Sunday, February 13, 2011

Three words every guy wants to hear

In this time of impending VD and on this, my second day of being thirty-eight, I have decided to reach back into the annals of 2010 and share a story with you. It's not quite a tale of love unrequited. Heretofore untold because, well, it's hard to fit everything in when you only blog twice a month.

It happened on a Thursday morn. I specifically remember that because the night before had been a Wednesday, and I haven't slept through an entire day since the 90's. As I trudged out to the car, my mindless morning routine was interrupted when I noticed a piece of paper on my windshield.

Quickly unfolding the loosened leaf, I read the words written in blue ink. It began, "Saw you at Kroger last night." Then came the three words every guy wants to hear (well, besides "you are hilarious"):

"You are hot."

That was followed by a phone number.

Call me old-fashioned, but is this what we've come to now? Leaving notes on cars? Whatever happened to traditional methods of meeting people, like picking up a girl in a chat room, or filling out a two-hour questionnaire and paying a monthly fee to join a dating site? Next thing you know, people will be just bumping into each other in public and striking up a conversation. And I can assure you, I am so not ready for that.

But seriously. I'm not sure what your impression of me as a love conquistador is, nor do I probably want to know. But things like this do not happen to me every day. Perhaps when I was younger. OK, so not very often then either. The closest thing I can remember was walking across the mall parking lot towards Taco Bell one day when some girls rode by and yelled, "Hubba hubba!" I wasn't sure what that meant, but I took it as a compliment and had a chicken MexiMelt.

And so a smile broke across my face as I tried to recall the previous evening at Kroger and who could have possibly left the note. I distinctly remembered an attractive girl in the sandwich meats. She was at the checkout as I was walking out, so I gave her the glance-and-smile. Of course, there was also a guy in a red shirt with a carry-cart who I oddly seemed to run into on every aisle.

I must have encountered ten or fifteen customers that evening, not to mention the employees. There was no way to know which of them had apparently waited for me in the parking lot, followed me home, then came back after I went inside and left a note on my windshield. What? It's only stalking if she's not hot and/or she's crazy.

Almost as quickly, it occurred to me that this might all be a joke. Maybe someone I knew had seen me at Kroger, tried to get my attention but I didn't see them, so they decided to have a little fun.

There was only one way to find out -- ask everyone I know who could possibly have seen me at Kroger that night. Or call the number. OK, so two ways.

I contacted everyone I could think of who both know where I live and might have been in the area. None of them had done it. Heck, half of them thought I was joking.

From there, my thoughts on who might have left the note pretty much ran the gamut. What if it turned out to be a really young girl who thought I was much younger than I am? What an awkward call that would be. Or what if it was a much older woman? There's no way that's gonna work. Do you have any idea how immature I am? Don't answer that.

The next couple of times I went to Kroger, I would look into the faces of the people I passed to see if any of them looked familiar, but none did. With each semi-attractive female I encountered, there was a feeling of "could that be her?" I think over time, my mind decided to fill in the blanks and convinced itself that sandwich-meat-girl was the one who had left the note. I thought of her often during those late October days. And then, not as much.

I even had someone offer to call the number for me just to see who answered, but I declined. If our paths were meant to cross again, I would leave it entirely up to fate.

That's been about four months ago now. So I think we can safely deduce that it was most likely not a joke.

I'm also willing to allow that it's possible I rely on serendipity a tad too much.

"May have lost this battle. Live to fight another day. Don't be fallin' in love as she's walking away..."


  1. Sooo that's the end of the story? Are you not going to do anything? I mean, sure time has passed, but you never know. Ok, to be fair if this is me I don't know if I'd do anything either. *Sigh*

  2. You just had a birthday, Bone? Happy Birthday!

    come on!!

  4. did you google the number?

    ah no wonder you're still single!

  5. ever hear of a reverse directory that lets you see which phone number goes which who (of course, with cell phones, they're probably no longer valid)

    Or, could it be that they were talking about your car, more specifically the green stuff coming from the radiator.

    For your sake, I hope it was that 24 year old Vogue model, in which case you better call that number! Good luck!

  6. I entirely believe in fate.

    If it is to happen, it will happen...

    BTW, (belated?) Happy Birthday!

  7. You are hilarious
    unfortunately I do know your maturity level.
    listen to Cami, Renee and Sage. God knows, you never listen to me. Except about small paragraphs :)

  8. cooper@wonderlandornot.net2/15/2011 07:39:00 PM

    Que Sera Sera

  9. OKChick - Yeah, the story peaked a little early.

    I know, right? It's easy to say you would call if you're not in the situation.

    Mama Zen - Thanks. I was hoping if I snuck that in there, it might garner a few "happy birthdays" :)

    Cami - Too late. I'm pretty sure I've "thought" myself out of it :)

    Renee - I googled it AND anywho'd it. No dice.

    Sage - Yeah, I'm pretty sure the first three digits are a cell exchange.

    Now you have me thinking. I suppose "you are hot" is better than "flat tire," if we're speaking in euphemisms.

    Gautami - Thanks for the birthday wish.

    Pia - I'm sure I've listened to you about more than that... uh, give me a minute.

    And thanks for saying the three words I really, really wanted to hear :)

    Cooper - I should've known, Miss Cooper, that you would be able to sum it all up perfectly with a song.

  10. Maybe you should check Craiglists 'Missed Encounters' to see if you appear on there too.

    Just sayin'.

  11. This story has no resolution at all...this simply will not do, Bone! lol

    Now why couldn't she have left her name? Then you could have stalked her back on FB to see what she looked like first! Believe me, as a Mom of a 19-year old daughter, I know this is standard procedure these days. :~)

  12. Now, I dont feel bad for littering your WORLD WIDE WEB of contacts with my phone number - and NOT getting called. I'm not the only person you don't call.

    P.S. This happens to me all the time - notes on the car- and NO, as a girl - I do not call unless I know who left the note. perhaps send a text from a buddies phone... it's great to have friends!

    and if they don't express- "Smoking Hot" or Hot as H*ll or total Hottness or add "You might have thought I was wearing a pull over- but No! it was a cardigan- thanks for noticing!"

    some little clue ... they deserve no attention! Pssshhhhh!!

  13. That is. Funny story! I would recommend not calling.

  14. What are you waiting for??? Just have someone else call. I can tell you for sure you don't want to hear "Why didn't you call sooner?" Besides how can you stand it not knowing. You really need to be curious about life!!


    ps. it was not me...I am 69 and have been married for 50 years. Sigh! Maybe it was Cami!

  15. What?!? Really?!? You didn't call the number. Why not?

    Okay now that I am done sounding like my students or your Mom I'm not sure which; I will tell you I wouldn't have called the number either. :-)

    Happy Birthdy and by the way you are still young not just young at heart.

  16. You need to update! I also need to email you back, but you need to update.