Monday, October 06, 2008

Golf in the time of cooing

Life is--how shall I put this... ah yes, that's it--a highway. An unpredictable series of ups, downs, and embarrassing gaffes. 'Tis a colorful array of accomplishments, milestones, moments, and naps. I recently experienced two such events on the same day.

Two weeks ago this past Tuesday marked my 13,000th day on the face of the Earth. I'm not one to be shy about my age, as I've been told I have the body of a man several thousand days younger. OK, I really haven't been told that, but consider it a suggested compliment.

I embrace the next... hmm, what do you call a thousand days anyway? A long time to be married? Oh, please, shut up. Seriously, stop applauding. Don't start throwing lingerie. Especially not you, sir. Thank you, thank you. I'll be here the rest of my life.

One thousand days. It's not a millenium. We'll call it a minilenium. The dawn of a new minilenium is a time to take stock of one's life, to reflect on just how little one has accomplished and matured in the past thousand days, and to wonder aloud (perhaps while sobbing openly), "What the heck happened to my life?" It's a most joyous occasion.

My 13,000th day passed without any fanfare. It did, however, involve a round of golf. In that way, it was not unlike days number 12994, 13003, et al.

I was on the par four 8th hole at the beautiful Valley Landing Golf Course. I'd hit my tee shot off to the right, over the cart path, and into a little ditch beside the road. A not uncommon predicament to find myself in.

I took out my three wood and hacked away at my second shot. It was as if a huge breeze from heaven lifted my ball. It went sailing up into the sky, held there for a moment, then dropped right onto the edge of the green, about ten feet from the hole.

Arriving at the green, I took out my not so trusty putter and studied the slope, reading a bit of right to left break. The putt appeared to be on line at first, then began to drift ever so slighlty left. It slowed nearly to a stop just as it reached the left edge of the cup. I thought I had missed it.

Then, as if a little invisible golf gnome wearing a red and white striped hat was helping it, the ball fell in. I dropped my putter to the ground and raised my hands to heaven in near disbelief. It was the first birdie of my life.

I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but at that moment, I was a golfer. I briefly contemplated retirement. The thought passed quickly. I mean, what else would I do in the afternoons?

My first birdie and turning 13,000 on the same day. The new minilenium is off to a rousing start.

In other milestone news, guess who turned forty last week.

Don't worry buddy. Forty is the new six weeks. Can't you see the resemblance? Although I'm not sure I could rock that shirt. Actually, as a guy, I'm not even sure I should be using the phrase "rock that shirt."

Nephew Bone has been racking up quite a few accomplishments of his own. Sometimes he smiles if I talk to him about trick-or-treating, or maybe just because I'm funny lookin'. And he coo's now. Everybody seems a lot more impressed by that than by my birdie, including me. Next thing you know, he'll be rolling over. And in another few thousand days, I might break 80.

"Life's like a road that you travel on, when there's one day here and the next day gone. Sometimes you bend and sometimes you stand. Sometimes you turn your back to the wind..."


  1. While none of the girl scouts in the troop would know who Shirley Jones is, I'm pretty sure that all the moms would as they are all about my age or older. And yes the bridge did seem a bit like that, but everyone seemed to enjoy it.

    Congrats on your milestones. both were occasions worthy of at least a beer. ;) and yes congrats on the young bone turning 40 (days) that's a big one too...but I suspect that his mother might kill you if you offered him a beer. Perhaps you can keep track of all the beers you owe him and save them up for his 21st birthday party...I'm sure it will be enough to get quite smashed! ;) ummm maybe your sis would kill you for that too.

  2. I'd like to tell you that people will get over him cooing, but honestly? It doesn't really get old. And besides, he'll change so fast that whatever else he accomplishes next will definitely be more impressive than a good round of golf for you ;-)

    Congrats on your first-ever birdie. Maybe now your poor putter won't get maligned so much, 'eh?

  3. What's wrong with cooing? You didn't complain when Mama Bone and her many relatives, Dad Bone etc cooed over you around 13,000 days ago

    Babies sleep, poop and smile. That's their job. Yours is to coo the funniest so he will remember :)

    You will get to teach Nephew Bone many things his parents will be too embarrassed to or he will be too embarrassed to talk to them about

    Hope your Birdie is the first of many more

  4. Your titles just get better and better

  5. First Birdie AND a coo? Wow Bone, better slow down there--don't want to get overwhelmed :) Baby girl is *this close* to a real smile, and I've gotten one or two coo's out of her, but nothing significant yet.

  6. I'm a fan of the post title change.

  7. Renee - Actually, when I google imaged the Partridge Family bus, there weren't any flowers on it, just a bunch of colorful quadrilaterals. Weird.

    Yes, I'm quite sure she would.

    Someone - Easy for you to say. You didn't see that shot I hit :) Kidding.

    Pia - I can't say whether or not I complained, though I was told a few weeks ago that I had the nine-month colic and cried nonstop when I was little.

    I am looking forward to many adventures with Nephew Bone... after he is potty trained of course.

    Jen - I've discovered I'll do basically anything to try to get him to smile.

    Glad you all like the new title, which was the original title until I deleted the post and changed the title, then changed it back.

  8. I'm sure the shot was quite impressive. However, I'm also more sure that people in love with a 40 (-day old baby) can't seem to see how anything compares... and it doesn't. Well, until he's old enough to go golfing with you, and with hero-worship in his eyes, tells everyone about your Birdie.

    Glad you all like the new title, which was the original title until I deleted the post and changed the title, then changed it back.

    I think that's a clue to go with your first instincts... :)

  9. Congratulations, sir. 13,000 is an accomplishment. People born in your day only had a life expectancy of 9,000. Congratulations, congratulations.

    (And FYI, I'm only 9,701.)

    Your first birdie sounds WONDERFUL! I like to think more of a little leprechaun helping your ball to the hole, but that's just cause I am a St. Patty's Day brat.

    Nephew Bone is adorable. Maybe we'll have to hook him up with Olivia in about 5,000 days.

  10. He's so cute. Of course, you could "rock that shirt."

  11. Happy Birthday Bone. Oh, did I tell you I went golfing for the first time and got a 76. That's right! A 76! I rocked those 9 holes like you rock that shirt.

  12. I just love the neph pics! My nephew is my favorite too!

  13. Ha! This was a great post! You are too funny, no seriously, you are!

    Congrats on becoming a real golfer. I'll alert Tiger. ;)

    P.S. Of course you can expect a similar post from me on your birthday. I'll just need a pic and you know what kind I'm talkin bout.

  14. I just about had a heartattack when I typed in your blog address and it came up and said, "website not found".

    Then I realized I had typed it wrong... since the template update, I haven't updated links yet.

    Anyways, cool pic.

  15. I just about had a heartattack when I typed in your blog address and it came up and said, "website not found".

    Then I realized I had typed it wrong... since the template update, I haven't updated links yet.

    Anyways, cool pic.

  16. Happy belated birthday.
    Congrats on the birdie.
    And tell your sister her kid is a cutie patootie!!