Wednesday, January 05, 2011

My one chance to meet Larry Bird and I blew it

Please pardon my (lack of) progress. I've been trying to decide whether to blog about the end of last year or look ahead to the new year. Took me five days to decide: enough dwelling on the past, I'm looking to the future.

Therefore today, I do hereby resolve to be even less productive, less ambitious, to sleep even more and care even less in 2011. That's right, folks. Bone is mailing it in! You cannot possibly underestimate my plans for the new year.

This means the only way I can disappoint myself is by accomplishing too much. My only fear is productivity. After all, if this 2012 Mayan stuff is true, this is most likely the last year any of us are gonna be on the Earth anyway. No sense stressing myself out.

At first glance, it might appear that I have been slacking, or not slacking as the case may be. I've managed to clean up all the Christmas gifts from downstairs. But worry not. I only moved them upstairs where they are still waiting for me to put them away. Also, I took the tree down Sunday. But I noticed Monday that I'd left the wreath on the door. Then I looked across the street and saw that the neighbors still had their wreath up so I didn't feel so bad. Some men look to others to find inspiration. I look to others to not make me feel so bad about myself.

Not that I don't have dreams. I do. Just last night, for instance, I dreamt of Larry Bird. The Celtics were getting ready to play the Lakers and Robert Parish had apparently been traded to the Lakers. So as the Celtics came onto the court, I reached out and patted Larry on the back and said, "Torch 'em, LB" or something lame like that. I have no idea what the dream meant, but today at work I realized I was wearing a Celtic-green t-shirt.

Speaking of dreams, for Christmas this year, I got the best present any 37-year-old kid could ever hope for -- a white Christmas! I had been dreaming of one of those for some years now. I awakened to 2-3 inches of snow on Christmas morn, the first white Christmas we've had here since I was but a teen. In other words, a long, long time.

OK, so I guess I am looking back, just a bit. In other noteworthy events which have occurred over the past 300 hours or so...

Festivus was a success-tivus. An overflow crowd of fourteen attended this year, narrowly missing the all-time record of fifteen, set the previous year. (Evidently, I feel it necessary to document each Festivus in writing in case Guinness Book ever comes calling. And by "comes calling," I mean, "answers any of my many inquiries.")

For the first time in the history of Festivus, there were more female attendees than male. And it wasn't even really close -- 8 to 6! I've racked my brain trying to decide what could be drawing all these females to Festivus, and here's what I've come up with: I think girls really enjoy airing their grievances. I know, I know, I have a hard time believing it even as I'm typing it, but they truly seemed to relish the chance to gripe, er, grieve.

And... well, that's pretty much all that's happened. Besides, this is already the most work I've done all year.

H to the N to the Y! (Oh, I'm also working on my street lingo for 2011.)

"You're the best girl that I ever did see. The great Larry Bird, jersey 33. When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet. Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets..."


  1. girls like to complain? who would've thunk it? :-)
    I'm glad you had a good Festivus!

  2. Yo! Wad up, yo?? yous impresive hanging up da phone when you sees who's calling your digits, like that biddy called life, that just wants to tie up alls yo free time, like yous got nuttin better to do, but spit rhymes to the tune shes a sanging. dad bees real yo! (windmill high five and keep walking, act like you dont even know me)

    HNY Bone! Good luck with the "thug" life in 2011. If you understand anything I wrote, you really are taking 2011 to a WHOLE nudder Level!! :)

  3. Have a great unproductive year in 2011! It might be the last we have. Whatever..

    The more sleep thingy gets top me. It's like never enough sleep..

    (and I will try to visit you more often to cheer you up for un-productivity)

  4. Congrats on all your achievements for 2011 real and otherwise.

    re: Christmas decorations... Today is Epiphany so it's still okay to have your decorations up. here it's been too cold to take them down.

    re: world ending in 2012... calendar makers blew it when they started the calendar and Christ was born anywhere between 4 and any rate 2012 has already passed. so it's all good.

  5. Xinh - Not me. I've never heard of (or experienced) such :)

    Daily Panic - Ooo, windmill high-five. I like it. I need to work that into my repertoire.

    By the way, that was pretty good! Fairly similar to the ten street/gangsta speak websites I consulted before writing this post.

    Gautami - I think I could nap most anytime, anywhere. Aww, well it's definitely great to see you around more often :)

    Renee - So what happens if I don't have them down, because I know one year it was pushing February before I got my tree down?

  6. Gripe? Me? Really Bone have you ever heard me complain? :)
    I see that Renee beat me to congratulating you on all those achievements. But Boneville, I do believe in you. I do! And know that as you will take off the wreath (and it might look nice for a winter decoration) you will achieve! You will otherwise I'm coming to your next Festivus party to gripe, and boy you don't want that

  7. Glad you got your "White" christmas.

    I think your doing fine, I have been struggling myself this "New" year. Just havent felt motivated.

  8. You kinda let me down with this post: I mean, it was a good post, but when I saw the title, I got REALLY excited. Have I ever told you how much I loved Larry Bird? No? Well I did. LOVED him. Favorite, ever. When he retired, I pretty much retired from watching pro basketball.

    So anyway, I naturally thought you really almost met him.

    You did redeem yourself with how hard I laughed at the "Torch 'em, LB" line, though :)

    Also, should I be ashamed that I pretty much know that LFO song by heart? And that I started singing it the second I read those lyrics? Oh well, even if I should be, I'm not.

    What more can a 37-year-old Southern boy ask for than a white Christmas? I bet if your family knew you were gonna get that, no one would have bothered to buy you any presents ;)

  9. Sigh. I hate it when I hit "comment" too soon.

    I have to say...I think you might really be on to something about why women are attending your Festivus parties in droves. Yes, I know I'm insulting my own sex here, but really, truth is truth. What were some of the grievances against you this year?

  10. You didn't even mention Alabama playing in the Credit Card bowl... As I have to live with one who graduated with an advance degree from that other school (MSU), you win was a kick in my pants... Not that I had a dog in that hunt, but when some people aren't happy... I really liked this line: "I look to others to not make me feel so bad about myself."

  11. TC is so right I was waiting for a really great LB story, especially since I actually KNOW who that is. I was wondering if you would mention the snow I'd heard about it and thought of you.

    Really girls never complain...ever...ever once they get passed the age of 110.

  12. Happy New Year, Bone, and I'm so glad to hear that someone who wanted to see that messy white stuff got it! There's a complaint in there somewhere, I just know it.

  13. Great! Now I got Robert Parish's ugly mug in my head and it's soon to be bedtime.

    Happy thoughts...happy thoughts...

  14. Seems I've missed a lot of posts here! Happy New Year, Bone. Here's my resolution to be back online and reading all my favourite blogs regularly. There. I've said it: that'll make it happen, right...?

  15. Pia - Not that I can recall :) And I don't know about all the rest, but I did take off the wreath Thursday.

    KittyCat - January-slash-winter tends to sap my motivation.

    TC - How you felt about Bird, that's the type of relationship I had with Jordan.

    A white Christmas is a huge deal around here. You come to expect Christmas Day with temps in the 50s.

    What were some of the grievances against you this year?

    Indecisive, yada yada yada, the usual. I try and forget those as quickly as possible :)

    Sage - I know. I was waiting for Murf to bring it up. That was kind of an annihilation.

    PennyCandy -
    Really girls never complain...ever...ever once they get passed the age of 110.

    LOL You had me chuckling at that one.

    Actonbell - Very well disguised! I don't know that I would have noticed it if you hadn't mentioned it.

    Murf - Would Kevin McHale have been better?

    Or Nick Saban? :)

    Shelby - Happy New Year!

    J Adamthwaite - I just love when you put a "u" in favourite :) Good to see you back around.

  16. I still have my wreath up...and I like to complain...and I'm doing Festivus next year, so I can complain some more ;-)
    I try to steer clear of resolutions, but I didn't jump into this new year with some new goals for myself. Things that are achievable :-)
    Alright, peace out Bone-Dizzle!

  17. Wishing you the most unproductive year ever, Bone...Cheers! :P

    (You are, however, incredibly productive at making me laugh).

  18. Im jealous of the white Christmas! And I started cracking up reading the lyrics...I listen to my music through my phone at work and hat song just came on!

  19. Mr. Bone! I'm jealous it took you only five days to decide on an end of year post or a looking forward post. I finally made my decision today... on the 10th! I really just couldn't find anything interesting to say about the past decade. Eh... it was alright. ;)

  20. Hi BONE!!!
    I´m Julia from Germany.
    I found the blog- if you read only one blog this year. from 2004
    and now i need your help-please!!!
    The last words in your text BONE- is a lycric from a country song i´m searching. JUST SLOW DOWN
    if you read this please send me an email with the name of the artist!PLEASE!!!It´s so important to me.

  21. MrsOdell - You do realize you'll need to get a Festivus pole, right? :)

    Sherri - Wishing you the most unproductive year ever

    *sniff* That means a lot.

    Terra - That's quite the coincidence. I haven't thought of that song in years, but when I started thinking of songs that mention Larry Bird, it was the first (and only) one that came to mind.

    Robyn - Hey now! Stop trying to be even less productive than me. That's not allowed ;-)

    Anonymous - Hello Julia. If it's the song I think you're talking about, it's called "Slow Down" and the artist is Mark Nesler. Hope this helps.

  22. I'm late in commenting...but that won't change. I made a new year's goal to NOT change my habits to benefit others, just me. And being late is fine by me; no need to change something if it isn't a problem, right? :o)

    As for Festivus, I have something to say: why do people put things in the microwave, take them out before the *ding, and leave the remaining time still on the display?! Drives me crazy.

    Okay, over and out.

  23. HEY BONE!!!! I´m so thankful for your help!!!YES THAT IS THE SONG!!!!PERFECT!!!!!