Monday, June 25, 2007

When you can't fight it, you can't fight it

Bachelor Tip of the Day: You do not make chocolate milk by mixing milk and Hershey's cocoa powder. Despite however logical it may sound, it does not work.

Addendum: When it says "unsweetened" on the Hershey's can, they mean it.


I hung out at Little Joe's last Sunday night with him and Wolfgang. We shot pool for a bit and may or may not have been making small non-monetary wagers on the games.

Little Joe is the last person I personally know who still connected to the internet at 28800 bits per second. He has only been off dial-up for a couple of weeks now, and therefore is just discovering that empire of time-wasting delights known as YouTube. (MySpace would also fit there, but he has not yet discovered that. Although I should tell him about it so I can be #1 on his top eight!)

LJ informed us that his YouTube adventures included downloading music videos from the 80's along with General Hospital clips from the 90's. Well, I saw nothing wrong with either of those. Both seem completely normal to me.

As Wolfgang and I began our first game of 8-ball, LJ said he was going to put on some music and disappeared into the next room. A few seconds later, I heard the familiar opening bars of an 80's power ballad blaring from the computer speakers. I couldn't quite place the song until I heard the opening lyrics...

Girl you're looking fine tonight...

LJ reentered the room.

"The Jeff Healey Band?" I might have snickered as I said it.

"Yeah," LJ had a what's-wrong-with-that tone. "You don't like that song?" He spoke with an innocence rarely found in a 35-year-old man.

"No, it's fine. I just... wasn't expecting it, I guess."

"Well, what's your favorite 80's song?"

I was thinking maybe something like Sweet Child O' Mine or Tainted Love, but instead replied nonchalantly, "I don't know."

"I was trying to think of mine today," LJ revealed. "I think mine would be Can't Fight This Feeling."

(pause for effect)

OK. There's nothing wrong with that song. I have it on my iPod. But if you're a guy, even if that is your favorite song, there's no need to share that with anyone else. Especially not with other guys when there are no easily accessible exits.

Meanwhile, Wolfgang seemed oblivious to the whole conversation. Either he wasn't familiar with the song or he was just trying to block out these disturbing pool room confessions.

After the Jeff Healey Band was done, Kokomo came on. So I'm thinking, alright, the Beach Boys, much better. Their music fits most any situation. They sing about surfing and girls and woodies. Nothing can be manlier than that. Then comes song number three...

Oceans apart, day after day, and I slowly go insane...

Can you name that tune? That's right, Richard Marx and Right Here Waiting.

Now again, nothing wrong with the song. I have the cassette single. It was even kinda hard not to sing along. And this would have been a perfect playlist if you had a girl over or something, and... Ronald Reagan was still President. It's just not the kind of music you blast while hanging with the boys.

Nevertheless, there we were, three 29 to 35 year old single males, shooting pool while listening to the flowing melodies of Richard Marx. Is it just me, or is there something fundamentally wrong with that scene?

By this time, I'm thinking, if Wind Beneath My Wings comes on, I'm out! I mean, if you're gonna play 80's ballads all night, at least give me some Tommy Page or Nicole Richie's dad or something.

I should insert here that the music was really loud. You could hear it all over the house. LJ must have had the computer speakers turned up as loud as they would go. Finally, after about the fifth or sixth consecutive slow song, Centerfold came on. Never in my life had I been so relieved to hear the J. Geils Band.

So went another evening hanging with Wolfgang and Little Joe. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to burn this Roxette CD onto my iTunes.

"Lift you up when you're feeling down, make your whole world turn around. I'll give my heart and soul to you, to let you know this love is true..."

43 comments:

  1. I didn't even like half those songs back in the 80's!!! Jeff Healey, yes, loved that song. I'm with you on the Tainted Love, that was more my speed. Ugh, REO Speedwagon...that's going to be running through my head all day now.

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  2. Yay! I got the first spot!! Whoohoo!!!

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  3. I once tried the cocoa powder and milk. It's a sad discovery isn't it...

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  4. Darly & I are both ROTFLOL about the cocoa...and wondering why a single guy (such as yourself) would have baking cocoa powder in the house. LOL!

    Yeah LJ seems a bit weird...why all 80's balads for the guys? There were plenty of good songs for guys back then...I mean it was the age of Def Lepard for petes sake! "It's better to burn out...than fade away!"

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  5. I could not stop laughing while reading this and could once again have a page long comment. However, I read and re-read it several time to pick out my very favorite line that made me laugh harder than all the others. With no furhter adieu , I present my favorite line:

    It was even kinda hard not to sing along.

    ROFL

    I think this sentence sums up why you and LJ & Wolfgang work so well as a group of friends. You might be thinking he's crazy, but at the same time, you can't help but want to get into the song.

    Great post :-)

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  6. Carnealian: Yeah, I thought about the next time LJ sank a ball, saying, "Way to bring that ship into the shore." But I held my tongue.

    Charlottalove: Yes, it is. Very sad. Disappointing. And also quite messy.

    Renee: Always glad to provide you and Darly with some amusement :) And I had cocoa powder because I made cookies a couple of weeks ago.

    TC: It was even kinda hard not to sing along.

    Well, it was O:) You try not singing "Wherever you go... whatever you do... I will be right here waiting for you." It's near impossible, I tell ya.

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  7. Oh I would never dream of trying to not sing along! I love that song.

    That said... I'm a girl. So if I want to sing along to Richard Marx while in the company of a 29-35 year old man, I sure hope that's acceptable ;)

    (Every once in a great while, double standards are a good thing...)

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  8. The 80's? When was that? I was in medical school and residency for the latter part, and my brain circuitry for "normal life" was erased, I think. I don't believe I can name a single song from the decade.

    You CAN make a decent glass of chocolate milk with the powder if you heat it up, add sugar then put it in the fridge to cool back down again. Just don't boil the milk or you'll spoil the flavor. (My mom bought the powder for baking but didn't believe in choc milk. A kind babysitter used to let us make batches to get around cruel mom when I was a kid).

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  9. You should have been relived to hear J Geils :)

    I hated them when I first heard them, thought they were sexist and more

    But...

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  10. You know that you weren't playing "pool" but you were watching "beaches" ;) And I wouldn't have known about the milk and cocoa, but the "unsweetened" part would've clued me in. ha.

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  11. Love the cocoa powder tip, wonder how many have actually tried that.
    Funny how 80's songs have been a topic of a lot of conversations I have had lately, I guess no matter what you listen to, nothing beats the songs of our youth.

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  12. TC: Yeah, you enjoy that one. Meanwhile, I'll continue to enjoy peeing while standing up in public restrooms :)

    Gay: See, that's just entirely too much work for me. Not to mention I'd probably mess up on the milk :)

    Pia: I was! A litte J. Geils Band instantly increases the testosterone in the room like 200%.

    Carmen: You know that you weren't playing "pool" but you were watching "beaches"

    LOL Darn, I thought I had disguised that well enough.

    Michelle: Yeah, those 80's songs just never seem to die. And I never seem to tire of listening to them. Thanks for stopping by!

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  13. "Nicole Richie's dad" heh, that's funny:) And I could've used your bachelor tip back about thirty years ago. Why does the powder just float on top like that? fyi, vanilla soy milk does not work in coffee, either--it coagulates. And I thought it'd be yummy.
    I'm kinda partial to Joan Jett singing, "don't give a damn 'bout my reputation..." Oh, it's me, totally.

    LOL, you watch soaps, you read soap magazines, you admit this, but hearing ballads in front of two other guys gives you the heebies? A guy can like any REO song, especially if he wears crocs. Just kidding--you guys aren't wearing crocs, are you?

    Great post, enjoyed it:)

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  14. oh, I meant to add that I almost told the Lazy Iguana that his new shoes were unmanly, but thought better of it.

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  15. I love Squeeze (oh now get your mind outta the gutter!) Pulling Muscles From a Shell, Tainted Love, Tempted might be my favorite...that entire cd is great

    As for the chocolate milk... ya just need to add the sugar and its not bad! lol The real question is what were you doing with unsweetened chocolate in your house! COOKING?@!?!?!??!?!??!?

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  16. Meanwhile, I'll continue to enjoy peeing while standing up in public restrooms

    LOW blow, Bone, low blow.

    Uff da.

    *glares*

    Just for that I won't tell you all about listening to Sunday at the 80's and a certain MJ song I listened to...

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  17. Since no one else seems willing to make a fool of themselves for the sake of Bone with a mile long comment, I'll take one for the team. :)

    OMG! I died laughing at this post from beginning to end. It shouldn't surprise me that you attempted to make chocolate milk with Hershey's cocoa powder . . . but, somehow, it did. I was shocked and appalled at your naivette. Bone, Bone, Bone. I'm going to have to ask you to do better.

    Do NOT introduce LJ to MySpace. Please. For his own sake. I'm relatively certain that that tiny bit of information could change him into Sandra Bullock from The Net: He would never leave his house again.

    LOVE the Jeff Healey Band, I mean, how can you NOT love a band with rockin' tunes headed by a blind front man? However, having said that, you must realize that I'm under an alias. Were I using my real name - I would claim no knowledge of this Jeff Healey Band you speak of. Jeff-who??

    Pretending I couldn't name the Richard Marx tune after the second word. whistling to herself So, how bout those Braves??

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  18. PS - Did LJ play any Christopher Cross? I mean . . . is it just me . . or does that seem to fit??

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  19. I hate when I come late to the party and everyone's already said pretty much everything I've wanted to say.

    Little Joe and Wolfgang sounds like a sitcom waiting to happen.

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  20. Actonbell: Why does the powder just float on top like that?

    It truly is one of the great mysteries of science. Also, another tip, yelling "Dissolve!" repeatedly doesn't seem to help much :)

    And no, I've never worn crocs.

    Kate: Yes, I recently made cookies. I feel like I should go to bachelor's anonymous or something :)

    TC: Well, I had to come back with something. So I pulled out an old standby :)

    Aww, MJ. Do tell!

    Avery Laine: Wow, only 193 words, not bad at all. Ooo, maybe the Jeff Healey Band has a MySpace page! I gotta look now.

    I would claim no knowledge of this Jeff Healey Band you speak of.

    Haha. That's probably what I should have done. Stop it. Please. I'm fighting the urge to pull the shoebox holding all my cassette singles out of the closet...

    And no. No Christopher Cross. Fortunately.

    Xinher: Oh, no doubt! Kind of a Darryl and Darryl meets a young Odd Couple.

    Shelby: Maybe I could get a sitcom deal with the CW or SpikeTV or something. Surely it can't be that hard.

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  21. TC said...
    Meanwhile, I'll continue to enjoy peeing while standing up in public restrooms

    LOW blow, Bone, low blow.

    Uff da.

    *glares*
    I'm seriously considering getting one of these http://sheweeusa.com/shop/item.asp?itemid=4 especially since so many gals seem to think they can stand up w/o one.

    The laughs tonight are good therapy. Won't know anything new until at least the morning.

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  22. It's been awhile but I have wandered back into the blogger world. I love your bachelor tip of the day! That seems like one of those common sense things to me but I guess I'm wrong...

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  23. Last month I bought a pack of bakers 100% cocoa because I thought it was probably a little heather then 85% and it couldn't possibly be as bad as people say. So I ate a square, it tasted like dirt compared to 85% cocoa.
    If I'm to finish the rest of the cocoa I might have to disregard the 'Bachelor Tip of the Day' and mix it with milk to try to make it tolerable.

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  24. LOLOL! I LOVE THIS! I'm sitting here, right this very minute, listening to an 80's Internet radio station. And in fact, have been surfing YouTube for 80's videos. What, are we stuck in a time warp or something?!

    And I don't know, Bone, if I stumbled across some guys hanging out with Richard Marx, I might think they were sensitive sort of dudes and investigate. *wink*

    Thanks for the laughs - now go put on Guns'N'Roses please. *grin*

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  25. Avery Laine said...
    Since no one else seems willing to make a fool of themselves for the sake of Bone with a mile long comment, I'll take one for the team.


    And by no one else, you mean me? ;) 'Eh, Bone just always mocks me by word counting my comments, so I figured that instead of one SUPER long one, I'd just comment like 12 times on this post.

    (I'm assuming that's acceptable, Bone? *er*)

    Aww, MJ. Do tell!

    Nope, you lost that chance to hear about my Sunday at the 80's adventures :-P

    Nice to see I reduced you to an old standby though ;)

    Ewww, Renee, I looked at that thing. And you'd put it back in your purse???????? Then again, I'm thinking it could have it's purposes. Like camping. Or gross gas station bathrooms. Or just for the sake of telling Bone that I got to pee standing up too ;)

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  26. Btw... I just have to add... I love that comments make Bone want to pull out his CASSETTES.

    Seriously... because he still has ways to listen to them, lol ;)

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  27. Between the chocolate and Richard Marx, I'm embarassed to know you.

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  28. I'm pretty sure I'll be singing Centerfold all day now :-) Thanks!
    Why didn't you just saying something. Tell him to turn off his date mix ;-)

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  29. Oh, and the cocoa, EWWWWW. How do you not know that? Silly single guy ;-)

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  30. Renee: The shewee!! LOL I've never heard of that. That's hilarious. These are the kinds of ideas I should be thinking of.

    Krista: Welcome back! Well, the hot chocolate powder mixes in with water, so I figured this powder would mix with milk.

    GirlFPS: Well, I had the powder. Maybe yours will work better :)

    WriteFromKaren: What, are we stuck in a time warp or something?!

    Most anyone who knows me would answer that question affirmatively for me :)

    Ooo, so you're saying Richard Marx could be a good thing... Hmm, back to the drawing board, I guess.

    TC: Yes, 12 comments per post is both acceptable and encouraged.

    Yes, I have ways to listen to cassettes. I still have the capability to make a mix tape, should the need ever arise O:)

    Brookelina: But not the General Hospital, huh? You like that, don't you ;-)

    Arlene: E'erbody sing! Naah nah na na nah nah...

    As for how I did not know, see my above response to Krista.

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  31. i can't even comment i am lauging so hard....

    i literally have tears rolling down my face...

    and i am in pain from laughing because my trainer has been kicking my ass so much lately that it hurts to laugh.... so i can't think....

    ok...... now, you CAN get that poweder to work for chocolate milk but you have to SHAKE it in a tighly closed lidded container like we mortal women used to make slim fast in.. but since it's baking POWEDER you need to add sugar... it will also desolve better if you first - i know this is gross: warm 1 cup of milk... at the same time mix the powder and sugard... than pour the warm milk over the sugard powder mix..... THEN add more milk and shake.........

    as for the musical marvel... no "up where we belong?" no "total eclipse of the heart" (the original), no "betty davis eyes"... no Air Supply singing "the one that you love?"

    what about The Captian & Tennille with "do that to me one more time"

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  32. 33 is my lucky number or any derivative of 9 so
    WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE JEFF HEALEY BAND?

    Some of us have very personal connection to that song. Not as much as Rod Stewart who I always associate with that time, and a lot of songs people with eight tracks, duh, tape whatevers wouldn't have

    Wow, do I feel better now

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  33. That was hilarious! Um, guys do have an image to uphold when hanging with other guys, don't they? I would think 80's ballads would not make the cut...

    :)

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  34. Duh, I do realize the absurdity of bachelors playing "Girl, you..." but it's a great song

    If you want to talk about 80's musicians who should have been shot, pick Phil Collins. Actually I tried that once....

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  35. I still have the capability to make a mix tape, should the need ever arise O:)

    I think just the fact that you can still do that means the need to do so is there, Bone :)

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  36. You have MySpace? I think I still have room in my Top 8...

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  37. Question girl: Ooo, is that like the old Jello pudding shaker?

    I love Total Eclipse Of The Heart!!!

    Wait, was that out loud?

    What about Peaches & Herb? :)

    Pia: You like Rod Stewart better than Phil Collins??? No way. You and I would have to argue over the radio :)

    Circe: Yes, yes they do. Or so I thought. Maybe all guys didn't get this memo?

    TC: You're probably right. I actually have more cassette players than CD players.

    Jennifer: No, I don't have MySpace!!! That's ludicrous!

    *looking around to see if everyone else has stopped reading*

    (Send me a friend request!)

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  38. Well, if you get really bored... I mean, I'm not guaranteed a CD player in the car Tag and I rented for our trip to Alaska... I'm just saying... O:)

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  40. The powder clumps in cold milk, as you probably know. However, there is a recipe for hot cocoa using Hershey powder, though it requires lots of sugar, boiling water, and about 3 weeks to perfect it so it's smooth, sweet, chocolatey, and not too hot all at the same time.

    Great post BTW! :)

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  41. TC: Haha. Actually, I think you're more likely to find a CD player in a car than a cassette player. Sadly.

    Jen: Yeah, someone had mentioned earlier that you could boil it and stuff. That's too much effort for me really :)

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  42. I always thought so too, but the last time I rented a car it came complete with a tape deck and no CD player.

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