Sunday, December 07, 2008

And I still don't know who Scuba Steve is

While chatting with an ex-girlfriend last week, a blog entry materialized...

Her: Damn you, Scuba Steve.

Me: Scuba Steve?
I think you've got your guys confused again, dear.

Her: No no no.
You've obviously never seen Big Daddy.

Me: Nope.
Well I saw part of it, I think.
Is that where they pee side by side?

Her: Mmm . . no?
You would like Big Daddy.
You should rent it.

Me: Are you sure?

Her: Yes, they don't pee together. I know that movie backwards, frontwards, sideways and upside down.
No peeing.

Me: Mmhmm.
Wanna bet?
(This is where I quote a Roger Ebert review I found after googling Big Daddy...)
"The predictable story arc has Sonny and Julian bonding. This is not as easy as it sounds, since any Adam Sandler character is self-obsessed to such a degree that his conversations sound like interior monologues. It is supposed to be funny that Sonny has a pathological hostility against society; when McDonald's won't serve them breakfast, he throws another customer's fries on the floor, and when a restaurant won't let the kid use the restroom, he and the kid pee on the restaurant's side door."

Her: He didn't pee.
The kid peed.
Because he has to pee every three seconds.

Me: OK, so Roger Ebert is wrong and you are right. Sure.

Her: Adam Sandler's on the lookout for him and says something like "Gee, you and my grandmother pee this much!"

Me: You're so self-assured when you're wrong. That's the amazing thing.

Rent the movie.

Me: You still wouldn't believe me.
I remember it. It's the only scene of the movie that even stands out to me. Roger Ebert wrote about it in his movie review. You're wrong.

Her: You stink, Justin Matisse.

Me: This is why we're not together.

Her: Because you stink?

Me: Because you can never ever ever admit you're wrong.
About anything.

Her: Oh for the love. . he doesn't pee on the wall.

Me: Even with written proof from one of the 3 most popular movie critics in the history of the world.
So what chance do I have in a regular argument?

Her: Oh oh oh.
I'm wrong.
When Julian can't pee on the wall because they're in public, Adam Sandler does it to show him that it's no big deal.
You're right.

Me: Wow.
Let us commemorate this day.

Her: Goodnight, Bone.

Me: Or we can not commemorate it and say we did.

"I hope them cigarettes are gonna make you cough. I hope you heard this song, and it pissed you off. I take that back, I hope you're doing fine. And if I had a dollar, I might give you ninety-nine..."


  1. That's funny stuff, Bone. You see, I always say I'm right, but I usually am. ;) ha ha.

  2. HA! That's funny. Sometimes it's hard to admit your wrong, even when you know you are wrong. However, some people are just never me. :)

  3. Love it! Admitting you are wrong is so terribly difficult.

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Rule #1: Women are always right.

    Rule #2: Whenever you start to think that you might be right and she might be wrong, refer to rule #1.


    And by the way, am I the only one who thinks it's a bit strange you still call your exes dear?

  6. The dialogue is hilarous and oh so true between exes.

    Only you would google Ebert and quote it in the midst of such brilliant pee lines, and that makes it even funnier

  7. Ah, the Ex banter. I love that. One of my Ex's and I talk regularly. We still fight about things that happened while we dated. Instead of coming to a conclusion, we usually just end by saying, "This is why we aren't together." It's very Seinfeld-ish but I wouldn't have it any other way.

    And ps. They DO pee on the wall. I think that picture was even on the back of the dvd case.

  8. Funny. I can so see why you're not with her anymore. I'm not saying that being wrong is bad...but it was "because you won't make even the slightest effort to offer happiness"

  9. C&J - Thanks for the comment. Wait, is this Carmen or Jim? :)

    OKChick - I can't argue with that :)

    Kontan - I know. That's why I went to such lengths to prove I was right :)

    TC - Yeah, yeah, I knew the rules. I guess I just slipped up.

    And don't forget Rule #3: Men are never lost.

    Pia - Yeah, I thought the Ebert quote added a little credibility to my argument. But in the end, it also wound up making the whole thing funnier.

    Charlotta - Anything that is very Seinfeld-ish must be held onto and nurtured, in my opinion.

    Oh, that's cruel. I don't seem to recall you being around after the Bama/Georgia game this year :)

    Renee - Hahaha, yes. I don't opt for happiness? I opt for happiness! James Caan doesn't opt for happiness.

  10. Sounds like there might be some tension there...?

  11. One of the things that most of my boyfriends learn pretty quickly is that I'm always right.

  12. I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.


  13. Ignore TC!

    I think there is a deeper lesson here, it's not that women are always right, it's don't date smokers (and women who think they're always right...but if you follow that advice, you'll be moaning your single status into your 80s)

  14. LOL:) Steve O and Scuba Steve
    Steve, Steve, Steve! For some reason everyone likes to call you Steve!

  15. Ignore TC!

    What?!?!?!? Sage, you didn't... how can you say that?!?!?!

    I'll have you know, you and Bone are clearly the minority in this comment section.

    (Though I do agree with the fact that if he doesn't date any women who think they are always right [because they are, of course], he willing be whining about his singlehood at 80.)

  16. We are always right because we pay attention. The very times we are proven wrong it is because y'all pulled magic on us - or we decided to give y'all a break.

  17. I can always count on your post to leave me thinking... Wow... Thought of you the other day, saw a commercial for the Scene It Seinfeld ... Holy Crap that is weird, it just came on tv!

  18. Hotpinksox - Nah. It was all in fun. I'm sure we'll be speaking again in a matter of weeks.

    Coconut - I have no problem with that :)

    R8chel - Don't try and confuse me. It will work.

    Sage - Haha. I usually do. I dated a smoker once. Not a fan of the ashtray kisses. And otherwise, she was always rinsing with mouthwash before she'd kiss me. Not a huge fan of Listerine kisses, either. Of course, those beat kisses that don't exist.

    Daily Panic - Well, I did like Steve Sanders on 90210. Though I always thought I was more like Brandon Walsh.

    TC - Um, did you say something?

    (What? I'm just heeding Sage's advice.)

    Marcia - We pay attention! At least ten percent of the time. Maybe five.

    ArtistFormerlyKnownAs - You need a symbol, like Prince had there for awhile.

    Melanie - It's fate... that I should receive that for Christmas.