Great moments in automobile history

The following is dedicated to the clueless individual in the Chevy Tracker-like vehicle that I almost ramrodded into oblivion driving home from a frustrating round of golf...

Allow me to introduce you to the turn signal, also known as the blinker. The turn signal is a safety feature included on every car manufactured since 1956, also known as the Eisenhower administration.

Typically located on the steering column, the turn signal is used by sensible drivers like myself to warn other drivers that the car will soon be slowing to make a turn. Quite an invention, eh?

Yes. Almost perfect. It has but one design flaw: It must be flipped up or down in order to be activated. Otherwise, it is rendered virtually worthless.

It all seems so simple. Even the name itself, turn signal, would seem to be self-explanatory. But apparently not. For you appeared to be well into your thirties or forties, yet still have not managed to master basic turn signal operation.

Or perhaps the turn signal on your vehicle wasn't functioning properly. Well, for that, we have hand signals. Ah, but you probably wouldn't understand those, either.

On second thought, there is one you might know...

"Can't you keep it on your side of the double yellow line. Catch a bus or ride a bike. Call a cab or take a hike..."