Thursday, November 17, 2011

This could be you (if you weren't famous)

Sometimes I like to imagine celebrities are watching my life and thinking, "This would be me if I weren't famous."

After all, that's pretty much what this blog is -- a reality show in writing.  I remember back when we first began this, I did an interview with the local paper about blogging.  No, really, I did!  Why does no one ever believe me anymore when I tell that story?  I thought the girl who wrote the article might have had a crush on me.  Turns out it was more of a crush on my blog.  

Anyhow, about the only quote I can remember from that interview seven years ago is, "It's kinda like having your own Nick & Jessica show.  Except it's just Nick."  (You may remember Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica?  Even though that's been about one thousand, two hundred and eighty-seven reality shows ago.)

I like to think reading about my life gives celebrities that little extra motivation they need to stay famous.  Take yesterday for example, I came home from work and dozed off while watching General Hospital.  Then I woke up and had two bowls of Cocoa Pebbles.

But that was nothing compared to today.  Today was a big day for me.

First, it's Gordon Lightfoot's birthday.  I don't have to tell you how big a fan I am of Gordon Lightfoot.  And have been ever since I discovered his music, way back a couple of years ago.  I celebrated by tweeting him a birthday message, even though I found no evidence whatsoever that he's even on Twitter.

Secondly, today is also Guinness World Records Day.  I don't have to tell you how badly I want to make it into the Guinness Book Of World Records.  Because I have already told you.  Several times.  It's one of my two main life goals.

To me, 95% of getting into the Guinness Book is finding the perfect record to break.  The rest is easy.  That's why I spend such an enormous amount of time pondering it.  I believe life is best lived in the mind.

As I was reading about the various world record attempts that would be going on around the globe, one in particular jumped out at me: The largest gathering of ABBA impersonators.


I didn't even know there were any ABBA impersonators!  They must be like the Swedish Elvis! 

So I've spent the day sharing my ABBA love with friends, downloading some of their songs I didn't have, and searching (in vain) for a way to make that backwards B appear on the screen.

And lastly, completing the trifecta of my big day, I downloaded a new app for my Blackberry.  I kept hearing all about this game Angry Birds, therefore I decided I would see what all the fuss was about.  Except apparently Angry Birds isn't available for the Torch, at least not that I could find.  So instead, I get to play a game called Angry Farm. It's similar to Angry Birds, but... not quite.

It's kinda like when you were a kid and you wanted a Barbie, but your parents said they couldn't afford one, so you got a Cindy doll instead, for like $1.99.  Then when the other kids came over and brought their Barbies, they looked at your doll and were like, "Who is that?"  Hypothetically, I mean.

Thus concludes my big day.

Now, imagine with me if you will... Somewhere in sun-drenched Celebrityville tomorrow, in between filming another episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and the new season of Ice Loves Coco, Ice-T will take a break to check his Google reader on his iPad and see that I've posted a new blog entry. 

As he reads about my life, he can only shudder and shake his head while thinking, "If I weren't famous, this.... this would be me."  Look closer and you'll see Ice's newest ink is a tatt of my blog URL, underneath the words "Stay Famous."

Later in the day, he'll curse me a little when he realizes he's got "Dancing Queen" stuck in his head.

*pound pound peace*  You're welcome, Ice.

"You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.  Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine..."


  1. You're lucky you can't get Angry Birds. I left society for about a month after I downloaded that game and only re-entered after solving all the levels.

  2. First, I can't believe I missed Gordon Lightfoot's Birthday.

    Thanks for making me laugh Bone.

  3. Great lines here, Bone. I can't believe she didn't fall for you like she fell for your blog!

  4. As always, I chuckle my way through every post...thanks for making me giggle, Bone. :P

    I'm also curious about Angry Birds, but haven't gotten it yet. I have a new iPhone as of last week and am trying not to fall into an app frenzy! Have a great weekend~~

  5. Ed - Haha. I never would have guessed that about you. Hopefully, Angry Farm won't be quite as addicting, as I'm barely part of society as it is.

    Cooper - Thanks for making me laugh Bone.

    That's actually my third main life goal. Evidently.

    Sage - Thanks, Sage. Eh, story of my life.

    Sherri - I think there's usually a free version you can download to see if you like it.

    Thanks for giggling :)

  6. Gordon Lightfoot and ABBA all in the same post. Wow...I grew up listening to both and my best friend and I so wanted to be ABBA. Thanks for making me laugh. It has been a rough week so this just made it a little bit better.

    Keep blogging and the famous and unfamous will keep reading.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  7. LOL! As for Angry Birds -- it's seriously stupid. :)

  8. Forget Angry Birds and Angry Farm; Zombie Attack is where it's at. Well, that's where it's at for us BB owners.

  9. Totally relate to eating Cocoa Pebbles, hoping celebs cruise my blog and absolutely love both ABBA and Gordon Lightfoot! Humble admission, I turn the radio up very loud to sing along every time I hear 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald' and 'Dancing Queen' and well...okay 'Waterloo' although they don't play that often! That reporter doesn't know what she missed! Not many guys have the hutzpah to admit liking these things!

  10. landed here! interested for extra bucks this holidays?! trek my blog and trail some **AD LINKS**! Good Luck! :-)...TREK...

  11. PennyCandy - Well, needless to say it was a big day for the iTunes store. Can you believe there are people who don't know any ABBA music???

    Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

    Madeleine - Oh, then you should see Angry Farm.

    Capn John - Zombie Attack? I may have to see if there's a free trial version of that. Especially as I appear to be stuck on Level 39 of Angry Farm.

    Jill - I know, right? Would you be my PR rep?

    Icedgurl - Why do I get the feeling you just kinda skimmed this post.

  12. I miss you too when you are not blogging. Our drama's are like the his / her single life sagas that never intertwine. we are cool like that!
    Happy holidays to you!

  13. I know I commented. It was funny. Now I'm not. Story of my life
    You are hilarious--especially the Gordon Lightfoot part

  14. Love this.

    ardThe idea of a blog being a reality show in writing... yeah. This makes me uncomfortable but it's true. And those people who tweet about what they had for lunch... I actually have a soft spot for that. Maybe it's because I don't watch much TV... I get my voyeurism through writing!

  15. 1. It's really cool that you were interviewed about blogging! I remember when blogspot was new to me, I was so infatuated with it.

    2. Gordon Lightfoot? Seriously? Man, when I was a kid, he would make me switch channels faster than you ca

    3. The Guinness book, eh? Do any of these records actually involve drinking Guinness?

    I have an earworm that I won't inflict on you because ABBA is way better.

    Great post:) It reminds me of a funny interview I heard on NPR with Kevin Bacon talking about a disguise he uses when going out in public. It sucks, he says, because no one's nice to him. It's like--not being famous.