Thursday, January 22, 2009

Bone snores on

Hello, you've reached Bone's blog. Bone is unable to blog right now because, well, it's January. You know the drill.


I tried to ward off the Januarys this year. I really did. The trip to New Orleans helped, for a few days. But alas, the Januarys have returned, as they invariably do.

Jan. You. Wary.

It gets dark too early for me to golf. College football is over. The Hills is over. And I didn't get a New Year's kiss for the second year in a row. But mostly, The Hills is over.

Plus, it's freaking cold. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. And all I want to do after work is come home and crawl under the covers where it's warm. I have, however, been running most any day that the temperature gets above forty. That's because I somehow managed to gain eight pounds over the holidays. And I would like to maintain my 33 waist so that I don't have to start buying 34's, rubbing off the 34 and writing in 33.

A typical January day for me goes something like this: Work. Come home. Put on pajama pants. Crawl into bed or lie on the couch and watch TV or a DVD. Go running. Shower. Fix supper. Crawl back into bed or lie on the couch and watch TV or a DVD.

How is that different from my routine the rest of the year? Well I'm glad you asked. My typical non-January day goes something like this: (And to make it easier for you, I've bolded any significant differences.) Work. Come home. Lounge in boxer shorts. Get on the computer. Go running. Shower. Fix supper. Get back on the computer.

So as you can see, it's quite different. I have a very full life. It's very full. Last night alone, I watched four episodes of The Office. I also used my iTunes gift card to purchase the timeless classic "Push It" by Salt-n-Pepa. I know, I couldn't believe I didn't already have it either!

The return of 24 has helped a little to ease the discontent of my winter. Jack Bauer is back. And having Tony Almeida return from being presumed dead was an unexpected bonus this season. I kinda miss doing my 24 recaps. I thought of so many hilarious (to me) asides while watching this week. Maybe I'll start live blogging it. Then again, that's kinda tough to do without a laptop, and without leaving the couch.

But don't cry for me. For January is but February's eve. And February brings Groundhog Day, my birthday and of course, Valentine's Day. No, I don't like Valentine's Day but it's something to blog about at least. Besides, not having a date on New Year's Eve is kind of a bummer. Not having a date on Valentine's Day is almost a relief.

Sure, February is still cold, but it's short. It's only like twenty days or something. After that is March (you know, in case you forgot the order of the months). And from there, it shant be long until I have warmth, I have fun, I have seasons in the sun.

For now, January doth toil on. I think it's safe to say that I would hibernate the entire month of January, if I were a bear. Also if I didn't have to pee every three to eight hours.

"All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray. I've been for a walk on a winter's day. I'd be safe and warm, if I was in L.A."


  1. I have to agree that this Jan has been a bummer for me too. Luckily I don't wear jeans that have their size branded on the back most of my friends didn't notice that they went up a size. And while I'm not a Resolutionist (I started my quest on Dec 29th, not Jan 1!!!), I have committed myself to getting back into the old size!

    So sorry you didn't get a new year's kiss. That's one of the perks of being married...unless one of you is out of town you're pretty much guaranteed the kiss. There are other perks as well.

    I've been toying with buying one of those electric throw an electric blanket for your bed, only you can throw it over you on the couch. If you had one then your couch could be as nice and comfy warm as your bed...then you could continue with your usual routine and no one would notice the boxer shorts cuz they would be covered up.

  2. Looks like someone has a case of the January's. ;)

    re: S&P - original or remix?

  3. No kiss on NYE? Unacceptable. You have to just kiss someone. Can't be picky. Just go for it.
    Valentine's is OBVIOUSLY a different story- must be VERY picky or psycho girls will start thinking you love them. Very bad.

    And, might I add, I am SUPER impressed that you run OUTSIDE when it's 40 degrees. That's truly absurd.

    It'll be 100 degrees in the shade in no time- get excited!

  4. I have them too. The sun is shining today, so that helps just a little, but I have days when I just want to get in the car and drive until I reach someplace warm and sunshiny. Any place at all will do. Just a few more days until February...maybe we'll make it :)

  5. In a bed in a house in snow-less Northern Alabama,
    Through the long, cold January sleeps a great writer Bone.
    Curled up in pajamas with his eyes shut tight,
    He sleeps all day, he sleeps all night.

    I hope your Januarys disappear soon, Bone. Just nine short (literally!) days until February shines on you.

    In the meantime, you can always visit The Hills for a little "warm up."

  6. I would have been more worried if you downloaded Salt N Pepa's Chick on the Side

    And has the thought of perhaps the lack of a date is due to wearing boxer shorts?

    Just trying to help. :-)

  7. This is hysterical. I laughed out loud. Thanks

    Something about Bone I didn't know was in this post

    Besides you and Obama having the same waist size. Didn't know that but should have guessed

    The king of cool and the king of blogging about nothing....ha

  8. Renee - Why has it been a bummer for you? Just because you haven't been getting as much Facebook time lately? :)

    Yeah, or I could get a Snuggie. Of course, that would pretty much guarantee that I'd never get married.

    Balou - Funny you should ask that. I was thinking that "Push It" didn't sound exactly as I remembered it. So I think I might have bought the remix instead of the original. Argh! I just got whatever iTunes had ranked as the most popular version.

    Cami - So I need to be very picky on Valentine's? I had no idea. Maybe I should start consulting you for relationship advice :)

    Andrea - Hear, hear! And why does the year have to start with the absolute worst month?

    Jennifer - Yeah, we'll make it. I guess it helps to know we're not alone :)

    TC - That was a nice visual. Had sort of a Night Before Christmas vibe. You could call it 'Twas The Night Before February.

    Murf - Chick On The Side? I don't think I even wanna know :)

    So boxers are bad? I'm quite certain it was a girl that convinced me to switch from briefs to boxers many years ago.

    Pia - Thanks :)

    I have the same waist size as Obama?? Yes! That just brightened up my January a bit.

    What else did you not know about me?

  9. Not telling :) But my sister happened to mention that Obama is a 33 waist and 40 long this morning in our never ending discussion of his grace and wonder. I could have read that 200 times and probably did and it wouldn't register but in conversation....

    And I have Obama to thank for everybody in my family getting along. When the conversation might turn weird we just talk about him

    Sorry for writing a post in your comments but my poor blog....

  10. I don't get 24... I tried, i watched it a few times, but couldn't....

    and it is wayyyyyy tooo cold in LA (lower alabama) these days!

  11. I'm afraid to tell you this but I think she said that only to keep other females away from you. ;-)

  12. Murf: Noooooooo! Don't give him bad advice! Seriously, he'll start to think Sage was right about you being trouble :)

    Bone: Don't listen to Murf: boxers are wayyy better than briefs. Seriously.

  13. Pia - I think I'm a 40 long! Lemme check... No, I'm a 42 long. My long arms always bump me up a size.

    Oh, feel free to blog here anytime.

    Daily Panic - Ahh, LA. Haven't heard that one in awhile :) We finally warmed up a bit here today. It got up to around 50, I think. But yeah, Monday thru Wednesday... brrrrr.

    Murf - Well, that's entirely possible. And believe me, don't think I haven't thought of that. But still, I can't see running around the house in briefs. It just seems... wrong.

    TC - Well, this is only serving to confuse me more. Maybe I should take a poll.

  14. January is tough for me - has been for a while. It seems like Christmas was 3-1/2 years ago.

    it's the blah zone. come 'on february 14 - a holiday.. not my favorite mind you, but a holiday nonetheless.

  15. You should go to graduate school. My January has been too busy for me to blog. :o(

    Oooh, ooh, or start training for a triathlon. Just getting into that frigid water will make you, well, appreciate that bed much more.

  16. Yeah I don't like this month either. I have had to stay inside EVERY day because it has been too cold to take your godson out.

    I didn't get a New Years kiss either... of course we were both asleep by 9. HA HA!

  17. Boy Bone, you wouldn't last up here long... And you'd be hacking from the dirty air in LA. As for Murf's comment, and now that I'm offending everyone, boxers are great to wear when you're trying to pick up Mormon coeds--at least that's what I've been told.

  18. Sage, I think you need to elaborate on why that is. :-)

  19. It sounds like you are more active in the non-January months. But I agree with you. January draggggs!

  20. Shelby - I'm not sure exactly why February makes things better, but it does.

    Charlotta - I've considered doing a triathlon. Then I remember trying to swim laps last year at the Olympic sized city pool. After four laps, I felt like I'd swam twelve miles.

    Mrs. R - Haha. Well that makes me feel a little better.

    Sage - OK, that wasn't helpful. Intriguing, a bit. But not helpful.

    Murf - I hope you already know this story. Otherwise, this feels like a be-careful-what-you-wish-for kind of thing :)

    OKChick - Yes, I'm definitely more active from February through at least November. Maybe this really is my form of hibernation.

  21. I feel the exact same way, Bone...thanks for making me laugh on this dreary January day! :~)

  22. I love the idea of hibernating through January!

  23. "not having a date on New Year's Eve is kind of a bummer. Not having a date on Valentine's Day is almost a relief." I agree! I feel this pressure on VD that is absurd! I think VD should be everyday you feel romantic! =]

    Have a great weekend!

  24. I feel safe in my belief that Sage would NEVER have the nerve to tell that story with all the gory details. A light overview, perhaps.

    How about boxer briefs? It's a new invention. You might like.

  25. My 2 cents:
    1) I will mock you mercilessly if you buy a Snuggie!
    2) It's raining this weekend, but last weekend, I was wearing shorts and a tshirt whenever I went outside to walk the dog. It was hot. That's why I love Los Angeles.
    3) Boxer briefs are made of the awesome. They have the roominess of a boxer, but the "control" of tightie whities (or so I've been told since, obviously, I don't wear them). And I don't know if this is a concern you have, but they sort of make "the package" look a bit bigger.

  26. You know what? I hate Februarys even more than Januarys. To me they always seem like the longest month, but they're actually the shortest. Hate em.

  27. Hang in there, January's winding down and I'm sure Feb's gonna be a better month for you. Warmer and stuff.
    Love the line from Seasons in the Sun. That's one of my favorite songs. My sisters and I used to sing it at the top of our lungs while riding in the back of the pickup (when that was still legal!)

  28. Fledgling Poet - You're welcome. Thanks for letting me know I made you laugh.

    Mama Zen - Me, too. It's just one fo the reasons I'm jealous of bears.

    Artist Formerly Known As - Yes! That's what I've been saying for years. If you're in love, everyday should be a celebration of that.

    Murf - I've done some field testing with boxer briefs. The results were inconclusive, at best.

    Besides, I've got like twenty-five pair of boxers. I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to a complete overhaul of my underwear drawer.

    Xinh - 1) I would mock myself.
    2) OK, I'm a little jealous.
    3) Wow. I think we crested TMI Mountain a ways back and now we're careening downhill towards the Point Of No Return :)

    Maybe I'll just take a poll.

    Southie - Well, you're on your own with that one. I already hate January and I couldn't handle hating two months, especially back to back.

    Paula - Aww, I bet that was cute :) I remember riding in the back of trucks when I was younger, but I don't recall singing.

  29. Delightful post, Bone. I don't like January much either because it's too cold and I hate VD. At least my husband is understanding of this. I'm sorry you didn't get a NY's kiss. Maybe next time. Third time is the charm, they say. Lastly, nothing wrong with boxers... I'm just sayin'. Have a nice night.

  30. I don't feel sorry for you in the least, living as I do where the leaves are not only brown, but the temperature in in the 20's.

    When does it get hot there Bone? March? ;)

    That you had actually heard that song, "The Pill", amazed me. I thought I had made the discovery of a lifetime.

  31. January is dreary. Right now we're being blessed with a lovely ice storm which is sending everyone to their hidey holes. Lovely. Being all cooped up in my house against my will. arghhh!