Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Expectant mothers, Nintendo, & the bachelor

Well, I haven't been blogging much lately. That could be attributed to a number of things, such as being exhausted from NaBloSoThaDraWe, which with at least two participants including me was a rousing success. (Thanks, Eileen.) But I think mostly it comes down to the fact that I haven't been typing things in this box and hitting publish much lately. I've done that like zero times in the past ten days.

It was quite an eventful weekend for me, though. Friday night, I hung out with the Darryls. We did your typical guy stuff. Shot pool, discussed the latest happenings on General Hospital, and even sang a bit of karaoke without music. (I know what you're saying. Is it still considered karaoke without the music, Bone? And all I have to say to that is, probably not.) It was all very manly though, not that I needed to clarify that or anything.

Saturday night, I went to a friend's 40th birthday celebration. At some point in the evening, I found myself in a not uncommon position for a bachelor, wedged between two pregnant women. Not physically. Well, sort of. Anyway, that was even more fun than it sounds.

Unfortunately, I didn't plan ahead, and had no signal to get me out of a conversation, such as head patting or chicken wing. So there I sat, as they discussed contractions, itchy stomachs, minivans, and dilations. Who knew pregnancy affected the eyes!

I found myself unable to contribute much to the conversation, since my gynecology knowledge is pretty much limited to Nuvaring commercials. But I wanted to learn what I could, figuring it could always come in handy later. So during a break in the conversation, I chimed in with, "So what exactly does a contraction feel like?" Not long after that, I went over and started petting the dog.

After the party, I went back to Kywana's for a bit. It's what the kids call the "after party." They had downloaded Super Mario Brothers for the Wii, so we were all taking turns playing. Then when it got to Kywana Junior's turn to play, she asked her mother, "What do I do?"

Oh my gosh. She's never played. It was like I had stepped on a rake and the handle smacked me in the face. Except that I didn't cry. I was sad for her at first, because she had never played Super Mario Brothers. Then I was sad for me, because I was old.

All turned out well though. It wound up being sort of like a little video game history lesson. Early Mario World Civilization 101: The Origins Of Mario Kart.

Tune in next time when I offer Bone's Helpful Lamaze Tips. And also provide an editorial commentary on why Luigi got the shaft. Or maybe I'll just blog about the Olympics.

"Her boyfriend, he don't know, anything about her. He's too stoned, Nintendo. I wish that I could make her see, she's just the flavor of the weak..."


  1. Even if you're a woman, sitting between two pregnant women is no fun if you've never had children. The TMIs just get worse, and, by the end, they've scared you off having children...ever.

  2. Speaking of GH, word on the street is that Sonny Corinthos is leaving!! I can't EVEN handle that!!

  3. I participated in NaBloSoThaDraWe as well, twice, but without labels. I couldn't remember all of the labels and didn't want to have to copy/paste...

    I think you're braver than I am to sit between two pregnant women at a party. Those happy party hormones can change a little two quickly for me.

  4. I could describe what a contraction feels like for you. But I think all your female readers would never want children and all your caring male readers would never want to put someone they love through labor!

  5. hahahahaha. Oh Bone you make me laugh. Thanks for being you.

  6. 121648, etc. - Ah yes, TMI. That's the acronym I was looking for. It wasn't that bad really. I think they were being considerate of me. I have a feeling it could have been much worse.

    Cami - That would definitely be a big deal. Maurice... I mean, the actor that plays Sonny, is starting to get bored with the role... I heard.

    TC - Couldn't remember? And after I went thru all the trouble of shortening it down to make it easy.

    Renee - Is it anything like hitting a home run in softball? Cause I hit a whopper last week.

    HotPink - Thanks! Who else would I be? Well, besides Jason Morgan.

  7. Thanks for making me laugh :) Really needed to.

  8. Poor you. I don't even like to be wedged between pregnant women, women that have children that seem to be running rampant around me while screaming, or women in general. Their children or pregnancy consumes them. Their married life consumes them. I frankly have other things to talk about. You guys could come over and play Rock Band with us!

  9. LOVE Super Mario Bros! It's the only game I was ever able to beat. And, somehow, I'm better when I'm drunk!

  10. ummm no. more like getting hit with the bat in the gut by someone trying to hit a homerun.

  11. just think... a few short months and you can be ooing and ahing over the baby pictures,, wishing desperately someone had an atari handy.......

  12. Bless your heart! Those pregnant women are terrible! :) In about 96 hours, I won't be "one of them" anymore! Prepare for your Godfather duties! LOL

  13. You always make me laugh :)

  14. First off...please don't blog about the Olympics! I'm sick of reading about them every time I log into the computer (you'd think TV was enough). I'm kidding. If blogging about the Olympics makes you feel better, go for it! As for pregnant women, God, I'm sorry. That had to have been a disaster. I'm so happy to be a man sometimes. We sort of have it kind of easy, don't we?

  15. Glad you made it out to the party anyways... just FYI, it was my sis that was one of the pregger chicks that had Bone hemmed in.

  16. Good lordy sir Bone. Take my advice, if ever you should be in the middle of two pregnant women mid-conversation again, just nod your head and throw in an "ouch, bet that hurt" and an "I hear they're doing wonderful things in modern medicine these days." You'll be fine.

  17. After that conversation, I think you might know more about having children than I do. haha. Although I once had a friend tell me that giving birth hurt less than a migraine. I've had plenty of migraine's so I feel somewhat prepared for the painful experience.

  18. Pregnant women scare me...or at least they did...until I was one. Yeah, nothing changes faster than a pregnant woman's hormones!

  19. You're funny, Bone. The party conversation sounds like an episode in a sitcom (or maybe a soap opera)

  20. Pia - You're welcome. Hopefully, I'm good for a laugh every week or two.

    Carnealian - For real. I mean, you don't see me talking about golf or General Hospital all the time

    Coconut - I used to be able to beat it. But I only made it to World 8-1 this particular night.

    Renee - Oh, OK. But it is related to baseball :)

    Paisley - I have an Atari Flashback. After reading your comment, I got it out and played Pong.

    Mrs. R - What exactly do my Godfather duties entail? And I don't wanna see the D word anywhere in your answer :)

    Shelby - Aww, thanks.

    Sean P. - No giving birth and we can easily pee outside. Yeah, I guess we do have it easy.

    J-Mo - Yes. It was also your sister who I asked without thinking, "Are you expecting?" I was SO glad she said yes.

    Big Man - Haha. I almost said, "That doesn't sound so bad." But figured that wouldn't be too wise.

    Krista - Wow, really? I have migraines, too.

    Jen - Yeah, I just try to steer clear and not make them want to hit me :)

    Sage - Let's go with sitcom. There would have been a bit more drama, say an angry ex randomly appearing or something, if it were a soap opera... I'm guessing.