Friday, September 16, 2011

Superfan & The Rooftop Caper

For some reason, the 8-month-long wait for college football seemed to drag on even longer than usual for me this year. Maybe it was the constant negative off-season news about college football -- which is kinda like having your friends bring up your ex-girlfriend every single time you're around them. It makes you think of her and miss her, all the while knowing you can't have her. Or maybe it was the complete dearth of anything interesting on TV this summer. I mean, how much keeping up with the Kardashians can one guy do? (I think I'm going for the record.)

But alas, now that the happy season is finally upon us, and my September love has returned, I was able to make it over to Wolfgang's to watch the Bama/Penn State game this past Saturday. Events transpired that day to necessitate a blog entry. This is that entry.

Firstly, at halftime we meandered outside to toss the football around. Because this is what guys do. Deep down, most guys really believe that we're not that far away from athletic glory. A minor tweak here, a coupla better decisions there, a few less donuts and potato chips, and that could be us on TV. This is why we do things like throw football in the yard. We're not out there to have fun. We're working on our form, perfecting our spiral, so that if that call should come some day (I dunno, that they've started an over-40 flag-football league?), we'll be ready.

So anyway, after a few minutes, I decided to try punting one. I kicked it pretty good, but kinda forgot I was wearing flip-flops. Well, my right flip-flop went even higher than the ball. It landed on the roof of their house, and never came down.

My shoe is on top of the house!  This could ONLY happen to me.

Perhaps most disturbing of all was that I had inexplicably taken my trusty spare pair of flip-flops out of my car. So there I stood, helplessly one-shoed in the front yard, as everyone laughed.

Well naturally, Wolfgang didn't have a ladder. So LJ broke a rather large branch off a tree. Then I, standing on the rail of their front porch, used the branch to "sweep" my flip-flop off the roof.

Can we say redneck?

Important side note: Completely overlooked amid all the madness, that was probably the best punt I've ever done.

The other thing that struck me from the weekend is a bit more personal and difficult to talk about. Are you sitting down? Because I'm not sure you're ready for this. But I think I've become a bit of a sideshow for my friends while watching Bama games. I've sort of suspected this from the Darryls for awhile now. But Saturday when Mrs. Wolfgang said she could "sell tickets to watch Bone" pretty much confirmed it.

You might recall my constant-state-of-anxiety-with-small-moments-of-relief habitude of watching Bama games? So I yell. And sometimes call the players/referees/announcers names. The muscles in my neck and back become one gargantuan monkey's fist. And I may or may not have been hoarse by halftime.

I'm sorry, but it's true. Fourteen times a year, seemingly mild-mannered blogger Bone Kent suddenly turns into Superfan.  Poor play and lack of execution are my kryptonite.

I did come across an interesting poll (on a Bama website) that asked which emotion was stronger: the elation of victory, or the agony of defeat? Over 70% said the agony of defeat. Yes! And for me, it's not even close. So that made me feel some better. It gives me hope, that maybe there are more out there like me.

Back to Saturday, by the 3rd quarter -- once the game was pretty much decided -- I had settled down somewhat. This was when the girls thought it would be hilarious to make fun of me. So they started yelling after every play. Look, I don't mind people having a little fun at my expense. I can and do laugh at myself. Often I'm the only person laughing at myself -- usually right after I tell a joke. But I felt their attempt was lacking.

I tried to explain to them the reason their yelling wasn't rising to my level was that they weren't really feeling it. That they'd never cried over a game.  Deep down, it has to mean something to you. It has to hurt your soul when Bama makes a bad play. You have to suffer every single play for the Crimson Tide.  In the end, it's all worth it for those few brief seconds of relief, er, victory.

I'm just so happy it's back!

Is happy the right word?

"I may be disturbed, but won't you concede, even heroes have the right to dream.  And it's not easy to be me..."


  1. I try to understand football; I really do but I just do not get it.

    Enjoy your Bama games.

  2. Have you thought about joining a Bama support group? I hear they have twelve step programs that are very helpful and more people than you think throw their flip flops onto roofs or (um) into oceans--but get them back

  3. Wait. Is this reaction to football games abnormal? This all seems completely acceptable to me. The range of emotions I express during a football game would win me an Oscar. Only I'm not acting.

    Also- tell those girls that they need to watch it before the rage accidentally runs amuck.

  4. PennyCandy - Enjoy seems like a strong word, but I'll try :)

    Pia - Yes, briefly. I considered writing this from a Bama Fan's Anonymous angle. Except, I don't think any of us want to change :)

    Cami - Exactly. I'm not putting on a show. In fact, I'm holding back as much as possible for their benefit. OK, this made me feel better. Thanks.

  5. I laughed at your punt... and brushing the flip flop off the roof, Wolfgang must not have gutters! Gutters are so NOT redneck!

    On another note, I heard your other Alabama team was beaten in the ACC this past weekend.

  6. football is a guy's soap opera. i wasnt surprised to hear my bf was watching a replay of that same game in leiu of the 2 1/2 men season premier or the roast of his idol charlie sheen...(rolling eyes)

    could you please have the girls video you and post??? or the 1-10 football face expressions of Bone- imagining it... could look like a pain chart.
    I still struggle with RTR... I'm such an imposter WDE!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. "Poor play and lack of execution are my kryptonite."

    I love your turn of phrase!

    For some unknown reason, my hubby is a huge fan of American football - he even took me to watch The Monarchs play some team or other of yours, live, at Wembley stadium when we were first dating (yet I married him anyway).

    This sport is far from popular over here, so most games go out on the TV in the wee small hours (yawning and shaking my head)..

    Love that image of you sweeping your flip-flop off the roof - it confirms all my worst suspicions about you football fans!

  8. A lot of times college football is better than the NFL.

    Talking about your flip flop. I was in the Navy in boot camp, (1979) messing around in the drill hall. I had a big wad of keys and thought it would be funny to see if I could throw the keys up and hit the ceiling. I threw them up, and pretty as you please, they landed on a beam supporting the roof and never came down. I am sure they are there to this day, if that building is still standing. The ceiling was about two or three stories high, and the beam was about two inches wide. Couldn't make that shot in a million years if I tried.

  9. Sage - Now that you mention it, he didn't have gutters.

    Yes, I think I heard about that. And the fact that said ACC team was coached by a former Alabama player was not lost on anyone here.

    Daily Panic - I don't know who decided to replay college football games all the time. But I would love to hug and thank that person.

    It is a pain chart! Believe me. I'm constantly wringing my hands, rubbing my temples, putting my hands over my face. There has been some interest in checking my blood pressure during a game.

    Hey, you went to a game. I give you credit for trying.

    Shrinky - Yeah, I didn't figure it was quite as popular there. Cool that your hubby loves it though!

    Don't tell anyone, but there is a photo of the flip-flop rescue. I just haven't been able to bring myself to post it.

    MarkD60 - I much prefer college to the NFL.

    Wow. That gives new meaning to the term hide-a-key. I assume they weren't that important?