Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The time I boycotted ESPN (for one day)

You know that girl you keep breaking up with? At first, you start to miss her and do anything to get her back. So she takes you back, once maybe twice, but it's never quite the same. Then after a couple of times, you just don't care anymore. The very sight of her makes you nauseous. Her voice makes you want to jab a toothpick into your pupil and see what oozes out. You start to avoid her calls hoping she'll eventually fade out of your life completely. You can't believe you ever thought you loved her in the first place.

Brett Favre is that girl.

Let me tell you a little story. Every day of my life since we first got ESPN on our cable, circa 1981, I have done three things: breathe, sleep, and watch ESPN. (Shower? No, I've skipped a lazy Saturday here and there. Sorry, but it's true. Eat? Nope. See "stomach virus of 2007.")

Today, I can no longer say that. Because yesterday, I boycotted ESPN.

Why? Because I'm sick of hearing about Brett Favre. And I knew that was all they would be talking about. Oh yes, if Favre stubs his toe, ESPN has a reporter at the scene. Brett got a bad peach today at Joe's fruit stand? They're on it. Brett woke up feeling all emotional this morning? It's their top story.

You know what I wish? You know how when you're watching a game and some spirited (and possibly nude) fan runs onto the field, they never show the fan on camera so as not to give them the attention they so crave? I wish they would do that to Favre. Oh, you're coming back? You're not coming back? You're working out shirtless at some high school in Mississippi? We. Don't. Care.

Of course, that'll never happen. Which is why I was reduced last night to watching Nutella commercials, reruns of Married...With Children, and the episode of South Park where Cartman starts a christian rock band. ("It worked for Creed.") Thank goodness I had the forethought to only impose a one-day boycott.

Maybe if my afternoons didn't revolve around ESPN, this wouldn't even be an issue. Oh great, now I'm over-analyzing my own empty life. All because Mister Center-Of-The-Universe can't make up his ever-lovin' mind.

And it's not like I'm not sympathetic to indecisiveness. Au contraire. Heck, this morning I spent five minutes trying to decide whether I should wear this shirt or my other clean shirt. But this has gotten ridiculous. I don't need a play-by-play of every single thought and inclination Brett Favre has and every little thing he does.

That's why there's Twitter.

"Set me free, why don't you, babe? Get out my life, why don't you, babe? Cause you don't really love me. You just keep me hangin' on..."


  1. LOL Bone this is funny stuff. I couldn't agree with you more. I am sick of this man's indecisiveness. And, you're right, Twitter would certainly make a good match for him to say what he wants and have those who want to listen to him, listen. Have a great night.

  2. This is hilarious. Glad it's just a one day boycott.

  3. I never know what to say when you write entire posts about things that barely make a blip on my radar. The only thing I know about Mr. Favre is that he's a football player. And that he's apparently lysdexic. ;)

  4. Huh! I love it when you and TC teach me something new. I thought Farve was retired, but from your distaste I'm thinking he isn't. I don't even know what channel ESPN is on. I love your ex discription. I think most of us have had 1 or 2 of those.

  5. Oh man, that first paragraph was priceless. You really had me going.

    I'm to the point where it just makes me frustrated. I mean, I'm a Wisconsin girl, and it still gets me. I loved Favre back in the day, and mourned his first retirement. But it's one of those one shot deals I think, because I wrote this back in February.

    I'll cheer for him - I can't not - but I can't say that this isn't painful for me to watch, hear, etc. In fact, I had someone send me two different links the other day with stories about him signing with the Vikes, and I refused to believe. Now, I guess I have to.

  6. I had to shut off from sports for a day or 2 last week after we signed Vick. Actually, I'm still not over it.

  7. well you know how much I care about this. Maybe he should just get a reality tour and some muffin pizzas to be done with it!

  8. Michelle Johnson - Thanks. Good to know we're in the same boat.

    Pia - Thanks. And me, too. That wasn't an easy day.

    R8chel - Yeah, I'm not crazy about the name myself. Either make it French and pronounce it FAHV-RAY, or spell it like it sounds. That has always bugged me.

    I'll try and make a larger blip next time :)

    PennyCandy - Well he was retired. Then he un-retired, retired again, and un-retired once more. And that's just in the last three weeks.

    TC - I remembered you doing at least one post about Favre. As I re-read it now, seems like you were somewhat prophetic.

    So who ya cheering for when the Packers play the Vikings?

    Susan - I understand. I was sure he was gonna wind up with my Cowboys.

    Renee - Yeah, I know. That's why I lured you in with the whole relationship-y first paragraph. Otherwise, I figured you'd just click the "back" button, or click over to one of your four Facebook tabs :)

  9. Scurrying to look up Brett Favre now.

  10. It's been a year without ESPN for me. I really miss PTI. *sigh*

  11. You're funny, but I thought you spent your afternoons watching "General Hospital" or "As the World Spins Out of Control" or some other soap?

  12. So Bone what you are telling me is that Farve has turned into a little old lady that can't decide if she needs to pee or not. ;-))

  13. Cooper - How very nonfeckless of you.

    Murf - Yeah, my 4-5 PM block usually consists of PTI, Around The Horn and/or unintentional dozing off.

    Sage - That's a not uncommon assumption. However, General Hospital goes off at 3:00, so it's usually ESPN after that.

    Penny Candy - LOL That's exactly what I'm telling you!

  14. The Vikings.

    Once TT is out of office, I'll return to being a Packer fan.

    Personally, I believe that if Favre wins a Super Bowl for the Vikings, it should automatically lead to the firing of TT in Green Bay.

  15. Look at how well people know you from your blog. We all know your TV schedule--your TV likes and dislikes, your love of naps--which if nobody comments about you will add and that's only two subjects :)

  16. I wish he'd just go back to Southern Miss and leave everyone alone.

    I wish I could not love him... but I just do.

  17. TC - So you were more of a Favre fan than a Packers fan?

    Pia - Yeah, getting a wouldn't-you-be-watching-General-Hospital-at-that-time comment is pretty good.

    I like to keep people informed about me. You know, beat the paparazzi to the punch.

    Cami - That'd be nice. Especially since we don't play them anymore :)