I have a possible replacement for the Darryls.
I know, it's quick. But it's someone I've known for a couple of years. We hung out this weekend and I need to see what you guys think about him. (And by "you guys," I pretty much mean, "you girls plus Sage and Ed.")
OK, I can't keep up the suspense any longer. It's Nephew Bone.
We hung out Friday night for a couple of hours. It was BYOG. (Bring Your Own Goldfish.) Kicked it at my place for about thirty minutes. We banged around on some pots and pans and shot some Nerf basketball. Well I shot some, then held him up and he put the ball in. Over and over and over. After that, we hit the tizzown, got our eat on at Chic-Fil-A, then headed to Kywana's for a play date with the godson. I think we were both pretty wiped by the time I dropped him off at grandma's at 9.
Anyway, what I have prepared for you today is a rudimentary pro/con list of how hanging out with Nephew Bone compares to hanging out with the Darryls. First, we'll look at some pros for Nephew Bone:
Nephew Bone brings his own snacks. (See aforementioned BYOG.) The Darryls sometimes did -- Wolfgang moreso than LJ -- but not always.
Girls think Nephew Bone is cuter. And I must agree. And really, do I need any other reason than this? (I promise I never thought I would turn into one of those uncle bloggers.)
Nephew Bone always blows me kisses when I leave. The Darryls would never do this! At least, not sober. I was lucky if I got a "see ya later."
I'm entertained by every single thing Nephew Bone says or does. The Darryls? They were pretty entertaining, too. We'll call this one a wash.
OK, now for the cons:
Nephew Bone has a curfew. The Darryls never had a curfew. Well, not until Wolfgang got a girlfriend. Of course, a curfew could be a good thing if I'm really tired. At my age, I'm starting to adhere to the adage that "Nothing good can happen after sunset."
Nephew Bone doesn't play golf or have a pool table. However, he does have Legos.
Nephew Bone won't buy me a swimsuit calendar for Christmas. At least probably not for ten or fifteen years. (What? It's for a good cause! To help poor, needy, hard-working... Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.)
Well, there you have it. Nephew Bone versus the Darryls. The data is in your hands. What you choose to do with it is up to you. But I gotta tell you, if this doesn't work, my only remaining option may be a long-term legally-recognized union, with a woman.
Or trying to meet new people. Perish the thought.
"Every day a new discovery. I'm a child again looking through your eyes. With every step you're teaching me how to fall and cry, get up and smile..."
I vote for Nephew Bone. Isn't he a chick magnet? Maybe he could lead into you being in a long term legally recognized union with a woman. :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Xinh. Nephew Bone would be a much stronger chick magnet. Although, you might want to bring some food or drink along just in case you don't want to share everything with NB. Watching a grown man drink from a sippy cup removes all chick magnet powers. :o)
ReplyDeleteNephew Bone of course, though I think bringing or buying some food/drink is great advice
ReplyDeleteThis had me laughing. Which I really needed
And Nephew Bone will remain loyal to you--though I truly hope you find a woman because while his love will only grow with time, his time will be spent with uh peers by middle school
I think that now that the Darryls are now down to just one that your odds for finding that long term legally recognized union with a woman are greater if you hang out with Nephew Bone, as while he may be able to draw them in...he isn't really that interested in them...unless they have cookies.
ReplyDeleteBut I totally agree with Charlotta that you need to bring your own bottle...of soda, cuz the sippy cup just isn't cool for the over 3 set.
as one of the two guy readers... I say go with Nephew Bone. A cute kid is better than a well behaved dog when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex! I'm not sure the Daryls helped you in that area, Bone. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think Nephew Bone replacing the Darryls is fine...especially as you don't have any other alternatives. The Darryls are dead, may they RIP.
ReplyDeleteAlso, like puppies, girls LOVE cute kids. And finding out that he's your nephew and you're willing to take him out on your own for a few hours - even more bonus points. (For some reason, the reverse is not true. I have never had a guy try to even start a conversation with me while out with the munchkins.)
However, a couple of things to consider:
- You never had to change Lil Joe or Wolfgang's diaper...at least I hope not. That can be a definite con where Nephew Bone is concerned.
- What happens when Nephew Bone ditches you just like Wolfgang did? Oh sure, you've got some time - probably 13 years or so - but the time will come. So if you don't have another replacement lined up, then you're really gonna be in trouble. I don't think making friends gets easier as you get older.
I have to comment on the sippy cups...my friend Judge actually has one. I bought it for her. She calls it her "drunky cup." I'm sure you can figure the rest out for yourself, but just as a dissenting point of view from everyone else, there is at least one woman out there who might not find a sippy cup repulsive.
(Of course, if you don't have alcohol in it, she might.)
Xinh - He surely is. Actually, he kinda hogs all their attention :)
ReplyDeleteCharlotta - This probably isn't the best time to mention that I bring a juice box to work every morning.
Also, can I still sneak a few Goldfish?
Pia - Good point. Then again, at what age does the cute kid stop being such a draw I wonder? Six? Eight?
Renee - I thought it might be his relative disinterest that attracted them. But I tried acting disinterested. Nothing. It's definitely the cuteness.
Sage - It's amazing, isn't it? I mean, I hang out with a cute kid for a couple hours, and immediately that becomes my #1 (and in some cases, only) virtue in girls' eyes.
I'm not sure the Daryls helped you in that area, Bone
Oh believe me, I've had that same thought on more than one occasion :-)
TC - Haha, I chuckled at your "the reverse is not true" line. You should do some more research on that.
Making friends definitely does not get easier as you get older. Especially when one goes through phases where one doesn't like to go out or be around people. Hypothetically, I mean.
I guess I'll make it unanimous and say Nephew Bone. Little kids are definitely chick magnets. Had I known that twenty years ago, I would have rented or perhaps adopted one. But I didn't know and didn't find out until after I was married and it was too late.
ReplyDeleteDa Nephew Bone, had be a da Lego's.
ReplyDeleteBuild it and they will come.
ReplyDeleteperfect! Nephew Bone is a great choice! I spent the evening with a toddler last month and it's a completely different happy than time you spend with your friends. do you find you talk in third person a lot around NB? "Uncle Bone is having a juice box, do you want a juice box?" You might have gotten smacked if you talked like that to the Darryls!
ReplyDeleteDude you are too freakin funny.
ReplyDeleteBut as cute as the "newphew" sounds I think you need to search for new adult convo.
Just sayin
It might be good for you?
No offense to your grown-up friend, but I know for sure Nephew Bone would be a better chick magnet. They will find NB irresistible, and you will then be pulled into the irresistibility bubble with him. It's like magic! :~) Have a great weekend, Bone!
ReplyDeleteGo with nephew Bone. Just don't corrupt him to much.
ReplyDeleteI vote to keep him around. He's a huge chick magnet.
ReplyDeletewell, if he brings his own goldfish...plus it earns you cool points for getting dad practice in.
ReplyDeleteNow all you need to do is buy Nephew Bone a t-shirt that you can slip on him when you two go out that reads "My Uncle is the coolest!"
ReplyDelete