Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Asking out a guy

As a guy, one of the toughest things to deal with is rejection. I know times they are a-changin', but for most of my dating life, I have been the one expected to ask out the girl. Sometimes I did and she accepted. Sometimes I asked and was rebuffed with great prejudice. And sometimes I never asked and spent the rest of my life up to and including this very day wondering what if...

Where was I? Oh yes. There is one thing tougher than being rejected by a girl, however. And that is being rejected by a guy.

If a girl rejects you, in a lot of cases you probably never have to see her again, or at the least can avoid her most of the time. But if a guy rejects you, it's likely one of your guy friends, and it can be awkward. Not as awkward as having your hands accidentally touch as you're riding down the road -- that's the single most awkward situation known to modern heterosexual man and must never be spoken of by either party as long as they both shall live -- but awkward, nonetheless.

I dealt with this very situation recently. The being rejected by a guy, not the incidental hand-touching. I called Wolfgang -- OK, texted, everyone knows we don't talk on the phone -- to see if he wanted to hang out one Friday night. For months, we'd (the Darryls and I) had a standing date every weekend. But things were different now. We hadn't been out in weeks since he acquired a significant other (another significant other, other than LJ). As I thought about all the good times we had, I waited nervously for his reply. Then piercing the stillness of the room with my sonar-like text alert, there it was:

"I already have plans for tonight."

OK, so it wasn't outright rejection. But it was still a declination. And still awkward.

Now, once the initial awkwardness subsides after the man-date rejection, you then have to decide when and if to ask this guy out again. And it's a difficult decision, because the only thing worse than being rejected by a guy is to be rejected a second time by that same guy. Am I right ladies?

If you ask a girl out two, three, ten times, you might be considered persistent. But if you ask a guy out more than two times without him accepting, just... don't... ever share that with anyone else.

Being rejected by a girl is also much easier in part, I think, because as guys we almost expect it sometimes. I know I do. I mean, the average guy is probably turned down, what, tens of times in his life, if not more?

Lastly, if you're turned down by a girl, well there are three billion others out there. But if you're turned down by a guy, well you only probably have a handful of guy friends, and at this point in my life anyway, I'm not really out there trying to meet any new guys. Should I be?

That is why I think guys generally just accept any man-date we are asked out on. We understand how difficult it is to ask someone else out, whether it be a girl or another guy. If we really don't want to do something with another guy, then we just won't answer the phone when he calls, thus avoiding having to say "no" and all of the awkwardness that would thereby ensue.

This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg when it comes to man-dates. Maybe someday we'll look at some other topics of interest, including who pays, how long should you wait for your man-date to show up before leaving, and last but not least, man-shakes and fist bumps -- how soon is too soon?

"Tell me, why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?"


  1. Only you Bone.

    " I'm not really out there trying to meet any new guys. Should I be?"

    Probably just in case. I mean what if the ones you have all up and die? I think we need a storage locker of friends.

  2. you're killin' me. funny but so true. you're the perfect writer of irony.

  3. Cooper's right. You should always be looking for new friends--for all the reasons she stated plus it's good to have a back up

    He has plans. He has a life. Doesn't mean he's rejecting you. hello, Mr. Hermit--how about the times you don't want to do things?

    Love Shelby's comment also, but in the Bone's case I'm not sure this could be called irony :)

    I would love to see the collected essays of the BoneHead in the front section of every local book store

  4. Being married and having a kid has put me way out of the dating game. Thanks for reaffirming that I don't miss it.

  5. oh.. and I posted a video clip today. you'll probably like it.

    It has to do with Daryl.

  6. well Bone you are getting to be the age where most of your friends are in relationships and their Friday nights are gonna be already planned, even if those plans are just having dinner and watching TV...the ones who aren't married yet will probably be doing a little bit more than just that.

    Perhaps your Friday nights should be spent seeking a date with a girl so that you too can say that you're busy.

  7. " I'm not really out there trying to meet any new guys. Should I be?"
    Great line! And yes, you should be out there meeting new guys. You never know when they might be someone for me. HA!

  8. Cooper - Only the Bone-ly? That has potential.

    It's just hard to find a guy who can discuss somewhat intelligently both football and General Hospital.

    Shelby - Why, thank ya!

    Thanks for that clip! That has to be one of the five funniest shows in history.

    Pia - hello, Mr. Hermit--how about the times you don't want to do things?

    Well, those are the times when I don't answer my phone :) I'm not that good at saying no, if you can believe that.

    I'm not Bonehead, I'm Bone. You're a Bonehead. Like a Parrothead :)

    Ed - When I posted this I remember thinking that if Ed comments, he's going to say something about being married or all this being behind him. I promise that's what I thought.

    Renee - Wow, you sound a lot like Scott Baio's life coach.

    OKChick - Alright, that settles it then. I have to find some backup friends and someone for OKC. I guess I gotta try and meet some new guys.

  9. I'm glad I read this... I thought about skipping over this post, thinking I couldn't bear to read about how Bone fell for a cross-dresser! You're funny and I always laugh at your posts!

  10. Who knew it was so complicated? Girl-dates are much more straightforward, I'm sure. What happens, I wonder if you get a non-romantic girl-date rejection? Is that more like a man-date rejection or a date-date rejection? (Too many hyphens... mutter...)

  11. I'm gonna disagree with the others. Oh sure, making new friends is a decent idea, BUT you should be able to count on your friends for a night out here and there. It keeps relationships - not to mention friendships - healthy.

    I hope Wolfgang straightens up his behavior soon.

    Another funny-Bone (pun intended) post.

    PS: I think that was the perfect number of hyphens, JAdamthwaite. Someone -ahem, me!- would be (is) proud!!

  12. Bone, you have the most hilarious take on things!

  13. I guess being predictable is another side effect of getting married and producing offspring!

  14. I'm just laughing... but I can't say anything reguarding friends- the close ones are gold and the others are entertainers!

    I love my friends!
    Last sat night all my friends were busy and I went to bed at 8 so that tells you that you are not the only one who has no plans I could be the equivalent of a female hermit.

  15. this is hilarious. seriously, totally needed to read this today

    PS- thanks for thinking of me- appreciated more than I can say!

  16. Sage - Thank you! It's always good to know people are laughing. And don't worry, if I were to ever post about something like that, I'll be sure and include a "Don't Read This Sage!!!" warning at the beginning so you'll know to skip it.

    J Adamthwaite - Hmm, a non-romantice girl-date rejection. That's very interesting to consider. I would say that it's closer to a date-date rejection, and both are far less awkward than the man-date rejection.

    TC - Well, I always kinda figured at this point in my life, the only new friends I've left to make are my future kids' friends' parents.

    Mama Zen - Why, thank you, Mama Z.

    Ed - I won't ask what the other side effects are :)

    Daily Panic - Sounds good! Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm becoming less of a hermit. Maybe a part-time hermit, if there was such a thing.

    Cami - Thanks. I sure hope things are looking brighter over there.

  17. Man Dates: Interesting concept, I guess I've been married so long that I did not know these events existed. I'll have to ask my other half if he knows what these are.

    Adding new friends to the list just makes the water muddy and could potentially make the old friends jealous.

  18. TC - I did think of you when I was hyphenating! (Why does that sound so wrong...?) :)

  19. I don't think it sounds wrong at all :) I can think of a lot worse times for people to think of me than when hyphenating ;)

  20. No you're a Bonehead. I named you that. I'm a Bonette.

    TC's right--you should expect friends to be around but let me count the reasons why they can't be.....

    When Lucia had Little Luce I made sure to go to pre-school functions, and parties and other things and made a few good friends that way. Not having kids doesn't mean you can't do all the kid stuff which can actually be a lot of fun

    That's how I met the don't-hate-us-because....soap star family and want on vacation with them every year for years

  21. LOL...Only you could have brought this man-date predicament to light in such a lovely way. And I mean that as a supreme compliment, Bone! Oh my, how funny you are...*still smiling* :P

  22. There's this movie I think you should rent. It's called "I Love You, Man" and it's all about the concept of man-dates and bromances. I think you'd like it.