I should be in bed, but I have to know how the women's table tennis match turns out between Bruna Takahashi of Brazil -- I know! I thought she'd be Japanese, too -- and Offiong Edem of Nigeria. Yes, I realize this is a replay, but I have managed to go the entire day without hearing who won all for this singular life moment.
This is how I Olympic. (Not Ozempic. Hopefully, I would have lost more weight had I been doing that.)
At long last, the vast dearth-ness of the sports world that stretches from the end of hockey and the NBA until the beginning of American football has been assuaged.
There's something for everyone! (Except easily offended poli-Christians, evidently. Yikes! Let's hope they never see Michelangelo's David.)
Like running, jumping over hurdles, and stepping in a kiddie pool? Get your steeplechase shoes on.
Have you always excelled at horse jumping, fencing, swimming, running, and shooting? Don't fret, oddball. You and your extremely specific abilities will be properly recognized in the Pentathlon.
Want to enjoy two svelte, glistening bodies moving in tandem without any of the guilt of watching porn? Welcome to synchronized diving.
Olympic Me stays up late. Regular Me stays up late, too. But this is likely healthier for my state of mind than “Air Disasters” and murder shows on Investigation Discovery.
Olympic Me hotspots his phone so that he can watch at work on the plum 26-inch TV someone had discarded in a storeroom. What's that you say? 1982 called. It wants its technological magnum opus back? Sorry, Olympic Me no can do.
Olympic Me sometimes gets irrationally upset when the US fails to medal. That's especially rich coming from Mister Potato Chip Crumbs over here.
Olympic Me spends hours trying to decide which sport he would have the best chance of medaling in at his current age. Probably equestrian, except I've never ridden a horse. So let's go with table tennis They don't look all that muscular.
Table tennis: For people who like tennis, but dislike exercise.
Olympic Me wonders things like how one decides upon the career path of badminton umpire. There was never a booth for that at career day when I was in school.
Also, field hockey players? Did they just really love hockey but never mastered ice skating? They're like the people who ride those motorcycles with three wheels. The freedom of the road and the open air for those who don't know how to ride a bike.
Besides, if this whole "global warming" thing turns out to be real, one day there won't even be any ice, and field hockey will be the only kind of hockey left.
*Thinks about the ice caps melting and much of the world being covered with water.*
OK, maybe we'll go with underwater hockey. Dystopian hockey? Did they have hockey in the Hunger Games? I have no idea. But that'll be a perfect icebreaker the next time I run into Jennifer Lawrence.
To top it all off, Snoop Dogg is providing commentary and highlights. And Olympic Me is here for it.
Alas, I do need to get back to this tense badminton match between Denmark and China. (It's Monday night now.) I've had it paused this whole time. Let's go Dutch. Or... Danish... Danes!
Yet as we cheer those who win medals and perhaps shed a tear for those who come up short, let us not forget the real heroes. People like this badminton umpire. He dared to dream, then dedicated his life to making it come true.
And look at him now, making critical calls that could determine which team wins a gold medal. His decisions are final. Except when they're overturned by instant replay.
Kinda makes one think. What was my dream? What was yours? And how in the world is Olympic Me going to stand up without getting crumbs all over the couch? My own personal Olympics.
Siri, what is the oldest table tennis participant in Olympic history?
Hmm, sixty-one!
Guess I better get to work on my penholder grip. Or, you know, buy a paddle.
For some reason, I went on vacation during the first week of the Olympics and have missed all those things thus far. Today, my first day back will surely be largely spent binging some of the highlights of the events I have missed.
ReplyDeleteYou don't schedule your vacations around sporting events??? 😲 We try not to schedule weddings during football season down here. Well, some of us do.
DeleteMy two sons, who went to Auburn (sorry), would have no more scheduled their weddings in fall than they would have worn Tennessee or Alabama apparel. One married in dead of summer and one married in spring, strategically between the Final Four and The Masters.
DeleteMy wife wanted a fall wedding. So we (she) compromised and we married on the last Saturday before football season. However, that did mean we were watching football the Saturday of our honeymoon.
DeleteYeah ... that "compromise" was definitely not much of one ... It's 10000% still summer in AL in late August even if the kids are in school.
DeleteSounds like love to me :)
DeleteI will respectfully take issue with your comment on the "poli-Christians." I have seen The David, which I have a great appreciation for. In my view, the alleged Last Supper depiction was a mockery and disrespectful. And I'm not easily offended and certainly not a "poli-Christian." Other than that, however, I can relate to what you have written here. Only during the Olympics do I become caught up in something called "dressage" and women's rugby. Or gymnastics for that matter. As you say, something for everyone. Keep eating your potato chips, it will be over in a week!
ReplyDeleteThat was respectful. We need way more of that.
DeleteEnjoying almost all the sports, but I did have to google "dressage."
Thanks for stopping by.