Sunday, November 28, 2010

I'm all thumbs

As much as I have considered granting unrequested permission to TruTV to feature my life on the first-ever blogger reality show (to be aired right after Forensic Files, of course), even I must admit there are issues to consider.

First off, is there enough interesting material in my life to even fill an hour a week? Secondly, I'd most likely have to wear pants around the house. Then of course, there would be the inevitable invite to be on Dancing With The Stars, where I would probably go out early like Kenny Mayne and the man from Apple because my mom can't see Russia from her house and I was never married to Jon Gosselin. Lastly -- and this is where today's post comes in -- every embarrassing moment of my life would be chronicled for all the world to see.

A little background, if you will:

During football season, if I'm not at the Bama game, I'm watching on TV. And I have a circle of friends with whom I am constantly texting throughout the game, sometimes after every play. I like to think of them as my mobile entourage. There's Axl, my sister, Wolfgang, and the female component of Kywana.

That brings us to earlier this week. I got a call from a number that's not programmed into my phone. Now, I don't usually answer calls from numbers I don't recognize, but I guess I was feeling uncommonly sociable on this particular day.

What follows is a never-before-published recap of that conversation, with my thoughts in italics, included for your enjoyment.


A male voice greets me. "Mister Bone?"


"Hi, this is (name withheld) from AT&T. We noticed you had gone over your allotted number of text messages last month."

*cringe* "I am aware."

"Looking at your account, you actually would save money if you upgraded your data plan."

Looking at my account? Shouldn't that be illegal? Stupid Patriot Act.

"You currently get 1500 texts per month. You used over 1800 last month, which came out to about 12 dollars in overage charges."

You oughta be thanking me for using that many texts. Ever hear of frequent flier miles? I should be rewarded! There should be an 1800 Club for people like me. Or... at least a Texters Anonymous.

"If you were to go to the next highest plan, it would be 10 dollars more, but you would get unlimited texts."

(Pause for response. There is none.)

"So if you think you're going to be texting a lot every month, then that's something you might want to consider."

Apparently, I'm a teenage girl.

"Don't try to dig what we all say. I'm not trying to cause a big sensation. Just talkin' 'bout my generation..."


  1. you would be fantabulous starring in your own show... hehe

    as for texting. i don't do that. but my daughter sure loves it. my husband has even been known to text sometimes. i just can't seem to get interested. glad you're enjoying it though. maybe you should consider upgrading to an unlimited texting plan. have a great day.

  2. I dont think it is age or gender specific anymore on who texts.
    I have the unlimited plan cause of my freakin mother.

    She texts me all the time.

    PS I would love a reality show about your life.
    : )

  3. Hilarious Mister Bone. You had me LOLing and I needed to.
    A reality show about your life? It would be very interesting and even more interesting if it showed the people you text, FB with and email--answering you. Just saying....

  4. perhaps you could produce your own show with just your text messages. It would be a blue screen of nothing but texts to and from Bone. I'm sure it would be a #1 hit AND BONUS you wouldn't be required to wear pants.
    You could be draped in velvet.

  5. LOL

    I wrote a post once about my Dad texting like a teenage girl - perhaps you two should chat.

    I'm actually kinda impressed your overage charges were only that much. Last time I went over it was only by like 20 texts and I paid $3 something.

    Also, I use about 500 texts a month. And I'm a girl. Just saying.

  6. Naquillity - Why thank you. Can I use that in the promo for my show? "Naquillity calls it fantabulous!" :)

    KittyCat - I think you're right. I had originally titled this post Generation Text, which seems to be what we have become.

    PS Thanks :)

    Pia - Thank you, Miss Pia. The name "Mister Bone" really just creates a whole different persona, doesn't it?

    Oh, there'll be other characters for sure.

    Renee - Yes! The tagline could be: "He's the opposite of every man you've ever met."

    I've actually thought about blogging some of mine and Axl's text conversations during games a time or two.

    TC - Really? Can I get a link?

    I was thinking the same thing. I could have sworn I went over a couple of years ago and it was like thirty bucks or something outrageous.

    You're gonna have to step up your game if you wanna be in the 1800 Club :)

  7. Actually, they might let you go pantless. Of course, they might do an Elvis camera job with you, but--if you're more comfortable pantless, so be it.

    Dancing with the stars is way overrated, but I do think you need that unlimited text plan. Just sayin' :)

  8. Bone, you made me think after a very long day. That is not a good thing. Teenage boys text as much as teenage girls that's why we have unlimted minutes in my house.

    At school girls are sneaky with their texting boys not so much so I take up their phones all the time.

    Your own show I would make time to sit down and watch it and I would watch Dancing with the Stars if you were on. :-)

  9. Here you go:

  10. Bone, I'm a texter-in-training...finally had to learn it when my daughter left for college. It's her prime source of communication! And I agree that a blogger reality show about you would be awesome. Where's the vote button? :P

  11. 1800 txts! Who the crap are you txt'ing? I'm kidding. I don't even know what my total is a month.

    I second KittyCat's comment. I would love a reality show about your life too. :)

  12. Your post got me thinking about what your blogger reality show would be called...just some suggestions for when the time comes:

    Flesh and Bone
    Funny Bone
    Bad to the Bone
    Bone Structure
    Throw a Blog a Bone
    Close to the Bone
    A Good Blog Deserves a Good Bone
    Bone of Contention

    Hope that helps! :P (lol, sorry, couldn't resist)

  13. I'm so thankful not to be chosen for TLC's reality show airing this weekend with the girls from my city. If you think having to upgrade because you are popular is bad, consider this... I have to upgrade my cable TV subscription to even watch the reality show. I may pass on the upgrade and just watch the train wreck at a friends house.

  14. I've made perhaps ten texts in my entire life. I have a lack of imagination for shortening words, big thumbs and a lack of patience.

  15. I think I have made one text in my entire life. It takes too much effort.

  16. You could make a book out of your text messages, but ear bone if you text that often how can you not have a text plan? I though most people did "all you can text" plans, because it's basically included with every plan out there isn't it?

  17. Actonbell - Maybe I should put that in my contract, that I get so many hours per week pantless.

    I'm gonna try and hold out. I really come nowhere near my text limit once football season's over. It's too bad they don't over a rollover option for texts.

    PennyCandy - Sorry. It's not very often I make someone think :)

    So basically what you're saying is that if I were in your class I wouldn't have a phone.

    TC - That's hilarious, TC. Apparently I missed that one first time around. Bodcaious! LOL I'm gonna try and work that into a conversation manana.

    Sweetest In The Gale - A texter-in-training, I like that term. Be warned: it's a slippery slope :)

    OKChick - Maybe you could even be a guest, if you ever come to Nashville again.

    Sweetest In The Gale - Oh, thank you! I like some of those. All I'd been able to think of was (cringe) Bone Appetit :)

    Daily Panic - I think that's a good plan. I heard the previews made it look like... well as you say, a train wreck.

    Ed - Sounds like my Mom. Well, except for the big thumbs. I could probably count the number of texts she has ever sent me on both hands.

    Michelle Gartner - It can be a pretty strenuous workout for the thumbs.

    Cooper - Apparently not when I got my Blackberry... four years ago :)

  18. Boneville for your reality show?
    You've had your Blackberry for four years? I still lived in New York and hadn't begun selling
    I have the cheapest plan in the world and it includes unlimited texting

  19. um, my most embarrassing fact is that one month I had SIX THOUSAND texts. granted, it was summer, so I wasn't working. but. still.

    I average 2500, so no shame in this unlimited game.


  20. Can you text without looking at your phone? That is when you (I) know you (I) need help.

    You aren't a teenage girl, just poplular!