Sometimes I like to imagine celebrities are watching my life and thinking, "This would be me if I weren't famous."
all, that's pretty much what this blog is -- a reality show in
writing. I remember back when we first began this, I did an interview
with the local paper about blogging. No, really, I did! Why does no
one ever believe me anymore when I tell that story? I thought the girl
who wrote the article might have had a crush on me. Turns out it was
more of a crush on my blog.
Anyhow, about the only quote I can remember from that interview
seven years ago is, "It's kinda like having your own Nick & Jessica
show. Except it's just Nick." (You may remember Newlyweds: Nick &
Jessica? Even though that's been about one thousand, two hundred and
eighty-seven reality shows ago.)
I like to think reading
about my life gives celebrities that little extra motivation they need
to stay famous. Take yesterday for example, I came home from work and
dozed off while watching General Hospital. Then I woke up and had two bowls of Cocoa Pebbles.
But that was nothing compared to today. Today was a big day for me.
it's Gordon Lightfoot's birthday. I don't have to tell you how big a
fan I am of Gordon Lightfoot. And have been ever since I discovered his music, way back a couple of years ago. I celebrated by tweeting him a birthday message, even though I found no evidence whatsoever that he's even on Twitter.
today is also Guinness World Records Day. I don't have to tell you how
badly I want to make it into the Guinness Book Of World Records.
Because I have already told you. Several times. It's one of my two main life goals.
me, 95% of getting into the Guinness Book is finding the perfect record
to break. The rest is easy. That's why I spend such an enormous
amount of time pondering it. I believe life is best lived in the mind.
As I was reading about the various world record attempts that
would be going on around the globe, one in particular jumped out at me:
The largest gathering of ABBA impersonators.
I didn't even know there were any ABBA impersonators! They must be like the Swedish Elvis!
So I've spent the day sharing my ABBA love with friends,
downloading some of their songs I didn't have, and searching (in vain)
for a way to make that backwards B appear on the screen.
And lastly, completing the trifecta of my big day, I downloaded a new app for my Blackberry. I kept hearing all
about this game Angry Birds, therefore I decided I would see what all the fuss
was about. Except apparently Angry Birds isn't available for the
Torch, at least not that I could find. So instead, I get to play a game
called Angry Farm. It's similar to Angry Birds, but... not quite.
It's kinda like when you were a kid and you wanted a Barbie, but
your parents said they couldn't afford one, so you got a Cindy doll
instead, for like $1.99. Then when the other kids came over and brought
their Barbies, they looked at your doll and were like, "Who is that?" Hypothetically, I mean.
Thus concludes my big day.
Now, imagine with me if you will... Somewhere in sun-drenched Celebrityville tomorrow, in between filming another episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and the new season of Ice Loves Coco,
Ice-T will take a break to check his Google reader on his iPad and see
that I've posted a new blog entry.
As he reads about my life, he can
only shudder and shake his head while thinking, "If I weren't famous,
this.... this would be me." Look closer and you'll see Ice's newest ink is a tatt of my blog URL, underneath the words "Stay Famous."
Later in the day, he'll curse me a little when he realizes he's got "Dancing Queen" stuck in his head.
*pound pound peace* You're welcome, Ice.
"You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen. Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine..."