Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Like Elvis, at Libertyland

I have decided that I have the ideal life for a writer. Oh sure, there are no Hemingway-esque safaris to Africa. No lavish Black & White Balls, a la Capote. But my life is so routine that it provides a monumental daily challenge for me to try and make it sound interesting. It's excellent practice really.

I was, however, unusually social this past weekend. Included was dinner at a theme restaurant, a mini Seinfeld marathon at Axl's, and watching the Bama/Tennessee game at Kywana's. It is this latter event which I want to focus on today.

Here is something you should know about me in case we ever hang out. I don't really like watching Bama games with anyone.

First of all, watching the game on TV is like a four hour exercise in anxiety for me. I get extremely nervous just before kickoff and remain that way until the outcome is decided. I pace the floor, put my hands over my face, walk into the kitchen and open the freezer multiple times for no apparent reason. My neck and shoulders become one gargantuan monkey's fist. And we haven't even gotten to the yelling. It's like 95% anxiety, 5% elation and relief. And that's if Bama wins.

As long as I'm at the game, I can stand up and jump and cheer, providing an outlet for my nervous energy. But at home, there isn't as much of an outlet. Especially not with other people around, who I would rather continue to think me sane and allow me around their children.

Over the years, I've conditioned myself to be able to watch a game on TV with one or two other people who know how I am. Anymore than that, or anyone I don't really know, and I'm very uncomfortable. There are certain times one needs to be alone or with one or two members of one's inner circle. It's kinda like when Elvis would rent out Libertyland for the entire night and ride the Zippin Pippin over and over. Or it's nothing at all like that.

Anyway, all season long, various friends have invited me over to watch the away games on TV. And I had turned them all down, or just not answered my phone. Until Saturday night.

Feeling generous, or guilty or something, I accepted Kywana's offer to watch the game at their place. Needless to say, I would never agree to such a meeting without preconditions. I was under the impression it would only be me and Kywana watching the game. The main reason I was under that impression is because they said it would only be me and them watching the game.

Well, I was misled. There wound up being seven adults and five children present--if you consider me an adult--prompting me at one point to remark, "It's like Romper Room up in here." (NOTE: "Up in here" is a hip, cool phrase meaning "in here" or "in dis hizzy.")

I was none too happy at first. But once the game started, I zoned everything else out. Fortunately, I managed to keep my outbursts to a minimum. I think I only yelled a couple of times. Athough it could have been more. I'm not sure I even realize I do it sometimes. It turned out to be not the worst experience in the entire world. Of course, it helped that Bama won.

So I'm thinking maybe being a bit more social isn't so bad after all. I might even start answering the door when someone rings the bell. Or making eye contact with people.

"Thought I knew her, this lady. Opportunist, misled. Always searching for adventure. Like Pandora's box, misled..."


  1. Wait a minute! It was HE who misled you... NOT me! Sorry, I just had to make a disclaimer for myself! Glad to know that you don't have any lasting mental scars from your visit! :)

  2. Funny--you're one of THOSE kind of fans!

  3. Goob. Aside from the fact that you (your phone) was beepin like a dope dealer at a crack house picnic, you seemed normal. At least enough to at least be let out of any local mental health institutions. :-)

  4. I watched the Seinfeld last night where Jerry & Elaine are trying to break up Beth and David (I think that was his name). And Kramer in the Frankenstein jeans. LOL!

    I don't know what Seinfeld your story relates to. Perhaps it is kinda like Jerry & Elaine at the movies with Susan. Cuz they had their own routine for how they did the movie and Susan just didn't get it.

    I'm glad that you were able to enjoy yourself at the gathering...I'm sure it was a huge help that Bama won. But you've provided some insite on the male psyche as to why there is yelling at the TV screen. I beleive there is a bit of securness with the TV as you can yell and not worry that someone will come pound you because you can't be heard.

  5. Mrs. R - Haha. Eh, whichever. It's hard to separate you now. I think of the two of you as one entity.

    Sage - If by that, you mean a passionate, knowledgable fan that other people love being around, then maybe :)

    J Mo - Oh right. I completely forgot to mention that my sister and I (and sometimes other people) text back and forth continuously, griping about the game.

    Thanks. I felt almost normal.

    Renee - Perhaps. But I yell at the games, too. Of course, so do 90,000 other people.

    Hey, at least I'm not a face painter :)

  6. Another classic Bone post. I think you've got this making the routine interesting (read: hilarious) thing down pat.

    I'm not so sure you'd qualify for an adult though... sorry O:) (My Dad and I used to have this ongoing "thing": he'd call me 'child,' I'd call him 'adult,' and he'd respond that there was no proof of that. I think that's gonna be you.)

    I might even start answering the door when someone rings the bell. Or making eye contact with people.

    LOL The best part is you leave us not at all sure if you're kidding or not.

  7. (Though if I was a betting person - which we've seen how well that works for me - I'd bet on not.)

  8. You qualify as an adult for the following three reasons and three reasons only:
    You're self supporting
    You don't live with your mother
    And you buy sheets with a high thread content and know to wash them before using which is easier for you than most New Yorker's as you have a washer & dryer--which is the real reason you qualify as an adult

    Very funny. I could picture you in the beginning of the post

  9. I'm the same way watching any of my teams play. It really doesn't feel healthy. And if the game ends late and I need to get to bed? Forget it. I just lie there tossing and turning, whether we win or lose.

    I am a Phillies fan, so the last month has been wonderful and horrible at the same time. Hopefully tonight will go well.

    Oh, and I'm also a PSU fan, so the rest of the season I have to admit I am totally rooting against you guys. Can't you throw one game so Joepa can go out on top?

  10. Oy... I keep forgetting you are an "Alabama Fan". UT looked horrible... well they have all season.

    I really didn't know you were not that social... surprising, I suppose!

    Hope you are doing great!

  11. TC - The best part is you leave us not at all sure if you're kidding or not.

    Yeah, I figured it was best to leave that up in the air :) Thanks.

    Pia - So washer & dryer equates to adulthood? Yeah, I can see that. However, "self-supporting" is a bit strong, considering my monthly allowance.


    Susan - Um no, I don't think we want to do that :) Root aganist Texas!

    Shayna - Well, I go through phases. I probably require a greater than average amount of alone time, though.

  12. Oh man. That's exactly how my college buddies were. Games were fun to attend anyway but I loved how much more entertainment they provided. I could probably be a doctor with all the near miss heart attacks and seizures I witnessed.

  13. I think he would have been much happier giving a speach on Ovaltine!
    Instead he was thanking all his bosses (me included!)

  14. how 'bout that Arkansas State game with the former Indians later today.. oughta be fun.

  15. Charlotta - It's a very stressful time for me. I should hook myself up to a BP monitor or something during a game.

    Renee - Gotta support your team :)

    Shelby - Turned out to be pretty fun! Honestly, I figured it would be a little closer than it was.

  16. we had a bucket of left-over candy cuz not enough kids showed up...so DD has two buckets of candy. I think we're covered! Besides here in the hilly part of the world you have to walk up & down loads of driveways with hills to them to get all that candy...it's a work out! I need a Twix after all of that!!!

  17. I forgot I wasn't supposed to mention the monthly allowance :) Sorry Bone didn't mean to blow your cover

    And you know I think having a washer/dryer is ultimate sign of adulthood as I was deprived of one for so long

  18. Renee - You should have made a candy lineup for DD. Make her correctly identify the candy bar before she can eat it :)

    Pia - It's OK. It's really not that much anymore. It dropped significantly when I turned 35.