While chatting with an ex-girlfriend last week, a blog entry materialized...
Her: Damn you, Scuba Steve.
Me: Scuba Steve?
I think you've got your guys confused again, dear.
Her: No no no.
You've obviously never seen Big Daddy.
Well I saw part of it, I think.
Is that where they pee side by side?
Her: Mmm . . no?
You would like Big Daddy.
You should rent it.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: Yes, they don't pee together. I know that movie backwards, frontwards, sideways and upside down.
(This is where I quote a Roger Ebert review I found after googling Big Daddy...)
"The predictable story arc has Sonny and Julian bonding. This is not as easy as it sounds, since any Adam Sandler character is self-obsessed to such a degree that his conversations sound like interior monologues. It is supposed to be funny that Sonny has a pathological hostility against society; when McDonald's won't serve them breakfast, he throws another customer's fries on the floor, and when a restaurant won't let the kid use the restroom, he and the kid pee on the restaurant's side door."
Her: He didn't pee.
The kid peed.
Because he has to pee every three seconds.
Me: OK, so Roger Ebert is wrong and you are right. Sure.
Her: Adam Sandler's on the lookout for him and says something like "Gee, you and my grandmother pee this much!"
Me: You're so self-assured when you're wrong. That's the amazing thing.
Her: I'M NOT WRONG!
Rent the movie.
Me: You still wouldn't believe me.
I remember it. It's the only scene of the movie that even stands out to me. Roger Ebert wrote about it in his movie review. You're wrong.
Her: You stink, Justin Matisse.
Me: This is why we're not together.
Her: Because you stink?
Me: Because you can never ever ever admit you're wrong.
Her: Oh for the love. . he doesn't pee on the wall.
Me: Even with written proof from one of the 3 most popular movie critics in the history of the world.
So what chance do I have in a regular argument?
Her: Oh oh oh.
When Julian can't pee on the wall because they're in public, Adam Sandler does it to show him that it's no big deal.
Let us commemorate this day.
Her: Goodnight, Bone.
Me: Or we can not commemorate it and say we did.
"I hope them cigarettes are gonna make you cough. I hope you heard this song, and it pissed you off. I take that back, I hope you're doing fine. And if I had a dollar, I might give you ninety-nine..."