Tuesday, December 03, 2013

The real meaning of NoShavember

Thirty days had NoShavember.  I made it through eleven.  It just got too itchy. (That's what she said?)

There shall be no pictures because, well, that would only serve to embarrass myself, as well as possibly some of my family.  Also, I did not take any.  That's a lie.  I took a couple, but the hair wasn't showing up to my satisfaction, so I deleted them.  Must've been bad lighting.

However, the entire experience has given me a new-found respect for the guys in ZZ Top, Duck Dynasty, and my uncle Carl.

I saw that many of the people participating in NoShavember were doing so to raise awareness for some charity or cause.  This sounded like an excellent idea.  So I dedicated my NoShavember to raising awareness of my own laziness, which was, ironically, the main reason I was even participating in the first place!

But it wasn't the only reason.

Once in a while a guy just needs to grow some hair on his face.  Amiright, guys?  Just to prove he can, or maybe for no reason at all. 

You see, those fertile facial fields are the last bastion of male expression and self-experimentation.  Sure, we still have the toilet, but no one gets to see what we do in there.  (FYI, it's mostly reading and pondering our how our life turned out like this.  Maybe an occasional nap.)

These little beard and moustache excursions?  This is all we have. 

We understand women are ultimately going to get their way in pretty much every other decision.  (I'm sorry my future son that I hope to have, if you're reading this, but it's true.)  We know your little ploys.  We know you got rid of our favorite shirt from 1987 and then pretended to be all dismayed and you "don't know WHAT could have possibly happened to it."

But somewhere along the way, a deal must have been struck, perhaps a line drawn.   Men said, "Enough!" 

You can put your frilly rugs and decorative lamps and froufrou throw pillows all over the house.  You can throw away our twenty-year-old clothes when we're at work.  You can even force us to begrudgingly pose for pictures and post them to your precious Facebook wall.  But this -- *admiringly rubbing my chin* -- this is where it ends.

So next time you see a guy sporting facial hair, no matter how hideous or 1970's-porn-star-ish it may be -- and it will be -- perhaps you'll have a little more compassion, maybe even a modicum of respect for those amber waves of keratin. 

Remember, he's just exercising his right to be a man.  In the only way that he knows.  The only way that he has.  Putting his manhood on display for all the world to see.

"They come runnin' just as fast as they can / 'Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man..."


  1. I shaved. Aint nobody got time for that!

  2. I know I have told you this before. But I must repeat it--in the only way I know how to: you're sick. and a damned good writer. and send me a picture : )

  3. You know about the t-shirts??? Damn! ;)

    Funny stuff. :)

  4. I don't think I will ever have respect for the porn 'stache, but the phrase "amber waves of keratin."? I have plenty of respect for that.

    Good to see another Bone post so quickly :) Keep it up.

  5. I can throw out old clothes without asking first? Oh, the power, the power...

  6. MarkD ~ Since this, I actually have cut my shaving back from once every 1-2 days to once every 3-4 days. And no one even seems to notice/care!

    Pia ~ All credit (and blame) goes to my mentor.

    Hilary ~ Oh, we know.

    We also know there's probably not a whole lot we can do about it.

    TC ~ Yes, respect the phrase. Thank you.

    Heidi ~ If anyone asks, you didn't hear that here.

  7. "Amber waves of keratin"...haha! It's great to see you here again, Bone. And, for the record, I've actually stolen some of my husband's "vintage" t-shirts to wear for myself. My favorite: a blue Bose t-shirt that I wore for workouts for many years. :)

  8. Just so you know, I participated in NoShavember also...only I stopped shaving my legs back in September. I finally shaved yesterday. No one has noticed as my now bare legs are safely hidden under flannel. Probably very poor timing as it is only 5 degrees outside.

  9. Weighing in here to note that women are also surprisingly able to grow facial hair (oy) and are, in rare cases, not needing to be right.

    ...all of which is to say, hi.

    From a hairy, wrong woman.

  10. I'm back--to be a bit obnoxious. Occasionally, I'm posting to a password-protected blog; I've realized I need to write about my teaching life sometimes, and so that's where I'm posting.

    Anyhow, if you have any interest in reading such stuff, here's the latest post (the password for this one is: topics)


  11. Is that what you call it: NoShavemeber? It's Movember around here. Same deal though.

    I have worn a beard for most of my adult life. Especially in my jowly older age, it becomes a useful cover. My wife actually likes it, so I guess I'm just doing what she wants -- as in all things.

  12. Glad you included the lyrics at the end. I was thinking' 'em.
    Great post!!
    Congratulations on the POTW.

  13. Well, I just celebrated my 25th Noshavember... but this comment about those of us with beards looking like 70ish porn stars... well, maybe I should ask you about Auburn's ability to run back missed field goals

  14. Sherri B ~ Thank you. Speaking for men, if I may, we much prefer you wear our clothes than toss them :)

    Renee ~ I may have trouble getting that visual out of my head.

    Jocelyn ~ I've heard that about the facial hair, but didn't think it wise to comment.

    Also, may I use "Jocelyn said sometimes women are wrong" in a future argument?

    Anvilcloud ~ Ah, I hadn't heard it called Movember, but now that I google it, I see it's basically the same thing. And I would definitely always go with what your wife says over anything I say, for sure.

    Jackie ~ Thank you! Thanks for stopping by.

    Sage ~ Ouch. I never thought my longtime blogging friend, the future inventor of the iSage app, would kick me while I was down. Murf, I would have expected this from. But not you.