Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Mulligans for everyone!

This makes me very happy. October 2nd!!!

Well, I finally did it. After a seven year hiatus, I have resumed my golfing career. Sunday afternoon, Little Joe and I "hit the links." That's slang for played golf... on a course, like with sand traps, trees, pitching wedges, golf carts, and stuff. Oh and mulligans. Lots of mulligans.

We "rode nine." That's slang for played nine holes with a golf cart. I don't think it truly hit me that I was back on the golf course until around the third hole. That's when I sailed consecutive tee shots into the same tree.

We're not talking up in the branches, either. We're talking into the trunk, maybe 18 inches across. And I hit it from fifty yards away. Twice. It's good to know all that time and money spent at the driving range was finally paying off.

Little Joe was a blast, as well. It was his first time to ever be on a golf course. Well, legally anyway.

I would stop the cart near his ball then walk to mine, expecting that by the time I got ready to hit, he would've already taken his shot. Yet everytime I got to my ball and turned around, he was either still taking one of his umpteen practice swings, or looking at me like he was waiting for the go ahead or something. I felt like a flagman on a carrier ship trying to give him the signal to "Hit your shot."

Not counting the four mulligans I took off the tee--because by definition, mulligans do not count--I shot a 51. Par was 36. Most importantly, I only lost three balls, which was really only two, because I could see one, I just didn't feel like getting my shoes all muddy to retrieve it.

One question did arise Sunday. I guess it would be a question of golf course etiquette. My cell phone rang three times and I received two text messages during my nine holes. I don't think I had a cell phone the last time I played. So what is proper golf etiquette? Are cell phones allowed on the course?

I kinda hope they are, because I found out yet another thing I like about golf Sunday. When someone calls and asks what I'm doing, I like the coolness factor of being able to say, "I'm on the golf course."

"I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know. Then I can't remember caring for an hour or so..."


  1. I really hope you mean golfing career in the loosest meaning of the phrase :)

    It's good to know all that time and money spent at the driving range was finally paying off.

    ROFL Oh, I laughed so hard at this! Yeah, I think it’s safe to say you’ve been getting your money’s worth… ahem.

    Um, what’s this “legally” mean in reference to Little Joe being on a golf course???? Details, please.

    My cell phone rang three times and I received two text messages during my nine holes.

    Oh man, you’re one of THOSE people. Ugh… those ridiculously popular people who like to annoy everyone else by flipping open their phone and taking calls and answering text messages at all times people. Uff da, Bone. *shaking head*

  2. P.S. Did you pre-order like a nerd or will you just (not-so-)patiently wait until the 2nd?

  3. i hope you wear the requisite plaid shorts and polo shirt. make us proud bone!

  4. As long as you're not holding up play, and you have it on vibrate, I would think the phone is OK.

    I'm playing with my corporate team in two weeks. I guess I'd better get to the driving range too.


  5. Maybe I'm missing something because I have no idea what a mulligan is

    You never answer your phone. I have asked you about cell phone etiquette because I knew what your answer would be

    Just want to on the golf course?

    Too cool for me Bone :)

  6. Golfing? On opening day of football season?

    I don't understand.

  7. TC: Oh I was kidding. Little Joe rarely does anything very illegal.

    No, I'm not one of those people. I hate when someone is always on their phone, too. I just wanted to have my phone in case there was an incident on the course, an earthquake or something.

    And no, I'm not pre-ordering, but I do plan to be at the store on October 2nd.

    Sizzle: Plaid shorts, that's my next purchase. Along with a funky golf hat. It's important to look like you know what you're doing :)

    Lass: Yeah, there was no one behind us. But um, it wasn't on vibrate O:) Good luck with your golf outing!

    Pia: A mulligan is a do over, usually taken on tee shots only. So if I hit a bad shot, I'd take a mulligan, which means my bad shot doesn't count, and basically never even happened. Even though you thought you saw my ball go in the water.

    Yeah, there's nothing cool about answering your phone when you're sitting at home in your underwear on a Saturday night watching football. But the golf course, that's another story. Or something.

    Scarlet Hip: Eh, my day was shot anyway, because I had to go get fitted for a tux. Plus, my Cowboys didn't play until Sunday night :)

  8. And here I've been counting all those re-takes on the put-put course instead of calling them Mulligans. I'll have to see if DH goes for that. Probably not since I usually beat him anyway. LOL

    Oh and I hate cell phones in general so on the golf course I would be tempted to toss one in a water hazzard!

  9. Golfing career?!?!? What happened to the Volleyball Line Judge and Sunscreen Applier? I thought that weekend job, in combination with your writing gigs, was perfect. Now I learn that you're abandoning such dreams to become Phil Mickelson or "Boo" Weekley. For shame.

    Awwww. Admit it, the shanks into the tree trunk were on purpose. You were practicing for those trick shots you will eventually have to do out of the rough. I can hear the announcers now: "And a sudden wind shift has placed Bone's ball directly into the rough. It actually went behind the hole. This is an impossible shot." "Oh, I don't know, Todd. Bone is a very inventive player. I wouldn't put it past him to Birdie this one." "Blain, you seem to have a lot of faith in this player. Let's see what he does."

    Silence falls over the course and then:

    "By gum! I think he's done it, Blain!" "I told you not to count him out, Todd. That was a magnificent ricochet shot off the trunk of that Sycamore. He's just brilliant."

    As for cell phone etiquette, most of my male friends are golfers. They keep their phones on them at all times, but their rules are that they must be on vibrate only and any taken calls must be conducted at least 15 feet from the hole in play. However, it should be noted that these are their rules . . and, typically, they're a bunch of idiots.

    I have seen more than one shot go horribly astray when a pocket began vibrating mid-stroke.

    Mulligans are one thing, Sir Bone, just make certain you don't make any snowmen out there on the course. That would be too embarassing.

  10. Actually I found this post more insightful as to your wardrobe than your golfing career. From Saturday nights in underwear to tuxedo's. far wardrobe you travel

    I do believe you explained your many career aspirations in your 3WW fiction
    post--though of course
    that was fiction

    Personally I believe you belong in one career and one career only--columnist or the straight man's Sedaris--Amy of course. Kidding--though she is the permanent fill in guest on Letterman

    Actually I like Amy better than David--you can be both as I did qualify you as "straight man," in many connotations. I'm getting silly. this has been a long day

  11. What is October 2?

    Glad to hear you played the "real" course... I was half afraid you'd write about windmills and skulls.

  12. Golf? Is that like Putt-Putt? lol That's the only golf I play...and badly at that!

    Enjoyed reading the post.

  13. lol I play about as well, but I love it. The cell phone thing is ok just keep it on vibrate...

    Mulligans..those are like 'do overs' right?? When I play its usually with people way better than I am so I tend to do what I need to do to keep up and out of their way! lol (like throwing the ball if ik I cant kit that far/accurate.) lol

    Looking forward to 3ww... where are you big guy... its 7am... wakie wakie! =]

  14. oh yes.. you have to wear the appropriate costume..

  15. I think the cell is ok unless someone needs quiet to make the clincher putt. :)

  16. What you need to do is invision the tree you hit where the flag is. Then maybe you will get the ball home.

    As for cell phones, I've noticed if I bring it, no one calls. If I leave it behind, everyone including the queen of england calls. Can't help ya.

  17. TFF! (and I'm not referring to Tears for Fears this time)

    Thanks for the laughs, as always!

  18. Renee: The problem is there was never a Seinfeld episode about cell phones on a golf course. If there had been, then I'd know exactly what to do :)

    Avery Laine: Who is Boo Weekely? All I can think of is Boo Radley.

    I figure at my current pace I'll work tree ricochet shots into my repertoire, oh, in two or three thousand years.

    Unfortunately, I did post a snowman on the sixth hole, I think :(

    Pia Savage: far wardrobe you travel

    LOL Well, there are many moods to Bone. I like to be prepared for any and all occasions.

    I'll take columnist. When do I start?

    Gay: October 2nd is when the new Matchbox Twenty CD comes out :) I linked to it.

    Joe: Haha. I'm decent at putt-putt. Not so much at real golf yet.

    Kate: Yeah, I enjoy myself out there, so that's the main thing right now.

    Big guy? Wakie wakie? LOL You're cracking me up.

    Shelby: Again, that's my next step, to be properly attired :)

    Carmen: Yeah, fortunately it never went off around the greens, but I'll put it on vibrate next time.

    Charlotta-love: Funny you should say that, I almost titled this post If Trees Were Flagsticks.

    Well, that's usually how it works with me, as well. Sunday was an exception to the rule.

    Fledgling Poet: Why, you're welcome, as always :)

  19. I lettered in golf. But I don't play anymore.

  20. I'm a little rusty with how golf works, but I guess losing only two balls is not bad.
    And I like Matchbox Twenty, so I'll be getting the album and a birthday cake for my mom on october 2nd.

  21. Hotpink: Really?? I had no idea. That's pretty cool.

    GirlFPS: My Mom's birthday is October 3rd! But I don't think I'll be getting her a MB20 CD :)

  22. Your mom's birthday is October 3rd, wow :)

    I miss typed; album for me, cake for mom.

  23. The best business deals are made on the golf course. Not sure if they're made on a cell phone or with the person you're playing. I just look forward to the beer drinking at the 19th hole. Isn't that the purpose of playing golf? And softball? And bowling?

  24. Girl FPS: Yes! That's kind of a coincidence, huh? :)

    Carnealian: Well, I'm kind of partial to the cute girl who works the counter at the club house :)