Sunday, December 08, 2013

And they shall call his name...

I figure one of the most important decisions I will ever make is what to name my kids.

Right now, my life is all Frosted Flakes or Apple Jacks, NCIS reruns or Golf Channel, and take out the trash or see just how much more I can stack on top of the can without it falling.  (FYI, my record is 2 ft. 4 inches above the rim, wall-aided.)

But someday that will, in theory, change.  My decisions will begin to mean more, have more lasting consequences.  And I gotta tell ya, that freaks me out a little.

I'm pretty sure they hand out manuals at the hospital that give you tips on how to raise your kids.  But no one tells you how to name your kids.  

Oh sure, there's the Big Book of 60,000 Baby Names, but that's got like a thousand names.  Who among us can choose just one?  I have enough trouble trying to decide what kind of cereal to have.

So today I am relieved to be able to say I have made this important decision.  I have picked out names for my kids.  And I will reveal those to you now, with the understanding that you agree to sign a non-compete agreement at the end of this post stating that you will not steal my names.

If it is a boy, they shall call his name.... Luke.

Pros: It's Biblical.  It's one of the Dukes of Hazzard.  Also, easy to spell if he's not very studious.  And for every day of his life, I can (and will) say in a Darth Vader voice, "Luke.... I am your father."

Cons: There are no cons.

OK, I have to admit I stole that idea from Facebook.  But my girl name I came up with all by myself, as I'm sure you will have no trouble believing.

If it is a girl, they shall call her name.... Adrian.

Pros: About once a week when I'm letting her out at school, I'll purposely hide her lunch or a book or something, so that she "forgets" it.  Then just as she's almost to the door, in the midst of all her peers, I'll roll down the window and yell in my best Sylvester Stallone voice, "Yo, Adriaaaaaaaan!!!!!  You forgot your protractor."

Talk about years and years of fun.

Cons: Again, there are no cons.  For me, anyway.

I'm so thankful to have this major life decision behind me.  Now all I have to do is get their mother to go along with this.

But today, that seed has been planted.

Actually, that's probably a poor choice of words.

"Some gal would giggle and I'd get red / And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head / I tell you, life ain't easy for a boy named Sue..."


  1. Doesn't Luke also have a General Hospital connection? Bonus!

  2. I laughed so hard I cried at the last two lines.

  3. As someone who already has his offspring created, let me let you in on a little secret. Once you get married, every baby name you ever thought of goes out the door and is deemed as hideous. It didn't take us too long to come up with a 'shared' name for our first one but the second one was about 8 months of back and forth followed by days of letting it simmer. After we agreed, the baby came the following week. It was cutting it pretty close.

    P.S. I'm surprised 'Six' didn't make the list!

  4. Luke? Yes.

  5. Yeah, right....just wait. The mother of your kids will likely have had her name(s) picked out since she was a girl...and unless your names and her names agree, get ready for an interesting time. I like the thought that went into your choices though. :-)

  6. Susan ~ Yes! Thank you. How could I have forgotten that?! That should have been the #1 pro for Luke.

    TC ~ Thank you. Actually, the rest of the post was just filler leading up to those two lines.

    Ed ~ I figured I'd just wait until she was heavily sedated and write whatever name I wanted on the card. Better to ask forgiveness than permission, right?

    PS: I thought it was "Seven."

    Cami ~ Well, my only other girl idea is "Saban." And from the test surveying I've done, I'm fairly certain that's not gonna fly.

    Cindy ~ ...just wait.

    You know, I seem to get that a lot when it comes to marriage and kids.

    Do you think I could at least have Adrian as a middle name? That way, I could still call her Adrian.

  7. Funny, I had names picked out since I was a little girl...but when I found out that my one very favorite name would be all rhymy with our last name it was cut.
    I too thought that Seven would be on your list. Perhaps it got cut because one of your not even close friends took it?
    btw: DH got no REAL choice in the naming because his name choices were DUMB!!! As a concession I allowed him to pick the middle name but I had final approval. Just warning you. ;)

  8. Adrian as a middle name could be a possibility, but you'll have to see if it makes sense with the first name choice....and if you're allowed at all, of course. You do know that Adrian is a popular boys name as well, right?

  9. But, don't forget the all important middle name. It's gotta be something that can be hollered and heard half a section line away.

  10. Luke from Star Wars: Magical superhero who helped reform his father and save the galaxy.

    Luke from General Hospital: serial rapist.

    Something to consider.

  11. You can always ask me : ) I'm sure the mother of your child will really appreciate that!

  12. Oh you can spell a name anyway you please of course. But Adrian is a unisex name and that spelling is usually the male version with Adrienne being the female.
    But my cousin Loren is a girl so....

  13. I suggest that if you have siblings, you practice by having a hand in naming their kids first. Like... Denise if it's a girl and Denephew if it's a boy. ;) Yeah old joke but when else could I ever use that punchline?

  14. Hilary I thought that very funny but I think Bone would insist on Nephew Bone #1; Nephew Bone #2 and if there is a girl--Neice Bonette

    I'm turning my computer off as I'm getting too silly

  15. For the record, Luke from GH wasn't a SERIAL rapist. He only raped ONE woman the ONE time. Which, yes, was horrible, but let's not make it worse by implying he raped multiple women.

  16. Also, I agree with Cindy that if you think you're going to get your way with naming your kids what YOU want without consulting the wife, you are sadly mistaken. Unless you start manipulating the wife from the day you find out she's pregnant, it's really her choice. I mean, she's the one who's carrying said baby and then going through the excruciating labor. I'd say she deserves to name the baby whatever she wants and to hell with you. :)

  17. I really thought that there were two or three women he had attacked. I could be mixing soap lines. My bad. Still...Team Skywalker.

  18. Actually, I like Adrian. It's not trendy, it's pretty and I always thought Talia Shire played a really good character in the movies. Glad to hear you also spend a great deal of your life (time suckage) watching NCIS. Speaking in Star Wars parlance, as many of these comments have, Gibbs is my Yoda!

  19. Renee ~ Seven is actually my backup plan. As in, "OK, fine, I'll compromise and we'll just name our kid Seven."

    So what was your very favorite name? Jeffy? Chief? Queaf? Motif? Mulva?

    Cindy ~ So you're nixing Adrian Balboa right off the bat? :)

    Mama Zen ~ So true!

    Heidi ~ Serial? I only remember the one.

    Pia ~ "Honey, I surveyed my blog readers and..." Yes, I'm sure that'll go over just fine :)

    And yes, I know, but Rocky!

    Hilary ~ I love your joke! In fact, I may very well steal it and use it as my own. By the way, have I ever told you my favorite reindeer joke?

    Xinher ~ That's what I was thinking. And that turned into the greatest love story in daytime television history, yea, maybe even in the history of the world.

    Well, there's still the wait-until-she's-heavily-sedated plan... no?

    Heidi ~ OK, according to the soap character storylines I just spent forty minutes reading, there was only one.

    Jill ~ Thank you! Plus, the school thing would be funny, right? Also, I've always liked the name Jill.