Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Professor Clink did it, with an 8 iron, in the fairway

"Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle." ~ Unknown

The wind was angry that day, my friends. Like Dick Cheney on any given day. We were on the eighth hole, a short par four with water just in front of the green. I had hit my tee shot down the right side of the tree-lined fairway and was lying about 120 yards from the hole.

Figuring I needed about 110 yards to safely carry the water, I chose an 8 iron for my approach shot, just wanting to make sure I got it over. I was staring directly into a blinding sunset so that after I hit it, I couldn't see the flight of the ball at all. I felt like I caught it cleanly and was fairly confident I had at least cleared the water. And then...


My ball had struck the flagstick! It was my own little occasional miracle. The rare amazing shot that keeps the avid but mediocre golfer coming back again and again and again.

I started towards the hole breaking into sort of a jubilant trot, and may or may not have pumped my fist and yelped a little. Shielding my eyes from the sun, I could see it there on the green. It had rolled about ten feet left of the hole.

Of course, I missed the birdie putt and tapped in for par. But still, it was the single greatest shot of my short golf career thusfar.

And that's exactly the story I'm going to tell my firstborn when he or she asks what happened to their college fund.

(Also, if you got the incredibly bad Clue joke in the title, well, I apologize.)

"These old dog days of summer, lord I'll be glad when they're gone. It's too hot to fish, and too hot for golf..."


  1. OK, so educate me... how do you pick which club to use, when? Everyone always seems to just know, but I'm quite frankly clueless. (Yes, about many things.)

    Sorry you missed the birdie... perhaps you need to pull a Happy Gilmore and practice your putting a bit at the mini golf course? Complete with yelling "Go in the hole!" of course O:)

    Oh yeah, and perhaps you should skip ONE round of golf one of these weeks and invest in a pair of sunglasses? It might be a wise investment, saving your eyes and such for many more years of golf. I mean, how sad would it be if you could no longer see the little white ball at all? :) (Not to mention watching your first born hitting his or her first hole-in-one...)

  2. First I'm picking myself off the floor. BONE is POSTING AGAIN!!! no wonder it feels chilly today. ;)

    Congrats on your great shot. That's awesome. Perhaps you should start an investment account for your golf could do that for your child's college fund too...even w/o child or wife to speak of. LOL!

    oh and TC...when you play golf, you learn how far each of your clubs goes. this info is vaguely remembered from having to learn golf in high school PE class... 10 grade!!! I won't tell you how long ago that was, but I'm almost 10 years older than Bone.

  3. Wow, have to get up early to keep with you

    I particularly like the faith you have to remake the college fund money--considering your marital status and relative youth as Renee sort of pointed out :)

    I wish we had to learn golf. We had to learn field hockey--a skill that takes nobody far

    Love the first two lines :) get the Professor Clink reference--good or bad thing?

  4. Sorry, as soon as I saw the word GOLF I nodded off.

  5. On a good day, I can get a basketball through the hoop. That's with me standing within 10 feet of it and without using anything other than my hands.

    You're talking about an activity that requires the use of a stick, a much (much much much) smaller ball and hundreds of feet between myself and the hole.

    You've *got* to be kidding.

    Why do you torture yourself this way??

  6. TC - You just sort of learn as you go. We usually wind up comparing ourselves more often to Roy McAvoy in Tin Cup :)

    I have sunglasses. I'm not sure playing in them would work all that well, though I've never tried.

    Renee - I know. Shocking, isn't it? I'm not sure what's going on around here.

    Yes, but if I invested all that, I would have no money to play golf now. And therein lies the Catch 22. I guess I could cash in all these checks my Nana sends me every year from Chemical Bank.

    Pia - Field hockey? Were you any good? Seems like we played hockey inside the gym, with brooms and a little wooden block.

    Let's just say it's a good thing and not analyze it further :)

    Scarlet Hip - Augh! I knew I should have put that quote closer to the end.

    Avery - It can be frustrating at times, no doubt. More like 98.5% of the time, actually.

    "I hate this game" can be heard frequently being uttered during a round of golf, among other things.

  7. I have so got to try golf. Beautiful days for it lately!

  8. FUUUUUUUUNNN!!!! Congratulations. I could never hit the ball more than a few feet in front of me.... but I drink when I golf... maybe that has something to do with it...

  9. Renee: We were forced to hit the ball off the tee in high school while in the golf unit, but that was about it. As I struggled to do that, I never worried about anything beyond that.

    Bone: I loved that movie :)

    Give the sunglasses during your next round a try... most of my guy friends that golf all do so while wearing 'em, so unless your head is abnormally shapped or something, I would think you'd manage to pull it off as well O:)

  10. Kontan - Some people actually say it can be too hot for golf. I say, nonsense!

    Blondie - A few feet isn't so bad, as long as you're putting ;)

    TC - I have watched a golfer who shall remain nameless hit at least six balls in a row into a lake, from the same spot on the same hole. It's very easy to get into that "I'm gonna do this regardless if it costs me my dignity, pride, family, and every ball in my bag" mentality, for some reason.

  11. This article made me think of you.