Thursday, October 28, 2010


Most days the days all run together. I preoccupy myself with the unimportant things in life. Things are mostly fine, except when they're not. Work is work, and the weather's always the weather. Tuesday's not much different from Friday. And January feels a lot like July.

But one day every once in a while, I'll gaze out over the water, to the other side of the river, and wonder about you. I know you're over there in a sea of people, alternately surrounding yourself with, then withdrawing from them into your precious solitude. Like I'm one to talk.

I want to know you're OK, but that some nights you still miss me so bad you whisper my name when you're in the dark. And other times, you cry my name out loud because you're angry still. Or maybe that's just me.

I could call, but I haven't any business trying to cross that bridge again. The last time that I tried, I almost drowned. You were on the other side with a can of gasoline and a freshly struck match.

But that was us, wasn't it? Always ready with a match, we both set fire to that bridge at least half a dozen times. Sometimes it seemed just for the sake of seeing how much damage we could do. Yet somehow it still stands. Or maybe it's no longer there. It's possible it's only in my mind.

I can't help that sometimes when I close my eyes, I still see yours, so deep and rich and dark -- caring, passionate and so completely vulnerable all at the same time. I'd get lost so easily in there and never want to find my way out. I remember how I'd know they were about to cry before a tear would fall. And most of the time, the tears were caused by me.

You were there for solace when I needed you, and you were trying hard. Then when I was ready to try, you were impossible to reach, at least for me. And so we went, back and forth. Maybe it was just a game we played -- one where even if you win, you lose. Or maybe I only threw away my matches when I knew you'd never cross that bridge again.

I remember mostly the good times now. That's just how I am, and it's a curse.

And so I remain on this side, where most days the days all run together. And I don't think about forevers.

But one day every once in a while, yesterday comes around. I think about how close we were, how far you are. I whisper your name. And I wonder if you ever think about us, the way we were when things were good.

You know, before we learned to play with matches.

"When you reach the part where the heartaches come, the hero would be me. But heroes often fail. And you won't read that book again, because the ending's just too hard to take..."


  1. Wow Bone. As a long time reader I feel compelled to say this is your most beautiful post
    You went back to romance yet managed to take the sentimentality out yet keep in every wonderful horrible nuance that happens for so long after a couple breaks up

    The games you played--so universal.

    I understand the curse

    I love this

  2. I read and re-read this because it so perfectly captures a long time after a big big break up

    Recently I tried reading a Nicolas Spark novel, him being the king of romance and all and was asleep by pg 5
    However if you wrote a book--romance--I think I would have the most dog eared copy and not because we're friends.

    You know how to write break up in a very romantic yet not sugary way and I love that

    So write a book!!!!!!

  3. That was exceptional Bone. Better than a poem.

  4. Painfully beautiful, Bone. Good writing, I like the image of the time before you two learned to play with matches. Sad and beautiful at the same time.

  5. SOmetimes I can totally feel that you are speaking to me.
    I know your not but I have gone thru some similar things.

    I love the way you write and express yourself.

    Thanks for making me think.

  6. This brought back my own memories of love lost yet not forgotten. It's a powerful piece that brings those feelings to the surface. Like you said, the memories are the good ones now. I don't mind a trip down memory lane when it's just the good that I remember.

    Wonderful piece, Bone.

  7. make me a cup of hot chocolate with marshmellows and read out loud to me.:) It will make both of us feel better.

    I like the gasoline and match bit, and its so true! In my case my ex waits until i'm near the end and downwind so I cant outrun the flame and I go down with the inferno!- another reason not to build the bridge.

  8. Pia - Wow, thank you! Means so much. I'm afraid if I set out to write a book, five pages is about all I'd get done before I gave up.

    Cooper - Thanks, Miss Cooper. Definitely better than my poetry. I'm more of a lyrics guy. It's always gotta rhyme :)

    Sage - Thanks, sir. When I started this, I had it under the heading "bridges." The fact it had changed to "matches" by the end probably says something.

    Kittycat - Thanks! That's a very nice compliment and I much appreciate it.

    Charlotta-love - Thank you. And I'm glad the trip down memory lane wasn't an unpleasant one for you :)

    Daily Panic - Well, I do love me some hot chocolate.

    Yep, eventually there gets to be more reasons not to build the bridge than there are to build it.

  9. What an amazing post to come back to blog-reading on. So beautiful. And I'd love to think she read it...

  10. I've found the bad thing about only remembering "the good" after a relationship ends is that it makes one a little more apt to remain in the past.

    Love the last line. It's bitter and twisted and sentimental all at once. You say so much with just a few words. Most of us can only hope to write like that.

  11. Vulnerable, touching, poetic...what a lovely post, Bone. You captured those feelings in such a real way.

  12. Oh, Bone! This is just beautiful.

  13. J Adamthwaite - Thank you! And it's great to see you back around.

    TC - It's bitter and twisted and sentimental all at once.

    Well it was definitely twisted :) Thank you.

    Sweetest In The Gale - Thank you so much. It had a poetic rhythm in my head.

    Genie & Mama Zen - Thank you both. I know these types of posts aren't always the easiest to comment on. I appreciate them much.

  14. ...'the way we were when things were good'..that paragraph REally moved me... but your entire post was so filled with honesty and heart and heartache. truly raw and beautiful bone. I think your words must resonate with SO many of us who have loved and lost that love.
    I haven't been around in too long, but glad i didn't miss this. hugs