Monday, January 17, 2011

Ode to Monday?

Why must you be so Monday
I dread you all day long on Sunday
So because of you half my weekend is basically shot

Why must you be so doggone Monday
Every week you're the same no fun day
What, suddenly I'm the Bangles now? Susanna Hoffs is kinda hot

I spend fourteen-point-two-eight-five-seven-one-four infinity percent of my life on you, Monday
And that's just wrong

The Mamas and the Papas sang about you, Monday
I'm running out of things to rhyme with Monday
Only you could make Tuesday not seem all that bad

They even gave you Monday Night Football and still you suck, Monday
Just thought of a rhyme so I'll put it here: runway
Like at an airport or a fashion show, OK I'm getting off track

Why must you be so cotton-pickin' Monday
Whatever Norse god you're named for must be pissed, Monday
If it were me, I know I would be highly displeased

Completely out of things now to rhyme with Monday
In Office Space they got a case of you, Monday
Which, if you didn't catch that, means you're like a disease

This song seems to go on forever like you do, Monday
The coach of the Orlando Magic is Stan Van Gundy
And I bet he hates himself because his name kinda rhymes with you

At this point I'm unashamedly using a rhyming dictionary, Monday
You make me want to crash my Hyundai
At a very high rate of speed into a large bed of kudzu

Still can't believe I spend fourteen-point-two-eight-five percent of my life on you, Monday
No seriously, it's really starting to depress me now, Monday
I wish there were eight days a week so it would only be twelve-point-five

In the history of the Gregorian calendar you've always been, Monday
I used to like Married With Children with Al Bundy
(Couldn't think of a line here that ended with live, or chive, or connive)

Why must you be so doggone Monday
I just googled "calculate the day of the week for any date in history" and realized I was born on a Monday...

Well... I suppose you're not all bad

"I was dreamin' when I wrote this. Forgive me if it goes astray..."


  1. The Moody Blues sang about Tuesday afternoon, I say that just in case you are going to continue writing odes through the week...

  2. Hahaha...brilliant! I could feel the blood, sweat, and tears that went into this. And I'm guessing you spent a good part of Sunday writing it, which just brings your point home. *bravo to Bone* :P

  3. :D

    You could have finished it off with

    monday monday
    monday monday monday
    monday monday monday monday
    Someday you are gonna end up as a fun day
    let us all rise, hope, and pray

  4. You can't beat a rhyming dictionary at times like this!

    ♫ "Tell me why I don't like Mondays..." ♫

  5. Is there anyone out there who does like Monday? Because if so, he/she needs to be committed to a mental institute ;)

    As I was reading this, I couldn't help but think of the number of songs dedicated to how terrible Monday is. Apparently a lot of talented people despise Monday!

    I did have to laugh/groan for you at the end, when you realized you were born on a Monday. My brother was also born on a Monday: something I remember only thanks to that old nursery rhyme about Monday's child being "fair of face." I was born on a Friday, and my Mom often said we both really fit the profile.

  6. TC, I like Mondays! And yes, there is a reason

  7. Thanks for the ride down memory lane with the great music. ; )

    I dont so much hate mondays.
    but im just strange.

  8. I love this. It made me LOL
    I used to spend Sundays dreading Monday--still do actually--things are open that I would rather be closed yet my finances depend on them
    They even gave you Monday Night Football, and still you suck. Oh Boneville--and calculating how much of your life is spent on Monday and admitting to using a rhyming dictionary
    There's a special space in the blogosphere for you Bone. I'm not sure what it's called but you can name it
    Thanks for being Bone!!!

  9. Wednesday's child is full of woe!!!! Yeah me!!!! And this Wednesday is my half birthday--just realized that--maybe it means something horrible or great or...

  10. Sage: So we should commit you then? O:)

    Pia: LOL

    Surely it's not that bad of a thing, right? I mean, Sunday's child is supposed to have them all...

    I always kind of wished I'd been born on Tuesday, as I'm the least graceful person I know. Alas, it was not meant to be.

  11. I should have read this on Monday it might have made me feel better about the day.

    llgraI do see you as the Monday despising sort.

  12. Sage - The only Tuesday song I can think of is Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Tuesday's Gone." No Wednesday songs come to mind at the moment, though I'm sure there are some.

    Sweetest In The Gale - Blood, Sweat & Tears! I'd forgotten about them. Wait, did they have a Monday song? :)

    (Thank you much.)

    Gautami - Maybe someday... when weekends are extended to three days to include Mondays :)

    J Adamthwaite - Wow, I didn't know that one either. But I just looked it up on YouTube :)

    TC - Yep. I think the sheer number of Monday songs just speaks to its evilness.

    I'm not sure, but if you just called me fair of face, then thanks :)

    KittyCat - Well, there are a ton of songs about Mondays. Even more than I knew apparently.

    Pia - Thanks! I know you don't use LOL lightly.

    There's a special space in the blogosphere for you Bone.

    Is that anything like when Mom used to tell me "Of course you're special" when I was little? :)

    Oh, happy half birthday.

    TC - I think I'll let Sage handle this one.

    Cooper - Don't ever tell anyone this, but I actually think the dread of Monday is much worse than the day itself.

  13. I like Monday's whe I don't have to work, like MLK Jr. day yesterday. I love Monday's then.

    Wonderfully funny post Bone. I don't think I know anyone that could have made Monday's sound as funny as you did. :-)

  14. And, now that Monday Night Football is over . . . well, I can't even think about it!

  15. I could also mention that a blog post by Bone makes Monday a bit better, so I hope you're working on one for all of us ;)

  16. You seriously made me giggle with this one, especially the Monday Night Football one!!
    Heart you J-Dizzle!!

  17. Clever. Yet I often enjoy Monday, because I get to go to work at a job I like.