Sunday, October 18, 2009

Ten fingers none the poorer

As Blogtober passes the halfway mark, I've managed to write every day except one. I didn't get home from the Bama game until after 1:30 this morning and was just too worn out to try and write. Maybe I can write an hour or more tomorrow to make up for it. You know, double up on my prescription. That's always worked really well for me with pain medication.

Parking is always an issue at the Bama games. The place we'd parked the past two years was turned into an RV lot a few weeks ago. So at the last game, we paid ten bucks to park over a mile away from the stadium. Thing is, I have a little issue with paying for parking, more specifically, paying to park over a mile away from the event. I adhere to the George Costanza theory, which is loosely translated (or exactly as he said it word-for-word): "It's like going to a prostitute. Why should I pay, when if I apply myself, maybe I could get it for free?"

So through talking to a few people and Google-mapping the area, we found a new place to park yesterday, for free. And mostly legal.

Last night was also the first cold-weather Bama game. The low temperature was in the upper 30's, which was a problem for me because I couldn't remember how 38 degrees feels. It's been so long since last winter, plus how often am I out in the cold for four or five hours? Two, three times a year, max? Thus, I wasn't sure what to wear.

What we need is a program where you enter the expected temperature and wind speed along with how long you're going to be outside, and it would tell you what to wear.

For example, I'd input 38 degrees at 10 mph for 4 hours, and it would spit out: "ear muffs or a toboggan, gloves, wool socks (preferably Argyle), thermal underwear, long pants, and a long-sleeved shirt under either a sweatshirt or a stylish cardigan." (Speaking of, whatever happened to The Cardigans? Love me, love me, saaaay that you love me...)

My device could be called the Outfit Forecaster. Maybe I could somehow combine it with my Outfit Flow Chart of a couple years back. That would seriously cut down on the amount of mental energy I expend each day trying to figure out what to wear. Then I would have more time and energy to spend pondering important issues such as, well, whatever happened to the Cardigans.

In the end, I think the ensemble I chose for the game worked out OK, except that I didn't bring any gloves. Also, the band of my thermal underwear got a little itchy. Sometime during second quarter, one of my fingers started going numb. (This had to do with the gloves, not the underwear.) I looked down and all my other fingers were flesh-colored, but this one was a scary yellowish-white.

I might have had a brief, mostly internal panic attack. I'm too young to have circulation problems! How will I blog?! I showed it to my sister and she said, and I quote, "You're probably gonna get gangrene and your finger will fall off. You should have put plastic bags on your hands. Didn't Dad ever teach you anything?"

Fortunately, I returned home with all my digits. And now I remember quite well how 38 degrees feels. In mid-October, nonetheless.

Welcome to Alabama: The new North Dakota.

"This evening has been, been hoping that you'd drop in, so very nice. I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice..."

23 comments:

  1. My Dad always had that same philosophy about meds you do. His saying was "If a little will do a little good, a lot will do a lot of good." Then he took too much of the wrong kind of med. I'll spare you the story of what happened next :)

    First of all - that may be the best title ever. That's hilarious.

    Second of all - you're a genius. No, really. You probably shouldn't have posted this idea about the Outfit Forecaster, because someone's gonna steal it. GENIUS. Heck, I live in the cold 9 months of the year, and I still would use it!!!!

    Genius, Bone. Genius.

    P.S. I missed one day of blogtober, too. Though I wished I'd been writing. I was just having computer issues :(

    ReplyDelete
  2. I tried to tell you to dress warm..... Maybe next time I just need to send you an exact list of what you should wear/bring via gmail chat!
    I went jogging Saturday. Apparently you need a lot less clothes once you warm up. All I wore was a pear of sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt. I was BURNING UP by the time I reached the half way point. Since you have been doing the running thing for a lot longer than me, maybe I need to seek you advice before heading out! :)
    Speaking of being out in the cold, we all need to go to a corn maze this weekend. The X Maze isn't there this year, so we need to find a good one to go to!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. See that's part of what I don't get about watching sports. I like to watch them in person...but I don't do cold for anyone. If it is cold out, I'm in!

    and I agree with George about paying for parking. I've had to go downtown lately and I used to take the train in, but now they charge you to park at the train AND then to take the train!!! Even paying $10 to park is cheaper than taking the train now. sigh! I wonder when the folks running the train are going to figure that one out? what's really a pain though is places with parking lots near the train stations are getting angry that everyone is trying to park there for free. And there is no place in Denver that has free parking...it's like Tuscany!

    ReplyDelete
  4. 38 degrees! You whimp, that ain't even freezing! I have only been to professional football games in Pittsburgh and Buffalo, let me tell you about cold!

    Now that I got my rant off my chest, I will admit that you have done it again, another funny post, and I really like your insight into parking... next post, you can tell us how to remove a boot from a tire!

    ReplyDelete
  5. When I lived in Minnesota, adjacent to North Dakota, when it got to 38 degrees, that was the BEGINNING of short wearing season. Actually anything above 32 degrees meant shorts and sandals. You didn't break out the long johns until it reached zero. So I would revise your statement to read "Alabama, the new southern Missouri"

    ReplyDelete
  6. TC - Well, thank you. That's one of the downsides of being a great inventor without the drive, resources, or know-how to turn them into actual inventions.

    Mrs. R - Yeah, running warms you up quick, though usually a long-sleeve shirt is fine. NEVER wear thermals while running. You will be on fire! I learned that lesson the hard way.

    Sounds like a good idea. I've actually never been to a corn maze.

    Renee - Yeah, that's kinda how it is at the games. We parked in a little shopping plaza. They keep pushing the free parking farther and farther away from the stadium.

    Are ya'll already getting snow there?

    Sage - Hey, my finger was falling off, OK? I judge the cold not by some arbitrary man-made thermometer, but rather by the severity of the frostbite.

    Haha. Yes, we actually celebrated an early Thanksgiving when we got back to the parking lot after the game. We gave thanks that the car had not been towed.

    Ed - I figured as I was writing this that some people were going to think 38 degrees was warm. My finger and I still disagree.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Proud of you for only missing one day in Blogtober--great name. TC was right about the post title. Had me laughing

    TC nobody can steal the Outfit Forecaster as Bone has it in his blog and dated. Of course Julia Louis Drefyus stole "birthday month" from me, but I can prove......

    Bone your sister is hilarious. Your Dad sounds like a fine teacher in the vein of mine

    Bob Newhart wore cardigans. And they're in for women instead of suit jacket but gussied up

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sadly, Pia, all they have to do is "tweak" the name. Until it's copyrighted and patented... I'm just looking out for his best interests.

    Btw Bone... I love the "Bone-ventions" tag :-D

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't know what it says about me but after this I was left with a question: If the long underwear band was itchy, that must mean that there was no underwear underneath the long underwear? Have I been accidentally doubling up all these years?!?

    Could the yellowish thumb just be mustard remnants from your hot dog?

    ReplyDelete
  10. What are you doing with your other Blogtober writings? Are they saved for a rainy day or are they not all blog posts?

    I like the Outfit Forecaster, although I don't know if it would work here. Here the problem isn't the weather per se, it's the not knowing what the weather's going to be until 5 minutes before it happens. And even the weather people don't get that right half the time, so there's no hope for anyone else!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Do I need to send you some gloves? I can send you some OU ones? Of course, after this past weekend the OU gloves might be on sale!

    YEEAAHHH for free parking. I hate paying for parking. Do those people not realize what $10 can buy????

    ReplyDelete
  12. Pia - Thanks. And please don't encourage my sister :)

    Good call on Newhart. I suppose that's preferable to Larry, Darryl & Darryl's typical flannel fare?

    TC - No worries. If anyone tries to steal my idea, I'll have my lawyer, Jackie Chiles, all over them.

    Yeah, I need to go through and back-tag some posts with that. I'm positive I've had other inventions.

    Murf - I think what happened was the long underwear band was pulled up above my regular boxers. So no, you've been doing it right all along. Keep doubling up!

    Nope, I had chicken fingers and fries at this game. There was definitely some hypopigmentation going on.

    J Adamthwaite - Well, they're in draft right now. Some are unfinished ideas which hopefully I can go back and work on later and turn into posts. Others are where I just sat down and wrote whatever came to mind for 30 minutes. Those will not be seeing the light of day :)

    Oh, it's pretty much like that here, too. I'm pretty sure the Outfit Forecaster would be more accurate than the weather forecaster.

    OK Chick - Well, I have some. I just thought maybe I wouldn't need them.

    Haha, yes the OU gloves probably are on sale now. So are you pulling for OSU now?

    ReplyDelete
  13. the weather is ridic. I can't even think about being outside for 5 hours right now. I was driving home from a wedding in Savannah on Saturday night- listening to the game on static-y radio. Awesome.

    Roll Tide.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Bone I laughed from start to finish.

    38 is cold heck I think 58 is cold. I moved south for a reason and I do not like it to get cold before January 1st.

    I wondered about the itchy as well. See if you went to a school that wasn't so "BIG" you wouldn't need to walk and park so far away. I was at homecoming this weekend for the Mean Green and I parked on campus for free.

    ReplyDelete
  15. "mostly legal" scared me.

    north dakota definitely fits.

    THE FUNNIEST THING -- MY DADDY HAD THE EXACT SAME AFFLICTION OF THE FROZEDN FINGER SATURDAY!!!!! No lie. He came out to watch my daughter run in a cross country race out in Oxford (a/k/a North Dakota).. and his finger went white and completely numb. Freaked me out.

    After the race, we all went to Cracker Barrell and after an hour or so his finger went back to normal.

    ReplyDelete
  16. lol,, That was brilliant as is the outfit forecaster......do fingers fall off at 38 degrees in Alabama?

    ReplyDelete
  17. A toboggan is a sled: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toboggan

    I think you're thinking of a Tuque: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuque

    I wouldn't pay to park a mile away from a venue either. That's crazy talk. The walk there is always okay but after the event, you're always really tired and the walk back to the car is the longest. walk. ever.

    I bet the Cardigans are still big in Sweden.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm still an OU girl, even if we can't beat TX. However, I wouldn't turn down free OSU tickets either. :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. happy to hear you've been keeping up with your blogtober writing. keep up the good work.

    you couldn't pay me to go out in 38 degree weather to watch a game of any kind as i like the heat to much. but, glad you had a nice time despite the cold. also glad you didn't get towed.

    have a great day.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I would absolutely buy an Outfit Forecaster. In a heartbeat.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Cami - See, you wouldn't have that problem if you lived in Alabama. People know better than to schedule a silly wedding on the day of a game.

    I fully expect you to be watching this week--wedding or no wedding :)

    PennyCandy - Thanks for letting me know it made you laugh :)

    Well, I like for Thanksgiving to be kinda cold, though it hardly ever is anymore. And I'm OK with cool football weather, like 50ish, right now. But it's too early for 38!

    Shelby - Haha. Actually, I should probably amend that to read "somewhat legal."

    That is weird! It freaked me out, too. I was blowing on it and shaking it and putting it in my pocket.

    Cooper - Why, thank you. While there is no hard evidence that fingers fall off at 38 degrees in Alabama, I cannot say for certain that they do not. Is someone actually going to have to lose a finger before we can settle this great debate? I don't know. That's not for me to say.

    Xinh - No, I was thinking of a toboggan: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toboggan_%28hat%29

    :)

    I've never heard the term tuque, but yes, they look pretty much the same. Regional differences, much?

    OKChick - Good for you. Gotta stay loyal through the tough years. Heaven knows I have.

    Michelle Johnson - Thanks! There's always that sense of relief when you've parked somewhere you're not sure about and you get back and first see that your car is still there.

    Mama Zen - Hmm, maybe if I got enough pre-orders, I could get some backing and really get this thing going.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm glad you found free parking! Geez.
    About your fingers--have you ever heard of Raynaud's? DON'T google-image it. It's not serious, but it's very uncomfortable--I have a mild case of it, sometimes. It is freaky-looking. Hand warmers are the answer, and they are cheap at sporting goods stores. I would never have lived through Groundhogs Day without them!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Actonbell - I've never heard of Raynaud's, but that sounds like a possibility. Either way, I'll definitely be taking gloves along the next time it's that cold.

    ReplyDelete