Sunday, March 28, 2010

With apologies to CCR

Before we begin today, I have a confession to make: I kinda want to see Hot Tub Time Machine.

I know! It's just, the previews look rather hilarious. Also, I've never been in a hot tub or a time machine. And while I'll always consider the latter a definite possibility, the former -- given my chronic germophobia -- will likely never happen.

Whew, I'm glad to have that off my chest. Now we can move on to more pressing matters. (Could it get any less pressing?)

The NCAA Tournament has taken up quite a bit of my time these past two weekends. I wish I could say the same for the Kansas Jayhawks, my pick for national champs. Unfortunately, they couldn't be bothered with more than a couple days of March Madness this year.

The Bone bracket was a mixed bag. I correctly picked St. Mary's and Cornell for the Sweet Sixteen. However, I also had Georgetown in the Elite Eight. And only one of my Final Four picks made it: West Virginia.

Finally, I feel I would be remiss if I didn't mention a topic that is on the minds of many Americans these days. And that is, how to fix our current fantasy baseball team naming system.

Last year my team -- Los Rojos -- finished 3rd. For some people, that might be satisfactory. But I say no! When did 3rd place become good enough? This is America! No one goes around shouting "We're number three!" They don't sell big foam hands with three fingers extended at football games.

Combine that with the fact that I finished in 4th place the year before, and it became obvious to me the current system wasn't working. It was time for a change.

So I put a lot of thought into coming up with a plan which would select the best fantasy team name possible. One which would both display my right-brain creativity and inspire my left-brain baseball knowledge, thus resulting in a first-place finish.

After narrowing down my choices to five finalists, I consulted with several of my trusted inner email circle, then submitted my final choice for approval. Well, the right-wing anti-Bone fat cats at Yahoo Sports were having none of it. Clearly clinging to failed policies of the past, they had placed an ultra-conservative 20-character limit on all fantasy team names. Therefore, the greatest team name in fantasy sports history -- Between Bill Buckner's Legs -- will not be used.

Forced to scramble and come up with an eleventh-hour compromise -- my fantasy draft is Wednesday -- I did my best. I know some of you may view this as nothing more than a heavily watered down version of my original proposal, but my hope is that it will at least be better than what we had.

And so, without further adieu, allow me to introduce you to your 2010 Bone fantasy baseball team: Rolen On The River.

Is this change we can believe in? Time will tell.

"Left a good job in the city, workin' for the man every night and day. And I never lost one minute sleepin', worrying 'bout the way things might have been..."


  1. Who would of thought a little team from Iowa would have taken out the Jayhawks.

  2. I'm really sad that your team couldn't be "Between Bill Buckner's Legs". I'm thinking that you may need to start a team to play in a rec league JUST so you can have shirts with that name on them. I'd play. Not well. But I'd play :)

  3. you did a great job of keeping me interested in a topic that I totally do not care about.

    I hope your team does well and I have to say I like your final choice for a name much better.

  4. You've never been in a hot tub? Sorry, I'll have to reread this post, b/c I couldn't read anything past the I've never been in a hot tub sentence! Will comment more later.

  5. Ed - Not me. But by the second half, I was like, forget my bracket, I'm rooting for the upset.

    Cami - I like that idea. It can be a co-ed team. What position(s) can you play?

    Renee - you did a great job of keeping me interested in a topic that I totally do not care about.

    That's always my goal with these sports posts :)

    How can you not like that name? It's from Game Six! Keith Hernandez and Mookie were in it!

    OKChick - No. I've never really had the opportunity. Not to mention, I don't really like the idea of bathing with other people :)

  6. I'm having to go for a darker blue this year--DUKE! but I'm surrounded by all these green folks from MSU--I keep telling them St. Paddy's day is past.

  7. I'm with OKChick. I had to reread that part a few times. Bone, have you not ever watched The Bachelor? Fine, you don't have to admit it, but hear me out.

    Hot-tub + Bone + girl = make out session.

    Then, who cares about your fantasy team. You'd be living the fantasy...

  8. Hot tubs are full of germs..I like John Cusack, though when I see him its in old movies, and he seems to be my age. In reality he is only a decade younger than my father, and could be my....young father...ew. I will wait until it's free or o HBO. ;)

    I am not fond of Duke, and because I want a team with a decent bb team grad rate to win I have to take Butler.

    The baseball thing lost me.

  9.'re hoping for 2nd this year? ;)

    The line about KS not being willing to stick with MM more than a couple days - priceless. :)

    Sage: You're a traitor!!!!!! Aren't Duke and NC mortal enemies?!?! Wow.

  10. So being in a hot tub is bathing with other people but being in a pool isn't?

  11. I generally don't like to get in public hot tubs, but I would love to have one myself.

    Strange little factoid about hot tubs, my mother thinks sitting in a hot tub is a form of exercise...

    She used to have a roommate that she was supposed to be working out with because the apartment they had shared had a gym on site. After talking to her at some length , I found out that her and her "workout partner" were just spending evenings sitting in the hot tub.

    My second to oldest son played basketball for middle school... boy was I glad when that ended. I like being with my kids and taking interest in what they do- but how much interest can you take watching your son warm a bench for the B team in a freezing cold middle school gym in the middle of Winter. As you can tell I am still jaded as far as B-ball goes...

  12. Sage - What?!?! I thought UNC and Duke were mortal enemies. That's like me rooting for Auburn! *shudder*

    Charlotta - No, I've never watched The Bachelor. You shouldn't even have to ask that.

    I'm sorry, I just don't see it happenin'. Until I get my own hot tub, I'll have to be content with fantasy baseball.

    Cooper - Hot tubs are full of germs

    That's all I'm sayin'.

    At this point, I'm pretty much rooting for ABD -- Anybody But Duke.

    It's a nod to the 1986 World Series. John Cusack would probably remember. And since I'm not even a decade younger than him, I'll shut up now :)

    TC - I'm hoping for 1st, of course, but if I wind up in 2nd, I will blame it on Yahoo not letting me use the WBFBTN.

    Xinh - Well, the pool is a much larger area so the germs would be less dense, theoretically. Plus, there's chlorine. Also, (usually) no one's naked.

    Mama Zen - I didn't fill out a women's bracket, so I'll throw all my support to your team.

    Michelle Gartner - Yes, if I could have my own, that would probably be the only way.

    I've been the bench warmer at times. Not a ton of fun.

  13. So the name of a team will determine its place? Interesting Bone

  14. Wouldn't the water in a hot tub (which is over 100F) kill any germs? Also, if you are naked in a hot tub with anyone other than someone you're going to get busy with, then there's something wrong.