Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Letting my emoticons out

My weekend could best be summed up by that wise old proverb.  Lemme see if I can get this right... Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Make a man put together a push mower, and he'll never buy anything that reads "some assembly required" again.

But alas, all's well that ends with only two or three pieces left over.  I would tell you more about my productive weekend, except that I've just been reading a provocative news blurb about how the thing people find most annoying about social media is those who brag about their fitness routine or latest diet.

They were followed by those who post pictures of every single meal they're about to eat, people who "check-in" at every place they go to, online game players (Farmville. Holla!), smug couples (dislike!), and excessively proud parents.

Wow, that really puts a crimp in my plans for today's post.  However, there are a couple of things that crossed my mind Sunday afternoon which I am able to share with you today.  After all, a man has a lot of time to think while mowing the lawn with a mower which mysteriously seems to be missing a critical part.

Firstly, it struck me that in all the years we've known each other, I've yet to share with you my extensive mental collection of emoticons.  And at my age, I feel that is important to do because, well, at some point it may become socially unacceptable for men of a certain age to still be using winky faces.

Let's start with the least famous, most underrated, underutilized emoticon of them all.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the high-five:


Also known as the Eiffel Tower.  And occasionally mistaken for an anteater.  Or, a rather stubby phallus.

That's right, I'm bringing the high-five back.  Those other emoticons don't know how to act.  Why this emoticon is not more widely used is beyond me.  Truly one of the great mysteries of our time, right behind D.B. Cooper, and National Treasure.

Let's look at a few others:

:-/  Mister Empathy/Dismayed

:-(  Mister Frownie  (I use this one a lot.  I'm not as happy as you might think I am.)

:'(  Shedding a tear 

:''''''''''''(   Bawling  (Notice how the more tears you shed, the longer your face becomes.  Thus the expression "Why the long face?")

:'-)  Tears of happiness  (Never use this.  It only confuses people.)

>:(  Angry  (Or an unhappy king, though I've yet to find a use for an unhappy king.)

(_|_)  You've just been mooned.

<><  Fish

><  Kiss  (Or the slightly less popular, fish with its head cut off.)
:-P  Tongue sticking out/joking/flirting

:-P*  Tongue sticking out to catch a snowflake

*o)  Snowflake in eye  (And the other eye... apparently missing?  May you never have cause to use this one.)

:*)  Snowflake on cheek  (Do I have too many snowflake ones?)

* ≠ *  No two snowflakes are alike  (Obvs.)

@--->---  Rose  (Doesn't really get you out of as many virtual jams/doghouses as you might hope.)

(|)  Sideways hamburger  (Or, flat-head screw.  Again, somewhat difficult to find a practical use for this one.)

Well, I think it's pretty clear I could go on forever.  Unfortunately, there's not enough internet.

I would only leave you with one thought for the day:  If we can't communicate with a cleverly-arranged series of dots and symbols, we're no better than the cavemen...

Hmm, actually didn't they draw pictures on the cave walls?  Therefore, we're exactly like the cavemen.  So that example really doesn't work.

OK, so let's change that to "Even the cavemen (and cavewomen, although I don't see how they could be expected to draw after being drug around by that bone in their hair all day) realized the easiest and clearest way to communicate was through a series of pictures and symbols."

There.  Much better.

o/ ?

Oh, there was one other thing I wanted to share with you.  Remember when I did that Music Monday post?  No?  It was only five months ago, I don't see how you could have forgotten.  Well, in my mind it was going to become a semi-regular feature.  In reality, suffice it to say, it did not.

Anyhow, here's a band one or two of you might tolerate.  You know, kinda like you do me.  They're called The Hold Steady. It's hard to believe I've not shared them with you before now.  But when you only do a Music Monday post once every five months... well, suddenly it becomes easier to believe.  (And yes, I'm vaguely aware this is Tuesday.)

"She was a really good kisser / But she wasn't all that strict of a Christian / She was a damn good dancer / But she wasn't all that great of a girlfriend..."


  1. All the choices and I couldn't find one to match my mood. So :-/

    They sounded very Bruce influenced--music, my hearing must be going as I have no idea what the lyrics were
    :'( (for my hearing)

  2. I'm very distressed to see that my favorite emoticon, the cranky crab, was not represented in this post. V.v.V. It's too bad it doesn't move in the comment box, but it's ok, I can see it in my mind.

    And, yes, far too many snowflake emoticons.

    There should be video of you and this lawnmower, no? Why isn't there?

    Oh, and I miss the virtual rose days. Or maybe I just miss being 17, when I used to see them. Whichever.

  3. Ah, I've missed these deep and insightful posts of yours. :)

    Can't wait for the video!

  4. I can make a better rose:
    That's the only one beside the smiley face I knew.

  5. Besides the REALLY obvious ones, emoticons are totally lost on me. I spend way too long trying to figure out what they mean and whether they're meant genuinely or sarcastically... and by then I've forgotten what we're talking about. That said, you forgot my personal favourite... :S

  6. Your emoticon expertise far surpasses mine...I'm very impressed with your collection, Bone! lol...I especially liked your "long face" one, which goes well with its acronym partner in crime "WTF" - Why The Face? :) (one of my favorite lines from Modern Family)

    I'd be really impressed if you found a good usage for the sideways hamburger! :D <==(one of my favorites - the wide-mouthed smile)

    Great band, too!

    P.S. Thanks for your comments on my blog - I'm a worrier, too (HSP thing?).

  7. Pia - Well, they really drive the music hard and it almost starts to override the lyrics. But I think that's sort of one of their trademarks, because it's the same way on most of their songs.

    TC - I actually had the crabby one in the post until the very end. It was the last one I cut.

    Well, it took me over two hours to put together. I guess I could've edited it down to the highlights: Bone finds the correct screw. Bone looks confused. Bone realizes he's reading the French instructions. Bone breaks for a snack. Etc.

    Shrinky - Thank you. I think it's pretty obvious "deep" and "insightful" are two of my strong points :)

    MarkD60 - Pretty decent virtual rose skills there. Don't worry about not knowing the others. Not all of them are recognized by the OED (Oxford Emoticon Dictionary), yet.

    J Adamthwaite - I didn't know that one! Had to Google it. So it means "confused?"

    Sherri B - Well, I'm actually kinda craving a (|) right now.

    So you already knew the band??? That makes me happy! :o)

    P.S. You're welcome. I had a feeling you might be. And I was wondering if it was an HSP thing, too.

  8. Hey did you know that you can add emoticons to your FB comments? they don't work for posts there yet. Oh yeah, you're never on FB. :p


  9. I try to stick to the simple emoticons but I do love my throwing the goat (also known as the heavy metal rock on!). \m/

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  11. With all the social taboos on what not to post, I'm glad you didn't see, or at least didn't share as not to bust my bubble, sharing about canoe trips or hikes? What a list of emoticons!

  12. (I'm the one that said your high-five looks like a Mr. Happy. You're welcome.)

  13. @//*o~\\@

    graffiti for your cave wall
    (its my personal- I was here)

  14. oh yeah once trying to interpet these &(($^@#$ whateverez
    I asked out loud, " What the heck does dot dot pee mean?)

    I live in a cave.

  15. I can't believe you didn't include my favorite:


    You can include more spaces around the period if you prefer them bigger. I'm sure this was probably created by a man but it's ingenious nonetheless!

  16. Renee - Thanks, Renee! I will always come to you with my Facebook questions... should I ever have any.

    Xinh- I had to google "throwing the goat." I always thought that meant "I love you." So it's one finger different from "hang loose?"

    Sage - If canoe trips or posting about Bama football had been on the list, I probably would've conveniently left it out, just to be nice.

    Robyn - As long as that's not vice-versa, I suppose.

    OK Chick - <@;o)

    Daily Panic - You really would've been excellent at Hieroglyphics, I think.

    Murf - I meant to encourage readers to share their favorite emoticons. Glad you went ahead and took the initiative... Is glad the right word? ;-)

  17. I'm going with yes. You will use it one day and when you do, you'll think of me. :-)