Thursday, July 09, 2015

No-talent assclowns and such

I want you to consider the state of the world for a moment...

Now consider this: 

Weren't we all better off when Michael Bolton was still having hits?  Think about it.  Gas was cheaper.  We were all much, much younger.  Some of us were thinner.  "Full House" was still on the air.  I'm just saying.

Lots has been going on in America lately, not all of which I'm thrilled about, but more on that later.  We celebrated another birthday here in the land of liberty over the weekend.  I wore my Old Navy U.S. Flag shirt.  Which was made in Vietnam.  I would not object if you say I am patriotism exemplified.

Enjoyed some good fried Fourth of July festival food.  I know it will kill me someday.  But my thinking was, "Surely it won't be today.  And hopefully not tomorrow either."  (Because tomorrow was Sunday and I didn't want to miss the U.S. Women's soccer match due to my untimely death or anything.)

I survived.  Though things may have looked precarious at times...


I also ran a 5K, recording my slowest time ever (24:59).  It was... interesting.  No timing chip.  No bib with a number on it.  We were given pre-race instructions as follows: Run down the hill, turn right at the stop sign, then turn left at the first road.  Run until the road dead ends.  We know it's dark so there's a truck parked out there with its lights on.  When you get to the truck, turn around and come back.

One guy got lost.  He evidently took a wrong turn and it wound up costing him about two minutes.  And no, it wasn't me!  Though that would've made for a much better story.

I saw him though, as I ambled along at my 8:03 pace.  This little glow stick coming through a cornfield towards the road.  (We all had to carry or wear glow sticks because it was a night race.) I'm not sure if anyone else got lost or not, and really with no timing chip or identification bib, there would be no way to know.  So, probably.

Saturday afternoon, we went for a brief two-and-a-half-hour canoe ride.  And while the canoe did not tip over, we did manage several unintentional 360's.  (Note: These should only be attempted by paddlers who have experienced a minimum of 2 to 4 canoe trips with varying degrees of success, are not in a hurry, and are able to express their frustrations with each other without using the paddle as a weapon.)

The part of the river we were on was sparse, which played right in to my dislike of crowds, and people in general.  We only saw four kayakers, two of whom cruised by just as we were performing some of our canoe acrobatics.  And there was one group of party bargers.  They had their inner tubes tied together, were shotgunning bad beer, and screaming the words to "God Bless the USA."  God bless us, indeed.

Speaking of these United States and what's been going on here lately, I just have one thing to say:  WTF????

It's ridiculous.  And I can't believe some people are actually supporting it.  Someone even invited me to go and see one of these disgraceful "productions," which I impolitely declined.  It's an insult to my intelligence and everything I've ever been raised to believe (about comedy). 

Is this really what we want to be as a nation?  Where a suburban Boston boy can grow up the younger brother of a New Kid On The Block and go on to earn excessive wealth and a modicum of fame by co-starring in not one, but two movies alongside a talking teddy bear?!

Mmhmm, suddenly my Michael Bolton theory's not sounding so terrible, is it?


19 comments:

  1. The soccer game was something else, the 4th''s fireworks weren't anything to write home about as they squeezed them in between thunderstorms which had even better pyrotechnics.

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    1. Loved the soccer. Wish they could have dragged that out a few more weeks to pass the time until real football starts.

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  2. Finally, photographic proof that cats do take advantage of us while we are sleeping!

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    1. And for cats, proof that us humans are good for something, I guess?

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  3. A 5K in the dark sounds entertaining. and I tend to agree that things were better when Michael was still producing great hits.

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    1. I don't know that I ever used the word "great." :)

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  4. Yay for not getting lost in your race! Boo for Ted 2. No comment on Michael Bolton.

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    1. No comment on Michael Bolton.

      So either you were a really, really huge fan, or not a fan at all... I'm guessing the latter?

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. These should only be attempted by paddlers who have experienced a minimum of 2 to 4 canoe trips with varying degrees of success, are not in a hurry, and are able to express their frustrations with each other without using the paddle as a weapon.

    Hahahahahahaha. This was just awesome. The whole post was funny, but this had me rolling in laughter.

    What a well-behaved kitty!

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    1. Shouldn't that be "what a well-behaved human?" :)

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    2. Right. My bad. That's EXACTLY what I meant to write :)

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  7. Way to go! At least you can still do the 5K! I haven't even attempted to walk one in a few years- I blame the asthma and everything in bloom - not that I'm lazy or anything.... Why the heck does everyone want to have these 5K's when its 100 degrees out???
    Great pic of you napping- your favorite pasttime! Now I have the full visual... the cooler pillow , that was unexpected.

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    1. I think Igloo has a whole new angle to market their coolers. Can also double as the most uncomfortable pillow ever! Then they could include a coupon for 20% off a one-hour massage.

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  8. The way you set the scene for your 5K, made me think of the Blair Witch project. Dark, shadowy figures running... creepy truck with lights on...

    Have to say I loved the pic, your hand touching the cat's paw....Never pegged you as a cat person. Or maybe you aren't?

    If you don't fall out of the canoe, it can't be considered summer fun...(It was supposed to be the Summer of George!)

    All in all sounds like a good weekend, no wonder you needed the nap! In my opinion, there isn't enough napping these days, thanks for bringing it back.

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    1. I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind that I might die at some point along that dark, dead-end road. BTW, I loved the Blair Witch Project! In fact, I think I'm the only one who did.

      I wasn't a cat person, until she came along.

      If I were to run for office, more napping would be at the top of my agenda. Right up there with less reality TV and mandatory partitions between urinals.

      You get 750 bonus points for the Seinfeld reference.

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  9. I miss the blog world...seeing one of your posts is one of the main reasons why. Ahhh, such wonderful writing! You made me laugh out loud, as always, Bone. I loved that photo of you - been there, done that. Haha! Sending you a wave and a hello from Florida.

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    1. So good to see you around, Sherri! The blog world misses you. (Yes, I feel comfortable designating myself as blog world spokesperson.)

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  10. You took a cat along with you on a road trip?

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