Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Where have you gone to, Jimmy Wales?

The internet died today.  Well, dead to me anyway.

Wikipedia, yon bastion of free knowledge, shut its virtual doors today.  For 24 hours.  That may not sound like much to you.  But to me, it's eighty-six thousand, four hundred elongated seconds of nothingness.  Outer darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. 

Wikipedia has become my source for all knowledge of all things.  Written by people who I like to imagine might have even less of a life than me.  (Sure, it's possible there might be an occasional error.  But that's why there's Snopes.) 

And now?  It's gone.  I knew something like this was gonna happen after Steve Jobs died!

But even I never realized how deeply this would affect me.  That is, until I found myself twenty minutes into an episode of Sesame Street this morning, giving a running commentary on Gmail.

Some excerpts:

"Sarah Jessica Parker is on Sesame Street?  I never really think of her as kid-friendly."

"Now there are salt and pepper shakers on there.  One of them has a moustache, and just put on a pink skirt!  WTF!  The volume is down so I'm not sure if they're trying to say it's OK for men to cross-dress, or if they're trying to hint that women may sometimes need to remember to shave their upper lip area.  Probably the latter."

"If they're still filming new episodes, why do the kids look like they're wearing the same outfits they wore when I watched in the seventies?"

"They are shoving Elmo down our throats!  He's had like six scenes and I haven't seen Big Bird once.  Not to mention Grover.  Grover always gets the shaft.  He must not be in the union."

"I mean, what does Elmo even do?  He's not big and dorky.  He doesn't have an accent.  He doesn't have a male roommate.  He's not grumpy.  He's just... red."

"Oh, apparently there's another red one.  Who knew!  I was confusing Elmo part of the time with someone named Murray Monster?  My apologies to Elmo nation."

My top five Sesame Street characters:
1. Ernie
2. Grover
3. Cookie Monster (although admittedly he is a bit of a one-trick pony.)
4. The Count
5. Bert
(tie) Guy Smiley

I need help.  Look at what I've become after only a few hours with no Wiki.  The Earth cannot revolute fast enough for me today.  Wikipedia, please come back.  SOPA, PIPA, whatever it is, I'm sure we can work this out.  Make a personal appeal.  I'll donate! 

And please hurry.  For crying out loud, I just Asked Jeeves!

"Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away.  On my way to where the air is sweet..."


  1. I'm guessing you didn't know that if you hit the Esc key on your keyboard that you could have accessed Wiki. But then we wouldn't have had this amusing post to read.

  2. Ed's comment just made me laugh out loud!! Yesssss

    You're welcome.

  3. The Internet should be down more for the sake of your artistry :)

  4. I use Wikipedia almost everyday. It's amazing how much I depend on the internet. I mean if I want to know something right now...I Google it, and then read what Wikipedia has to say. I miss the days of books. :)

  5. Ed - No, I did not! And thank goodness. Yeah, that would've pretty much killed my post. Phew.

    Cami - I'm sure Ed greatly appreciates the sentiment.

    Pia - Indeed, as I apparently had a six-week blackout going there myself.

    OKChick - Google is just a stepping stone to Wikipedia.

  6. Oscar the Grouch doesn't make it into your top 5? Everyone always forgets Oscar...

  7. "For crying out loud, I just Asked Jeeves"

    How awful for you. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

    However, with Bama winning and all you were due for some type of balancing act - Quid pro quo, play to play, offset.......all found on Wikipedia. BACK.

  8. I like Wiki too...I use it a lot when researching shows for Darly. So fun to see your thoughts on Sesame Street...

  9. I was just happy Facebook was up and working normally. :-) Now THAT would have been tragic if they did something similar in protest.

    *makes mental note about the Esc key for future reference*

    Hi Bone!

  10. J Adamthwaite - I do like Oscar. I feel he provides balance. Otherwise the show would just be too feel-goody. But it's tough to break into the top five :)

    Cooper - You're right. Things have been going really well for me this month. They're bound to change. In fact, I should probably find some place to hide away.

    Renee - You might have gotten my thoughts on another show. But Barney came on next, and I had to walk away.

    Murf - I know at least four people in my life that I'm not sure could survive without Facebook anymore.

    Yeah, I'm gonna start trying Esc for any and all computer problems from now on. Instead of my usual routine of banging on the side of it.

    Hi Murf!!!

  11.'s good to see you in the blog world again, Bone. :D

    It looks like Elmo is the "it" boy of Sesame Street...he gets all the best roles. And have you tried Wikimedia? For those days when you just want to look at images. That's where I like to go! Have a great Saturday~~

  12. I became a fan of Sesame Street when my daughter was little and Julie Roberts was the guest. It was great. She liked to watch the same show over and over again and that was fine with me!

    Maybe you can write a song about "the day the internet died."

  13. I love Elmo. Followed closely by Prarie Dawn. Then Mr. Snuffleupagus. However, my favorite Sesame Street character is, and always will be, Kermit.

    You know who I don't like? Telly. I find him to be incredibly whiny and emo.

  14. Great post, great comments. Entertaining. Never a huge Sesame Street fan. I find Elmo to be annoying. I do like Kermit though.

  15. Sherri B - I'm hoping to make more regular appearances. (In the blog world, not on Sesame Street.)

    Yes, he IS the "it" boy. And Grover's like the underground street band who has to sell their music out of the back of a van.

    Haven't tried Wikimedia, but I have a feeling I'm about to.

    Sage - Haha. Yeah, I would imagine that was a pretty sweet deal for you.

    I SHOULD write a song. That'd be a lot of verses to come up with though. (If I modeled it after "American Pie" that is.)

    Xinh - I'm gonna have to google Prairie Dawn....

    Yeah, I kinda remember her. I think I just realized I didn't know about half of their names.

    Kontan - I watched Sesame Street pretty regularly. But my favorite was Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

    Madeleine - Thanks!