Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The gravitational pull of H2O
Blogging away while wondering if the Runner's World magazine I bought at Wal-Mart Sunday night somehow cancels out the Soap Opera Weekly I also purchased...

I am convinced that in the summertime, heat mixes with water causing a chemical reaction which actually gives the water a stronger gravitational pull than that of the land it divides.

Now you won't find this in any standard textbook and there's no Pythagorean Theorem or anything like that for it, but I am persuaded that it is true. (I hope to get my theory added to the Wikipedia entry for "water" soon.) Evidence can be seen in the hordes of people found at lakes, rivers, pools, beaches, water parks, swimming holes, and the like.

And so, I am drawn to the water. Saturday, I went over to my sister's to swim in her above ground pool. And by swim, I mean, lie on a float and allow the sun to deflower my tender, milky white skin.

The deck they are building alongside the pool is about half finished. And that's a good thing, because at first my sister's husband would back his truck up to the edge of the pool so that they could get in and out. I don't want to jinx anything, but we're hoping they'll make the 2008 You Might Be A Redneck If... calendar.

Little Joe, Wolfgang, and I made another trip to Kinlock on Sunday. I don't really understand the appeal of Kinlock to Wolfgang. He can't swim and he won't jump off the rocks. The odd thing is, more times than not, it's his idea to go to Kinlock.

Sunday, he slid down the falls one time, climbed out and sat on a rock for the rest of the time we were there. He seems to enjoy it though. I think the transition to senility will be a smooth one for him.

The two of them are going to New York later this year. Wolfgang was telling me about the place they'll be staying. Apparently, they have to share a bathroom with other guests. Sounds like maybe a hostel to me, but they never called it that. LJ overheard us.

LJ: "I told you Bone wouldn't like that idea at all."
WG: "What do you mean? He didn't say he didn't like it."
LJ: "Did you not see that fear of death look on his face when you told him we'd be sharing a shower with other people?"

True, that situation doesn't really mesh well with my Lysol-spraying, Vitamin C-taking, germophobic lifestyle. I just found it amusing that LJ knew that and wondered how and when picked up on that part of my personality.

I also discovered that LJ has an even worse agedar than I do. While Wolfgang and I were surmising the age of one of the girls there Sunday, LJ overheard us and stated disgustedly, "She's twelve!"

The girl had a tattoo on her lower back and later we saw her smoking a cigarette. So that would have to make her at least, what, fourteen? Pfft. Shows what you know, LJ. Still, I'm unsure if the tramp stamp cigarette defense would hold up in court.

In other Bachelors Gone Wild news, Sunday night at Wal-Mart I came across something in frozen foods that made me wonder if I hadn't slipped on the newly waxed floor, cracked my head open, and ascended to the heavens above: Patio burritos... 33 cents each! Oh my heavens! I got three! I like to melt a slice of American cheese on top of mine in the microwave.

Meanwhile, the water continues to beckon. Jamie called last night to see if I wanted to go to the city pool with her tonight. And Wolfgang, Little Joe, and I are planning a trip to the beach next month.

Ah yes, the ocean. The strongest gravitational pull of all.

"It's two bare feet on the dashboard, young love in an old Ford. Cheap Shades and a tattoo and a Yoo-Hoo bottle on the floorboard..."

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22 Comments:
Blogger Gay said...
Ya know, if I were still young and single, there could be a future for us... But I think I'm old enough to be your (unwed teenaged) mother. :wink:

I love these ramblings. Glad it's summer. Hope we get more.

--Gay

Blogger DCchick said...
mmmm, the beach.

Anonymous pia said...
This was hysterical. Kind of partial to your b-i-l's truck, Wolfgang at the Fall's, you at Wal-Mart, your friends going to NY

Oh right I am founder, president and whatever of the Bone Appreciation Society

But the deflowering of your skin was a visual I could have lived without

On the other hand it made me laugh.

Blogger Renee said...
I find it really hard to believe that a germaphobe like you would step foot in a public pool!

The thought gives me the hibby-gibbies! Like Jerry with Kramer's hot tub.

The ocean & the waterfall are okay though. And I've been trying to talk DH into a pool for our yard...we don't have much of a yard but DH is worried about grass kill. Frankly we can't keep the grass on the sunny side of the yard green cuz the sun just cooks it. That would be the perfect location for a pool...but we would have to level it. Our entire backyard slopes to drain into our neighbor's basement.

Blogger Renee said...
I updated my last post to include a link to the old one for you. I think all your new questions are new. She's still sleeping (we stayed up really late lastnight!) so I'll have her answer them when she gets up.

Blogger Bone said...
Gay: But I think I'm old enough to be your (unwed teenaged) mother.

LOL Ah, if I had a nickel...

DCChick: Mmmm, indeed! I can barely wait.

Pia: The Bone Appreciation Society, aka BASOC. Or BonAppEty?

But the deflowering of your skin was a visual I could have lived without

You could have lived without it, but why deprive yourself?

Renee: Oh, don't make me start freaking out about the pool. Besides, the water is heavily chlorinated, so it's germ-free. Right?

I think it was a good idea to link to last year's post.

Blogger Heather B. said...
Good lord, you're fucking funny.

(I said 'fuck' just for you. You can thank me later)

Blogger Avery Laine said...
Thank the dear Lord someone feels the pull of water as strongly as myself! I can count on one hand the number of days I've spent away from water since Memorial Day. That's a grand total of TWO, in case you were wondering.

No one cracks my stuff up quite like you, Sir Bone. A few of my faves:

allow the sun to deflower my tender, milky white skin

I don't want to jinx anything, but we're hoping they'll make the 2008 You Might Be A Redneck If... calendar.

I think the transition to senility will be a smooth one for him.

Gonna stop now, before I quote the ENTIRE post.

Can I go to the beach with you guys?? I promise I'm no trouble. Park me with a towel and a good book on the beach and pick me up in 4-5 days.

Blogger Traveling Chica said...
Blogging away while wondering if the Runner's World magazine I bought at Wal-Mart Sunday night somehow cancels out the Soap Opera Weekly I also purchased...

In a word: No.

If I want to leave a typical long comment, I’m clearly going to have to write something before Avery does next time: uff da. I cracked up at all the lines she mentioned, but the other thing that got my attention was this:

The girl had a tattoo on her lower back and later we saw her smoking a cigarette. So that would have to make her at least, what, fourteen? Pfft. Shows what you know, LJ. Still, I'm unsure if the tramp stamp cigarette defense would hold up in court.

I’m not sure it really matters if the tramp stam/cigarette defense could hold up in court about her being 14 vs. 12 because, well… any judge is going to look at 3, 34 year-old-men, and tell you those two years really matter little O:) I mean, it’s only the difference of a 20-22 year-old. Which really means the difference of an entire person who can’t legally drink but does constantly, like LiLo, and someone who can. Take from that what you will.

(Ok, I guess it got kinda long anyway.)

Blogger hotpinksox said...
I'm looking for a pool with a cabana boy. Do you know of any?

Blogger Sizzle said...
"I think the transition to senility will be a smooth one for him."

love that.

i miss the ocean. nothing like it!

Blogger Bone said...
Heather B: Well, thank you.

Avery: Why, thank you Miss Laine. Feel free to come along, assuming you can take five and a half hours discussing General Hospital past and present. Plus, I think we could all use some help with our age-dar.

Traveling Chica: Um, did you say anything before Lilo? :)

(You get bonus points for mentioning her, by the way.)

HotPink: Do I know of any cabana boys, or pools with them?

Actually, no, on both counts. Sorry :)

Sizzle: Thanks. I miss it, too. The countdown is on! Wait, no it isn't. I don't know the exact day we're going yet. The countdown will be on in a few days.

Blogger Arlene said...
I love me some ocean!

Anonymous girlfpsgamer said...
That Kinlock place looks really nice, I do like large bodys of clean H20 and [slightly] prefer rivers/lakes to beaches.
Also around here I prefer winter over summer.

And I was going to list a few germs that can live for days in a freshly chlorinated pool (like cryptosporidiosis) but thought I better not, just try not drink pool water.

Anonymous kontan said...
When we get moved I will have to take the girls to Kinlock, thanks for the idea!

Blogger OK Chick said...
I would like to go to the beach with you. I haven't been to the beach in 3 years.

I'll back up your theory, Bone. I'll write in circles and confuse them so much they will think I proved your right, though that's not necessary, we all know you are right.

We "had no truck", so had to bury our above ground pool 2 feet in the ground so we could get in, a truck would have been less work.

You are freaking funny.

Blogger Java Boo Boo said...
I hear you about the beach. It was fabulous on Saturday. When you guys figure out when you're going let me know. We were talking about another beach trip shortly. N and S want to go too I believe. Was that a crazy hotel experience or what?? LB is coming into town Friday, and S and M will be here Saturday for that big wedding in Hvegas. We'll all have to get together and chill at my place. Peace out!

sigh...so my first week in Yakima was freezing...second week, upper 70's low 80's...this last week and a half...cool and windy! Its summer, youre rubbing it in and Im here wearing long sleeves and wishing I had brought my coat...

Blogger Gay said...
The BonAppEty... I love it. (Pia--Can I join?) It took me a good part of the evening to clean my computer screen after that one.

I wonder if I can convince Mac to make a model with windshield wipers next time? Or maybe a sneeze screen like they have at salad bars that comes up when I read Bone's posts?

I don't bother quoting from the original... might as well cut and paste the whole damn thing.

Anonymous InterstellarLass said...
You bust out Kenny Chesney lyrics? Come on...at least let's have another beer in Mexico...

But the Runner's World definitely cancels out Soap Opera Digest.

Blogger Bone said...
Arlene: You and me both, Brizzle.

GirlFPS: I prefer the beach to the river, as long as it's a clean beach.

Um yeah, thanks for not telling me about the pool water germs :)

Kontan: It's fun. Lemme know if you need directions.

OK Chick: Wow, you are long overdue then. Pack your bags. Woflgang & LJ will be excited I'm getting some girls to go along :)

Marcia: You are freaking funny.

Thanks. That makes me smile. Oh, and thanks for backing me up, too :)

JavaBooBoo: We're planning to go in the middle of July. To Panama City, though I'd prefer Destin.

Tagster: Aww, well that doesn't sound too awfully cool. There definitely hasn't been a hint of a chill around here for quite awhile.

Gay: Aww, thank you. You should patent the monitor shield. What would we call it?

Lass: Yeah, I used that one because of the tattoo line.

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