Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Some people claim there's a woman to blame

I blew out my flip-flop.

No, really, I did. Last night, walking from the apartment to the car. One instant I was walking normally, my feet happily nestled in their open-air home. And the next, it was over.

I always knew this was gonna happen. This is precisely why I keep a spare pair of flip-flops in my vehicle, and have for years. Sure, people made fun of me. But I stood strong. Because with open-toed shoes, you never know. No one can predict the life of a flip-flop. Sometimes they die young, and we're left only to wonder why.

Have you ever thought about what you're gonna do when the inevitable inevitably happens and you are unprepared? What if you're away from home? Where does that leave you? I'll tell you where: up a creek, my friend. Serves you right for living your freewheeling, one-pair lifestyle.

To illustrate my point, this very thing happened to a friend of mine some years ago. He was at the beach. Stepped on a pop-top, of all things. Completely blew out his flip-flop. Cut his heel and... OK, I lied, it wasn't a friend, it was Jimmy Buffett.

Still, he cut his heel! Had to cruise on back home, most likely barefooted. Either that, or he bought a new pair at one of those shops that sell beach wear, they're all over the place down there. Then he wrote a song about it and made enough money that he never had to work again. Boy, this was a really bad example. Anyway, moving on.

What is so wrong with being prepared? I mean, we carry jumper cables in our cars in case the battery goes dead. Spare tires in case we have a flat. A thing of contact solution in case our contacts get dry and wrinkle up. Alright, maybe that last one is just me.

So I keep a spare pair of flip-flops in the car. And an extra pair of sunglasses. And maybe a sweatshirt in case I get chilly. I ask you, does that make me any less cool? Any less "gangsta?" (I totally just did air quotes there.)

Perhaps. But then again, at the same time I'm blasting Christopher Cross and Phil Collins on my iPod. So I think it all evens out.

Personally, I consider this entire episode a victory for (my version of) normalcy and good sense.

For five years, people have asked why I have an extra pair of flip-flops in my car. And for five years, they have laughed at me when I told them the reason.

Well, who's laughing now?

"Don't know the reason, I stayed here all season, with nothing to show but this brand new tattoo..."

30 comments:

  1. (The contact solution thing isn't just you)

    The minute you don't have those flippys in your car, you'll need'em, so keep those rubber thongs where they are, is my unsolicited advice. I mean, you've come this far!

    Great post, I love the JB references. Now I have a pleasant song worm on a rainy day.

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  2. They're still laughing :)I could say with you not at you but.....

    Was just talking about Margaritaville

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  3. I have to say, I too am laughing, in part because this post is hilarious, but also in part because...only you, Bone, only you.

    I start singing Margaritaville from the first line; love it.

    And we should all be so lucky that a calamity brings us wealth and fame as Mr. Buffet...

    Great post. It was nice to see one from you.

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  4. that was so good, I had to share it with a friend. :D She reports back that she likes it.

    I carry a spare jacket, water and a MRE in my car...but spare flip flops hadn't occurred to me before. Course I need to get the starter set too...good thing I saw Teva 2 packs on Zappos.

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  5. That was priceless Bone. I know what to send you for your birthday now, late as it may be....what size again?

    I keep a couple pairs of sunglasses, and that's about it.

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  6. Actonbell - So I wear rubber thongs? I've never really thought of it like that. lol

    Thanks! It was rainy here today, as well.

    Pia - The song, the restaurant or the slightly altered state of mind? :)

    TC - I know! He gets wealth and fame, I get a blog post. Eh, I'll take it.

    Thank you.

    Renee - How come I never meet any of these friends of yours?

    They sell them in two-packs? Genius! One to wear and one for the car. Whoever thought of that was obviously a person after my own heart.

    Cooper - Size 12. And don't worry about being late, I made it my policy long ago to accept presents year-round. Besides, I still haven't sent you your bowling gift certificate :)

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  7. I am laughing...and smiling, and oh-so-grateful for your blog. LOL! This post was hilarious. Bone, kudos to you for being prepared - it does pay off sometimes! :~)

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  8. Well, I too keep a spare pair of footwear, you won't believe it..in my school locker! (remember..I teach in school?!)

    I always people, be prepared!

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  9. Things I love about this post:

    Phil Collins
    Air Quotes
    Blew out your flip-flop
    You carry an extra pair of flip-flops
    Gangsta
    I laughed 3 times while reading it.

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  10. You will be happy to know that in my advanced age, I've finally come to like flip-flops and see why people like yourself or Big A love them. This only really happened last summer and so far, I still only wear them around home. I feel way too exposed to go out in public with them.

    Speaking of exposure, I hope your keep your toes cute and clean. Nothing worse than some guy who needs a pedicure like Lloyd did in 'Dumb and Dumber'. :-)

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  11. Never blew out a flip flop. But then again, I am more of a Teva kind of guy.

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  12. you know this has happened to me in the past few months. I MUST recomend the next pair of flip-flops you buy...
    Sanuk

    I got some that are made out of yoga mat and they are like walking on a cloud! They are dreammmmmy!
    here's the men's version
    http://www.sanuk.com/product/59465/SMS2146/Mens/YOGI_II

    there's something to be said about a man that is always prepared. even for a flip-flop blow out! :)

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  13. "I hope you keep your toes cute and clean."

    Do you expect him to have Alabama's mascot painted on his toenails or something, Murf? Lol

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  14. Check these out...I love mine!
    http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/

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  15. you are SUCH a creative writer bone.. that's why I've nominated you for the prestigious creative blogging award!
    It's on my blog! xox

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  16. Sweetest in the Gale - Good to know! As I always say, if you can make one person laugh , then you've made one person laugh.

    I appreciate the kudos on my preparedness.

    Gautami - Good to see you around! I loved lockers in school. They were like your first little apartment.

    OKChick - I was thinking about an old Chris Farley SNL skit when I did the air quotes. Do you remember it? Here's a clip of one: http://www.thedailytube.com/video/13777/however-bennett-brauers-air-quotes-are-ok-by-us

    Murf - All I can say is if you ever decide to go public, be sure to have a spare pair.

    Clean? Do you know me? Cute? I'm quite certain my toes have never been called cute. They're longish, almost like finger-toes. Which is better than toe-thumbs, I suppose. (Bonus points if you got that reference.)

    Ed - Someone else mentioned Teva, so I checked them out tonight when I went flip-flop shopping.

    Daily Panic - Oh, my sister is big on Sanuks. I had just typed that line in my reply to Ed, but when I read your comment, I decided to move it down. I looked at some Sanuks tonight, too. I think that might be the direction I go in.

    TC - Um no, my toes will not be getting painted. Though a pedicure might be nice. I've never had one. I can have a pedi and still be considered gangsta, right?

    Small Town Girl - Those are interesting. I'm not sure I'm ready for that big of a leap yet.

    Lucy - Aww, thank you Miss Lucy. That's my second nomination this week! Maybe I should retire. You know, get out on a high note :)

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  17. Gangsta Sanuk flip- flop love to you! You were the only one who guessed my truth!
    my word verification is:
    cohoolys
    WHATTT is that even a word?

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  18. Thanks now I have Margaritaville stuck in my head.

    I am one of those ppl from the 70's that is a free spirt. It's all about living in the moment man!

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  19. I wonder if there are any pictures of your feet in your archives...

    I think you can keep your gangsta card after having a pedi. I've seen "gangstas" with clear nail polish on their fingers so I imagine having nice, clean feet would be gangsta-approved as well.

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  20. I keep a full set of clothes and a wash bag complete with razor in my car! Carried them around for years. Never needed them but you never know!

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  21. If you are exposing your toes to the public, you should keep your toe nails trimmed and clean, and your feet clean. Go get a pedicure. Please don't subject the unsuspecting public to gross feet and toes.

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  22. A teacher I work with goes with her husband every other week and they both get a mani and a pedi. He's way cool so you'd still be gangsta. Well Alabama gangsta not Eastside gangsta.

    Great post, I keep an umbrella and a blanket in my car.

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  23. Great post! Your car must be a bit like my mum's handbag. Only person I know who can produce a pair of scissors, a screw driver and a calculator on demand...

    We call them flip-flops here too, but I know someone from New Zealand who calls them jangles. Which is an especially lovely word I think. I wish I could start calling them jangles without drawing unnecessary attention to myself.

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  24. For some reason I hate flip flops on grown people. I have a couple of rules to live by, that I don't impose on others.
    1 No drinking before noon
    2 People should not wear flip flips after 12 years old in public unless swimming or showering in a public place.
    I have some other rules, but I can't remember them.

    That's hilarious that Jenny says people in New Zealand call them jangles. Here at my house I live with 5 guys and sometimes they are laying on the couch in their boxers or rummaging through the fridge... well and inevitably something falls out of the flap in front. And I'll say- "your jangle fell out," or put your jangle away we are trying to eat."

    That must be my rule #3 keep your jangle covered in Mom's house.

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  25. Oh yes I remember the air quotes, which is why I laughed! Still a great post!!!

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  26. Only you could start a conversation about flip flops :)
    Which I haven't worn since I was 12 not because I think they're infantile but they hurt my toes
    I wear croc sandals which many people think are horrible. You can machine wash them, I found out by accident
    And it's very masculine to have a mani/pedi. Rafe has one every 2 weeks

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  27. posts like this are the reason I started my blog crush on you years ago.

    seriously. precious.

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  28. It's National Flip Flop Day, so I hope you're carrying even extra around! :)

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  29. That was hilarious! Im still laughing and I think its awesome you keep a spare pair of flip flops in your car...

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  30. I keep two t-shirts in my car. ...because I never know when I'm going to want to run and need a shirt to change into. Note, there are no running shoes, socks, or shorts in the car. I'm hoping I have those things.

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