Friday, September 04, 2009

Let the screaming commence

It has been eight months since I stumbled out of the Superdome and onto those enticing streets of New Orleans in my Julio Jones jersey--naive, distraught, and in search of guidance.

Eight months of work, sleep, golf, sleep, fantasy baseball, sleep.

Eight months. Almost as long as the human gestation period and twice as painful.

But at last, it is here: the start of the college football season.

College football to me is the creme inside a Double Stuff basketball and baseball Oreo. It's like the part of Oprah where she tells you to look under your chair and find out what she's giving you for free. (I don't know what the rest of the show is for anyway.) It's the time in a Dexy's Midnight Runners concert when they sing "Come On Eileen." It's like fast money on Family Feud.

When I was little, I would sit through twenty minutes of face-off questions, bad guesses and Richard Dawson kissing people just for five minutes of pure unadulterated exhilaration. I used to wonder why there wasn't a show that was all fast money. They could call it Just Fast Money. Where have you gone, Mark Goodson?

Let me see if I can explain a bit better.

For eight months out of the year, I am mostly just coasting. Just kind of existing. Some days it's hard to tell if I'm even alive. Sure, I may take a couple of trips to the beach, play countless rounds of golf, and feign interest in socializing with others, but these are really just ways of passing the time until football season.

But for these next four months? I'm happy. I have a life. I'll hear from friends I rarely if ever hear from the other eight months of the year. Because that's what football does. It brings people together. And it gives me something to talk about with people with whom I evidently have nothing else in common.

Allow me to close with one last anecdote.

For me, college football is the roller coaster of the sports amusement park. Sure the ferris wheel, swings, and water rides are nice. But people don't drive a thousand miles to ride the swings. They drive a thousand miles to hop on Kingda Ka.

You scream, you cry, you try not to pee yourself.

That's college football in a nutshell.

"These people 'round here, with beaten down eyes sunken smoke dried faces so resigned to what their fate is. But not us, no never. No, not us, no never. We are far too young and clever..."


  1. Wow Bone; I thought only Texans were crazy about their college football. But then again the schools I attended either didn't have football teams or they weren't very good.

    Enjoy your Bama football and here's hoping that they don't disappoint you.

  2. I am SUPER excited about the start of USC Football!!!!! Tomorrow at 12:30pm, I am glued to Fox Sports Net to watch the Trojans take on some team (San Jose, I think).

    Fight On!!!

  3. so in essence you're saying to us "good bye" for the next 4 months.

  4. I walked into my house the other night, and the sound of college football filled my ears- and it was only USC/NCSU- but, REJOICE! A smile came upon my face and I was done.

    It's gonna be awesome.

  5. And I don't normally leave 2 comments, but I felt like PennyCandy needed to understand.

    College football is only ranked below my faith and my family. And not even all of my family.

    I bleed Crimson.
    (both literally and figuratively)

  6. Almost as long as the human gestation period and twice as painful.

    Literally one of your funniest lines ever.

    I was reading an article the other day in one of those trashy women's magazines giving advice for what to do if your man is a football addict. One of them suggests that if you REALLY want to go somewhere with him, promise to be home for the start of the 4th quarter so he can catch that much. I scoffed at it then, and I'm really laughing now, because you have just confirmed my suspicions: like any guy is gonna be happy with THAT compromise! Puh-lease!!!

    I'd love to see Bama win it all... if only because I hate Tebow. I'll be cheering for your boys :) See you in four months!

  7. "These people 'round here, with beaten down eyes sunken smoke dried faces so resigned to what their fate is..."

    You must be talking about the Auburn fans, right?

    A few more months and college basketball starts and I'll pull out the Carolina Blue to remind all the Green-hued Michigan Staters who won the NCAA last year.

  8. that's easy Bone. Your ringtone would be the Seinfeld theme song. :D

  9. Your examples really helped me grasp the depth of your emotions about college wonder you're happy!! Enjoy the coming months, Bone. :~)

  10. PennyCandy - Oh no, we're pretty crazy here. They had to shut the gates last year for the spring scrimmage because the stadium was full.

    Thank you.

    Xinh - Looks like your boys are doing well so far.

    Renee - I'll be around some. For instance, there aren't usually any games on Wednesday nights :)

    Cami - I know! Today has been great, even though there haven't been many huge games on.

    I'm pretty sure my family knows better than to make me choose between them or a Bama game :) Besides, my mom and sis better already be watching the Bama game anyway.

    TC - Why, thank you.

    Um, no. If he's fine with that, then he doesn't really like football, he's just a poser :)

    Sage - You must be talking about the Auburn fans, right?

    Bwahahahaa! That was really good. That comment just jumped you up a I was trying to be subtle, but you got it.

    Renee - Or I could send you an mp3 of me singing George's "Believe it or not, George isn't at home..." message :)

    Sweetest In The Gale - Aww, good. I tried to give enough different examples that everyone could relate. Thanks!

  11. Wow Bone. You sure can write. This is on the top ten. Up there with Miss Nona

  12. Football DOES bring people together. No other sport even comes close.

  13. Now football is something I just can't get my head around. Although I'm probably thinking of the wrong kind of football, watching a field full of men chasing around after a ball can't hold my attention for much more than ten minutes. Actually, I can't get into watching any kind of sport. I get that it unites people, but somehow I'm not one of those people!

  14. Sage and Bone don't hate on the Auburn fans guys!

    We have been looking forward to this weekend for some time. It was a great kickoff to the college football season. Auburn pulled a win over LaTech, as they should, and they didn't suck while they did it. AL let Vtech get close before securing the win, and the parts I watched weren't bad. (I must admit, part of me was cheering for VT, sorry.)

    I sincerely hope both teams have a good year, I just hope that miracles will happen and AU has a better season. Power in prayer. :)

  15. wow bone, it sounds like someone is really excited about football season. enjoy watching the season and here's hoping your team wins. i usually like watching the big guys play football during the superbowl. that's the extent of my football watching. hope all is well.

  16. Thankfully my limited cable package eliminates a lot of games but I feel ya. With my desire of moving south, last year I watched more SEC games along with the usual Big 10.

    I also look forward to Thursday and the first game of the NFL season.

    My goal for the past year was to know the ref calls by their hand gestures only (which I've mastered and have become nearly like Big A's funny pet monkey that does tricks when we are watching games with friends). Now my mission is to spot the infractions on the field. This could be a tough one.

  17. Pia - Wow. Thanks! I know how you feel about Miss Nona :)

    Susan - Agreed. So are you warming up to your new backup QB yet?

    J Adamthwaite - Yeah, since I wrote this I've wondered a few times what it is that makes football so important to some and so irrelevant to others.

    Kontan - Sage started it :) Yeah, it was a pretty good week for the entire SEC, I think, except for Georgia. And I have to admit the Iron Bowl is better when both teams have good seasons.

    Michelle Johnson - Yes, I am a bit enthused. Glad that came across :) Thanks.

    Murf - Well, the NFL isn't quite as big around here I don't think, though I do root for the Cowboys. Who do you root for there? I'm sorry if your answer is the Lions :)

  18. Come on, Bone. I'm smarter than that. ;-) I usually go with the Steelers.

  19. Ahhhh - life does exist again! I may be a girl but give me beer & football over the mall any day! Even though I did not make it to a college game this weekend, I still got chill bumps at kick-off & loved listening to the roar of the crowd on tv. {and seeing that eye candy Kirk Herbstreit was another cause for celebration!!! lol} See you in Auburn Bone! War Eagle!

  20. You men and your football. I still don't get it. Of course I wasn't raised with a father in the picture, so sports are lost on me in general. Now if he'd stuck around perhaps I'd be a drinker, a gambler, and a woman-chaser...well, two out of three ain't bad. :)

  21. Come on Eileen!


    This was a super fun post. That's my Elle Woods translation.

  22. You scream, you cry . . . you watch with complete horror as Bradford goes down in the first half of the first game . . .

  23. "You scream, you cry, you try not to pee yourself."

    It's so unfair that you only get to experience this a few months of the year. ;)

  24. Murf - Usually?? So you just go with whoever wins? :)

    Living and Loving life - Are you going to the Iron Bowl this year?

    Enjoy a full season of Herbstreit. lol

    Sean P - Well, my Dad was around but he actually never got into football. Fortunately, my Mom was obsessed enough for both of them.

    Shelby - Thanks. I don't think I've seen Legally Blonde. But I do love Reese in Walk The Line and Sweet Home Alabama :)

    MamaZen - *cringe* I saw that. Hopefully, he'll be back in a couple more games.

    Cooper - Isn't it, though! I'm all for year-round football. Although my blood pressure might not be able to take that.

  25. It's certainly started all right! They say about Athens, GA that it's a 'drinking town with a football problem'. Uh, yeah, I'd agree with that.