Friday, February 22, 2008

3WW: The Punch

(This is for the Three Word Wednesday exercise. This week's words were: punch, t-shirt, unravel)

I had stripped down to my tuxedo pants and t-shirt and was sipping on my second glass of punch when the door to the reception hall opened. The wedding party had all gone, but as best man I figured I should hang around. Now it was just us two.

He walked like he had two bad hips and poor equilibrium, his feet barely leaving the floor, leaning forward slightly as if each step might be his last. Stopping at the first chair he came to, he sat down. I tried to break the ice.

"Cops gone?"

"Yeah," he sounded almost hopeful, as if something had finally gone right with the day. A few seconds of awkward silence followed, until I spoke again.

"It's, uhh, good they got there when they did. I've never seen so much hair pulling. And all that cursing... inside a church building!""

"Yeah," he repeated his earlier response, this time with no inflection at all.

"Boy, in all the weddings I've been to and been in, I've never heard someone actually object when the preacher asked for objections," I chuckled, but it wasn't sincere. "You should write a book."

He looked up at me as if I were speaking jibberish, but didn't respond. I continued.

"The whole thing was like a movie, but in slow motion," I spoke as if I were giving a first-hand account of the Mount Saint Helen's eruption. "Like I'm standing there hitting frame advance watching the entire thing unravel."

This was now officially a one person conversation. Each sentence I spoke was followed by a few seconds of silence until I spoke again. I was alternating between utter disbelief at what I had just witnessed and trying to look on the bright side of a situation that had none.

"Really sucks about your car. I'm sure most of those dents will buff right out. Where did she find a baseball bat anyway?" I shook my head in disbelief. "Must have been the something borrowed."

He seemed almost in a trance, as if the Earth's moon could come crashing thru the roof at that very moment and it wouldn't even phase him.

"Hey, how many people can say their wedding made the local news?" I leaned over and gave him a friendly punch on the arm. Again I got the jibberish look.

This was becoming more and more uncomfortable. I took a sip of punch then paused as if savoring it to buy myself a couple more seconds.

"This is really good punch. You want some?" I held up my glass, then pointed towards the bowl. "There's... plenty."

30 comments:

  1. DETAILS!!! You can't leave us hanging like that. Who objected? Who beat up the car? What happened?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Um, OK, I'm mad at you.

    What happened?!?! Why'd she take a bat to his poor car??? Is it really the groom you're speaking to?

    AHHHHHH! I have so many questions and no answers!

    I was alternating between utter disbelief at what I had just witnessed and trying to look on the bright side of a situation that had none.

    That was my favorite line. It really seemed to just encompass the entire situation.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bone this is so different than anything I have read of yours in almost three years of reading

    Me like very much. Thought it has an absurdist Coen Brothers feel

    The story builds and builds
    Like how one person's POV truly describes the other person--it's a one sided conversation with much detail--and it describes the whole wedding that wasn't and fracas with enough left to the imagination

    ReplyDelete
  4. I for one, don't need the details - THIS was AWESOME. One of my faves, for sure. It was fun, and fast paced- despite thte hurting limbs and what felt like a wicked hangover. I loved the "must of been something borrowed" about the bat - it had me belly laughing outloud!!! The whole thing was perfect and very-well written. The tone, pace, inflections--wonderful. I love 3ww I have read some great stuff and am so inspired!!! Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Renee: Hmm. Maybe I could make it like the backwards episode of Seinfeld.

    One minute earlier...

    TC: Well, to answer one of your questions, yes it's the groom the narrator is speaking to :)

    Pia: Well, I'm gonna blame that on the Steven Wright CD's I've been listening to this week.

    Three years? Where were you the first two years when NO ONE was commenting?

    Thanks :)

    Amarettogirl: Wow, thank you for the wonderful comment. Makes me feel better about my writing, for sure. And glad you're enjoying 3WW.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey, you're getting good at this cliffhanger thing.. Must be the soap viewer in you!

    Just watched Friday's episode... BOY was I wrong!! Didn't see that one coming!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This was excellent! Although a story we don't always hear, it's perfectly believable to me. Of course my brother and his wife got in a huge fight at their wedding and he took off and we had to go find him and bring him back. So yeah, I found it quite believable.

    I also like that the narrator realizes the awkwardness of the situation, yet he keeps on talking, just to fill the silence.

    Very nicely done!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I haven't been around for three years so I can't comment as to how this compares with your previous writing. What it did was grab me by the throat and hold me from the very first line. Why was he wearing a T-shirt. So many questions but that for me is good writing when it leaves you wanting more.

    ReplyDelete
  9. felt like i was getting the back story on one of the fine pieces of journalistic excellence that eventually makes its way to FARK.com...

    excellent!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. The more I read this, the more I see how many stories it tells-and can't pick one great line as they build upon each other

    Signed: The 9,999th

    ReplyDelete
  11. sounds to me like the groom object to his own wedding and that the bride went nuts, destroying his car with a baseball bat. What a great read!

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Must have been the something borrowed."

    Yeah, that had me giggling for a couple of minutes!

    Good story!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Burg: Thanks. Yeah, that was really no fair, unless you read Soap Digest, which I rarely do :)

    Scout: Wow, a testimonial :) Thank you. I appreciate the comment.

    Watermaid: Thanks much! I guess I was just thinking of a t-shirt as an undershirt he'd had on under his tuxedo shirt and vest and jacket.

    Paisley: Ooo, good point. I hadn't even thought about fark. It felt sort of like the closing scene of a movie or sitcom episode to me. Thank you.

    Anonymous: Interesting. So, um, how many times do you typically read a story? :)

    Lissa: Yeah, it's kind of open for interpretation or imagination as to what exactly happened. Thanks!

    Xinh: That was actually the last line I added, believe it or not. Glad I did. And thanks :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. A great story, told very naturally. I'm going to make a guess that the bride found out the groom had been bad with a friend of hers. Something like that. It sounds like the beginning of a movie. While the credits begin, a scene of mayhem at a
    wedding....

    ReplyDelete
  15. i've never laughed so hard at so little information.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I absolutely love this! Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Excellent! I love it!!

    Heather

    PS - Wedding punch always makes me thirsty for more - much like this vignette did!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Loved it... wish there were more. Maybe a sequel? Prequel? Threequel? Someotherquel that hasn't been invented yet???

    ReplyDelete
  19. This was good!! But of course I'm left wondering -- well WHAT happened??!?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  20. loved this, i'm with the others, it left me wanting more.

    ReplyDelete
  21. you painted a great picture--providing just enough details and letting our minds do the rest, good job

    ReplyDelete
  22. I've always loved one sided conversations, and this one is awesome. The something borrowed written last, guess you just saved the best for last.

    You outdid yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I've been beating my brain in since you've written this trying to figure out how to comment without sounding green with envy at your ability, or gushing or worse - just like everyone else. :)

    I don't understand how your mind works this way. You're so inventive with this story, yet so believable. I swear, I've been to this exact wedding. I know those two guys . . yet, I don't.

    I'm so glad to see you back doing 3WW. It's been amazing to watch how your fiction writing has progressed and how it continues to grow better and better with each story.

    ReplyDelete
  24. For some reason I assumed it was the groom doing the listening. I wondered if it was the bride hitting the car or a guest. The "something borrowed" line indicated it was the bride. So...all my questions are answered.

    well, aside from the fact that I want to know what made her mad but that wasn't part of the plot. :o)

    ReplyDelete
  25. YES!!!! A backwards episode would be PERFECT for this! But you're gonna have to jump more than just one minute back at a time. ;)

    DD & I were talking about how much you would like to see snow and how much TC is sick of it and SHE thought that perhaps you two should just switch appartments for about a month...whatdda think?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yo, Renee, when does TC get consulted about this? *er* I mean, I know Bone's your favorite and all, but come on!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I like this. For the reason that starts with a middle. That gives me food for imagining the way I want to. I like one sided conversations too especially when the other is giving you dirty looks and you are the one who is cool and composed.

    Can I share that punch? Although, I know I am a bit late for this..

    ReplyDelete
  28. hey loved this 'punch' story of yours.. sure threw an awesome punch.. you did :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Christine: Thank you. I was thinking more of a final scene. But it definitely could have been an opening scene, too.

    Karl: Thanks. I'm gonna call that a compliment and just go with it :)

    Tumblewords: Thank you much.

    Extemporaneous, Sherry, & Leigh Lear: Thanks. I'd much rather hear those kinds of comments than "You should have stopped after three paragraphs." :)

    Gay: That has me wondering: what would a pre-prequel be?

    Sage: Thanks. Perhaps I should have made it into a choose-your-own-adventure book.

    Marcia: Well, living alone, I have lots of one-sided conversations, so maybe this came more naturally to me :)

    Lillith: Oh, it's probably best you don't understand how my mind works. I imagine that could be quite strange, if not scary :) Thank you for the nice words.

    Charlotta: Well I definitely wrote it with the idea that the groom was doing the listening. And yeah, I guess in my mind, the bride was doing the, um, vandalism? :)

    Renee: That would work, except I think Mister Marbles would probably freak her out.

    TC: Yeah, Renee! Come on.

    Gautami: Thank you. I'm usually late posting, so being late commenting is no problem at all.

    UL: Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete