Friday, March 11, 2011

Carrying a torch

What does Bone's title refer to today? Oh, well, let's see, it could be anything. It could refer to the Olympics. An old flame, maybe. Or perhaps his new blowtorch side business. All are stimulating possibilities. They're also all wrong.

Today's title refers to my latest foray into the world of technology. After three-and-a-half years, two roller balls and three batteries with my previous phone, I decided it was time to make a change. Tuesday morning's sticky roller ball episode was the last straw. So I went to the AT&T store.

I'm proud to announce you're looking at new owner of a Blackberry Torch. Oh sure, they tried to talk me into an iPhone, but I stood my ground. I played with the iPhone some, but I kept misspelling words. And if there's one thing I wouldn't be able to live with, it's that. Can you imagine me sending email after email with misspelled words? Me?!?! I think not.

Besides, as a dear friend of mine said, "You're an old man. You like the qwerty keyboard. You don't like change." To which I replied, "Exactly."

No newfangled touch-screen keyboard for me. I'll stick with my ol' trusty slide-out qwerty, thankyouverymuch. Anyway, I'm not so big on being on the cutting edge of technology. I'm much more comfortable back here in the meaty part of the curve -- not showing off, not lagging behind.

Every single iPhone person I've ever talked to has said something to the affect of, "I love my iPhone. I could never go back to anything else." It's almost like they're all trained to say the same thing. I don't want to be like that. Next thing you know, they'll be like those Harley riders, who only wave at the other Harley riders. Oh, like you're so special because you have a motorcycle, you can't be bothered to wave at the lowly car people. (Just kiddin' bikers... really.)

Without realizing it, we've become a society divided into classes based on our cellular profile. You have the iPhone people, aka the Glitterati, followed by the Blackberryists. I'm not sure what you call us. Stubborn, perhaps. I prefer loyal. Then there are the rebel non-mainstream smartphone people -- Droids, Androids and the like. These are your 21st Century hippies.

Next are the non-smartphone people, the upper middle class of our techno-age caste system, who think a phone should be used for things like, oh I don't know, making a call. They probably think those of us who treat our smartphones as another appendage need to get out of the technology beltway and remember what it's like to, oh I don't know, speak to someone in person. Weird, I know.

The next classification would be people like my Mom, who only recently figured out how to send a text message. If you never learned how to program a VCR, you're likely to find yourself in this class.

Lastly, we have those who don't own a cell phone at all. These Tibetan-monks-of-technology have to rely on someone stopping to help them if their car breaks down, stop for directions if they get lost, and never have to worry about overage charges, texter's thumb, or anyone calling them when they're on vacation.

My friend LJ falls in this class. Although I found out today that he just got a DVR, which has me questioning everything I thought I knew about everything.

Who knows why these phone-Mennonites do what they do. Maybe there are religious reasons. Perhaps they just enjoy depriving themselves of things. Or maybe, just maybe, there is something deeper. Something the rest of us cannot understand.

Ah, but who has time to worry about such things? I have a new phone and I'm kind of addicted to Word Mole already.

My name is Bone, and I carry a Torch. You can reach me by email, text, AIM, Google Talk, Facebook, Blackberry Messenger, and... probably a lot of other ways that I haven't yet and likely never will learn how to use.

Kind of odd for a wannabe-hermit, don't ya think?

"And I'd have given anything to have my own Pac-Man game at home. I used to have to get a ride down to the arcade. Now I've got it on my phone..."


  1. If you were here I'd pat you on the head and say "good boy". Similar to what I did last week to that Tibetan monk I saw — texting his brother monk on his iPhone.


  2. I dunno in which category I fall into! I can learn anything pretty fast but still stick my old phone!

  3. Funny post, Bone. I have stuck with a blackberry... besides, it reminds me of my favorite pie.

  4. I got drug kicking and screaming into the cell phone world from my Tibetan Monk world about two and a half years ago. Although I still only use it maybe a few times a month, I still carry it in my pocket everyday. I must admit, though I don't use the phone much, the camera has come in handy a time or two.

    P.S. The proper term is not Torch. The proper reference to your phone is crackberry.

  5. i fall somewhere between the last two categories there... I own and carry a cell phone that I don't ever use.

    I guess the Blackberry is better than that great big phone that Kramer had.

  6. My folks both have cell phones but never use them. I'm not even sure why they have them.

    Me, I have an LG Lotus. I might decide that I need a smart phone in a few years but for now, I'm good.

  7. Cooper - And when I was done with my current round of Word Mole, I'd probably look up and ask, "Did you say something?" :)

    Gautami - Well, according to some site that came up when I Googled, non-smartphone people are still the majority.

    Sage - Good point. Though I prefer it in a cobbler.

    Ed - Well, you managed to hold out longer than most.

    PS: That picture is very Sage-esque.

    Renee - Yeah, now I'm thinking I left out a couple of classes. One for people like you, and one for the prepaid phone people.

    Your number must not be 555-FILK.

    Xinh - In case of an emergency? To look cool? :)

  8. At first I thought you were gonna say you torched the old phone. : )

    I personally used to have a blackberry
    now I own a Iphone.

    Its the best phone Ive ever had. Wouldnt trade it.

    then again when I had my blackberry I thought that phone was the shit.
    So what the fuck do I know.

  9. I am DEF an iPhone girl, but I haven't updated since the ORIGINAL iPhone. Not the 3GS. No, no. The 3G.
    I really want a new iPhone 4, but I can't bring myself to spend $200.
    Confession time.
    I am totally one of those "iPhones are better than any phone on the planet ever."
    Just letting you know.
    The only people I know that don't use iPhones are people who have never had one- I have NEVER known someone to have one and then go to a different phone. That HAS to be saying something!

    Do you see what you've done? You've made me do that "my phone is better than your phone" thing.

    Guess I'll go download some fun new apps :)

  10. The wife & I were in the market for new phones earlier this year. Previously we had the LG Vu and I decided my next phone was not going to be a touch screen, or at least must have a physical keyboard.

    The wife was pretty much sold on her cousin's Samsung Captivate and I had to admit that on paper it looked like an awesome phone. I also have a friend who has both an iPhone 4 and a BB Torch so I got to play with both phones, properly, for an extended period of time before making my decision. (Not that I wanted an iPhone, but I did want to see how the Torch compared to it.)

    At our local AT&T store I was almost swayed when the Rep brought out my wife's Captivate only to tell me they didn't have the Torch in stock, and I would have to wait until the next day when he could go get it. NNNnnnooooo!!!!

    I had a play with the Captivate right there and before I'd mistyped my first two words I was handing it back to my wife: "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll wait until tomorrow."

    That evening I had to grit my teeth as I watched my wife play with her new toy, downloading Apps, etc. and I couldn't wait until the next morning, when I called the Rep, only to be told he would be at the warehouse that morning so "Could I come by around lunchtime?"

    I called at noon and he said he was at the warehouse now, and "Could I stop by around 2pm?"


    Then again, what choice did I have? Lunch with the wife? Sitting across from her and her Captivate? Sure, why not.

    *Gnashing of teeth

    But when I got my hands on my new Torch, I fell in lurve. It's taken me a little while to get used to how it works, the OS, etc. but I am very happy with my decision. Yes, I like the look of the Captivate (that Super AMOLED screen is very nice), but all I have to do is borrow the wife's phone for a few seconds and start typing a text, and by my second or third typo I'm handing the phone back to her.

    I find it very irritating when a phone decides I wanted to press the R or Y when I was trying to press the T. And when I delete the offending letter only to have it pop back up a second time? That's even more annoying.

    Now that's not to say I don't make typos on the BB, I do but those are my mistakes; I pressed the wrong key. When it happens on my wife's Captivate it's not because I pressed the wrong key, it's because the phone thinks I pressed the wrong key. HUGE difference ;)

  11. I have an LG something that my manicurist likes because she claims it's the newer version of hers. Only difference I can see is hers is pink and mine is a very pretty blue
    I have to have insurance--two fell into the sea and I washed a third. Usually not careless. Weird

  12. Love that I'm a modern day hippy!! :-D

  13. Your post always make me laugh!

    By the way, today for you I posted Ramblings.

  14. Bone- I cant be reached by smart phone technology. I really feel that instant phone gratification would seriously damage our friendship. I appreciate that we only have conversations here that are one sided and to which we are both agreeable. Keeping it cyber- your friend, that you are allowed to miss from time to time- Daily Panic
    I am fighting getting a new phone too, my bag phone is really heavy.