(This is the third article from/for my yet-to-be-established website, FakeOnion.com.)
Citing a fractured family life, general malaise, and the fact she doesn't even know the name of The Bachelor this season, Rochester's Anita Lyfe announced her retirement from the popular Facebook game, Candy Crush Saga, on Tuesday.
According to one co-worker, Lyfe had just completed level 417 when she put down her iPhone and said simply, "No mas."
When reached for comment, Lyfe deadpanned, "There's only so much jelly one person can clear."
Asked later what she planned to do with the ten to twelve hours per day she spent playing Candy Crush Saga, the mother of two said she didn't really have any plans. "I haven't thought that far ahead, to be honest. Obviously, I need to catch up on The Bachelor. And I guess I could try talking to uh, what's his name, my husband. Or finding out what's going on with my kids in school."
When informed her oldest child had graduated from school last year, Lyfe appeared confused, as if she didn't quite understand the words that were being spoken. And if only for that instant, some say she became an almost sympathetic figure.
As for a possible comeback, Lyfe didn't completely rule out the notion, saying only, "I mean, you never say never. But right now, I don't care if I ever see another green Chiclet thingy, grape hexagon, or blue ball in my life!"
Lyfe also revealed she thinks she may have the beginning stages of carpal tunnel syndrome. "Best I can tell from the WebMD symptom checker, it's either that, shingles, or osteomyelitis, whatever THAT is. So I'm going with carpal tunnel."
The money they will save from in-app purchases will more than pay for her carpal tunnel treatment, according to Anita's husband, F. M. Lyfe.
"Sugar, ah, honey honey / You are my candy girl / And you got me wanting you..."
Citing a fractured family life, general malaise, and the fact she doesn't even know the name of The Bachelor this season, Rochester's Anita Lyfe announced her retirement from the popular Facebook game, Candy Crush Saga, on Tuesday.
According to one co-worker, Lyfe had just completed level 417 when she put down her iPhone and said simply, "No mas."
When reached for comment, Lyfe deadpanned, "There's only so much jelly one person can clear."
Asked later what she planned to do with the ten to twelve hours per day she spent playing Candy Crush Saga, the mother of two said she didn't really have any plans. "I haven't thought that far ahead, to be honest. Obviously, I need to catch up on The Bachelor. And I guess I could try talking to uh, what's his name, my husband. Or finding out what's going on with my kids in school."
When informed her oldest child had graduated from school last year, Lyfe appeared confused, as if she didn't quite understand the words that were being spoken. And if only for that instant, some say she became an almost sympathetic figure.
As for a possible comeback, Lyfe didn't completely rule out the notion, saying only, "I mean, you never say never. But right now, I don't care if I ever see another green Chiclet thingy, grape hexagon, or blue ball in my life!"
Lyfe also revealed she thinks she may have the beginning stages of carpal tunnel syndrome. "Best I can tell from the WebMD symptom checker, it's either that, shingles, or osteomyelitis, whatever THAT is. So I'm going with carpal tunnel."
The money they will save from in-app purchases will more than pay for her carpal tunnel treatment, according to Anita's husband, F. M. Lyfe.
"Sugar, ah, honey honey / You are my candy girl / And you got me wanting you..."
