'm stealing it forever.

    Join Sister #1's coworker just joined. He's been out with some cool people. Actually, I don't have any advice for you because I'm single too, and I'm in a relationship receesion. Maybe you need a trip? It always makes me feel better.

    Hey, TC is looking for someone. How do you feel about the north?

  22. Okay now that OK Chick brought up the whole meeting people through the internet I can say it. Why not do eharmony on steroids? Be the next Bachelor. They are looking. Think of all the posts you could get out of that. At least a hundred or more. Just thought I would throw that out there; food for thought.

  23. DailyPanic - That was like a relationship halftime pep talk. I'm ready to go! But first I'll need a nap.

    Murf - Well, your comment made me think of that scene. I knew George said "No complaints" but I had to look up the rest :)

    Doohickie - You've got a point.

    Sage - why do they even exist?

    Apparently, there are a lot of very bored people?

    Thanks. I'll enter those locations in my GPS device, which I've yet to acquire.

    Cooper - If I don't address them now, future generations of Bones will wind up paying for them, or not exist at all.

    OKC - No, you can't steal it forever. You can steal it for a year, but then I want it back. Gotta have it for next year's State of the Bone Address.

    And um, why don't you do

    PennyCandy - Eh, anytime I hear (or read) about someone who's doing or eharmony, it just seems like a long, frustrating string of bad dates and non connections.

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  25. Go to your profile. Select the 'Info' tab. Click the 'edit' button. Scroll down until you find the relationship status you desire.

    Seriously though, don't fret about being single. There are days I really hate not having someone but there are other days I'm so glad it's just me. I have a coworker who is the same age as me. She has a 13 year old daughter. (She started young. I'm not old enough to have a 13 year old. A 9 year old possibly.) When she learned we were both 28 (at the time) she sighed. She said she missed being single. I said I missed having a best friend. I think we will always wish for or miss things we had or want. We have to enjoy life no matter where we are.

    Speaking of backups, mine got married last year. The punk. We were going to wait until I turned 30 and then get married. My b-day is next week. So much for backup.

  26. I was the last in my group to get married, too. And, the last to have a kid. Back then, I found that the maternity ward was an excellent place to really feel lousy about it.

    Of course, now I know that I was envied!

  27. start with facebook first. then worry about realy life status. slowwwwwlyyy. every so slowly. nothing at all wrong with that.

  28. Charlotta - Eh, I went there. But there were six to choose from! I couldn't decide :)

    Mama Zen - Yep. I always hear the married people telling me I'm smart and to not be in any hurry. I'm starting to think maybe there's something to that.

    Shelby - Wait, if I change, is everyone going to be notified automatically? I don't want a lot of questions.