The boys of summer -- who actually show up in early spring and somewhat overstay their welcome through mid-fall -- have arrived.
Baseball is here. Which means fantasy baseball is here. Which means it's time for Bone to spend hours, yea, minutes, researching, surveying, and creaticizing, all in an effort to come up with the best, most clever team name in all the fantasy league.
Mission... accepted.
There has been a long-held conception that if I spent as much time and mental energy on drafting and managing my team (say, for the entire season rather than losing interest sometime in mid-June) as I do naming my team, then maybe their results would be better.
And I must admit, even I was starting to question whether that might be the case.
And then last year happened. Dusty's Spring Field happened. Possibly the most dominating season in the history of history happened.
I won my league by 29 points! While I'm sure most of you are familiar with fantasy baseball rules and scoring, there may be a couple of you (*cough* Renee *cough*) who have no idea what I'm talking about and who are, in fact, only "skimming" this post as we speak.
So to put that in some perspective, I finished 29 points ahead of the second place team. Meanwhile, the difference between the second place team and the last place team was only 28 points.
A legend began to grow about my fantasy baseball adroitness. I considered retiring. I mean, from such great heights where else could I go but down? Besides, if you recall, we were all pretty sure the world was going to end last year anyway.
But then, I remembered a lesson learned from those athletic conquistadors of my youth -- Brett Favre, Michael Jordan, Brett Favre again. And that is: never go out on top.
And so, I'm back, for one more run. Or two. Until no one wants me in their league anymore or they carry me away from the keyboard with a career-ending carpal tunnel injury. That's how I wanna go out.
Now, without further adieu (because really, that was quite a bit of adieu, doncha think?), I present this year's finalists:
Dusty's Spring Field ~ Yes, I briefly considered keeping Dusty's Spring Field for a second year. Why mess with a good thing, right? Plus, as Michael Scott once said, I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. In the end, I decided Dusty's Spring Field would have to be retired into the Bone Hall Of Names, just like all the fantasy team names before it. That's the rule. And if I can't abide by these rules I've made up, well then I have no idea what any of this is for.
Son Of A Bleacher Fan ~ Meet Dusty's Spring Field's offspring: Son Of A Bleacher Fan. This would probably be my new team name in 2013, if not for that little Yahoo! Sports rule that limits team names to 20 characters. SOABF has 21. Though I suppose I could eliminate spaces. But then that'd just bug me the whole season, like someone sending me an email saying, "Your so funny." I just. Can't. Let. It. Go.
Cafe Latos ~ Not horrible. This is the contestant in the Final 12 on American Idol that isn't a bad singer, but that everybody knows isn't going to win. Just doesn't have "it."
Cozart's Concerto ~ I liked this one a lot. Actually I wanted Cozart's Cowhide Concerto, but again the 20-character limit. However, after consulting with my IMAEIC (instant messaging & email inner circle), none of them seemed very thrilled. Cozart's Concerto is the American Idol contestant who finishes 4th but has a much longer career than Kris Allen... I mean, the winner... ever will.
The Fountain Squares ~ Getting away from the players names' theme, I decided to go in a city-of-Cincinnati direction. Again, none of the IMAEIC seemed all that impressed, but don't be surprised if this one pops up again somewhere down the road. It could be a possible name for my future band, should I ever learn to play an instrument.
And now, the moment you've all been skimming for. Two of the three members of my IMAEIC immediately picked this name as soon as they heard it. It must have been a lot like how Elvis's mom reacted when Vernon was calling out possible baby names... "Howard? Vernon Jr.? Elvis?" There was no need to hear the other names. Either that, or they were just trying to pacify me so I'd stop bugging them about it... Hmm, I may have to rethink my inner circle.
Anyway, your 2013 Bone Fantasy Baseball team name:
Queen City, Bitches!
(pause for confusion/consternation)
Well, except apparently Yahoo! doesn't allow commas in their team names. So instead of calling my fellow competitors the b-word, it's like I'm calling my own team the b-word.
Of course, I didn't really intend it in a derogatory manner. More in a fun way, like "What up beyotches? We gonna hang at the hizzouse and get crazy up in here tonight? What what?" (Imagine me saying this as I'm throwin' gang signs. But like a nice gang, one that helps old people and does good deeds. Actually, I guess that's the Cub Scouts, isn't it? Do they have a sign?)
But assuming for a moment that it were a derogatory term, I've just gone from insulting the rest of the league to insulting myself.
Sonovableacherfan!
"The only one who could ever reach me / Was the son of a preacher man..."
Baseball is here. Which means fantasy baseball is here. Which means it's time for Bone to spend hours, yea, minutes, researching, surveying, and creaticizing, all in an effort to come up with the best, most clever team name in all the fantasy league.
Mission... accepted.
There has been a long-held conception that if I spent as much time and mental energy on drafting and managing my team (say, for the entire season rather than losing interest sometime in mid-June) as I do naming my team, then maybe their results would be better.
And I must admit, even I was starting to question whether that might be the case.
And then last year happened. Dusty's Spring Field happened. Possibly the most dominating season in the history of history happened.
I won my league by 29 points! While I'm sure most of you are familiar with fantasy baseball rules and scoring, there may be a couple of you (*cough* Renee *cough*) who have no idea what I'm talking about and who are, in fact, only "skimming" this post as we speak.
So to put that in some perspective, I finished 29 points ahead of the second place team. Meanwhile, the difference between the second place team and the last place team was only 28 points.
A legend began to grow about my fantasy baseball adroitness. I considered retiring. I mean, from such great heights where else could I go but down? Besides, if you recall, we were all pretty sure the world was going to end last year anyway.
But then, I remembered a lesson learned from those athletic conquistadors of my youth -- Brett Favre, Michael Jordan, Brett Favre again. And that is: never go out on top.
And so, I'm back, for one more run. Or two. Until no one wants me in their league anymore or they carry me away from the keyboard with a career-ending carpal tunnel injury. That's how I wanna go out.
Now, without further adieu (because really, that was quite a bit of adieu, doncha think?), I present this year's finalists:
Dusty's Spring Field ~ Yes, I briefly considered keeping Dusty's Spring Field for a second year. Why mess with a good thing, right? Plus, as Michael Scott once said, I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. In the end, I decided Dusty's Spring Field would have to be retired into the Bone Hall Of Names, just like all the fantasy team names before it. That's the rule. And if I can't abide by these rules I've made up, well then I have no idea what any of this is for.
Son Of A Bleacher Fan ~ Meet Dusty's Spring Field's offspring: Son Of A Bleacher Fan. This would probably be my new team name in 2013, if not for that little Yahoo! Sports rule that limits team names to 20 characters. SOABF has 21. Though I suppose I could eliminate spaces. But then that'd just bug me the whole season, like someone sending me an email saying, "Your so funny." I just. Can't. Let. It. Go.
Cafe Latos ~ Not horrible. This is the contestant in the Final 12 on American Idol that isn't a bad singer, but that everybody knows isn't going to win. Just doesn't have "it."
Cozart's Concerto ~ I liked this one a lot. Actually I wanted Cozart's Cowhide Concerto, but again the 20-character limit. However, after consulting with my IMAEIC (instant messaging & email inner circle), none of them seemed very thrilled. Cozart's Concerto is the American Idol contestant who finishes 4th but has a much longer career than Kris Allen... I mean, the winner... ever will.
The Fountain Squares ~ Getting away from the players names' theme, I decided to go in a city-of-Cincinnati direction. Again, none of the IMAEIC seemed all that impressed, but don't be surprised if this one pops up again somewhere down the road. It could be a possible name for my future band, should I ever learn to play an instrument.
And now, the moment you've all been skimming for. Two of the three members of my IMAEIC immediately picked this name as soon as they heard it. It must have been a lot like how Elvis's mom reacted when Vernon was calling out possible baby names... "Howard? Vernon Jr.? Elvis?" There was no need to hear the other names. Either that, or they were just trying to pacify me so I'd stop bugging them about it... Hmm, I may have to rethink my inner circle.
Anyway, your 2013 Bone Fantasy Baseball team name:
Queen City, Bitches!
(pause for confusion/consternation)
Well, except apparently Yahoo! doesn't allow commas in their team names. So instead of calling my fellow competitors the b-word, it's like I'm calling my own team the b-word.
Of course, I didn't really intend it in a derogatory manner. More in a fun way, like "What up beyotches? We gonna hang at the hizzouse and get crazy up in here tonight? What what?" (Imagine me saying this as I'm throwin' gang signs. But like a nice gang, one that helps old people and does good deeds. Actually, I guess that's the Cub Scouts, isn't it? Do they have a sign?)
But assuming for a moment that it were a derogatory term, I've just gone from insulting the rest of the league to insulting myself.
Sonovableacherfan!
"The only one who could ever reach me / Was the son of a preacher man..."
