Monday, February 11, 2008

Thirtysomething On Ice

Saturday night, I did what I'm sure many 34-year-olds were doing on the weekend before Valentine's Day. I hit up the local ice rink for the Valentine Date Skate.

Admittedly, I was not aware of the Valentine Skate when I planned this outing. It was an unexpected bonus. Couples got in two for the price of one, which would have been really cool if I'd had a date. Or been willing to say Little Joe and I were a couple.

I'm not sure how it is where you live, but here, the ice rink tends to attract mainly younger visitors. I would say ninety percent of skaters were in the fifteen and under age range. So I felt right at home.

We wound up with a nice group of our own. Five guys, three girls, and three kids, none of which were mine--girls or kids. I'm fairly certain it's the second highest number of people I've ever got to come to anything. Second only to Festivus 2006, which attracted fourteen. Normally, when I try to plan something, it winds up being... well, let's just move on.

I was a bit nervous at first, as I hadn't been skating in over ten years. But once blade hit ice, it all came back to me. (Cue appropriate Celine Dion song.) It was like I had never left. Like I was born with bladed foot. Soon I was weaving in and out of traffic, knocking over little kids, gaining more and more speed, until... it all came crashing to a halt.

But here's an odd thing about me. And probably not the only one. I actually like falling when ice skating. It's fun. Kinda like the luge, except there's no hope of winning a gold medal. Fortunately, I fell right near the benches where people rest. When I looked up, there were like eight heads peeking over the rail at me. A couple of people asked if I was alright, then I heard one kid say, "Whoa! Cool!"

I almost fell a second time when some slow skaters cut in front of me. They really should have their own rink. Like the shallow end of the pool. I had to think quick to avoid planting some girl face first into the ice. It was a true "What Would Brian Boitano Do" moment. So, naturally, I made a plan and followed thru.

I grabbed her shoulders to twist myself sideways, then continued around and past her, while in the meantime completing the most awkward 360 in this history of ice sports. Think Rosie O'Donnell taking ballet. On second thought, don't. I just got a quick visual on that.

Wolfgang was a hoot to watch, too. (Did I really just use "hoot" on my blog? Good heavens, how old am I?) It was his first time ice skating. I don't think he ever let go of the rail for more than a couple of seconds. I tried explaining that he was going to fall. That most likely everyone who had ever gone ice skating had fallen. But apparently, he wasn't born with bladed foot.

Still, there must have been something about the feel of that rail. Or maybe it was the thrill of turning a lap every fifteen minutes. Because as we were getting ready to leave, someone mentioned that we should do this again sometime. And Wolfgang chimed in enthusiastically, "I'll come back anytime. I'll come back tomorrow night!"

I also took part in the Snowball Skate. It's not as fun as it sounds and there's no snow involved. (Yeah, I was not happy about that.) But I skipped out on Limbo On Ice. I figured I might be nearing my allotment of Brian Boitano heroics for one evening.

Overall, I think a fun time was had by all. I'm already looking forward to the Back To School Skate.

"When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics skating for the gold, he did two Salchows and a triple lutz while wearing a blind fold..."


  1. I think that for a supposedly heterosexual single male, you have a bit too much appreciation for Brian Boitano *er* Next thing you know, you'll be giving us some line about just being a thin, neat man and enjoying that in others 8-)

    I don't feel like breaking my Ctrl C and Ctrl V keys tonight, so I won't be picking out my favorite lines. Mostly, I just don't want you to have to word count a 646 word comment 8-) Even though you’d probably enjoy it.

    It’s really good to have you back: no one tells stories quite like you :)

    P.S. How old are you? I know your memory is going, but one would think you’d at least be able to say how old you are ;-) Happy 35th, Bone. Have a great birthday, and a wonderful year.

  2. Haven't been on the ice in ten years and already planning a rink for slow skaters

    You are a Bonehead :)

    Think it was a wonderful anti-Valentines Day post--but wouldn't it have been fun if you and Little Joe pretended to be a couple

    OK. Move on Pia
    Happy Birthday Bone. May it be an incredibly wonderful year

  3. I believe today is your birthday??? Your blog dedication will be up and running tomorrow.

    Good post. I haven't been ice skating in 10 years as well.

  4. First, how do you know so much about Brian Boitano? lol. Growing up I loved figure ice skaters so much that I named my stuffed animals after them.

    Um, I mean, I would have if I had. stuffed. animals...

    Oh, and I guess you've made it another 365 days. Congratulations!

  5. Love how you worked 34 in-stayed there until the last minute :)

    Mary Tyler Moore as Mary Richards had the worst parties in the world and she was very loved--and my personal SB

    Signed: one who stopped maturing at 32--turns out if you ask 10 people my age their emotional maturity age--9 will say 32. don't know why but...

  6. Happy 35th Birthday Bone!

    We went ice skating for my birthday last year and had a great time. DH hadn't been skating in a very long time (probably 20 years or more) but he did just fine too (and he was older than you are.)

    I wonder why Jerry never went ice skating? Perhaps he was too chicken.

  7. you make me smile! sounds like a blast-- it would have been better if you would have taken advantage of that entry discount.

    happy birthday!

  8. Hahaha, this made me laugh.

    Happy day to you today, Bone. I hope you have a great day.

  9. Sounds like a fun time was had by all who came! Thanks for the invite but I'm scarred from a horrific roller-skating date malfunction from 7th grade that turned me off of any sort of skating whether on blades or wheels. I am considering getting a pair of Heeleys though, but that's another story entirely.

    TC - HEY! I'm thin... and neat.

  10. TC: You've obviously never seen the South Park movie. Because you can't watch that and not have a greater appreciation for BB :)


    Honestly, I don't remember those first few birthdays, so I just have to trust what people tell me as far as my age goes.

    Pia: Actually, Bonehead sounds more like a name for members of my future fan club. Kinda like Parrot Heads :)

    I dunno. Maybe if it would have meant a savings of more than four dollars...

    Thank you.

    OK Chick: You believe correctly. A blog dedication? For me??? I had no idea this was in the works :) I'm honored.

    Charlotta: Just from that movie. I really don't know any other figure skaters. Except for Debi Thomas. And Dorothy Hamill. And Scott Hamilton. And Katarina Witt. OK, I'm gonna stop now.

    Thank you.

    Anonymous: Yeah, I figured I'd get all I could out of 34. So if MTM was your Scott Baio, who was your Seinfeld? Bob Newhart? :)

    Renee: Thank you. I dunno. You would think with the show being set in NY, there would have been an ice skating scene. Maybe Jerry was a little hesitant after the scuba diving incident. Also, he didn't walk too well in cowboy boots that time. So maybe skates would've been a bad idea :)

    Cami: Well, I tried calling one of the girls to see if she wanted to meet out front and walk in as a couple, but she didn't answer.

    Thank you :)

    Hotpink: Thank you. Spreading smiles and laughter is my goal.

    J-Mo: Sorry, I wasn't aware of your previous traumatic experience. I understand.

    And yes, very neat.

  11. Happy Birthday (probably belated at this point).

    I'm glad you had a good time ice skating. I haven't been since college. The boots hurt my feet so I doubt I'll do it again unless it's a special occasion.

    And why does no one ever document things like Wolfgang on Ice? Does no one you know (or even you) own a camera?

  12. I was going to hate you for "Soon I was weaving in and out of traffic, knocking over little kids, gaining more and more speed" until you finished your sentence. I am the anti-"born with bladed foot" person. Never went ice-skating without spraining an ankle, but there's a certain beauty to that, when you're young, female and surrounded by guys (mostly good-looking), who see the possibilities (and imagine coats of shining armour).

    How funny with the couple thing... Can you imagine if you'd pretended to be with one of the kids? (Smirk.) Of course, you'd probably have to register from thence forward in all 50 states. Or you could have claimed you were sharing the girl, and one guy had the first half the evening, and the other had the second... (to go with each of the kids). That would have blown the poor ticket-takers mind, now, wouldn't it?

  13. My Seinfeld is Ray Ramono--Everybody loves

    MTM taught me to be single. Was too young when she first came on--would laugh at 30 year old single women--then my marriage went south

    Everybody Loves Raymond teaches about life--hey I knew you when SB was 45 and single--and do remember....

  14. i suck at ice staking. i definitely wasn't born with bladed feet. i'm impressed with your boitano-esqueness.

  15. your birthday! i just now got that (helps if i read the comments BEFORE i contribute mine).


  16. Xinh: Thanks. Actually, it's not belated, it's right on time :)

    Well, I had my camera phone and thought of taking a shot or two of Wolfgang On Ice. Just never did.

    Gay: Yes, I got too confident.

    Exactly! My first time skating, I fell about twenty times the first lap around the rink. Eventually, two girls came over and helped me skate the rest of the evening :)

    Haha. I imagine that would've gotten a confused look and maybe something like "Uhh, go right on in."

    Anonymous: Yeah, SB is 46 & preggers now. I'm not sure I can get into it.

    Sizzle: Thank you, Sizzle! :)

  17. Hey Bone, it's me, TC, remember? Of course I haven't seen that movie 8-)

    However, as a little girl who loved figureskating, I have a huge appreciation for BB. I just wondered why you did O:)

    J-Mo: Did I goof up that Seinfeld line or is that just a Bone thing? :) Thanks for the information though: I'll tuck into to the "TC file on all bloggers." ;-)

  18. P.S. Um, isn't SB 46 and a Daddy? I've seen pics of the little one: cutie!!!!! :-)

  19. lol ok ok so that was great! I think I would have been clutching the rail with both hands as well! or would have made some guy feel VERY VERY useful...;)

    Cappy: Happy Birthday Bone!

    Tag: Happy Birthday to you....

  20. I have to agree with tc on the Boitano mention.. don't go there man.


    Did you go to Point Mallard Ice Rink? I used to go there ALL the time when I was in high school.. love love love ice skating.

  21. Lillith Tenille2/12/2008 08:38:00 PM

    I'm just sure we believe you weren't aware that it was Valentine Date Skate night at the rink. A player like yourself is bound to hit up the local hot spots to see how many women he can steal from their unsuspecting boyfriends. :) Just kidding, of course.

    I would have paid to see Wolfgang clinging for dear life to the railings. Though, honestly, it's a good tactic. He probably had high hopes that some cute girl would take pity on him and offer to be his shoulder to lean on. Perhaps instead of being childlike, he's ruthlessly shrewd. . . . hmmm, maybe not.

    I'm beyond glad to see you blogging again. Bone is back and better than ever. Happy Birthday!

  22. from my own experience I've noticed that it is dangerous to "help" someone else on the ice. I skated into DD's hand once trying to help her up. We now have a rule...if I'm helping, HANDS off the ice!

    oh and the Pepsi thing...I was already at 1 can. And I tried those little cans once, they were handy but expensive (same price as the big ones!) and drinking only half a can doesn't work as the rest just goes flat. So now, I'm just trying really hard to avoid it. Today was tough...instead of Pepsi, I had a cupcake!

  23. Well dang...happy birthday bone! Mines in two days! And we are both ice does come back...I love ice skating and I am quite impressed you even know who B. Boitano is!

  24. I tried ice skating once.. It was a dismal failure. I should have guessed it would be seeing as how I'm not so good at walking. Oh well.. Live and learn...

  25. nice evening there Bone--reminds me of the night I took my daughter and a friend bowling on the men's league night at the lanes--smoky and lots of beer and I couldn't drink with two eight year olds--it was terrible and drinking is the only way I know to make bowling bearable...

  26. Oh, and happy birthday too.

  27. TC: Well, now you know. It's a must see. Just be sure and not watch that one with your nephew.

    Um, I think he is now. But the show is filmed months in advance.

    Tagster: Guys like to feel useful. Aww, thanks for the birthday wishes. I'll always have a special connection with Captain Morgan... the fish, that is.

    Shelby: Glad you got a giggle out of that :) Yes, we did! They actually closed down the old one and rebuilt a new indoor rink right next to it. It's super nice.

    Lillith: Well, as far as getting a girl to help, I think falling draws more pity than just clinging to the rail continuously.

    Thank you. It's good to be back.

    Renee: Yeah, and if you're towing someone along, they tend to pull you down with them if they do fall.

    I LOVE cupcakes! What kind was it?

    Jeri: Aww, a Valentine baby! And I'm sure you're a much better skater than me. I can get around, but not a ton of style points :)

    Burg: My first time was baaad, too. I try and look at the bright side. At least YouTube wasn't around then :)

    Sage: Yeah, that's kind of the inverse of the night I had. Thirtysomethings in the midst of a hundred kids. Thanks for the birthday wishes.

  28. your dedication is up and running

  29. Blades of Glory came to mind when I first started reading. I think you should have been Joe's date! hahahahahahah

    I went roller skating a few years ago to see if I still 'got it'. I do. A little rusty, but it all comes back... but those little 6 year olds were skating circles around me! haha

  30. the cupcake was one of those "confetti cake" kind with vanilla frosting & sprinkles.

    Very yummy!

  31. Ew, ice skating...I've never been much of a fan. I think I have weak ankles too. The falling on cold, wet, ice, the possibility of getting fingers run over by sharp's all too scary. Now roller skating?!? I haven't done that in a while and am ready to go any time!!!

  32. What fun! But, um, Brian Boitano? Did you ever notice his thighs?? They were HUGE!

  33. A belated happy birthday to you, Bone.

    Do they still do the Hokey Pokey...?

  34. Great story! Happy birthday. You're on the downslide to 40! :-)

    I went roller skating a few weeks ago for a kiddie party. It was a blast. I had forgotten how it feels to be silly on wheels with disco balls and couples' skate.

  35. A belated Happy Birthday, Bone. Sorry, I seem to be late.

    I need a party.

    I stopped counting after 35!


  36. oh belated b'day wishes to you Bone, I didnt know..but loved this post. The few times i have been on an ice rink I have been dragged out as I was always falling flat! So I would rather read you than get on a rink again.

  37. Brian Boitano... whenever I hear that name I think of that song, "What would Brian Boitano do" lol WOooo!!

    As for valentine's day, you won't believe what I got my wife... check it out yo!

  38. OK Chick: Aww, thanks OKChick. That was very sweet of you.

    Kerry: Yeah, it comes back pretty fast. Yeah, you gotta be careful. You don't want to "accidentally" knock one ofthem out of the way :)

    Renee: Eh, not my fave. I like chocolate cake with white icing, or yellow cake with chocolate icing. Yummm!

    Carnealian: Aww, for some reason I had you pictured as a hockey fan. But yeah, weak ankles and ice skating don't go well together.

    Lass: No, I never noticed his thighs. And I'm pretty happy about that.

    R8chel: Thank you! No, there was no Hokey Pokey while I was there. Just the snowball skate and limbo on ice.

    Writerkat: Downslide to 40? Ugh. Yeah, it was like being young again. Until the next morning :)

    Gautami: Thank you! Stopping counting at 35 sounds like a fine idea to me :)

    UL: Feel free to ice skate vicariously through me :) Thanks for the belated birthday wishes.

    JavaBooBoo: Oh, I'm pretty sure I'll believe it. Very little you could say or do would surprise me at this point :)