Thursday, May 14, 2009

Destin '09

(I apologize for not being around more the past few weeks. Tonight is the Kenny Chesney concert, then Saturday is my 10K run. After that, I think things should start settling down a bit. I'm just now getting around to recapping my recent beach trip, which took place between the 30th of April and the 3rd of May, in the year of our Lord two thousand and nine.)

From the start, there was something different about this beach trip. And not just because Wolfgang and I both had freshly shaven heads. (Yes, when he saw mine he immediately decided to get his shaved. Let's not even analyze that.) No, it was something else.

Perhaps it was because LJ is dating someone for the first time this decade. He recently acquired a girlfriend after going to a speed dating event. They spend an inordinate amount of time on the phone. And although we--Wolfgang and I--still haven't met her, we agree that LJ will be married within a year. The whole trip, Wolfgang kept saying this was the last fling for the three amigos. I didn't even know he knew any Spanish.

Unfortunately, I was unable to use my camera this trip because, apparently, rechargeable batteries are only rechargeable up to a certain point. The cut off seems to be around four or five years. So I have no pictures for you today. Instead, close your eyes and allow my words to paint the images of Destin '09 upon the canvas of your mind. On second thought, you should probably keep your eyes open.

The highlights--or lowlights, I'll let you decide--began our first night there. I saw a girl who appeared to be pulling up her pants in the Wal-Mart parking lot. A bit odd, I thought, but figured she was probably just changing clothes or turning tricks. After she had zipped up, she saw me looking and said, "Yes, I just peed." As if you needed another reason to never go to Wal-Mart barefooted.

Things took a turn for the better on Friday, as I was lying on the beach tanning. (That is, exposing my body to ultraviolet radiation resulting in increased production of melanin; not making leather.) A girl, who I would presume to be between the age of 16 and 35--because who the heck can tell--approached me and said, "Excuse me. Would you mind helping us? We've got a pregnant girl down here and we can't get our umbrella to stay up." (See how much more attractive that is than "I just peed.")

Well, that sounds like a job for me. I sprang from my prone position and what did my wondering eyes behold but an oasis of girls about thirty yards down the beach. There must have been fifteen of them, and yes you guessed it, all between the ages of 16 and 35. Turns out it was a bachelorette party from New Orleans. I successfully planted their umbrella deep within the sand, received many words of undying gratitude, bowed graciously, then returned to my camp and said to Wolfgang, "Now let's get out of here before it falls."

Saturday brought another disturbing example of incorrect, inexplicable and inconsiderate human behavior. I was sitting on the second floor balcony overlooking the pool when a guy came walking down the sidewalk with a dog on a leash. He opened the gate, walked to the edge of the pool, picked the dog up, and PUT THE DOG IN THE POOL! The pool that people swim in! Thus answering that age-old question, what's worse than someone peeing in the Wal-Mart parking lot?

I couldn't believe what was happening. It was clearly posted, "No pets allowed in the pool." Do we really have to have a sign to tell people that? Well, apparently so. Needless to say, none of us got in the pool the rest of the weekend. And if I were a more confrontational person, there could have been a rumble.

As usual, enjoying some seafood was one of the highlights of the trip for me. We hit up The Back Porch, Fudpucker's, some place called AJ's, and of course, my beloved Donut Hole. I would be remiss if I didn't mention Wolfgang and LJ's ultra-conservative eating habits. Wolfgang ordered a burger at every single place we ate, except for the Donut Hole which doesn't even count because that was breakfast. LJ did the same, except he did branch out and order a barbecue sandwich at Fudpucker's.

In other culinary news, the All American Diner had closed down, tragically. That was a highlight for me. However, the Donut Hole was out of key lime donuts, which was a definite lowlight.

And so we close the book on Destin '09. A book with no pictures. Actually, there were a couple of pictures. Before we left Sunday morning, Wolfgang wanted me to take a picture of him, which I did because I needed him to take a picture of me and my hair, or lack thereof. Then he suggested we ask someone to take a group picture of the three of us together. Um, no. Maybe in Whoville. But not here in Heteroville.

Overall, it was a fun trip. The weather was beautiful and my head did not get burned. I returned home feeling refreshed and recharged. Once again left with that old familiar feeling of why have I still not moved close to the beach.

Will this be the last ride for the three amigos? Only time will tell. For my sake--and my blog's sake--I certainly hope not. That means I'd have to fast track going from friends-in-law to friends with Wolfgang.

"I took off for a weekend last month just to try and recall the whole year. All of the faces and all of the places. Wonderin' where they all disappeared..."


  1. The whole trip, Wolfgang kept saying this was the last fling for the three amigos. I didn't even know he knew any Spanish.Oh man, I laughed and laughed at that. If it was because of the Spanish or the "last fling" for you tres, I'm not sure.

    Sounds like a fun trip! (Except for the Wal-Mart incident.) It goes without saying that I'm jealous, right? Thought so.

    Good luck Saturday! Hope you have a good race :)

  2. Peeing in the Wal-mart parking lot? Jeez!

    Have a great time at the concert! I'll just be over here seething with jealousy . . .

  3. Have fun at the concert and tell us about it. Ok?

  4. I read this post before heading out for the evening. When I read the part about putting the dog in the pool, I laughed and laughed. Out loud. Later this evening, while I was in a serious/boring group discussion, I recalled that little part of your story and struggled to stifle a smile. I hope nobody noticed.

  5. So where was the pregnant girl? Was she the bride to be?

    The lines that TC pointed out? It's funny each time I read them yet really it's the way people to speak to each other

    That's leading to, not to put pressure on you, but I think you're intuitively practicing dialogue

    I think you're already at the almost real friends stage. Otherwise you wouldn't have been so comfortable talking about impending nuptials when neither of you have met the girl

    Sorry about the key lime donut

  6. see now you have the perfect memory of your vacation that you can share with the three amigos... "Hey remember that time we went to the beach and that girl was peeing in the Walmart parking lot?" ah the memories!

    I noticed that no one was chipping golf balls into the ocean!

  7. great post bone. what is up with the peeing girL? couldn't she make it to the walmart b.r? So trashy!!
    and I love that the beach party HAD to specify that they had a pregger or what? you wouldn't have helped them so readily?? people are strange! Hope your friend finds happiness in his new love!

  8. I have missed you.
    I only checked your blog twice to make sure my Google Reader wasn't just being mean to you.
    It wasn't.
    But now you are back.

    And I laughed out loud. I wish I was friends with the girl in the WalMart parking lot. Mainly because I want to hear the story from her point of view. Just sayin.

    And. by the way. you can still go to the beach if your boy gets married. Didn't know if you knew. Just wanted to clarify :)

  9. I've peed in a lot of weird places....... but never..........

    And you forgot one more detail of Saturday.....

    Sounds like you had a fabulous trip. I do take it personally that you don't have any pictures, though. Leave it to you to not bring additional batteries.

  10. TC - Jealous that someone spoke Spanish when you weren't around? Yes, that goes without saying.

    MamaZen - Yes, apparently falling prices aren't the only thing you have to watch for now.

    Gautami - Will do. It was fun. Surely I can squeeze out at least a paragraph about it.

    R8chel - Everyone is encouraged to read my blog before (or during) boring meetings and/or discussions.

    Pia - So where was the pregnant girl? Was she the bride to be?

    LOL Um, no I don't think she was the bride-to-be. Not that there's anything wrong with that :)

    I think you're right. We are on the verge of dropping the in-law tag from our friendship, if only out of necessity at this point. Still, you take LJ out of that equation and I'm still afraid what awkwardness might arise.

    Renee - I noticed that no one was chipping golf balls into the ocean!

    Nothing like a Seinfeld reference to make me cackle out loud. No, I asked them if they really wanted to have some fun or if they were just saying they wanted to have some fun. And they both said they were just saying they wanted to have fun.

    Lucy - I have no idea what was up with her, other than she might have been slightly inebriated and she really had to go.

    Yeah, it's not like I wouldn't have helped them anyway. But still, I thought it was a pretty cute damsel-in-distress come-on line :)

    Cami - Aww, thank you. It's kinda nice to be missed :) I'm looking forward to catching up with everyone this weekend.

    I wish you were friends with her, too. Then you could get the story and share it with the rest of us.

    Blondie - Perhaps there should be a Five Weirdest Places You've Peed meme.

    I'm sure I forgot more than one detail ;-)

  11. my grandmother NEVER let me go barefoot "to town."

    guess she knew.

    funny funny story.

  12. Fudpucker's- LOVE IT! They have the best fried pickles!

    Ok, this post made me laugh, like all your post. The girl really was peeing at Wal-Mart. Ahh that's so gross!

    Good luck on your race. I want to hear all about it after you finish. Drink lots of water today, and run hard.

  13. will your shaved head help you run? Good luck tomorrow- Easy Peasy with all the preparation.

    KC - ask if he needs a roadie, and send him my contact info. He's got a shaved head too.
    I'm having flashes of shaved head guys, Dewayne Johnson, the King in"The king and I", Kojak, Howie Mandel, I don't think I really paid that much attention before, the list could go on.
    I went to the driving range the other day, and yes, I had a Senfield moment. Let me tell you I gotta get some skills when it comes to golf... you won't see me on the tour for a long time.

  14. Jealous that someone spoke Spanish when you weren't around?

    Well, that too, but I really meant of the beach trip :)

  15. In the car park?? She can't have been more than 5 minutes away from a public toilet - which most women would be happy to hold on that extra 5 minutes for! Some people are crazy. Like the dog-in-the-pool man. Why would you ever think that was acceptable behaviour?

  16. wait a minute... did you talk to any girls?

  17. Shelby - She was very wise.

    OK Chick - They have good fried everything :)

    Thanks! I had to mention my race so that I would be motivated to get out of bed at 6:30 in the morning to go run it.

    Daily Panic - Excellent question. I figure it should shave at least 8 or 10 seconds off my time. Plus it should be cooler.

    Yes, I notice shaved heads everywhere now. Howie is also a fellow germophobe.

    Eh, hang in there. Golf is fun! I'm not very good either, but it gives me something to spend my bill money on.

    TC - Ah, I see. Thanks for clarifying :)

    J Adamthwaite - Oh, believe me, that thought kept running through my head. You're like fifty yards from a restroom.

    Why would you ever think that was acceptable behaviour?

    I couldn't have said it any better.

    Hotpink - You mean, verbally?

  18. Without all that hair, you should have an all time record at tomorrow's race.

    And isn't it Walmart? You are SO 2005 by using the hyphen.

  19. Funny post but I to want to know the girls reason for peeing where she did. Maybe she just held it to long and couldn't make it but I sure hope it was a better story than that.

    Glad you're back and that you had a great vacation.

  20. So they didn't have batteries for your camera in FL?

    I'm not sure why you're so grossed out about a dog in the pool. People's dead skin cells and hair are in the pool water too. I mean, did you go into the ocean at the beach? The fish and sea creatures poop in there. And there's no chlorine or chemicals to destroy anything.

  21. I don't need a reason to avoid Walmart at all costs though I do know if you have to pee when there go to the back bathroom it is usually clean because it's rarely sued.

    I'm sure you'll give a report on all your fun. I did a 5k a week or so ago was too chicken to do the half marathon.

    Your daily life is either more interesting than mine, or you are able to write it so. Either way I'll be back for the updates.

  22. I normally have my own reasons for avoiding Walmart--I'll add this one to the list! Great recap, Bone. Glad to see that you're still doing your good turn daily!

  23. Then he suggested we ask someone to take a group picture of the three of us together. Um, no. Maybe in Whoville. But not here in Heteroville.HAHA! Gads Bone, you are the master of making awkward situations funny.

    And the part where you told your amigos to high tail it out of there before the umbrella collapsed on the group of women - smart, my man, smart.

    Highly entertaining, as usual. I hope, for the sake of your blog (*grin*), there will be more rides with the three amigos.

    (And thanks for the visit!)

  24. Glad you had a fun trip.

    I am surprised you guys were so freaked out by a dog swimming in the pool....that certainly wouldn't have kept me from enjoying it; I figure a dog is much better than any child under ten years old....

    And your friends didn't eat seafood? That's at least 20% of the fun of a trip to Destin! I love the white sand and pretty water....yeah for a fun get away!

  25. sounds like a good trip...

    How did the 10k go?

  26. Murf - Oh, I think you're right. Well, at least I didn't call it Walmarts.

    PennyCandy - Well, I'm guessing alcohol was at least partly to blame, but I could be wrong.

    Xinh - Well, I didn't get my camera out until our final day there. I was planning to take a few pics Sunday morning just before we left.

    It's just nasty. Plus it's a public pool, so he should have respect for the other guests. Not to mention he was breaking the rules that were clearly posted prohibiting pets.

    Cooper - Well, it must be the writing, because there is no way my daily life is more interesting than yours. Trust me :)

    Oh, and thanks for the clean public restroom tip. There really should be a national database of the best public restrooms.

    Sage - Thanks. I see you're way ahead of me in assimilating to the hyphenless Walmart.

    Write From Karen - Well, I try. If you don't make them funny, they just remain... awkward.

    Thank you. Good to see you around.

    Ally - Nope. They're painfully routine in their eating habits.

    Helene - It went pretty good. I'm hoping to post about it later.