Wednesday, May 20, 2009

That time my nipple was on fire

Welcome to the Spring of Bone. The season of my shaven head, if you will. The past few days have been a whirlwind. Thursday was the Kenny Chesney concert. Saturday morning I ran a 10K. And Saturday evening, I had another engagement. Three events in three days! That's a lot, compared to my usual number of zero. Not to mention the season finales of The Office and 24. Plus, Michael coming out of a year-long coma on General Hospital. Whew! I think I need a weekend off to decompress.

Let us begin with the concert: the Kenny Chesney Sun City Carnival Tour. It was held at the Oak Mountain Amphitheatre in Birmingham, a perfect venue for an outdoor concert on a gorgeous Alabama night. It wound up just being the Darryls and me. Jamie was supposed to go, but she got two tickets from a radio station and ditched us. Can't really blame her, considering our tickets were on row V in the very last section. Not bad for 95 bucks. I'm pretty sure it was the worst seat I've ever had at a concert, except for that one year at June Jam when the actual curvature of the Earth itself prevented us from seeing most of the stage.

The opening acts were Lady Antebellum--who we missed because we were stuck in traffic--and Miranda Lambert--who we unfortunately did not miss. She was not very good. There was one highlight, however, when she brought Blake Shelton on stage and he sang a song. I texted my sister, "Blake Shelton just came out!" Well, I noticed she didn't reply for awhile. She told me later she forgot I was at the concert and so when she got my text all she could think was, "Nuh uh! I thought he was dating Miranda Lambert!"

Kenny's part of the show was excellent. He sang about twenty songs. (I have the set list if you'd like. I texted it to myself.) I don't think I realized how many hits he's had until we were on our way home and started naming off at least as many songs that he hadn't sang.

At one point during the show, LJ pulled out a disposable camera, aimed it in the general direction of the figure we thought was most likely Kenny Chesney, and started clicking. He asked me if I thought he'd be able to see anything in the pictures. Um no, not unless the word Hubble appears somewhere on the camera.

Saturday morning was my 10K race. That's 6.2 miles, which coincidentally, is just slightly farther than we were from Kenny Chesney. I got off to a terrible start, due largely to starting at the back and having to navigate the mass of bodies the first half mile. My one mile split was like eight and a half minutes. I picked it up from there and finished in 48:29, good for fifth in my age group. My time was fourteen seconds slower than last year, but that was kind of expected since I haven't been training as much. To have run a faster time would have been to cheat the very ideals of hard work, training and dedication. And also likely would have caused me to pass out and/or begin wretching.

Saturday night, I went to a dance recital, 'cause that's how I roll. I went to see Kywana Jr. in... umm... I keep forgetting the name of the program. Twelve Angry Men? No, there weren't that many men in it. The Princess Bride? Nope, no Andre The Giant. Dances With Wolves? No, but it was four hours long. Wait, I got it. Twelve Dancing Princesses! Yes, that's it. And it's even less exciting than the title would indicate, if that's possible.

Oh, I almost forgot! A bizarre thing did happen on the way to my race Saturday morning. My right nipple started burning. I mean, it was on fire! Have any of you ever had this problem? I examined it, but really couldn't tell much. I mean, what does it usually look like? I don't know. Anyway, that led to an odd, if not disturbing scene Saturday around lunchtime, as I stood shirtless in front of my bathroom mirror rubbing Neosporin on my nipples. I mean, if there is one microcosm I could give you to sum up my life, that's it right there.

You are currently experiencing the Spring of Bone...

"And I go back to watchin' summer fade into fall. Growin' up too fast and I do recall wishin' time would stop right in its tracks..."


  1. Sorry you had to endure the whole 4 hours. If one of her dances hadn't been 2nd to the end, you could have left sooner! You didn't even say if you thought she did a good job or not, AND you forgot to mention that she was dancing on a broken foot! GEEZ! Do I need to write your next blog for you?? hehehehe :)

  2. Four hours?!?!?! Wow. I don't know if I'd be willing to sit through four hours at a dance recital for my own daughter, let alone someone else's daughter! You're a good friend.

    I have the set list if you'd like. I texted it to myself.ROFL

    Actually, I would like :-D I love all evidence of your nerdiness. This may have last year's fantasy baseball spreadsheet beat... I haven't quite decided yet.

    Glad you've been keeping busy and enjoying your spring! I'd heard a rumor that 2009 was gonna be the year of Bone, and it sounds like thus far that is the case :)

  3. Pure stamina. You got it, three events in one week and ran the race. TMI on the nipple problem I will suggest a sports bra, but I don't think they make them for guys. If you haven't seen it, you have to rent the movie "Run Fatboy Run" He had the same problem in the movie.

    Fun weekend, even with the torture.

  4. what it is about Kenny Chesney that solidifies the fact that summer has arrived? I don't know, my friend, but it's just the facts! Happy summer!

  5. Four hours?? Are you sure that wasn't the dress rehearsal? ;)

  6. Saw Kenny Chesney on Letterman last night. Thought of you. We were wearing matching pumpkin tees

    Am exhausted for you :)

  7. Try being a woman Bone. We get the 'pleasure' of experiencing ridiculously painful nipples for a full week every month.

  8. I can't believe TC left the nipple thing alone. She is failing me.

  9. Forget the marathon run and the burning nipple. Sitting through graduation was horrible, and I had felt really terrific for having conquered it, but four hours for a dance recital is truly impressive. You should put that down on your dating resume and show that to women:

    SkillsAble to sit thru four hour dance recitals and not blink

  10. I nearly peed my pants at "curvature of the earth". I have had seats nearly that bad at different events myself. I love the way you write :)

  11. I've been laughing for 10 mintues at the burning nipple part of the story. I don't mean to laugh at your pain, but dammit. That's funny stuff.

  12. I sat in the nosebleed section at a concert once. I payed boocoo bucks for "obstructed view" seats. I asked the gal what "obstructed view" meant and she said no view at all. great! they put up big screens and had video images of the artist on them. so I paid boocoo bucks to watch a concert on TV?!?!?

    re your TMI nipple problem, I'm pretty sure you should go see Dr Van Nostrum about that...or the vet in Pensylvania. ;)

  13. Mrs. R - I thought she did really good! And at least one of the dances was to "Barbie Girl." That and the forty ounces of Mountain Dew coursing through my veins helped to keep me awake.

    TC - Yep. Not a minute less. So I suppose I could have titled this post One 10K and One Marathon.

    Well people always ask what they sang and I can never remember!

    Daily Panic - I thought it might be TMI. But when I weighed the humor of the situation against the TMI-ness of it, well you see what won out.

    No, I've never heard of a sports mansierre.

    Cami - I agree. The show had a very beachy feel to it.

    R8chel - Oh, I'm sure. There must have been fifty or sixty dances. My suggestion was that if we shortened each dance to say, half its original length, then we'd all have been out of there by 9 PM instead of 11. But no one ever listens to me.

    Pia - You and Letterman, or you and Kenny? :) Augh, I knew he was going to be on and forgot to watch.

    Jen - Well, I have some Neosporin if you think it would help ;)

    Murf - Yeah, you need to have a talk with her. You girls need to get your ducks in a row.

    Marina - I'll take that under advisement. Maybe that should be on my top five non-athletic accomplishments of all-time.

    Jennifer - Well, it's true. I think there must have been a small mound there or something, but we could only see the top half of the stage.

    Thank you :)

    Xinh - Well, having one's nipple feel like it is on fire is the sort of thing one can't just keep to oneself. Plus, it's easy for me to laugh about now that it's over. Apparently, the Neosporin helped?

    Renee - Same thing for us. Whatever happened to the concept of "the cheap seats?" That's what I want to know.

    Haha. Love the vet idea. They've gotta be able to cure a lizard, a pig, a chicken, and a frog, all on the same day.

  14. I agree with TC- FOUR HOURS! Do you realize that's a football game, with half time? Did the recital have half time?

    KC puts on a great show. Last year during my Summer Concert Series, I went to his concert. I was impressed. I too, had forgetton how many hits he had.
    A few weeks ago, I saw Miranda in concert. She was ok. She seems angry. Is it just me or did you get that feeling too?

  15. Except that your nipple started hurting on the way to the race, and not afterwards, I would have assumed it was a case of Jogger's Nipple.

  16. Me and Kenny :) But his wasn't a long night shirt. I do have the regular sized tee too. Pumpkin's big this year

    I was thinking how a flat screen truly shows how Letterman is the best dressed man on TV since Shatner (Boston Legal)

    Kenny was very good.

  17. The dance thing is almost too much to think about. You self control must be phenomenal.

    I can't say much about the nipple situation. I'm rather speechless actually, but it's probably your detergent. Unless there is a part of the story you have avoided disclosing.

  18. Congrats on your 10K! It's interesting that your nipple was burning before the race. I've seen guys with bleeding nipples after races caused by the chafing against sweaty clothes. I hope you feel better. That sounds quite awful.

  19. OK Chick - Yes, there was about a 10 or 15 minute intermission. That's when I stocked up on M&M's and bought another Mountain Dew.

    Yeah, she seems to have a lot of songs about guns and setting things on fire.

    Cap'n John - Is that like tennis elbow?

    Pia Savage - So if I want to introduce you to an artist, all I have to do is get them a guest slot on Letterman? :)

    Cooper - Well, I did recently change from powder to liquid detergent. Maybe it was just my mesh running shirt.

    Actonbell - Thank you. And yes, everything is back to normal in Nippleville. Thank goodness.

  20. I read the oppening paragraph and thought, "Oh wow, Bone's engaged..." Not.

    Sounds like things are busy in Alabama. I was expecting to hear about how you set your nipple on fire while lighting charcoal for a barbeque! Hope it's better.

  21. Bone: I'm still waiting on that set list. Feel free to post it as a comment: I'm easy to please :)

    Murf: Sorry, sorry, sorry. My bad. I guess that it just came down to if I could only comment on his nerdiness or his weird bodily issues, the weirdness won out.

    He's right though: we do need to get going on which one of us is supposed to start the comments rolling on a particular topic. I usually leave it to you when Sage and Ed are involved. Am I to assume you're leaving it to me in these situations?

  22. You assume correctly...or maybe you are just a nicer person than I am. :-)

  23. Bone, I HAVE had that nipple problem before! It depends on what you did the friday between the concert and the race. Did you do anything that involved your shirt rubbing against your nipples for a long period of time? Seriously, I'm not kidding. It's like getting a sunburn. OUCH! Anyway, glad you had a good time at the concert, though I'm not a country fan.

  24. hahahaha
    YES I have had this problem just means you are going through menopause!!
    GOOD for you running a 10k!! and of course your time was slower what with nipple burn and all!

    I wish I knew who Kenny chesney clue!! and I am a real music lover! he must be country?? one genre i am not too familiar with.
    I will youtube him just to know who the dot was that you saw!
    love the way u write a story bone!
    have a great weekend!

  25. Busy guy!

    Yes, actually, I have experienced the fiery nipple, but I was breast feeding at the time!

  26. I'm getting tired of looking at "that time my nipple was on fire" though it makes me laugh

  27. For a few days, I tried ignoring your post title on my google reader. But it would not leave me.

    To put out a fire, everyone knows one has to pour water over it. Did you do that?!


  28. The Oak Mtn Ampitheater is just about five minutes from my home. I might've seen you.. except that I wasn't there..

    glad to hear you enjoyed the concert.

  29. I realize I am remiss as usual in reading your blog. Perhaps someone has answered this for you already. But apparently, from what I've heard, there is chaffing. Particularly in the nipple area. Girls don't usually have this problem because we wear bras. So, you could get out your "manzere" or "bro" or there is an ointment (for lack of a better word) that you can put on that will prevent chaffing. Hope this helps. Don't want you to have sore nipples...well, not from running anyway. ;P